NFP backlash - I owe God a confession

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Serap

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Ok…so I’m new to NFP. This will be my 4th cycle using NFP. My luteal phase is usually 12 days long. This cycle it was 14. During the two days of waiting for my menses to begin, I was torn with temptation, anguish and wanting to do the will of God.

I am not ready to be pregnant quite yet. I would like to try for another baby late winter/early spring timeframe.

So during the two days of waiting, I began to get scared that I was pregnant. I began to think that maybe NFP isn’t for me and that I should go back to contraception. I then felt guilty and prayed to God that if this is His will, I will accept it. Then I went back to being afraid that NFP doesn’t work and I should go back to contraceptives. I went back and forth for the two days of waiting. My biggest worry? The cost of having an additional child too soon :imsorry:

Then I later bumped into a woman last night at a party who had a stillbirth at 39 weeks!!! She also had 8 miscarriages!!! 2 years after her stillborn, she adopted a beautiful little baby girl. I met that little girl last night…she’s now 2 and gorgeous. This mother is still morning the losses of her 9 babies. She was teary eyed while telling me her story.

That made me feel even more guilty for being so selfish about the possibility of another blessing :eek: So now I feel the need to go to Confession this week and formally apologize to God for my selfishness.

I got my menses last night, but boy do I feel guilty now for being tempted to use contraception again. Yesterday morning, I even went so far as to ask for the advice of another Catholic woman who uses contraception. I wanted to get her opinion as I was trying to justify using contraception again.

I feel very guilty and have apologized through prayer.
 
:hug1:

Take the question of moral or venial to your priest. Either way, you’ll be forgiven if you’re truely sorry and desire not to sin again. 🙂

Here’s a great examination of consience. Its gets beyond the simple examination, and goes to the heart of faith, hope and charity. It may help you understand yourself and desires vs God’s desires for you.

Just a personal note, I put off pregnancy once due to a very sick baby and a move. I didn’t think I could handle one right then. When I did conceive again, I lost the baby in a miscarriage. I so wish I had my Christmas baby back!! It hurt so much, but made me realize that I do not have all the answers. I now give God my fears and Trust in Him.
 
Serap, don’t beat yourself up. I think we’ve all been there. Being open to life means that you’re open to life, not that you aren’t apprehensive some times, or that you are reluctant.

It takes time to get used to NFP. If you are really trying to avoid, perhaps waiting an extra day after the the start of phase III would help alleviate any anxiety you might have?

My wife always does the recording, and I do the interpretation. I never tell her that we need such and such a temperature or whatever - makes it mutual, and a little more scientific, I think.
 
You’re growing in holiness. Don’t focus on your doubts, but rather on your perseverance.
 
This happens to all of us. That is why we have the Sacrament of Confession. We all get tempted.
 
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