NFP and Honeymoon

[SMHW]

I guess the point of all these posts is that there is no “right” or “wrong” about abstaining on your honeymoon should you decide it to be a prudent thing to do. You need to make the best decision for your family that is in harmony with God’s plan for marriage.

 

[FrenchGwen]

Hello Footprints

DH and I are going to celebrate our first anniversary this summer so not so long ago I was in your shoes calculating and recalculating my cycles with every month that passed. So did my bridesmaid when she got married 3 months ago. Yes, of course, you’d better focus on other things, but, well, we know how it is, as a soon-to-be-married you can’t help wondering, so let’s adress the question.

1. yes, 6 months is faaar too early to be sure. I had pretty regular cycles too, and when I first calculated, our 9th of August fell directly into the beginn of my the usually 10 days lasting fertile time… (for a 10 day honeymoon). Well, one cycle was quite shorter, and the following ones just were shorter by one mere day from what they usually were… => our wedding night fell 5 days after Peak Day, so 2 days after the end of fertile time, and we could enjoy ourselves most of our honeymoon till AF came… God was very generous on this point !
2. I disagree with the point that you have to have a very, very serious reason to abstain on your wedding night. If you have a reason serious enough to abstain on an ordinary night, then, it’s enough. And to my eyes, wanting to work or to get to know each other better before becoming parents IS a serious reason. I am sooo glad God hasn’t sent us a baby yet, because we truly made the most of the time he gave us just the two of us
3. Honeymoon is supposed to enable you to first get to know each other sexually, but, you know, at any rate the process will take MUCH longer than 10 days. There is a sentence in the Bible that basically says “*a groom ought not to be sent to war the first year of his marriage. His duty is to learn to make his wife happy.” *The initial “happy” word is one with a strong sexual connotation. So if you begin the process 10 days later, it may seem hard, but later on you will see how little it meant in the whoooole learning process. Keep it easy !
4. On the other hand, it is great that you will stay in a hotel when being with your family, and I want to draw your attention to the fact that, yes, you will be supposed to spend time with them. BUT this is the time when you will learn what “putting my spouse first” means: it does mean, too, that you will have to make clear that you and DH are having your own schedules and entitled to more time just-the-two-of-you-together than the time span 12.pm - 8.am. As newlyweds with a flat in the middle of Paris, where every relative happened to want to go and visit us for a few days, we had to learn saying NO in order to be able to enjoy our newly gained intimacy. That may be hard. That’s legitimate.

Congratulations on your approaching marriage, and relax !!

 

[Footprints04]

Thank you all for your posts so far! It is great to see different perspectives and how others approached this difficult decision.

It helps to know I’m not alone! As I said there is no one in my family to turn to for advice. You all have also given us a lot to think about----thank you!!

Keep the replies coming

 

[lovemysix]

I’ll second this, except to modify it to “many BRIDES find themselves so exhausted…”

As for the husbands, suck it up boys. It won’t be the last time you need to die to yourself and put her first!

I didn’t read this as chauvenistic. But it did make me laugh, because it was just the opposite for myself and my husband…he wanted to sleep, and I wouldn’t let him. I just couldn’t bear not to have our marriage consummated. It wasn’t even so much about the sex, it was about wanting to know that we were truly one flesh in every sense of the word. I was dying to feel completely married!

Poor guy was kind of grumpy, but he got over it

 

[manualman]

Wow, that’s a rather chauvinist comment, manuelman.

Several of my male friends and my DH have indicated that they were indeed very exhausted on their wedding day due to travel, up early and up late the preceeding days, and after a very long day on the wedding day itself they were **glad **there was no pressure one way or the other when it came to the “wedding night.” They were not “sucking it up” but rather equally happy to collapse into a coma!

I should know by now that I can only speak for myself. But after 29 years, no petty fatigue issue was going to be a factor for ME… I can’t personally relate to that. But you gotta do what’s best for your spouse.

 

[lovemysix]

I should know by now that I can only speak for myself. But after 29 years, no petty fatigue issue was going to be a factor for ME… I can’t personally relate to that. But you gotta do what’s best for your spouse.

Hmm, for my husband it was 27 years of waiting…but when that man needs his sleep, he NEEDS his sleep. I’ve learned over the years to respect that.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Nothing wrong with abstaining on your honeymoon if you’ve discerned that avoiding pregnancy is what God wants for you now. We abstained for most of ours. Just find lots of other fun things to do on vacation.

 

[BiologyBrain]

I didn’t read this as chauvenistic. But it did make me laugh, because it was just the opposite for myself and my husband…he wanted to sleep, and I wouldn’t let him. I just couldn’t bear not to have our marriage consummated. It wasn’t even so much about the sex, it was about wanting to know that we were truly one flesh in every sense of the word. I was dying to feel completely married!

Poor guy was kind of grumpy, but he got over it

My DH was the same way. I know he’d have waited - especially considering that 6 months previous he’d had an extended (30+ day) hospital stay & major surgery! I told him I’d waited 25 years to get married & be sexually active - by golly I was going to enjoy it the first chance I got! Not even a bear knocking on the outside of our little cabin in Gatlinburg was enough to deter me! I think he’s glad anyway though! I was even glad when I had the sad news of my miscarriage.

 

[Nessie86]

Just wanted to let you know that I’m in the same situation as you; I’m also getting married in December, and I may also be fertile on my honeymoon. So you won’t be the only one dealing with this issue! Thanks for posting, these replies have given me some answers as well! Good luck with everything! God bless!

 

[jemfinch]

So… have you thought about strenuous exercise combined with caloric restrictions?

If the goal would be to reduce fertility, I’m afraid that would count as contraception, at least according to the definition given in Humanae Vitae.

Anyway, to the OP: my wife was on the pill when we married (it took me quite some time to convince her to do NFP) and we still didn’t consummate our marriage on the wedding night. We were both just plain too tired. Don’t feel like you have to do anything at any particular time just because that’s what society expects.

Congratulations, btw, on abstaining until your wedding and on being committed to doing NFP: both of these are huge blessings.

Jeremy

 

[CuriousInIL]

If the goal would be to reduce fertility, I’m afraid that would count as contraception, at least according to the definition given in Humanae Vitae.

Anyway, to the OP: my wife was on the pill when we married (it took me quite some time to convince her to do NFP) and we still didn’t consummate our marriage on the wedding night. We were both just plain too tired. Don’t feel like you have to do anything at any particular time just because that’s what society expects.

Congratulations, btw, on abstaining until your wedding and on being committed to doing NFP: both of these are huge blessings.

Jeremy

Really? Any support for that?

 

[Joseph629]

We’ve been married 27 yrs now. On our wedding night, -at an airport hotel because we had an early flight the next morning-, we both knew that it wasn’t going to be very romantic because we were both exhausted. So we waited. I think it was another 2 days before we …

My wife and I have come to totally depend on, and trust in God, as He knows our needs best. So, regarding your question, if we were to do it over again, we would change nothing. If God wanted us to get pregnant He would allow it to happen, if not, then He wouldn’t. I don’t remember who said it, but to paraphrase " God only gives you what you can handle, -and when-" Was it Mother Teresa?

I know not everyone will agree with this, but we say: consumate your marriage on your honeymoon and leave everything in God’s hands.

And yes, during our many fertile years we did practise NFP. And we had 6 pregancies (maybe 7), and have 4 daughters ages: 24, 22, 17, 12.

 

[Tosk]

If the goal would be to reduce fertility, I’m afraid that would count as contraception, at least according to the definition given in Humanae Vitae.

Anyway, to the OP: my wife was on the pill when we married (it took me quite some time to convince her to do NFP) and we still didn’t consummate our marriage on the wedding night. We were both just plain too tired. Don’t feel like you have to do anything at any particular time just because that’s what society expects.

Congratulations, btw, on abstaining until your wedding and on being committed to doing NFP: both of these are huge blessings.

Jeremy

I kind of figured as much. I’ve always wondered though, what about activities where the contraceptive intent isn’t the main reason for the activity? What about taking up activities where, although the main intention isn’t contraception it would be a much desired for side effect? Like playing baseball with out an athletic cup and hoping for a line drive. Or using the sauna and the hot tub not only to relax but also hoping that it will render you infertile… or switching from boxers to tighty whiteys.

 

[lovemysix]

I kind of figured as much. I’ve always wondered though, what about activities where the contraceptive intent isn’t the main reason for the activity? What about taking up activities where, although the main intention isn’t contraception it would be a much desired for side effect? Like playing baseball with out an athletic cup and hoping for a line drive. Or using the sauna and the hot tub not only to relax but also hoping that it will render you infertile… or switching from boxers to tighty whiteys.

Women use breastfeeding as a form of birth control all the time. Just because something is used as birth control does not make it contraceptive (NFP is birth control, after all). While the primary reason for breastfeeding is providing food for the baby, I know plenty of women who have breastfed much longer than they would have otherwise because it delays the return of fertility for them. I don’t think anybody would say that was a sin. It’s part of God’s design to help prevent mothers from becoming completely exhausted with constant childbearing.

 

[BiologyBrain]

Women use breastfeeding as a form of birth control all the time. Just because something is used as birth control does not make it contraceptive (NFP is birth control, after all). While the primary reason for breastfeeding is providing food for the baby, I know plenty of women who have breastfed much longer than they would have otherwise because it delays the return of fertility for them. I don’t think anybody would say that was a sin. It’s part of God’s design to help prevent mothers from becoming completely exhausted with constant childbearing.

I don’t think intentionally reducing your caloric intake and/or over exercising would be benefiting your body or anyone else’s like extended nursing. I think there’s a fine line between using what God created our bodies to do and exploiting/potentially damaging our bodies to fit our time schedule.

For instance, if the woman in question always strenuously exercises and has very little body fat, she’s not likely to change that habit b/4 the wedding. However, she’s also not likely to have highly regular cycles like the OP indicates. Her lack of regular cycles is part of her normal lifestyle and not objectionable. However, if the woman in question is generally moderately active and eats reasonably, but without harsh diets/etc then suddenly starts to exercise strenuously and diet rigorously its not healthy for her body, therefore her body is going to lose function (possibly her fertility will be compromised, but other aspects of her body will be compromised as well). This is clearly not good for her body, which is the temple of God. Many women diet & exercise prior to their weddings (gotta fit into that dress ), but do not affect their fertility cycle by much (if any). Its not a direct thing usually b/c your body is built w/ safeguards against sterilizing yourself.

FWIW I also think the original suggestion to strenuously exercise & reduce caloric intake was a tongue in cheek joking response. Not true advice!

 

[manualman]

If you think “tighty -whities” are going to kill off your sperm you’ve got a BIG surprise coming!

LOL, that’s one I haven’t heard in a while!

 

[lovemysix]

I don’t think intentionally reducing your caloric intake and/or over exercising would be benefiting your body or anyone else’s like extended nursing. I think there’s a fine line between using what God created our bodies to do and exploiting/potentially damaging our bodies to fit our time schedule.

For instance, if the woman in question always strenuously exercises and has very little body fat, she’s not likely to change that habit b/4 the wedding. However, she’s also not likely to have highly regular cycles like the OP indicates. Her lack of regular cycles is part of her normal lifestyle and not objectionable. However, if the woman in question is generally moderately active and eats reasonably, but without harsh diets/etc then suddenly starts to exercise strenuously and diet rigorously its not healthy for her body, therefore her body is going to lose function (possibly her fertility will be compromised, but other aspects of her body will be compromised as well). This is clearly not good for her body, which is the temple of God. Many women diet & exercise prior to their weddings (gotta fit into that dress ), but do not affect their fertility cycle by much (if any). Its not a direct thing usually b/c your body is built w/ safeguards against sterilizing yourself.

FWIW I also think the original suggestion to strenuously exercise & reduce caloric intake was a tongue in cheek joking response. Not true advice!

LOL, I agree it was tongue in cheek and doubt ANY woman would really rely on starting strenuous exercise before her wedding as a form of birth control

I was just pointing out that just because somebody does something with their bodies for the main purpose of birth control (as in the case of women who breastfed much longer than they would have otherwise and much longer than is strictly necessary for the nutrition of their children) doesn’t NECESSARILY make it a sin.

 

[Tosk]

If you think “tighty -whities” are going to kill off your sperm you’ve got a BIG surprise coming!

LOL, that’s one I haven’t heard in a while!

oh but these are no normal tighty-whities my friend. seriously, they have tighty-whities that push the testicles into the body causing artificial cryptorchidism. It raises the temperature of the testicles high enough to where they can no longer produce sperm.

 

[ac_claire]

We’ve discussed this at length, prayed about it and talked about it during our very long engagement (due to graduate school). We both think postponing a pregnancy at least until I graduate in May 2010 (though perhaps a little longer so I have time to work maybe a year to start paying off school loans) would be fine…

While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn’t deal with…it is just not ideal since I graduate in May, and we move to another state in June/July. And hopefully I will be taking the 2 board exams to be a licensed pharmacist in June…plus hopefully starting a job and working for awhile.

There are absolutely no guarantees in this life, especially not as concerns finances and employment. We can plan all we want, but sometimes “life happens” to supercede our best laid plans. There is never going to be an “ideal” time to conceive. Even when all the specifications you listed are in place, I can guarantee that new concerns will pop up in their place.

…and I can’t help but feel that it would hurt doublely knowing that we are making the “right decision” and are committed decision in this respect and yet we cannot even enjoy our honeymoon as husband and wife…

Then go ahead and enjoy your honeymoon together as husband and wife! Take advantage of the primary purpose of your marriage while you’re still young. Put your trust in God and know that he is faithful and will take care of your family.

(I’m getting married in November, and that’s how me and my fiance look at things… )

 

[Stella_Matutina]

There was a time when I thought that I would be fertile on our wedding night and honeymoon but as time approached and the stress was kicking in, turns out I was not fertile at that time, so we didn’t even have to make that choice of should we or shouldn’t we?

My friend married on the same day as we did (8-9-08), and she just gave birth to a baby girl a couple of months ago. Go figure.