NFP Advice

[Agatha813]

Greetings!

My fiancé and I are preparing to get married in a year and a half. We’re still debating if to use NFP or to use nothing at all during our marriage. I was hoping to hear from some of you your experiences during marriage. We’re open to life, but naturally, we want to space out our children. We believe NFP will help us learn a lot about my body, but don’t know if to use it for postponing pregnancy. We’ll definitely try to use to actually achieve pregnancy though. Thank you.

EDIT: Where we are located, our diocese requires us to get trained in NFP and take a pre-cana course as well. We have already taken our pre-cana and have welcomed so much beauty into our life!

 

[Xantippe]

I think that you ought to learn NFP fairly seriously, even if you are planning on just taking the kids as they come. 1) There can be health emergencies that require either total abstinence or very conservative NFP, and you don’t want to be learning NFP in the middle of an emergency when the stakes are really high 2) There will probably come a point where (at least temporarily) your hands are full and you can’t handle anything more and need a breather and 3) It helps a lot to have achieved some proficiency and confidence with NFP when the stakes are low. 4) It can help you detect infertility early (for instance, you might discover you are not actually ovulating). 5) It can help you achieve pregnancy faster. 6) Down the road, it may give you more of a comfort level when dealing with the onset of perimenopause. (I’m 39 and 16+ years into doing NFP and I’ve just noticed that my cycle length has shrunk down to consistently 26 days after many years in the 30+ day range.)

The big problem areas with NFP are postpartum NFP and perimenopausal NFP, both of which require a somewhat different approach than “ordinary time” NFP.

Best wishes!

 

[pensmama87]

Yes to everything Xantippe said.

Here’s my history: Got pregnant on our honeymoon (had been charting and knew it was likely, said “aw what the heck?” even though we had planned on waiting, now have a sweet little boy). Remained infertile until first child was 15 months old, then charted two cycles and got pregnant with #2 (another “why not?” baby). Cycles didn’t resume until almost 18 months postpartum.

So it’s not a bad deal for us so far. Been married four and a half years, have two awesome kids 25 months apart, and only four periods in that time (woohoo on that last one). BUT every woman is different. I breastfeed a long time and on demand, and my kids sleep with me until well past a year old. That impacts a return to fertility in my case, but it’s not a guarantee (and I knew I wanted to do those things before I knew how they could impact fertility). I have one mom friend who almost had Irish twins, and another who had 3 in 2.5 years. After that, they were grateful to have NFP to space the next ones a bit further out.

We’re charting now, but mostly because I’m a nerd and like numbers. It’s not the ideal time for us to get pregnant, but we’d also really like another baby so we’ll see what happens. But we’ve always had this natural buffer that works for us so we haven’t had to get super serious about charting. If my fertility was returning 6 months or earlier PP, yeah, I’d really want to know what I’m doing.

 

[jlc2k2]

I agree with PPs. Here’s my story.

We used NFP to delay pregnancy when we first got married. After 2 years, we had a ‘what the heck’ night 5 days before ovulation and had baby #1. After she was born, I didn’t chart but was able to use what I knew about my fertile signs to delay pregnancy (my fertility returned at 6 months. We had another ‘what the heck’ night when she was 18 mo and then we found out that #2 was actually #2 and #3. When they were born, we had a 2 yo and 2 newborns. It -]was /-]is a little overwhelming.

Fertility returned at 10 months postpartum. I started following my fertile signs as I had before but they were less clear while still breastfeeding 2 babies and I was less regular. So I started seriously charting again at 13 months postpartum but that didn’t help much. I soon learned that it wasn’t clear because I was miscarrying. For me, charting through the miscarriage was oddly comforting. I didn’t have to wonder when my period would come afterwards or whether I was actually ovulating. With so many unknowns in my life at that time, that was something I knew.

So NFP has been a good tool for our family. That said, it’s often not easy and I don’t know that I would ever call it fun. (Though I am a data nut and love the charting aspect. ) NFP hasn’t created rainbows and unicorns in our marriage but it has given us some opportunities to grow

 

[Kelfa28]

Learn NFP.
You cannot rely on breastfeeding as a go to for infertility.

We didn’t learn NFP until after our first baby was born. I was taught that if I breastfed my babies, then I’d be given natural infertility for a period of time.

About 5 weeks PP, I was totally fertile and got my period back. So I had to learn a crash course in NFP to prevent another pregnancy for a little while.

We planned the second baby after a year of using NFP successfully. It worked and I was pregnant almost right away.

I figured I’d try ecological breast feeding and follow all of the rules for EBF. Supposedly a virtual guarantee I’d be infertile.

No dice, same exact thing. Week 4 PP, I had clear as day ovulation signs and got my period just after my 6 week PP check. I was floored and given NO advice from experts except I must be doing it wrong.
THAT is NOT helpful.
Sorry, but that made me angry I lost a lot of trust in NFP instructors.
But, we started over and used NFP again. This time hoping to avoid a pregnancy for awhile.

One year later, despite following the rules for STM, I’m pregnant a third time.
I can’t keep doing this. If I do, I’ll be pregnant with my fourth in another 20-22 months and I won’t even be married for 5 years at that point.

NFP is NOT easy but I think it’s foolish to go without learning it.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

If I didn’t learn NFP I’d run a serious risk of getting pregnant about 2 months PP with third, fourth and fifth and so on and so forth until I start running serious health risks…not to mention hits to my psychological well-being.

I think it’s wonderful that moms can take care of so many children. I know I can’t and that is from experience.

NFP is a MAJOR cross for my family right now. I hate using it. It’s not a cake-walk and you don’t find out that you’ve made a mistake until that test comes back positive.

I’m afraid to use it right now because we are at our financial, psychological and emotional limit.
Despite knowing and agreeing with what the Church teaches, I wish there was another way.

 

[Xantippe]

NFP is a MAJOR cross for my family right now. I hate using it. It’s not a cake-walk and you don’t find out that you’ve made a mistake until that test comes back positive.

But when you learn new things due to an NFP “learning experience”, it REALLY sticks in the memory.

Stuff I’ve learned:

–It is possible to get pregnant when ovulating 7 whole days after marital relations.

–a high temperature may just be a fever

It’s way better to have these “learning experiences” when the stakes are relatively low.

Oh, and ideally your husband should know NFP even better than you do.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Greetings!

My fiancé and I are preparing to get married in a year and a half. We’re still debating if to use NFP or to use nothing at all during our marriage. I was hoping to hear from some of you your experiences during marriage. We’re open to life, but naturally, we want to space out our children. We believe NFP will help us learn a lot about my body, but don’t know if to use it for postponing pregnancy. We’ll definitely try to use to actually achieve pregnancy though. Thank you.

EDIT: Where we are located, our diocese requires us to get trained in NFP and take a pre-cana course as well. We have already taken our pre-cana and have welcomed so much beauty into our life!

It does no harm to learn and use NFP just in case you ever need it. One can learn NFP before marriage and it would never have to be employed unless you need it to be. We do not currently use NFP, but it is nice to know if we had to, we would be just fine.

 

[Agatha813]

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut! But some of you seem to be under the impression that I’m not learning NFP until AFTER marriage. That is an incorrect assumption. The diocese where I am located requires NFP training before marriage and as I have said, I’m getting married in a year and a half (I really am not the type to want to rush into marriage and neither is my fiancé). I do plan on learning NFP, it’s just a matter of using it to postpone pregnancies or to remain celibate. I suppose the main thing would be if we’re at our psychological and financial up or down.

I’d still like to keep hearing more stories and advice! Thank you!

 

[Cathoholic]

Agatha813. (I am assuming you are a woman as you have “Agatha” in your CAF name). Regarding NFP you asked:

My fiancé and I are preparing to get married in a year and a half. We’re still debating if to use NFP or to use nothing at all during our marriage.

My advice?

Learn NFP right now.

You MAY someday (hopefully not but you “may”) need it to achieve pregnancy.

The other thing is even if you don’t use NFP to postpone pregnancy, you will be able to discuss it with authority with other women (it doesn’t mean you “must” discuss this with other women—it just means if called upon to do so, you will be ready to help them).

You may also influence someone else to use NFP who otherwise might use birth control pills or IUDs or some other illicit means to space children.

Learn NFP right now.

Hope this helps.

God bless.

Cathoholic

 

[CallMeDad]

We did not use NFP after getting married; we were not looking to delay children, and so had no pressing reason to go through the work associated with it. Unlike you, we had no pre-cana NFP training, which is really terrific (for you). So there was a learning curve once we did get started on it, some systems more to my wife’s liking than others.

So, since it sounds like you will have the training by the time you get married, I would try it out, either upon marriage or even before getting married. There are different methods, and they do take some time to learn and to find one that works for you.

Once you do settle on a method, it’s up to you whether or not you continue tracking as newlyweds. Easy enough to jump back into it later on.

 

[Xantippe]

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut! But some of you seem to be under the impression that I’m not learning NFP until AFTER marriage. That is an incorrect assumption. The diocese where I am located requires NFP training before marriage and as I have said, I’m getting married in a year and a half (I really am not the type to want to rush into marriage and neither is my fiancé). I do plan on learning NFP, it’s just a matter of using it to postpone pregnancies or to remain celibate. I suppose the main thing would be if we’re at our psychological and financial up or down.

I’d still like to keep hearing more stories and advice! Thank you!

There’s a difference between sitting through the required class and actually learning it, which is what I think people are getting at.

Be very conscientious about learning it and doing some practice charting when it doesn’t actually matter.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut! But some of you seem to be under the impression that I’m not learning NFP until AFTER marriage. That is an incorrect assumption. The diocese where I am located requires NFP training before marriage and as I have said, I’m getting married in a year and a half (I really am not the type to want to rush into marriage and neither is my fiancé). I do plan on learning NFP, it’s just a matter of using it to postpone pregnancies or to remain celibate. I suppose the main thing would be if we’re at our psychological and financial up or down.

I’d still like to keep hearing more stories and advice! Thank you!

This is where the experience of others can help you if you will let it. Learning NFP is WAY more than sitting in some diocesan class. Some of the classes don’t even teach all the methods. What you need to do is chart, and start (as a couple) identifying your fertile days. This will promote communication and education of your cycles and bodies. If this is done before marriage, and you do not wish or need to use NFP, then it does not interfere with a newlyweds intimacy. However, if for some reason you need to use it in your marriage, it is much easier on your life if you already know it.

 

[KCT]

amazon.com/Sinners-Guide-Natural-Family-Planning-ebook/dp/B00FRM6Q72

It ain’t easy, but it’s worth it.

 

[Agatha813]

Thanks everyone! I like being met with positive (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I was matched as a marrow donor right after getting married. You cannot donate while pregnant, so NFP came in pretty handy. A man’s cancer treatments depended upon me avoiding pregnancy for a short time. I’d say that was a serious reason! While he didn’t end up needing a donation, the fact that I could make my healthy stem cells available if needed was a gift that surely gave his family hope.

You really never know what may come your way. There are plenty of valid things that occur in life that warrant avoiding pregnancy for different lengths of time. NFP is worth knowing.

 

[manualman]

Thumbs up to who said that taking the class is NOT learning it. Doing the charting is learning it and it’s a LOT easier to comprehend your ordinary cycle before marriage introduces the, ahem, physical symptoms of intimacy into the equation. That often makes symptom observations much harder! Best to get good at it while under baseline conditions and with the stress reduction of having time for a learning curve. An Oops, maybe that thing 5 days ago wasn’t the peak after all has a LOT lower consequences than the same blunder AFTER the wedding (presuming chastity, of course).

 

[Allegra]

If you want to option of not using NFP that you’ve already learned, then I don’t recommend Creighton model. Once you’ve learned how to read the signs, you can’t unlearn it. You can tell just from having a pee whether you are fertile or not. You can’t really have a “we’ll see what happens” period. Well, your husband can, but you can’t. That being said, I’ve found it extremely accurate for avoiding and achieving pregnancy and I highly reccomend it. As others have pointed out, you could find yourself in a situation where you really NEED to use it.

 

[CatholicRaven]

I would suggest NOT using NFP unless you have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy. I would not use it solely to space children, except when there is a serious reason not to have them close together.

My husband and I have seven children. We’ve used NFP at times to avoid pregnancy, but mostly we’ve used nothing at all. So we have ages 20 and 17 (both born before we came into the Church), age 10, age 6, age 5, age 3, and now a 4 month old. So we have different kinds of spacing between them, the smallest “space” being 13 months between the 5 and 6 year olds (and only 16 months between the 5yo and the 3yo), and the largest space being 6.5 years between the second child and the third. I also found that having 4 children felt easier for us than having 3, and many of my friends who have large families have also said, no matter the ages or space between their kids, that 4 kids is easier than 3. I don’t know why that is!

Before all this, I’d never have thought I’d have this many children, and I definitely didn’t think I’d ENJOY it. But I truly love having a large family. God has given us what we need. And we feel very blessed!

I agree with Allegra about the Creighton model, though. If I’d known I could have learned another method, I would have. Even if I’m not charting, I generally know when I’m fertile whether I want to know or not.

Because of this, if we’re not avoiding pregnancy, I generally just let things happen as they will. If I have the desire to be pregnant but haven’t yet discussed it with my husband, I deny myself by not initiating intimacy, and leave it up to God (it’s extremely rare that I reject my husband’s advances anyway, so if he initiates, I just respond as I normally would). This way, I feel that I’m following my husband’s leadership, rather than trying to make the decision for both of us with the knowledge I have. Also when we’re not avoiding pregnancy, if my husband wants to know if it’s a “possible baby night,” he just asks and I tell him.

And the other posters are right: just because you “learn” the basic method in class, in theory… doesn’t mean you’re really learning your own cycles. You need to learn your own signs of fertility, because your body and cycles likely aren’t going to be entirely “by the book.” That’s the part we’re generally referring to when we speak of “learning NFP” before you need it. We can’t really say you should “practice NFP” before marriage, because that would imply something else entirely!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My husband and I have seven children. We’ve used NFP at times to avoid pregnancy, but mostly we’ve used nothing at all. So we have ages 20 and 17 (both born before we came into the Church), age 10, age 6, age 5, age 3, and now a 4 month old. So we have different kinds of spacing between them, the smallest “space” being 13 months between the 5 and 6 year olds (and only 16 months between the 5yo and the 3yo), and the largest space being 6.5 years between the second child and the third. I also found that having 4 children felt easier for us than having 3, and many of my friends who have large families have also said, no matter the ages or space between their kids, that 4 kids is easier than 3. I don’t know why that is!

Before all this, I’d never have thought I’d have this many children, and I definitely didn’t think I’d ENJOY it. But I truly love having a large family. God has given us what we need. And we feel very blessed!

I agree with Allegra about the Creighton model, though. If I’d known I could have learned another method, I would have. Even if I’m not charting, I generally know when I’m fertile whether I want to know or not.

Because of this, if we’re not avoiding pregnancy, I generally just let things happen as they will. If I have the desire to be pregnant but haven’t yet discussed it with my husband, I deny myself by not initiating intimacy, and leave it up to God (it’s extremely rare that I reject my husband’s advances anyway, so if he initiates, I just respond as I normally would). This way, I feel that I’m following my husband’s leadership, rather than trying to make the decision for both of us with the knowledge I have. Also when we’re not avoiding pregnancy, if my husband wants to know if it’s a “possible baby night,” he just asks and I tell him.

And the other posters are right: just because you “learn” the basic method in class, in theory… doesn’t mean you’re really learning your own cycles. You need to learn your own signs of fertility, because your body and cycles likely aren’t going to be entirely “by the book.” That’s the part we’re generally referring to when we speak of “learning NFP” before you need it. We can’t really say you should “practice NFP” before marriage, because that would imply something else entirely!

Sounds like you have a great family. I never thought we would have a large family either, but through a conversion of heart we have accepted with joy our children. And you know what? It is the most joyous thing about my life.

 

[Xantippe]

If you want to option of not using NFP that you’ve already learned, then I don’t recommend Creighton model. Once you’ve learned how to read the signs, you can’t unlearn it. You can tell just from having a pee whether you are fertile or not. You can’t really have a “we’ll see what happens” period. Well, your husband can, but you can’t. That being said, I’ve found it extremely accurate for avoiding and achieving pregnancy and I highly reccomend it. As others have pointed out, you could find yourself in a situation where you really NEED to use it.

I think that’s generally true, though.

I’ve certainly felt the same way about symptothermal–once I know what’s going on, I can’t unknow that. And even with the laxest possible approach to temping and mucus, I still always have a general idea of what’s going on.