NFP as default?

[belchers1]

As Catholics, are we to use NFP and abstain during fertile periods, by default, then decide on a month by month basis, to not abstain during the fertile period of said month?

Or, should we know NFP, but by default never abstain, unless we find ourselves in a situation that gives serious reason to abstain during fertile periods?

A friend sent me this link, which really got me thinking. In this talk, it is also said that the number one purpose of the marital embrace is procreation, and number two, is unitive love. I always thought they went hand in hand, or even that love is the chief, number one purpose, and the result of that love is the procreative potential of receiving the fruit of the union.

 

[Spencerian]

As Catholics, are we to use NFP and abstain during fertile periods, by default, then decide on a month by month basis, to not abstain during the fertile period of said month?

Or, should we know NFP, but by default never abstain, unless we find ourselves in a situation that gives serious reason to abstain during fertile periods?

A friend sent me this link, which really got me thinking. In this talk, it is also said that the number one purpose of the marital embrace is procreation, and number two, is unitive love. I always thought they went hand in hand, or even that love is the chief, number one purpose, and the result of that love is the procreative potential of receiving the fruit of the union.

Hi.

I don’t think it need be that complicated in explanation.

Natural Family Planning allows couples to use the woman’s natural periods of fertility and infertility to aid in creating a family as their financial and personal plans allow, including allowing sufficient spacing between children.

As with many things Catholics, sex in marriage is “both/and.” Your impression (and mine) fits the Church’s teaching in that, yes, the unitive power of sex greatly benefits the couple but also opens the path to new life. NFP illustrates, as the Church teaches, that we needn’t de-emphasize the unitive benefits of sex between married couples in some Puritanical fashion just because a couple does not specifically try to conceive at every given opportunity. This article on NFP on the USCCB’s For Your Marriage website sums it up well.

 

[belchers1]

Thank you. I’ve come along way in understanding the Church’s teachings on sex, love, and marriage, but I now struggle with deciding what constitutes serious enough reason to avoid. I don’t want to have a contraceptive mentality while using NFP, but I also don’t want to put myself (or the rest of my family) in a situation that may end up being too difficult, if that makes sense.

 

[choose_to_love]

I would suggest it is the other way around from how you originally stated your question; put another way, no, NFP is not the default. Default is probably neither trying to postpone or achieve, but in reality, we as couples are called to continual discernment as to what God is calling us to do. That being said, as a practical matter you may often find your selves in one of the achieve/postpone categories.

I see you identify as a catechumen, and refer to your family - - is this in the abstract, i.e., your hypothetical future family, or a current situation?

Either way, my suggestion would be, do not be afraid! God trusts your judgment on the seriousness of your reasons, in the sense that no enumerated list will be provided by the Church. Only the couple truly knows all of the factors of the interior life of their marriage, along with God, so no outside person will know all that goes on in the marriage. Of course a couple can always seek spiritual guidance or direction, either formally through a priest/spritiual director or informally, as to whether your stated reasons are really serious ones, and it can be valuable to have a “check” on your reasons that such direction could provide.

That being said, if your reason is not serious, in all likelihood faithful practice of NFP, and the concomitant abstention during fertile times, will reveal the true character of your reason to postpone.

As part of our discernment process, if we perceive a reason to postpone, we also try to establish a game plan of how to change that factor(s) which is preventing adding a child. Of course this may not be possible at certain times, but the point is to keep reviewing and seeking what God’s will is for you as a couple, referencing the principles of responsible parenthood set forth in HV.

 

[Em_in_FL]

It should be a private prayerful discernment on a month-by-month basis… and an open discussion with your spouse…
If you’re having a difficult time discerning what is a valid reason, then consider making an appointment with your priest to discuss…

 

[Pfaffenhofen]

As Catholics, are we to use NFP and abstain during fertile periods, by default, then decide on a month by month basis, to not abstain during the fertile period of said month?

Or, should we know NFP, but by default never abstain, unless we find ourselves in a situation that gives serious reason to abstain during fertile periods?

A friend sent me this link, which really got me thinking. In this talk, it is also said that the number one purpose of the marital embrace is procreation, and number two, is unitive love. I always thought they went hand in hand, or even that love is the chief, number one purpose, and the result of that love is the procreative potential of receiving the fruit of the union.

As we look for all living creatures, sex is for procreation. Non-living creatures do nor reproduce. Sex is intended to defeat death. Without sex, all living beings would disappear.

Now the problem is when you put numbers: first, second, third…

I would not put any number at all. All animals, above all the most complex, have courtships, and in some birds, is just brilliant and glorious.

So, love goes hand in hand with reproduction. But that does not mean that sex=reproduction.

The fishes send millions of eggs and only a small percentage reproduce. The mammal send millions of spermatozoa but only one or some will get into egg and from these eggs some will reach adult age, for instance with zebras or pigs or elephants.

With man, on top of being animals, we have a Soul and the Grace of God. So, it is more complex. In the old times, families would have 12 children, from which 3/4 would reach adult age. In some countries in Africa, the percentage of infant death is still very high.

With medical care, almost all the children survive infancy in the West. So, you must think: you cannot have 12 children anymore or the world would explode in a few years. So, you must think as an animal, as a human being and as a son of God. So, you know that you must reproduce and you space the children you intend to have according to your plans.

And what you do is good. The problem arises when people try to be so divisive, 1,2,3,4, and so one that in the end you do not see the forest for the trees.

My way of seeing things. No personal dogma.

 

[Em_in_FL]

A friend sent me this link, which really got me thinking. In this talk, it is also said that the number one purpose of the marital embrace is procreation, and number two, is unitive love. I always thought they went hand in hand, or even that love is the chief, number one purpose, and the result of that love is the procreative potential of receiving the fruit of the union.

I’m just now looking more into what you posted here…

Now, I didn’t listen to that link, but I can tell it wasn’t an official teaching of our faith… it’s an opinion.
The Catechism does not “rank” the unitive and procreative aspects against each other… first vs second… we are taught that they are “inseparably connected”…

From the Catechism:

*2366
Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is “on the side of life,” teaches that “it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life.” “This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.”

2369
“By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its orientation toward man’s exalted vocation to parenthood.”*

Go to the official church teachings and reflect prayerfully on those…

 

[Castello]

Very good article:

cantuar.blogspot.com/2012/02/you-can-only-use-nfp-for-grave.html

 

[belchers1]

I see you identify as a catechumen, and refer to your family - - is this in the abstract, i.e., your hypothetical future family, or a current situation?

My husband and I have been civilly married for [less than two weeks shy of] 10 years. We have four children (ages 8, 7, 3, and 16 mos.). We were previously inactive Mormons. Both my husband and I, and our children will be coming into the Church this Easter.

Presently, we do have serious reason to avoid, but as someone stated, we are to strive to get out of these situations that cause serious reason, as best we’re able. We’re working on our issue, and hope to have it resolved sooner than later (for reasons not only relating to NFP, and openness to children).

Aside from our present issue… Financially speaking, how far do you stretch yourself? Sometimes I wish I could put every detail of our finances out on the table for someone else to decide. I mean, we do have extra money, and have extras in life, but we’re not rich, and still try to live modestly.

With medical care, almost all the children survive infancy in the West. So, you must think: you cannot have 12 children anymore or the world would explode in a few years. So, you must think as an animal, as a human being and as a son of God. So, you know that you must reproduce and you space the children you intend to have according to your plans.

This statement (in bold) bothers me. I suggest watching the documentary, Demographic Winter.

 

[28562]

Aside from our present issue… Financially speaking, how far do you stretch yourself? Sometimes I wish I could put every detail of our finances out on the table for someone else to decide. I mean, we do have extra money, and have extras in life, but we’re not rich, and still try to live modestly.

This is something that I don’t know how to decide either.

I am sure that my wife and I could afford another baby, but it would make finances uncomfortable, even if it was only for a little while. It normally seems to get better again after they turn 1ish. I like being comfortable, and as the only income in the house, it makes me a tad nervous to take on more responsibility with another bill to pay and mouth to feed. I like our life like it is now, but is it selfishness? I don’t want to give certain things in life up right now, especially now that our kids are getting to the age that things are starting to get easier. But I am wrong to not want to sacrifice so we can have another baby? I think I know the answer…Sometimes I question whether I have enough patience or sanity left for another one…

On the other hand, in 5 years I won’t miss a few thousand dollars, but I could possibly regret that we didn’t have ‘just one more’.