A
Ashira
Guest
Ok. A bit of background info. I am a stay at home Catholic homeschooling Mum with 5 young kids - eldest is 7, youngest 4 months. I am in the very annoying post partum breastfeeding phase where I feel like I am stumbling in the dark as I do not know when I am going to ovulate next. Yes, you guessed it, I am willing to prevent a pregnancy, for numerous reasons, among them my physical and mental wellbeing, and the wellbeing of my children - one of which has severe anxiety/behavioural issues and has struggled for some time with me having to give him limited time and attention.
I have fallen pregnant whilst breastfeeding twice - once at 11 months post partum (with #2) and later at 7 months post partum (with #4). Both times I ovulated BEFORE getting my period, and I had no apparent fertile mucus signs (I am trained in symptom-thermal method & LAM). I am very pro-breastfeeding, nfp, natural birth etc, however, in desperation to have my cycles back and to cease frustrating my husband with extended abstinence, I chose to wean #4 at 8 months simply so that my cycles would return and I would know where I was at fertility wise. This proved to be somewhat successful, until at 11 months we conceived #5 on the morning of the 3rd high temp (3 mornings after ovulation - still a potential risk, I know).
The last few years it has felt as though, just when I come up from the waves to take a breath, another just comes from nowhere and knocks me under again. My husband is supportive in the sense that he will do practical hands on things such as cook meals, hang out washing etc if I am not coping or am recuperating from birth, but many comments he has made and his attitude toward sex and abstinence in general make it apparent that he doesn’t (hasn’t) really taken my suffering seriously. He frequently makes what he deems to be jokes or comments about having #6 which I feel are insensitive and make me feel as though I am a conveyor belt. He likes the IDEA of being a big Catholic family, but when push comes to shove, he’s really not all that interested in young babies, changing nappies, or even spending quality time with them. He feels like he is achieving things when he builds them a cubby, makes improvements to the yard, etc - all good things which I appreciate nonetheless.
I have read a little about the Marquette method - however I am dubious about the ovulation urine stick thingy. A friend of mine used it to conceive and she said it clearly indicated she was ovulating when she wasn’t, and it even told her that her husband was ovulating when he urinated on it! My husband keeps pushing for me to go to a marquette practitioner and do all that is required so that we can put an end to this frustrating abstinence (frustrating for him, not me), whilst, I feel much safer and content to just continue abstaining until #5 has started solids and my cycles return again (usually around the 6-7 month mark). Another reason I am not so willing is that my breastmilk supply has been unusually low this time around - I have had to supplement by baby with formula. I believe this is mostly due to my body not being able to keep up with the demands of a near perpetual pregnancy-breastfeeding cycle. I also worry that this may mean an earlier return to ovulation.
My question is, am I being unreasonable to request abstinence? I feel that, in light of all the vomiting, exhaustion, back aches, labour pains, sleepless nights etc I have endured over the past 7-8 years to bear our children, the least he can do is suffer some abstinence for my sake. He feels that the abstinence and lack of intimacy is ruining our marriage… He complains that I do not show him any physical affection, however when I have tried to, he takes it as a sign that I want to do the deed which, at this stage, I do not. He seems to equate sex with love, as he is now making comments that I mustn’t really feel anything for him anymore or that his love is unrequited. I acknowledge that, in his mind, all these concerns are genuine and real, but in context of the bigger picture, I admit that I think he is being a horny drama queen that just needs to suck it up! Sorry -this was more of a vent.
I just want to add, that I AM grateful for the gift of my fertility and my beautiful kids, and I am open to having more in future. I would just like a healthy breather so that I can re-couperate physically and spend some time ‘smelling the roses’ for a change, as they say…
I have fallen pregnant whilst breastfeeding twice - once at 11 months post partum (with #2) and later at 7 months post partum (with #4). Both times I ovulated BEFORE getting my period, and I had no apparent fertile mucus signs (I am trained in symptom-thermal method & LAM). I am very pro-breastfeeding, nfp, natural birth etc, however, in desperation to have my cycles back and to cease frustrating my husband with extended abstinence, I chose to wean #4 at 8 months simply so that my cycles would return and I would know where I was at fertility wise. This proved to be somewhat successful, until at 11 months we conceived #5 on the morning of the 3rd high temp (3 mornings after ovulation - still a potential risk, I know).
The last few years it has felt as though, just when I come up from the waves to take a breath, another just comes from nowhere and knocks me under again. My husband is supportive in the sense that he will do practical hands on things such as cook meals, hang out washing etc if I am not coping or am recuperating from birth, but many comments he has made and his attitude toward sex and abstinence in general make it apparent that he doesn’t (hasn’t) really taken my suffering seriously. He frequently makes what he deems to be jokes or comments about having #6 which I feel are insensitive and make me feel as though I am a conveyor belt. He likes the IDEA of being a big Catholic family, but when push comes to shove, he’s really not all that interested in young babies, changing nappies, or even spending quality time with them. He feels like he is achieving things when he builds them a cubby, makes improvements to the yard, etc - all good things which I appreciate nonetheless.
I have read a little about the Marquette method - however I am dubious about the ovulation urine stick thingy. A friend of mine used it to conceive and she said it clearly indicated she was ovulating when she wasn’t, and it even told her that her husband was ovulating when he urinated on it! My husband keeps pushing for me to go to a marquette practitioner and do all that is required so that we can put an end to this frustrating abstinence (frustrating for him, not me), whilst, I feel much safer and content to just continue abstaining until #5 has started solids and my cycles return again (usually around the 6-7 month mark). Another reason I am not so willing is that my breastmilk supply has been unusually low this time around - I have had to supplement by baby with formula. I believe this is mostly due to my body not being able to keep up with the demands of a near perpetual pregnancy-breastfeeding cycle. I also worry that this may mean an earlier return to ovulation.
My question is, am I being unreasonable to request abstinence? I feel that, in light of all the vomiting, exhaustion, back aches, labour pains, sleepless nights etc I have endured over the past 7-8 years to bear our children, the least he can do is suffer some abstinence for my sake. He feels that the abstinence and lack of intimacy is ruining our marriage… He complains that I do not show him any physical affection, however when I have tried to, he takes it as a sign that I want to do the deed which, at this stage, I do not. He seems to equate sex with love, as he is now making comments that I mustn’t really feel anything for him anymore or that his love is unrequited. I acknowledge that, in his mind, all these concerns are genuine and real, but in context of the bigger picture, I admit that I think he is being a horny drama queen that just needs to suck it up! Sorry -this was more of a vent.
I just want to add, that I AM grateful for the gift of my fertility and my beautiful kids, and I am open to having more in future. I would just like a healthy breather so that I can re-couperate physically and spend some time ‘smelling the roses’ for a change, as they say…
