NFP after miscarriage please help!

[Convert_in_99]

After almost 8 years of infertility we conceived miraculously praised be to God, He is SO good! Sadly though we just lost our precious miracle at just 8wks along. We are just devastated to have lost our one and only child :crying: And even though our chances of a subsequent miracle are not very high, we BOTH just cannot take the emotional pain of loosing another child for at least several months possibly up to a year or so. We certainly wouldn’t mind more chances at pregnancy, but it’s just to unimaginably hard right now. I have mental health issues which make this loss all the harder for me.

Having had infertility we didn’t learn NFP well enough for serious avoiding. We self studied the symptothermal method of NFP and so know the basics of fertile and non fertile mucous, but I don’t always have fertile mucous and don’t ovulate regularly. Not to mention I know it can take a couple of months for cycles to re-regulate after miscarriage. I am still having light flow of blood from my D&C miscarriage (the deceased baby would not come out on own) so I know that we haven’t had fertility return yet, but how will I know without having regular fertile signs anyways, let alone post miscarriage? We really need the physical and emotional comfort of each other right now and so now that we are allowed to engage in relations this coming weekend, we don’t want to have to postpone indefinitely for the next several months until we are emotionally healed from our loss. Any help or experience would be most helpful! Thanks!

 

[SurlyMermaid]

:hug1:

Just lost a baby at 6 weeks and 5 days. I’m not you, so I don’t know what you’re going through. I’m so sorry.

Give it some time. You may find you feel ready sooner than you think, I try again. Something that gave me comfort was someone on here saying to think of the babies we will meet in heaven.

SM

 

[Xantippe]

convert in 99 said:

“I am still having light flow of blood from my D&C miscarriage (the deceased baby would not come out on own) so I know that we haven’t had fertility return yet”

I would not count on you being infertile right now.

What guidelines has your OB/GYN given you for abstinence post-miscarriage? Also, does your OB/GYN have any thoughts about whether you should wait before attempting to conceive?

Purely physically speaking, I believe the current thinking is that it’s better to try to conceive sooner, rather than later.

webmd.com/baby/news/20100805/study-no-need-delay-pregnancy-after-miscarriage

If your OB/GYN OKs it and you are up to it, it might be best to try soon.

On the other hand, if you aren’t psychologically up to it right now (and it sounds like you’re not), I would suggest abstaining until you have very clear fertility signs. In fact, I would expect extremely erratic cycles for the near future after this.

After my miscarriage, I had two weeks of heavy bleeding at a time, to the point of anemia, and had to go on birth control pills to shut it down. I had a really rough recovery, but 4 months after my miscarriage, at the very earliest time approved by my doctor, we were able to conceive literally immediately (which was kind of amazing for a 37-year-old). (Of course, we’d had two children successfully before, but they were 10 and 7 when our post-miscarriage baby was born–at that point I was medically a completely different patient than when I’d started having babies in my later 20s.) Having a healthy baby after my miscarriage was not a complete and immediate cure (the pregnancy was tough, as was the postpartum period), but it helped a lot.

 

[tawny]

Praying for you and your husband.

 

[10gr8kids]

Praying for you and your husband. Try to put all your trust in God’s mercy. I never wanted to be pregnant again after my fourth miscarriage, but God blest me with two healthy babies after that. Pray to St Gerard, and I will say prayers for you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

[Ophelia23]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

For your questions about NFP, I really would recommend meeting with a local instructor for the Couple to Couple League and they can help get you started with your charting. In regards to being open to another pregnancy, please do keep your heart open even though it is drenched in this achy sadness right now. The loss of a child is so terrible. Know that you are in my prayers.

 

[Cariethra]

I am so sorry for your loss. We’ve lost two and I had to have a D&C with both, I even had an infection from one.

For someone who regularly ovulates they are typically fertile after their first cycle. My son was conceived two months after my miscarriage (the one I got where I got the infection).

After my first miscarriage, I didn’t get pregnant for 6 months. We weren’t really trying, but we were avoiding. The moment I felt like I could handle a possible loss, I found out I was pregnant.

I wouldn’t suggest with the type of infertility you have to avoid pregnancy. It might take a year to even conceive again. My suggestion is to not try to get pregnant, but also to not avoid it, obviously after you are given the green light.

 

[Stella_Matutina]

Hi Convert! My condolences again.
I am learning how to interpret my fertility signs after miscarriage as I go just like you so I am no expert but I have been researching like a mad woman so I may have some info for you. From what I have read, you should count your D&C date as cycle day 1 but expect your “cycle” (if you can even call it that) to be longer than your average. Are you returning to your doctor each week to have your blood levels tested to see if your hCG level is dropping to zero?
My hCG levels went like this:
12/1/13 = 40,000
12/3/13 = 20,000
12/18/13 = 80
12/27/13 = 0
As you can see there was a huge drop after the 3rd as that was the day I passed the baby naturally at home.
My bleeding started on 12/1 and stopped on 12/24 and I ovulated on 12/29. I usually ovulate on CD20 but this time ovulated on CD26 if you count the day I passed the baby as CD1. I then had my first regular period after the miscarriage 10 days after ovulation (37 days after passing the baby and my cycles are usually 35 days.)
Every woman is different obviously but I just wanted to illustrate that from what I have read, your bleeding generally will not stop and you won’t begin to ovularte until your hCG level has returned to zero or at least under 5. Of course, ask your doctor to verify because you may have special circumstances yada yada- obligatory medical advice over the internet is for information only and no substitute for medical care- you know the rest…

What I use to monitor my fertility:
Fertility Friend - this helps you create your own chart for free. They have tutorials and the computer does the work for you to interpret your observations. Do you or are you able to take your basal body temp every morning?
OPK- I have bought these ovulation tests as they are extremely cheap and easy to take daily. You can use these to either avoid or achieve pregnancy. Once you get a positive, you can conclude you are infertile 72 hours afterwards and resume intercourse until your cycle comes back around. WARNING: Do not take these tests until you know that your hCG level is back to zero because if you still have hCG in your blood, it will result in a false positive ovulation test.

You’ve mentioned having irregular cycles but the more you put into recording your observations about your fertility signs, the more you will find a rhyme and reason to the madness and the easier it will be to help a competent physician provide adequate treatment, or even as was mentioned, a certified NFP teacher to help you interpret your results. Search your area here for providers and teachers.

I know you can do it! Don’t let the miscarriage scare you into thinking that it is impossible to interpret your fertility signs because it is not. Of course it is more challenging, but not impossible. And if you guys make a “mistake” and end up getting pregnant again, God will provide you the strength and grace you need to accept this challenge.

I wish you many blessings and healing!!!

Your sister in suffering and in Christ,
Stella Matutina

 

[jlc2k2]

I am so sorry for your loss. Following my miscarriage, temping is what kept me sane when it came to NFP. We were pretty cautious until I would get a few days past a clear thermal shift. Like Stella, I had a longer cycle than normal at first but since I was temping and knew when I ovulated I also knew when things were back on track.

I also agree that if you are having trouble charting that you should speak with an instructor who can provide way more.