NFP advice please

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NFP1Kate

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Last week posted a question about Church teaching, NFP, and what is permissible or not.

We have been trying to be chaste during my fertility, but we just aren’t doing a very good job. We refrained from Communion on Sunday because we felt we were in mortal sin, and we plan to go back to Confession this Saturday.

I’m sorry for the frankness of this post. I am just feeling so alone on this. I don’t know any NFP families at our parish and we don’t have the CCL nearby or the support of our family.

Phase 2 wont last much longer, but in the meantime I have been incredibly depressed about it. I want to be close to my husband, but it seems if we are intimate at all then we don’t stop. What do other people do? Should we sleep in separate rooms? That would make me so sad to not even sleep near him. What’s wrong with me?
 
NFP1Kate said:
What do other people do? Should we sleep in separate rooms? That would make me so sad to not even sleep near him. What’s wrong with me?
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I am very interested to see what other people say they do for non sexual intimacy also…sitting on the couch together just doesn’t cut it for me either…I have seen other people on here say you have to ‘get creative’ with affection and intimacy when you have to abstain. What the heck does that mean???

I don’t believe that sleeping in seperate rooms is a good solution though…You guys are in this together and being seperated from each other can’t have a good outcome. Perhaps Satan is working in your relationship, trying to drive you apart.

I don’t think that there is ANYTHING wrong with you. In fact, it sounds like everything is right. You and your husband desire to be intimate with each other. That is the way it is supposed to be! It’s not always like that, so be thankful that you have the problem you have, rather than one of you not being interested at all and leaving the desiring spouse wondering what is wrong with them. I would guess you just have to learn to have a little more self control. Maybe spend more time praying together? I can’t give much advice on this part, as I have not had to deal with it being that difficult for both of us to abstain.
 
We pray the rosary most nights together.

My husband asked me what is the difference between lust and pure desire for one’s spouse. I don’t know how to answer that question. We thought the desire to be with each other was pure since we were married. Lust just doesn’t seem to fit.
 
Working out more during that time. Keeping myself busy in general. Reminding myself why I shouldn’t have a baby right now.
 
Your not alone many of us learn as we go. The devil is always trying to tempt us into sin. its really hard to break a bad habits and the devil knows that. Jesus told us to pray when we are tempted. Bless yourself with holy water and give up daily scarifies even give up the moment of temptation. You do need to find a none sinful way to distract yourself from the occasion of sin. you may have to avoid even laying next to each other until you learn self control. I know its not easy. Hopefully you will grow in holiness and strengthen you relationship with God. If the devil can’t tempt you into sinning he will next try to place doubt in you mind about nfp all together. It may get worse before it gets better. Although God can use that doubt to help you learn more (answer questions) about the virtue of abstinence and make you stronger.
Here is what to do when tempted to sin (even just saying “Jesus help I’m being temtped to sin” will help)
Bless yourself with holy water pray the

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

St Michael prayer is also a good one
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Also a novena to St Joseph he can help with abstinence.
 
NFP1Kate said:
Last week posted a question about Church teaching, NFP, and what is permissible or not.

We have been trying to be chaste during my fertility, but we just aren’t doing a very good job. We refrained from Communion on Sunday because we felt we were in mortal sin, and we plan to go back to Confession this Saturday.

I’m sorry for the frankness of this post. I am just feeling so alone on this. I don’t know any NFP families at our parish and we don’t have the CCL nearby or the support of our family.

Phase 2 wont last much longer, but in the meantime I have been incredibly depressed about it. I want to be close to my husband, but it seems if we are intimate at all then we don’t stop. What do other people do? Should we sleep in separate rooms? That would make me so sad to not even sleep near him. What’s wrong with me?
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Perhaps when you start to get too intimate you need to remind yourself out loud of the reasons why you have a serious reason to avoid another child.

I also think that there is no getting creative with NFP. You either abstain or you don’t. Anything more than a kiss or cuddle is pretty likely to send you into a state of no return and therefore sin. I don’t pretend to be an expert on everything that is acceptable by Church teachings but as a woman I know my fertile time is the time I am most interested so trying to see how far we can go without leading EITHER of us to orgasm is only going to make me feel worse not better.

I don’t think you need to sleep in seperate rooms, but I think you need to be realistic about the things you start, knowing you can’t finish.
 
NFP1Kate said:
Last week posted a question about Church teaching, NFP, and what is permissible or not.

We have been trying to be chaste during my fertility, but we just aren’t doing a very good job. We refrained from Communion on Sunday because we felt we were in mortal sin, and we plan to go back to Confession this Saturday.

I’m sorry for the frankness of this post. I am just feeling so alone on this. I don’t know any NFP families at our parish and we don’t have the CCL nearby or the support of our family.

Phase 2 wont last much longer, but in the meantime I have been incredibly depressed about it. I want to be close to my husband, but it seems if we are intimate at all then we don’t stop. What do other people do? Should we sleep in separate rooms? That would make me so sad to not even sleep near him. What’s wrong with me?
Click to expand...
Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but what mortal sin? Please check with a priest because I don’t see why a married couple, attempting to use NFP, who gives into marital relations (despite the desire to use NFP) has committed any sin – mortal or otherwise. Do not deny yourself (and your husband) the Eucharist if no sin is involved.
 
NFP1Kate said:
We pray the rosary most nights together.

My husband asked me what is the difference between lust and pure desire for one’s spouse. I don’t know how to answer that question. We thought the desire to be with each other was pure since we were married. Lust just doesn’t seem to fit.
Click to expand...
I know I don’t always answers this one right. please read
Birth Control and the Christian discipleship" by John Kippley 60 pages and only $5. John and his wife Sheila Kippley are the orginal founders of CCL stm. here is there link nfpandmore.org IMPO there are the best Cahtolic theologians on sex and marriage. they have writen many books and artiles. you will learn a lot from there website.
 
God bless you for abstaining from communion. People often forget that it’s an option, and your respect of the Eucharist will bring you additional grace. Get to confession as soon as you can, and soak up those sacramental graces! After that, try to go to daily Mass a couple times a week or more if you can - that is a font of mercy that is never-ending!

Try not to go to bed until you are really, really tired. I agree with the one poster - work out! A lot more! Go on long runs so that you’re tired and sore.

Also, pray more. Realize that you need help to live God’s will, and pray for Him to help you. Offer this sacrifice (because it is a sacrifice!) up to God for those who cannot have children, or for those couples who cannot have be intimate because one of them is ill. This is temporary! Pray the stations of the Cross, realizing that if Christ has suffered, so can you! Read accounts of saints, so you can enjoy their example and rely on their intercession.

I wouldn’t sleep in separate bedrooms, but maybe don’t embrace cuddling right now if it’s still very difficult to get “caught up in the moment.” This may be a season of dryness right now in your marriage as both of you struggling to gain control of your (good) desire for each other, but this is one of the acts of love that make up the ladder to Heaven.

You are doing so great to keep knocking on the door, keep asking God to help, keep conforming yourself to His will. If you fail, get right back up, right back to confession, right back to asking for help. The God that you love will not abandon you!
 
Nothing is wrong with you. You’re a young woman with a smoking hotty for a husband. Something would be wrong if you didn’t want to. Especially because our fertile period is the time when we want sex the most. (Damn evolution!)

I honestly don’t have that much advice because it is freaking hard. We try and do things where we don’t go to bed at the same time. I’ll stay up late and study or work on my blog so that when I go to bed he’s sound asleep or vice versa. Other than that we mostly just bite our pillows and pray it will pass. And sometimes we fail. We all sin, don’t think that anyone here is the perfect picture of chastity. When we fail we get our hinnies to confession and try hard again the next month. Just know you aren’t alone. Praying for you.
 
Phase 2 can certainly be hard sometimes, but this is necessary for us to truly evaluate our reasons for using NFP in the first place. Honestly every time my husband asks what’s going on in my cycle while we’re waiting in phase 2, I simply ask him, “Do you want to pick a name or it is my turn?” 🙂
We turn to humor quite often, actually… laughing does help unite you in other ways while you have to wait for the physical union.
And really, you should be constantly reevaluating your reasons for using NFP in the first place. Use that energy to solve the “problem” you’re experiencing that requires NFP use - and yes I said “problem” because it is morally necessary to have a serious/grave REASON for using it. Turn that desire into prayer that you can be relieved of those burdens that require you to sacrifice.
 
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