NFP – intimacy on fertile days for newly weds

[robertTexas]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping you can help me and my finacee out. So, we are both Catholic and would like to follow God in all we do. We have waited for marriage and will be practicing NFP (probably for about a year, until some serious complications are removed).

We have come to the realization that likely during our wedding night and honeymoon, there is a good chance that my wife will be fertile. So, we will not be having intercourse if she is fertile.

On our fertile days, we still want to be able to hold each other and be close to each other in an intimate way. We would have no intention of leading each other to orgasm, but at the same time we don’t want to be “scared” if something like that happens. This will be new to us, so we are not sure what might lead to that for each of us.

Just to be clear, we know the rules when it comes to genital stimulations and oral and all that stuff.

But what we are talking about is simply holding each other, cuddling, and loving each other without the intention of orgasm… but also without the fear if it might occur. We are not looking for a loophole that will allow “gratification”, but we are seeking the ability to close to each other without fear and guilt. Any thoughts would be great,

Also we would love to hear from couples who went through this type of thing at the start of their marriage also.

thanks,

-Robert

 

[JRKH]

Wow - tough one…
I don’t know that I can be a lot of help becuase, frankly, I was a baaadddd boy at the time I got married. But here is what I would consider…

If you cannot have intercourse, use the time to become comfortable with each others bodies. Avoid a lot of cuddling or other things that might lead to — oops… (ony you two will know what is safe…
But by the same token learn not to be afraid, embarassed, shy or uncomfortable around each other.
Finally I’d suggest using the time for prayer. Pray the rosary together. Thank God for each other and implore him to help you both to grow together and build a marriage that glorifies Him.

By the time that you are able to finally consumate safely, you will look back on this time as two weeks of the most wonderful bonding and “foreplay”. Not an imposition but a grace.

Anyway I hope some of this helps…

Peace
James

 

[Brendan_McCabe]

You can still hold each other if by hold you just mean hold, as for greater intimacy than that given that you have waited this long a few more days shouldn’t make to much difference.

Alternatively take another look at the reasons you are going to try and avoid creating new life for the first year.

The simple solution and the one I followed is to not get married till you are ready to start fulfilling all the purposes of marriage, one of them been the creation of new life. You are creating this complicated situation by getting married when you aren’t yet ready or willing to fulfill the purposes of marriage.

So reexamine the reason you are thinking of avoiding creating new life and examine the reasons you are thinking about getting married and compare those reasons to the purposes of marriage.

 

[Jerok]

I’m in the same boat, going to get married on my fiances fertile period. But if I’ve waited for 3 years I can wait another week or two you know what I mean

 

[SwizzleStick]

…We have come to the realization that likely during our wedding night and honeymoon, there is a good chance that my wife will be fertile. So, we will not be having intercourse if she is fertile.

On our fertile days, we still want to be able to hold each other and be close to each other in an intimate way. We would have no intention of leading each other to orgasm, but at the same time we don’t want to be “scared” if something like that happens. …

Not to worry. If you just hold each other, you don’t have to be scared that "something like that will happen. "

Here’s a link to a thread that you might find of interest to you. It does not match your situation exactly, but there are some similar elements.

Wedding Night Sex
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=388905

 

[SwizzleStick]

More threads that may interest you, OP.

Sexless Honeymoon (Help!)
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=407617

NFP and the Honeymoon
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=298665

 

[SwizzleStick]

Here’s another thread of interest, OP. In that thread, the OP and his wife have five children and now practice NFP to avoid conception. Obviously, your situations are different, but you might find the discussion helpful.

Maritial relations and mortal sin
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=349921

 

[SwizzleStick]

Here’s one more thread that may interest you, OP. I’m not going to look for more because I think you probably can do a search yourself now and find threads to help you. I’m sure there are many, many threads that may assist you. Best to you in finding the answers you seek!

Is it a sin to get an erection and not have sex?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=402676

 

[ac_claire]

Also we would love to hear from couples who went through this type of thing at the start of their marriage also.

My husband and I had this same situation happen to us, we got our wedding date from the church and I figured out afterwards by looking at my NFP charting that our honeymoon would fall on my fertile time. We just decided to go with it and be open to life. I don’t know what your circumstances are, but I think you shouldn’t take you and your future wife’s fertility for granted. Your circumstances are never going to be perfect, and by the time you feel that you are “ready” for children, it may not be as easy to conceive as you think it will be. This may be the window that God is giving you for having children.

 

[SusanneT]

This is a difficult one !

If you really feel you must use NFP before you have a family I would be really careful what you do on your honeymoon. I know you won’t mean to take it further but if you are intimate, it may go to far without you meaning to.

Better to just make love and see what happens.