NFP/breastfeeding: bottle to breast

[Chaynes]

My husband REALLY doesnt want to spend money on taking an NFP class which is frustrating to me, but I’m doing my best without.

We were married Sept 2012 and I had been charting for not even month. Clearly I had no idea what I was doing ( I was going on what I had learned at our pre-marriage seminar, and to be fair at that time we really didnt have the money for an instructor.) Anyway I got pregnant the first time we were intimate.
My daughter is now 3.5 mo old. She stayed in the NICU for a week after she was born and despite my best efforts she was given bottles and pacifiers (at first against my wishes- finally I gave in.)

By the time I got her home I was completely unable to get her to latch and was forced to pump and bottle feed. I moved her to a breast shield and eventually to the breast. Now I exclusively breastfeed.

Needless to say I didn’t know anything about eco breastfeeding and infertility. I was told by my doctors that I was fertile immediately and that I would need to use protection. When I told them I was using NFP it seemed they had nothing to say. I downloaded an app and tried my best to chart but my signs are all over the place. I had what I think was menstrual bleeding for a little over a week in the middle of sept. (baby was born June 26)

My husband and I have been abstinent since long before my daughter was born. Our married life has been mostly abstinent. We’re ok with that if thats the way it has to be, but how long to I have to wait for my cycles to return to normal? Am I postponing that process by breastfeeding exclusively? is it possible to postpone infertility even after you’ve had bleeding if you return to exclusive breastfeeding?
I basically have no help outside of some books, the internet and this app, so any advice is welcome!!

 

[UbiCaritas]

First, I know that your husband doesn’t want to spend the money on a postpartum NFP class, but it would probably be a seriously wise investment in your health and marriage if you can swing it. Is he on board with NFP use in general?

Second, if the class isn’t an option, might I suggest that you read the section on breastfeeding and fertility in Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility? Not a Catholic resource, so ignore any suggestions about using barrier methods, obviously, but the best I’ve come across, though I admit that since I have not read any material that the Couple to Couple League has put out on postpartum NFP, any manual they might offer may have some good guidelines in it, too.

Finally, back to the class for a moment: if you genuinely can’t afford it, I imagine that your parish priest or local NFP instructor may be able to arrange for you to take a postpartum NFP course at a discounted or free rate. It can’t hurt to ask, and depending on your learning style, may be more helpful than a book.

 

[Chaynes]

Thank you for your reply. My husband is completely on board with nfp, but I think he believes we can go without an instructor. I read him your post and he has agreed to pay for us to take a class as soon as we can afford it. Thank you, I think hearing someone else’s opinion really helped!

 

[LittleRose]

Thank you for your reply. My husband is completely on board with nfp, but I think he believes we can go without an instructor. I read him your post and he has agreed to pay for us to take a class as soon as we can afford it. Thank you, I think hearing someone else’s opinion really helped!

I’m glad he is on board. No matter what method you use, it is important to have proper instruction and support. DH and I started off using the Symptothermal Method and later switched to Creighton because it offers more in-depth medical support for fixing problems (of which I had many). Both methods have their different merits, as do the others out there, but all of them require instruction and support beyond what you can get in a book. The information you get isn’t just about what to do, it’s also about how things work, how to work around various cyclical abnormalities, how to spot issues to take to your doctor (assuming she has a clue how to handle them in the first place), etc. It is empowering information that many of us ladies wish we had learned in adolescence. It’s a good investment.

Good luck.

 

[Kelfa28]

Thank you for your reply. My husband is completely on board with nfp, but I think he believes we can go without an instructor. I read him your post and he has agreed to pay for us to take a class as soon as we can afford it. Thank you, I think hearing someone else’s opinion really helped!

Good.

It’s nearly impossible to learn NFP totally on your own. He needs to know that. It’s even harder to learn NFP when you post partum.

We didn’t go to an instructor but I bought a NFP take home course from couple to couple league. It helped me immensely. I was able to use STM without incident for a year before we got pregnant with our 2nd baby.

I also agree with UbiCaritas. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is an outstanding book. Toni’s website is a fantastic resource as well.

Your husband sounds a little like mine. He was on board with NFP…but figured it was my thing and didn’t want anything to do with my charting. He wrinkled his nose and told me he didn’t want to hear about it when I started talking about mucus signs.

He realized pretty quickly that it doesn’t work that way. He couldn’t just sit back and pester me when we could have relations.
I wasn’t a gatekeeper. If he asked…I’d tell him to look at my charts and tell me whether we could or not.

 

[Aggies08]

Check with your church, too- ours offer NFP classes for $25, and always have a “ask if you can’t afford” disclaimer, and this includes 1:1 consultations for 6mo, + if things come up later on.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Thank you for your reply. My husband is completely on board with nfp, but I think he believes we can go without an instructor. I read him your post and he has agreed to pay for us to take a class as soon as we can afford it. Thank you, I think hearing someone else’s opinion really helped!

Awesome!!!

Seriously, though, depending on your situation, you might consider asking about a discount. I’d love to teach NFP myself someday, and I can tell you that I would not be doing it for the money! I’d do it because I think it’s really interesting, has a philosophy that makes a lot more logical sense than the birth control mindset, and because I enjoy teaching and helping people. If I had a couple come to me and say the class price was a bit steep for them but they were genuinely interested in learning, I’d say, “Fantastic! Class starts next Wednesday, and I’ll see you there!” I doubt I’m the only person who feels that way.

Best of luck with the class! Also, I’m thrilled to hear that your husband is on board with NFP. I’m blessed to have one who is the same way. I had no trouble at all learning the STM of NFP from a book, but I know that once postpartum hits we’ll need to take a class because it really is different from when you aren’t BFing.

 

[Kelfa28]

Awesome!!!

Seriously, though, depending on your situation, you might consider asking about a discount. I’d love to teach NFP myself someday, and I can tell you that I would not be doing it for the money! I’d do it because I think it’s really interesting, has a philosophy that makes a lot more logical sense than the birth control mindset, and because I enjoy teaching and helping people. If I had a couple come to me and say the class price was a bit steep for them but they were genuinely interested in learning, I’d say, “Fantastic! Class starts next Wednesday, and I’ll see you there!” I doubt I’m the only person who feels that way.

You aren’t.

I’ve always felt the exact same way.
If my husband and I become a teaching couple…I would never do it for the money. I think NFP is better and healthier then any kind of hormonal contraception out there.
I also believe in the philosophy behind it too.

My husband might insist we make a small amount from the classes we’d teach…just to help with bills and stuff. But I’d never turn away anyone who couldn’t pay.

 

[mwncheesehead]

He realized pretty quickly that it doesn’t work that way. He couldn’t just sit back and pester me when we could have relations. I wasn’t a gatekeeper. If he asked…I’d tell him to look at my charts and tell me whether we could or not.

That’s great, Kelfa! My wife should have said that to me, but hasn’t yet. .

 

[Xantippe]

A few thoughts:

1. Postpartum NFP is really, really hard.
2. My husband and I have never taken a class, but we bought the Kippley’s NFP book, did a few cycles during our engagement, once or twice asked for phone help from the CCL, and have done pretty well. (I also like TCOYF, and we’ve also looked up extra postpartum suggestions online.)
3. Breastfeeding is not the law, and if things ever get to be too much, you can stop breastfeeding and your cycles will go back to normal, which will be considerably easier to chart. Even if you don’t do that, it may help to realize that you do have that option.
4. The return of fertility postpartum is highly variable from woman to woman. Some women get pregnant very quickly postpartum despite breastfeeding round the clock, while others find their fertility suppressed much longer than they would like. I’ve got a 12-month old that I’m trying to wean, she’s been on solids to at least some degree since 4 months, she’s eating lots of solids now, I am only breastfeeding about 40 minutes a day total at this point (4 times a day, no night feedings) and I still haven’t ovulated yet. I’m probably one of those women who would get a natural 2-year spacing between babies if we didn’t do NFP.
5. An NFP class is way cheaper than another baby. Not that another baby would be bad, but it might be very demoralizing for you and your husband to have another surprise pregnancy.
6. I worry about couples who kinda sorta do NFP and then (when it’s too late and they have no track record of effective NFP) suddenly discover that they have very serious reasons not to have more children because of health reasons, financial issues, marital issues, etc.

 

[ktranamber]

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