Next time you see a Jehovah's Witness

[Catholic_Diva]

Just ask them have they heard any good jokes recently, and these are a few you found hilarious…then say, “Wait, was it something I said?!”

*What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah’s Witness? Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to the lake of everlasting fire.

*I am a Jehovah’s Witness of Borg. You will be assimilated to the slave class of a publishing empire in Brooklyn.

The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah’s Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated!

While traveling near Tampa, Florida I passed the “Jehovah’s Witness Assembly Hall” and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them. - Gene Spafford

My Avon lady just became a Jehovah’s Witness. That may not mean much to you, but it saves me one more trip to the door. - George Carlin

I’m a Jehovah’s Bystander. We’s like the Witnesses, only we don’t wanna get involved. - Flip Wilson

Why don’t Jehovah’s Witnesses get killed during an earthquake? They’re always in your doorway. - Johnny Carson

What do you get when you cross Jehovah’s Witness with a Mafia hitman ? Lots of converts.

Why do mobsters hate Jehovah’s Witnesses? They hate all witnesses!

What does Hannibal Lector call a Jehovah’s Witness? Free delivery! - Jay Leno (that one is a little over the top)

I could never be a Jehovah’s Witness… I didn’t see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn’t hit anybody. - Greg Taylor

The Jehovah’s Witnesses sex scandal started its first day in court today. When they knocked on the door of the courthouse, nobody answered the door. - David Letterman

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever. I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah’s Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell. - Lou Eisen

Ask a Jehovah’s Witness: If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God?

I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. - Bruce Clark

How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. They all live in Brooklyn, and they have to keep changing it every day for “new light.”

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!

None. They’re always getting “new light” from Brooklyn.

Check out www.virushead.net/jwhumor for more!!!

 

[ymorgan]

Nan S:

I’ve got to tell you about my daughter and my cat, and how they unintentionally conspired to keep the JW’s away!

I have a cat we named Panther that spent its first few months living wild. Panther is a great rodent killer. He is also well-fed, and doesn’t always finish eating everything he kills.

My teenage daughter got ahold of a piece of sidewalk chalk and was drawing designs on the sidewalk and covered porch. Right in front of the front door she drew a large star inside a circle, then decorated it with Greek letters and various other symbols found on a star chart. I usually exit the house through the garage, and didn’t see this for couple of days.

Late that same night, Panther caught a rather large rat and drug it up onto the porch to feast. He only ate the head and upper shoulders. He abandoned the back half of the rat on the porch.

It just so happened that Panther dropped the half-rat exactly in the middle of the star/circle. The end result was that it appeared someone had conducted some kind of a satanic ritual sacrifice on my front porch!! The JW’s wouldn’t come near our door!! (The mailman and UPS man wouldn’t either.)

My daughter thought it was so funny that I had a hard time convincing her to get the hose and clean it all up.

I also have a lovely story about an encounter with JWs in the UK. At the time I was a student at London University and my brother was at Jesus College, Cambridge. He was passing through London on his way back to college, when one day a very persistent JW knocked at our door and despite our polite brush-offs wouldn’t go away. Eventually getting fed up with his persistent questions my brother called down the stairs “tell him I’m going to Jesus tomorrow and I’ll ask!”. He never came back.!

 

[casim777]

Approximately a month ago, as I was returning from morning Mass and listening to our local Catholic radio station WLOF I noticed there was a JW waiting at my door. I waited in my driveway for a prayer to finish on the station. Now, you can hear my radio, even though it wasn’t loud through the doors. It was providential that I was listening to a prayer on the station hoping that “we all may be one”. After the prayer was over I blessed my self and got out of the car, all the while she was watching. I asked her if she would like to pray a rosary with me. She refused the invitation. Somehow, I don’t think that there will be a JW at my door for a while.

 

[jediliz]

I usually tell them I am a CATHOLIC. And if they manage to get me to answer the door (I tend to know when they or the other cultists the Mormons show up) I will tell them “God helped my parents give me life, so I think I should celebrate my birthday because its a way to thank HIM for my life!” And also tell them “GOD will not strike me down if I need a life saving blood transfusion.” Then I’ll close the door before they can give me the little newsletter that killed 5000000 trees to make.

Oh, and I’ll look at those 5 questions, too.

 

[ekim61]

Here’s a great story.

I was in the army and stationed in Korea. I was at home alone one day and two Korean people came to my door. They began speaking speaking to me in Korean. I told them that I didn’t understand and my wife would be back shortly(in the best Korean I could muster). The one lady began frantically digging in her bag until she produced and small magazine, held it up and said Jehovah’s Witness.(it was a copy of WT). This was so unexpected that I began laughing histerically. They just looked at me like I was some kind of nut and left.

I still smile when I think about that and it was 15 years ago.