IMHO age combined with physical health or agility could be a grave reason. In fact, my husband and I were discussing that recently, because I have always had very difficult pregnancies with physical symptoms that make me not very functional, and if we were to continue having children through the rest of my 30s and into my 40s, I can imagine that it would only get tougher. Of course, even if we are practicing NFP in order to prevent pregnancy, we understand that we are still supposed to be willing to welcome any more children that we should be blessed with in spite of efforts to prevent pregnancy.
Grave reasons need to be defined by the married couple, and probably with the consult of their priest. Yes, I think age is one of the reasons that one should definitely. Pregnancy and labor are hard on a woman’s body, and age can make it high risk as well. As we age, we start to develop conditions that we didn’t have earlier, and compounded with pregnancy can make things a gamble sometimes.
I was 33 and he was 43 at the time. We have been married for three years, and we have two children who are 27 mos and 15 mos, so 12 mos apart. They are “Irish twins”! We have been truly blessed. Both of my pregnancies were difficult, and the second was the hardest for sure. My husband is especially concerned about having more children now that he is 47. Both of our kiddos would be described as “high needs”, and are tough cookies to say the least. I share my husband’s concerns, but I have to admit I feel guilty about it. I wonder if this is a misplaced sense of guilt, though. I pray that we will always be open to God’s will, and of course I know that in using NFP we are open to new life always. We would welcome a new baby with great joy. I guess I just want to make sure I am not going against God in our decision to avoid another pregnancy, at least at this time. Does that make sense? Again, thank you for your help!Back in the good old days, the married couple would typically consult the priest who would let them know whether their reason was sufficiently “grave.” The idea, of course, was that the Priest had a better understanding as to whether the couple actually had a grave reason or were simply trying to avoid children for the convenience.
Are you comfortable saying anything about why they are “high needs”? It seems they have been identified very early in life which means maybe they had disabilities at birth? Or are hard to handle in general?Thanks for your help! Here’s some info about my situation… My husband and I were married “late in life”, I guess you could say.
They were not born with any diabilities, but my son was extremely colicky until about 4 months. He also had a serious reflux problem until he was one. My daughter had the same reflux problem until just recently. They are definitely tough to handle, and I know that some of that has to do with how close they are in age. But, in addition, my son is being evaluated currently for speech and sensory problems, and he also has a possible immune system issue. They are sweet and active kiddos, and truly a handful. I might just be a wimp too, I guess? I agree that my husband’s age could be considered as a serious reason. I really appreciate everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you!
I didn’t start as late as your husband but the CCC does reference prudence when determining family size. Many of those I went to HS with are now grandparents. Mine are still all in public school.
Spiritual children opportunities will come along with raising the ones you have. Scouts, soccer, baseball, school activities all contribute to opportunities to help raise more children. Practicing NFP is the way to go about your life. If God has some other plans, you’ll know. Pray about it together. Sounds crazy but it gets great reviews!Which is why the Church uses the word “serious” rather than “grave” in her English translations. NFP is not reserved for life and death situations.
If you were to get pregnant now, your husband would be in his 70s before your child would be graduating from college. It seems like prudence, not selfishness, to take this into consideration. Only you and your husband can make the final decision (always being open to God having a different plan), but all the reasons you have listed seem like serious reasons, especially because they are focused on the good of the entire family.
The “directive” to bear and raise children is independent of whether or not one has children under legal age at home. A family with 0 children could have grave/just/serious reasons to postpone pregnancy while a family with 4 children under legal age might be called to receive many more blessings.
Exactly.
I’m sure there are some people who think that people over a certain age should never have children. But I haven’t seen that in this thread. What I have seen is that some of us believe a couple would be making a just decision if they decided their age was a sufficient reason to use NFP to delay having more children until such time as fertility ends naturally. If another couple of similar age and health decides they do want (more) children then that’s fine too.
And right there you have it. Don’t worry another minute about whether your reasons are “serious enough”. Some might think their reasons serious on a random Tuesday when talking over dinner, but wait until the opportunity hits and you’re in the middle of fertile time after three weeks of flu season. Your reasons might just fly out the window. Then again, they might not. Then you can figure they’re serious.Actually I think the quote is “serious” reason. I don’t recall “grave” beind used.
The beauty of using NFP to space children is that you don’t have to obsess about how serious your reason is. Consider it, pray about it, but don’t anguish. If you are really listening for God’s voice, you’ll hear it when the time comes. **With NFP, every month you and your husband stare your serious reason in the eye and make a difficult sacrifice to avoid pregnancy that month.
In my experience, this does wonders for exposing rationalized “serious reasons” that really aren’t. ** And at 10.5 years of marriage, I have baby #3 (so far) as evidence of this phenomenon!