NFP, abstinence, cancer

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First off… I would like to ask for prayers. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I am terrified my child will be left without a mother. I don’t know yet how far it has spread. I really, really need prayers.

Secondly, a big question in my mind is… what about sex!!! DH and I practiced NFP when we were first married, but mostly to conceive. I am not very fertile apparently, and it took us 2 years to conceive. When our son was born we immediately started trying for a second child because we wanted kids close in age, but 4 years later and we still have only one child. To be fair, I was breastfeeding most of that time, and I was not charting, though I was using mucous patterns to predict ovulation and I felt like I was always on target (I also had a huge shift in energy levels after ovulating, and the timing made sense, I feel like I always just know if I am ovulating).

OK so long story short, now since I have cancer I obviously need to avoid getting pregnant. And then once I’m done with treatment I will most likely need to be on Tamoxifen for 5 years. So this means I have to avoid getting pregnant for the next 6 years!! I am so heartbroken, because we so badly wanted a big family. I’m also concerned about not having sex with DH for the next 6 years. That is a very, very long time. I am worried that charting will not be safe enough. I am getting ahead of myself I guess… I need to worry about the next year or so first… but that is still a long time to be abstinent. I am trying to figure out if NFP will work in our situation, especially given our low fertility, or if we need to remain completely abstinent.

There is a question in here somewhere but I’m having trouble formulating it. I guess I’m hoping there is someone here who has been through this. I don’t know anyone in real life who practices NFP. When we had our marriage class years ago, out of 50+ couples, only 2 of us even took the NFP book they handed out. So I just don’t feel like there is anywhere to turn to for support in this, especially with the added wild card of cancer. (I know we are not supposed to ask for medical advice on here so I want to be clear that I am asking for thoughts about NFP and/or abstinent marriages.)
 
acat said:
First off… I would like to ask for prayers. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I am terrified my child will be left without a mother. I don’t know yet how far it has spread. I really, really need prayers.
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I will pray a St. Peregrine Novena for you! Sorry I don’t have any advice on the other stuff. I’ve never been married! Hope it turns out well! God bless.
 
I’m so sorry you have cancer. It is a truly awful disease. I pray that your body is able to beat it quickly and permanently. Please speak with your priest about your concerns regarding intimacy with your husband. A priest can guide you through this very complex situation.
 
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I will join in saying a prayer to St Peregrine.

As to NFP, there are a couple of folks here on CAF you use NFP long term to avoid (10+ years) due to life threatening illnesses. Rayne89 and Crohnie4Life are two I can think of.

Talk to your instructor about your situation and look at the most conservative rules-- for STM that is Phase III and for Creighton that is post-ovulatory. Look also at Marquette which combines charting with a fertility monitor.
 
My prayers for you in the cancer situation - with modern medicine you will have the best help that humanity has ever been blessed with.

Your intimacy question - surely some form of birth control would be allowed to stop the conception of a child which would be severely affected by the drugs you are taking. The concern here is not for your health so much as for the health of any child that could be conceived during this time - so I would say go get some condoms and USE THEM!!!
 
prayers your way!! :gopray:

Pater noster qui es in caelis:
sanctificetur Nomen Tuum;
adveniat Regnum Tuum;
fiat voluntas Tua,
sicut in caelo, et in terra.
Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie;
et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris;
et ne nos inducas in tentationem;
sed libera nos a Malo. Amen
 
Falco said:
My prayers for you in the cancer situation - with modern medicine you will have the best help that humanity has ever been blessed with.

Your intimacy question - surely some form of birth control would be allowed to stop the conception of a child which would be severely affected by the drugs you are taking. The concern here is not for your health so much as for the health of any child that could be conceived during this time - so I would say go get some condoms and USE THEM!!!
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The Church does not condone this. The marital embrace is always to be open to life. (The ends do not always justify the means.)
 
Falco said:
Your intimacy question - surely some form of birth control would be allowed to stop the conception of a child which would be severely affected by the drugs you are taking. The concern here is not for your health so much as for the health of any child that could be conceived during this time - so I would say go get some condoms and USE THEM!!!
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Please do not suggest people who are striving to be faithful to Christ and his Church commit gravely sinful acts against the sixth commandment. The OP came here to get support regarding NFP, NOT to have people tell her to sin!!!

This is highly irresponsible advice.
 
Falco said:
My prayers for you in the cancer situation - with modern medicine you will have the best help that humanity has ever been blessed with.

Your intimacy question - surely some form of birth control would be allowed to stop the conception of a child which would be severely affected by the drugs you are taking. The concern here is not for your health so much as for the health of any child that could be conceived during this time - so I would say go get some condoms and USE THEM!!!
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Its attitudes like this that cause so many otherwise faithful Catholics to ignore certain teachings of the Church and jeopardize their souls.

Catholics like you cause great scandal by reaffirming sinful behavior and attitudes. If you disagree with the church why are you part of the church?

I smell a troll :rolleyes:
 
Tampa_Rays said:
Its attitudes like this that cause so many otherwise faithful Catholics to ignore certain teachings of the Church and jeopardize their souls.

Catholics like you cause great scandal by reaffirming sinful behavior and attitudes. If you disagree with the church why are you part of the church?

I smell a troll :rolleyes:
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I’m guessing because for some people there is NO church that they would agree with 100%, so they pick the one that they agree with the most. The gracious thing to do, though would be to remain silent on those issues that one is in disagreement with the church.
 
I have a friend who may be a valuable resource for you… she runs a public facebook page here:
facebook.com/Erikas.Miracle

Erika was diagnosed with breast cancer while she was pregnant with her 2nd child. She has a fascinating story. I’m sure she would love to share her thoughts with you…

Prayers for you!
 
Thank you all for your ideas, support & prayers.

To avoid this becoming a debate, let me just clearly state that we will not use birth control. Our choices here are super-conservative NFP or abstinence.

I will have to find out if there are any NFP instructors around here. I’ve never heard about or met one.

Em_in_FL, thank you for sharing about your friend, it is so moving to read her story!

I am feeling a bit better about this after a longer discussion with DH. We decided to take this one month at a time. I don’t know how we can remain abstinent for the next ~6 years, but I know we can do it for the next month. So that’s what we agreed to do. Hoping I can look more at the conservative NFP rules once I have the time & energy to spend re-learning it all. I think abstinence is hardest on DH for multiple reasons… this whole situation makes me so sad.
 
acat, I will join the others in praying to St. Peregrine for you. I am sorry you are going through this. I do have a family member that used NFP for the remaining years of her fertility (and I am not sure how many they were, but I am guessing at least 10) because she was told she would not make it through another pregnancy (during her last one she “died” and was “revived”). She did use ultra conservative NFP and I know she had several children close in age (so it seems like she had either average or high that average fertility) before starting to use NFP ultra-conservatively to avoid.

ETA: I would try to see if you can find an NFP expert that knows how the woman’s cycle reacts to cancer and the treatments you will be receiving, that way it might help you know what to expect better and understand what phase you are in better.
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
acat, I will join the others in praying to St. Peregrine for you. I am sorry you are going through this. I do have a family member that used NFP for the remaining years of her fertility (and I am not sure how many they were, but I am guessing at least 10) because she was told she would not make it through another pregnancy (during her last one she “died” and was “revived”). She did use ultra conservative NFP and I know she had several children close in age (so it seems like she had either average or high that average fertility) before starting to use NFP ultra-conservatively to avoid.

ETA: I would try to see if you can find an NFP expert that knows how the woman’s cycle reacts to cancer and the treatments you will be receiving, that way it might help you know what to expect better and understand what phase you are in better.
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I wanted to say the same thing, try to find an expert witth experience in cases like yours. You will be in my prayers. :hug1:
 
acat said:
First off… I would like to ask for prayers. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I am terrified my child will be left without a mother.
Secondly, a big question in my mind is… what about sex!!! DH and I practiced NFP …
So I just don’t feel like there is anywhere to turn to for support in this, especially with the added wild card of cancer. (I know we are not supposed to ask for medical advice on here so I want to be clear that I am asking for thoughts about NFP and/or abstinent marriages.)
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I am offering prayers for you. You and your husband are a wonderful witness to love and the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Thank you for allowing us to view your sorrows and struggles, along with your love for each other.

Please contact Couple to Couple League. They can help you find someone to walk you through this journey. Many couples teaching NFP classes in dioceses are trained through CCL. By calling CCL, they may be able to tell you the name of a doctor who can also assit you or other advise for women dealing with cancer and cancer treatment.

I wonder if the Pope Pius VI Institute may be able to assist you.

Couple to Couple League ccli.org/ccli/contact/
(513) 471-2000 | (800) 745-8252 | FAX (513) 557-2449

Pope Pius VI Institute popepaulvi.com/
(402) 390-6600 (402) 390-9167

Peace and blessings.
 
Thank you all.

When I met with the surgeon, she scheduled me with a fertility preservation specialist. I know that most of the options presented will not be morally permissible (i.e. freezing embryos…) Does anyone know about acceptable fertility preservation options? I know they can freeze unfertilized eggs or store ovarian tissue, is there any way they can put the eggs back after my cancer treatment, without doing IVF??? I am completely clueless about this. There is also the option of suppressing my ovaries (via medication) during my treatment. Unfortunately, this may make chemo less effective. There’s a lot to weigh and I’d like to be informed on various options so I can make the right choice here. The default would be do nothing & hope that my fertility returns on its own in a few years… but I’ll be 35 by that point…
 
acat said:
Thank you all.

When I met with the surgeon, she scheduled me with a fertility preservation specialist. I know that most of the options presented will not be morally permissible (i.e. freezing embryos…) Does anyone know about acceptable fertility preservation options? I know they can freeze unfertilized eggs or store ovarian tissue, is there any way they can put the eggs back after my cancer treatment, without doing IVF??? I am completely clueless about this. There is also the option of suppressing my ovaries (via medication) during my treatment. Unfortunately, this may make chemo less effective. There’s a lot to weigh and I’d like to be informed on various options so I can make the right choice here. The default would be do nothing & hope that my fertility returns on its own in a few years… but I’ll be 35 by that point…
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The Couple to Couple League for NFP and the Pope Pius Institute for Study of Human Reproduction will both have the best, most up-to-date, and morally permissible answers for you.

Give them both a call and ask them to let you speak with someone for a personal phone call. I think they can give you a lot of peace in hearing from experts.

Couple to Couple League International ccli.org/ccli/contact/
(513) 471-2000 | (800) 745-8252 | FAX (513) 557-2449

Pope Pius VI Institute popepaulvi.com/
(402) 390-6600 (402) 390-9167

God bless you and your beautiful family.
 
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