R
Rachel126
Guest
Okay, now i am worried (and perhaps being a bit scrupulous…)
My husband and I have 2 kids. We use NFP. I suffered from severe post-partum depression after each of them. The second was worse than the first. This was not just feeling “sad”, it was the worst thing i have ever gone through in my life. I had panic attacks, nonstop crying, and was basically unable to function. The second time, in addition to the above symptoms, I had persistent thoughts about harming myself and my baby. I wanted to die. I had all the help available–a loving husband, a therapist, and antidepressant medication. None of it helped. This lasted about 6 weeks in each case. Since then, I have had on and off bouts of milder depression and anxiety, and often feel completely overwhelmed. I know that being overwhelmed by only 2 kids probably seems ridiculous to some of you who do a fantastic job managing a large family, but I seem to be “differently made” from those moms (who i have much respect for). I have to work full time (day office job) to make ends meet, and my husband works varying hours but frequently works evenings and weekends, which leaves me alone with the kids a lot. This can be difficult for me. It HAS gotten a bit better since they have gotten older, yet it’s still there. I frequently lose patience with my children. I often feel I am not doing an adequate job as a mother, and i find it very difficult to keep up with housework and other responsibilities, and am often very tired.
Even if these reasons did not exist, having child would be a financial strain. It would not make us unable to feed our family, nor would it necessitate we go on welfare, but it would make things financially difficult. We have some debt, and we do not live whatsoever a luxurious lifestyle. We live in a modest home. My kids love playing for the local soccer team, and going on the occasional family outing to a restaurant, the zoo, the beach, etc. I occasionally buy them a toy or game. They go to quality childcare, not the most expensive available, but not the cheapest one either. Is it necessary for us to sacrifice these things so we can (maybe) afford another child? I suppose we could afford another if we stopped all of the above, cancelled cable and internet, and gave up our cell phones…but is this required?
My husband and I agreed that we should not have any more children, so we use NFP. I considered our reasons to be “just” and “serious.”
However, in reading the responses to some of the NFP threads, I am worrying that perhaps they are not “serious enough.” The link below, where Fr. Serpa says that using NFP can be a mortal sin if used “selfishly”, scared me. Is it “selfish” of me to not want to go through the living nightmare of PPD again? Is it “selfish” to not want to be even more overwhelmed than I already am? Things are a little better since my kids are a bit older–does this mean I am required to have another child to keep from offending God?
Is it “selfish” to not make every possible sacrifice in order to afford another kid?
I don’t know if the idea that using NFP “selfishly” is a mortal sin is something that is an authentic Church teaching (Fr. Serpa got it from a friend who was a moral theologian, and theologians can disagree with each other)–but if it is authentic, is it fair of the Church to give us such broad guidelines and tell us to make our own decision, if the incorrect decision could land us in hell? The Church is pretty clear on other matters, so this one frustrates me. I have yet to see a priest give an example of a “selfish” reason for using NFP, and I am fairly certain no official Vatican documents contain such examples.
Additionally, I worry that I am using any of the above as an “excuse”, because I admit my husband and I always expected that 2 kids would be appropriate for us and would be what we could provide for. This was before I ever had PPD. So I worry I am being “selfish” and using “excuses” or not being sufficiently “open” to the main purpose of marriage.
(name removed by moderator)ut appreciated. I certainly don’t want to land myself in hell (I am trying so hard to be a good Catholic!), but having another child, or at least stopping using NFP (which would be against my husband’s wishes, he absolutely wants to avoid pregnancy), getting pregnant and exposing myself and my family to all of the above, and likely harming my marriage, just because I am afraid God would punish me, doesn’t seem a logical thing to do.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=9271&highlight=nfp+reasons
My husband and I have 2 kids. We use NFP. I suffered from severe post-partum depression after each of them. The second was worse than the first. This was not just feeling “sad”, it was the worst thing i have ever gone through in my life. I had panic attacks, nonstop crying, and was basically unable to function. The second time, in addition to the above symptoms, I had persistent thoughts about harming myself and my baby. I wanted to die. I had all the help available–a loving husband, a therapist, and antidepressant medication. None of it helped. This lasted about 6 weeks in each case. Since then, I have had on and off bouts of milder depression and anxiety, and often feel completely overwhelmed. I know that being overwhelmed by only 2 kids probably seems ridiculous to some of you who do a fantastic job managing a large family, but I seem to be “differently made” from those moms (who i have much respect for). I have to work full time (day office job) to make ends meet, and my husband works varying hours but frequently works evenings and weekends, which leaves me alone with the kids a lot. This can be difficult for me. It HAS gotten a bit better since they have gotten older, yet it’s still there. I frequently lose patience with my children. I often feel I am not doing an adequate job as a mother, and i find it very difficult to keep up with housework and other responsibilities, and am often very tired.
Even if these reasons did not exist, having child would be a financial strain. It would not make us unable to feed our family, nor would it necessitate we go on welfare, but it would make things financially difficult. We have some debt, and we do not live whatsoever a luxurious lifestyle. We live in a modest home. My kids love playing for the local soccer team, and going on the occasional family outing to a restaurant, the zoo, the beach, etc. I occasionally buy them a toy or game. They go to quality childcare, not the most expensive available, but not the cheapest one either. Is it necessary for us to sacrifice these things so we can (maybe) afford another child? I suppose we could afford another if we stopped all of the above, cancelled cable and internet, and gave up our cell phones…but is this required?
My husband and I agreed that we should not have any more children, so we use NFP. I considered our reasons to be “just” and “serious.”
However, in reading the responses to some of the NFP threads, I am worrying that perhaps they are not “serious enough.” The link below, where Fr. Serpa says that using NFP can be a mortal sin if used “selfishly”, scared me. Is it “selfish” of me to not want to go through the living nightmare of PPD again? Is it “selfish” to not want to be even more overwhelmed than I already am? Things are a little better since my kids are a bit older–does this mean I am required to have another child to keep from offending God?
Is it “selfish” to not make every possible sacrifice in order to afford another kid?
I don’t know if the idea that using NFP “selfishly” is a mortal sin is something that is an authentic Church teaching (Fr. Serpa got it from a friend who was a moral theologian, and theologians can disagree with each other)–but if it is authentic, is it fair of the Church to give us such broad guidelines and tell us to make our own decision, if the incorrect decision could land us in hell? The Church is pretty clear on other matters, so this one frustrates me. I have yet to see a priest give an example of a “selfish” reason for using NFP, and I am fairly certain no official Vatican documents contain such examples.
Additionally, I worry that I am using any of the above as an “excuse”, because I admit my husband and I always expected that 2 kids would be appropriate for us and would be what we could provide for. This was before I ever had PPD. So I worry I am being “selfish” and using “excuses” or not being sufficiently “open” to the main purpose of marriage.
(name removed by moderator)ut appreciated. I certainly don’t want to land myself in hell (I am trying so hard to be a good Catholic!), but having another child, or at least stopping using NFP (which would be against my husband’s wishes, he absolutely wants to avoid pregnancy), getting pregnant and exposing myself and my family to all of the above, and likely harming my marriage, just because I am afraid God would punish me, doesn’t seem a logical thing to do.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=9271&highlight=nfp+reasons
