NFP and the Honeymoon

[TruthSeeker2011]

My fiancé and I have dated for 5+ years and are both saving ourselves for the honeymoon; however, right now the honeymoon is an issue of stress for us.

In my Catholic morality class in high school I learned about the Church’s teaching on contraception. Since then, we both agreed to use NFP even though my desire to do so was greater than hers. She encouraged the desire by starting to take her temperature and all the associated preparations not long after our discussion in order to figure out her fertile times.

This was going well until the proposal drew near. Her biggest concern is that she will get pregnant on the honeymoon. We both want children; however, we will both be fresh out of college and unsure of our fiancial situation. We want to be prepared for when we have children (fiancially, etc.).

I try to assure her that God will call us to have children when the time is right, but I can see a hint of worry behind her adoring smile.

Being perfectly honest, we both want to be open and unitive with each other on our honeymoon without the lingering worry of pregnancy (I only use the word worry because I cannot find a better word, even though we consider a child a welcome gift, regardless of timing). I know that that sexual act needs to be both unitive and open to children, but we do not want to get pregnant on the honeymoon either. I guess it is the case of us wanting children, but not immediately. I realize this may be against Catholic beliefs and that is why I’m here.

I have been asking God for guidance and I stumbled across this forum.

So I turn the question to you. What can we do?

 

[Spots]

You trust in God.

You say you all feel you have reason for avoiding, so:
If it would be a time to abstain for you as a couple, then you may have to abstain for part/all of the honeymoon- she could as easily have her period as be in the abstinence due to possibility of conception time. If she is not, then enjoy relations. What else is there?

I know of many couples who did abstain during part/all of theirs- they are all doing well! My husband and I, well, we got a honeymoon baby (although we knew there was a very, very good chance of that happening! lol).

She should be charting now, and the more records she has, the better, as most people with regular cycles will be able to predict pretty far out where things will fall.

 

[pamnbam]

You may have to accept it for what it is–if you are abstaining for good reason, you may not be able to have relations on your honeymoon. You’ll have plenty of time to make up for it later, though.

And try not to unduly worry about finances. If you try to wait until the “right” time, you may never be “ready.” Who’s ever entirely “ready” for a new baby anyway?

 

[Catholic90]

We want to be prepared for when we have children (fiancially, etc.).

If everyone did that, the world would have very few kids!

 

[nmoerbeek]

My fiancé and I have dated for 5+ years and are both saving ourselves for the honeymoon; however, right now the honeymoon is an issue of stress for us.

In my Catholic morality class in high school I learned about the Church’s teaching on contraception. Since then, we both agreed to use NFP even though my desire to do so was greater than hers. She encouraged the desire by starting to take her temperature and all the associated preparations not long after our discussion in order to figure out her fertile times.

This was going well until the proposal drew near. Her biggest concern is that she will get pregnant on the honeymoon. We both want children; however, we will both be fresh out of college and unsure of our fiancial situation. We want to be prepared for when we have children (fiancially, etc.).

I try to assure her that God will call us to have children when the time is right, but I can see a hint of worry behind her adoring smile.

Being perfectly honest, we both want to be open and unitive with each other on our honeymoon without the lingering worry of pregnancy (I only use the word worry because I cannot find a better word, even though we consider a child a welcome gift, regardless of timing). I know that that sexual act needs to be both unitive and open to children, but we do not want to get pregnant on the honeymoon either. I guess it is the case of us wanting children, but not immediately. I realize this may be against Catholic beliefs and that is why I’m here.

I have been asking God for guidance and I stumbled across this forum.

So I turn the question to you. What can we do?

Roll with the punches and chill out.

 

[Augustine]

We want to be prepared for when we have children (fiancially, etc.).

The only sure things in this life are death and taxes. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s downright silly to expect things to be just right to have children. Children are not a financial burden, especially when young.

If both of you do not think to be prepared to accept children in the nuptial night, you are not prepared to get married. Aren’t both of you saving yourselves as a gift to each other in the nuptial night? Why would you withhold your fertility then? If one spouse withholds one’s fertility for whatever rationalization on the 1st night, it’s bound to happen in the 2nd, 200th and 2000th night. Is this the marriage that both of you want?

Pray, together.

 

[Calliso]

The only sure things in this life are death and taxes. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s downright silly to expect things to be just right to have children. Children are not a financial burden, especially when young.

If both of you do not think to be prepared to accept children in the nuptial night, you are not prepared to get married. Aren’t both of you saving yourselves as a gift to each other in the nuptial night? Why would you withhold your fertility then? If one spouse withholds one’s fertility for whatever rationalization on the 1st night, it’s bound to happen in the 2nd, 200th and 2000th night. Is this the marriage that both of you want?

Pray, together.

Actually I disagree with the idea that children are not a finicial burden or that they can;t be at least. Now I donlt agree either with the notion that things must be perfect before they have children either. But being finicially stable is very important. Also even if they donlt have relations on the first day or even on their honeymoon at all that doesn;t mean it will become a problem.

 

[nmoerbeek]

Actually I disagree with the idea that children are not a finicial burden or that they can;t be at least. Now I donlt agree either with the notion that things must be perfect before they have children either. But being finicially stable is very important. Also even if they donlt have relations on the first day or even on their honeymoon at all that doesn;t mean it will become a problem.

If they are doing it out of a selfish desire that is going to leave them frustrated and feeling empty.

If it is out of a desire of love for one another than that is different.

I still say you should loosen up and not worry about it so much.

 

[GreenGirl]

Congratulations on your engagement! It sure is an exciting time.

I was in your fiance’s situation about a year and a half ago. We both had waited for marriage and were so looking forward to a special, intimate honeymoon. I was unfamilar with NFP before our engagement and was kind of hit hard when my now husband brought it up. At that time we knew we had some pretty significant reasons to postpone pregnancy at least a couple of months. I felt a little angry and a little fearful about possibly not being able to consummate our union on the honeymoon without taking the “risk” of pregnancy.

However, I knew what the right thing to do was and we did it, no regrets. We did have to abstain for part of the honeymoon, though not all. It sure wasn’t the end of the world. We were just so joyful in being able to simply spend all of days and nights together as newlyweds, no matter what the activity involved. I really encourage you to be supportive of your future wife and understand her reservations. But if you do happen to be in that fertile window, whether you chose to abstain or not, don’t start your beautiful union off with the guilt that can be associated with contraception.

 

[1ke]

So I turn the question to you. What can we do?

You cross that bridge when you come to it.

You may be in the infertile period, in which case there is no problem.

If you find yourself in a fertile time, then you two will have to decide whether to wait a few more days or engage in intimacy knowing chances are high you will conceive.

Many couple abstain on their honeymoons until the fertile time has passed. Don’t think that is unusual or not doable. It certainly is.

 

[kage_ar]

Unless you are getting married in the next three days, you really cannot be sure where she will be in her cycle.

Cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

[ejlo1]

If you have decided that your situation merits postponing children then you may have a tough choice to make on your wedding night. Just make sure that your honeymoon destination has plenty of places you can go and things to do away from the hotel.

DH and I were in the same situation when we got married. We had to abstain most of our honeymoon but it was still the best trip I ever took because I spent all day and all night with the man I love.

 

[just_me_1]

yup. i got married august 23. same issue. only I wasn’t really watching prior, I figured (like a dummy) I’d watch for the signs after we were married and figure out when to abtain. he he… well, next thing I know, there were no signs. no monthly inconvenience. took a test and sure enough, I was pregnant!

kudos to you and your fiancee for having the foresight to track your timing BEFORE you get married, not the next day.

we didn’t take a honeymoon away but we had a “carefree” week or so before I decided to grow up and learn about nfp… too late. oh well, now we’re just trying to figure out how we will pay for the little one.

Good luck!