NFP doesn't feel different than ABC

[Inthemountains]

My husband and I currently use NFP. In my Protestant life I used artificial birth control. I never felt any moral qualms about it at the time (I still don’t from an intellectual point of view even though I don’t use it now). We now use NFP in order to be obedient to the Church. NFP feels morally the same to me as ABC. Although I know that emotions can be deceiving, this bothers me because I have a very sensitive conscience. I don’t even like to engage in white lies. Why doesn’t my conscience bother me with regards to artificial birth control if it is truly morally wrong?

 

[sw85]

My husband and I currently use NFP. In my Protestant life I used artificial birth control. I never felt any moral qualms about it at the time (I still don’t from an intellectual point of view even though I don’t use it now). We now use NFP in order to be obedient to the Church. NFP feels morally the same to me as ABC. Although I know that emotions can be deceiving, this bothers me because I have a very sensitive conscience. I don’t even like to engage in white lies. Why doesn’t my conscience bother me with regards to artificial birth control if it is truly morally wrong?

Your conscience is not equivalent with your feelings. Don’t let them bother you.

If you were brought up in another faith tradition it is perfectly rational that the tenets of the one true faith may SEEM “wrong.” In truth what you are experiencing is probably something more like incongruence. It is something you will need to adjust to. Inform your conscience: read everything you can on the topic.

Best of luck to you.

 

[bmullins]

I think in this case it is that you need to develop your conscience. I would spend some time studying why the church believes what it does about contraceptives. Read writings on it, homilies, etc. When I find my conscience doesn’t line up with my faith, that it’s usually because my mind doesn’t understand the churches teaching on it fully. That once I truly do understand the reasoning behind it, I end up being very much in support of the church teachings and my conscience falls in line.

 

[Inthemountains]

Your conscience is not equivalent with your feelings. Don’t let them bother you.

If you were brought up in another faith tradition it is perfectly rational that the tenets of the one true faith may SEEM “wrong.” In truth what you are experiencing is probably something more like incongruence. It is something you will need to adjust to. Inform your conscience: read everything you can on the topic.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. I have read ALOT on the topic. I have informed my conscience. I have been Catholic for five years. I have welcomed two children into the world while using NFP to bring me to a total of five kids (two more than I would have had if I would have continued using ABC). The longer I practice NFP, the less I can perceive the differences between NFP and ABC. The issue of being open to life and the fact that ABC is immoral is portrayed as such a serious issue in Catholic literature. I just don’t understand why I can’t intrinsically perceive the immorality of ABC without reading uber piles of theology on the subject. Why don’t I perceive the immorality of it like I intuitively know that murder, rape, robbery and even more minor things like lying are wrong?

 

[mark_a]

My husband and I currently use NFP. In my Protestant life I used artificial birth control. I never felt any moral qualms about it at the time (I still don’t from an intellectual point of view even though I don’t use it now). We now use NFP in order to be obedient to the Church. NFP feels morally the same to me as ABC. Although I know that emotions can be deceiving, this bothers me because I have a very sensitive conscience. I don’t even like to engage in white lies. Why doesn’t my conscience bother me with regards to artificial birth control if it is truly morally wrong?

Submitting to Church teaching is easy when you agree with it. Your’s is a much more difficult path. Congratulations on submitting to the teachings of the Church! Sometimes it ain’t fun, but it’s right.

 

[Nate13]

Thank you. I have read ALOT on the topic. I have informed my conscience. I have been Catholic for five years. I have welcomed two children into the world while using NFP to bring me to a total of five kids (two more than I would have had if I would have continued using ABC). The longer I practice NFP, the less I can perceive the differences between NFP and ABC. The issue of being open to life and the fact that ABC is immoral is portrayed as such a serious issue in Catholic literature. I just don’t understand why I can’t intrinsically perceive the immorality of ABC without reading uber piles of theology on the subject. Why don’t I perceive the immorality of it like I intuitively know that murder, rape, robbery and even more minor things like lying are wrong?

Do you think Adam and Eve perceived the wrong in eating a piece of fruit from the tree of knowledge?

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

I agree with you.

I’m a bit more traditional with my belief on NFP. I consider it to be something that was allowed only because people really pushed for it, such as communion in the hand in the US.

My philosophy is this: God gives us every child we receive. If He can create that child, he can provide for it. Marriage is a difficult vocation, but faith must be placed in God. However many children God wills you to have, he’ll give you those and what you need to provide for them. You need to have great faith in him, though.

It’s not like buying a car. Saying, “Oh, well, we can’t afford any more, but we should get one anyway, because God will provide.” It has nothing to do with a commodity that we purchase. God provides children, people don’t. God provides for everything that we need, like the lilies in the field.

Blessed Theresa of Calcutta once said, “How can there be too many children. That’s like saying there are too many flowers.”

 

[Inthemountains]

I agree with you.

I’m a bit more traditional with my belief on NFP. I consider it to be something that was allowed only because people really pushed for it, such as communion in the hand in the US.

My philosophy is this: God gives us every child we receive. If He can create that child, he can provide for it. Marriage is a difficult vocation, but faith must be placed in God. However many children God wills you to have, he’ll give you those and what you need to provide for them. You need to have great faith in him, though.

It’s not like buying a car. Saying, “Oh, well, we can’t afford any more, but we should get one anyway, because God will provide.” It has nothing to do with a commodity that we purchase. God provides children, people don’t. God provides for everything that we need, like the lilies in the field.

Blessed Theresa of Calcutta once said, “How can there be too many children. That’s like saying there are too many flowers.”

Are you saying that I don’t feel the difference because there really is no difference between ABC and NFP? Do you think the real issue is that I need to be more open to the possibility of more children? FYI, I do have serious and even grave reason to avoid.

 

[bmullins]

I have welcomed two children into the world while using NFP to bring me to a total of five kids (two more than I would have had if I would have continued using ABC).

That very sentence right there is why it is different. Would you give up those two children now if you had a choice? Neither should we give them up without knowing them. That is where the moral issue comes in.

The reason I believe it is more difficult to see the moral issue, is that our society consistently barrages us with information attempting to tell us that regular forms of birth control are morally acceptable. It’s a sort of numbing of the conscience that occurs when we expose ourselves to them. Just as a man who has been in many, many wars is much less likely to be affected when someone dies than a person who has never seen the face of death.

 

[sw85]

Thank you. I have read ALOT on the topic. I have informed my conscience. I have been Catholic for five years. I have welcomed two children into the world while using NFP to bring me to a total of five kids (two more than I would have had if I would have continued using ABC). The longer I practice NFP, the less I can perceive the differences between NFP and ABC. The issue of being open to life and the fact that ABC is immoral is portrayed as such a serious issue in Catholic literature. I just don’t understand why I can’t intrinsically perceive the immorality of ABC without reading uber piles of theology on the subject. Why don’t I perceive the immorality of it like I intuitively know that murder, rape, robbery and even more minor things like lying are wrong?

Well, for one thing you live in a society that says, constantly, that it’s your body and you can do whatever you want with it and nothing is wrong but judgmentalism and yadda yadda yadda.

Most days I have a hard time intuitively feeling the wrongness of, say, masturbation, too. This lack of an intuitive understanding of wrongness has led me to sin many times.

That doesn’t mean the wrongness is not there – it only means that my conscience has been deadened in that respect by society. And it means nothing but my own will (weak and frail though it is) can keep me in adherence with the Church’s teachings.

It’s difficult, I know… such is the consequence of living in a dark, dark time such as ours. But keep reading, keep praying, and keep willing for the best.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

My husband and I currently use NFP. In my Protestant life I used artificial birth control. I never felt any moral qualms about it at the time (I still don’t from an intellectual point of view even though I don’t use it now). We now use NFP in order to be obedient to the Church. NFP feels morally the same to me as ABC. Although I know that emotions can be deceiving, this bothers me because I have a very sensitive conscience. I don’t even like to engage in white lies. Why doesn’t my conscience bother me with regards to artificial birth control if it is truly morally wrong?

Do you mean that you still think contraception is moral? I want to make sure we all know what is meant by certain words or phrases. So to be clear: ABC (artificial birth control) is not wrong because it is artificial. Birth control (spacing children, avoiding pregnacy for a serious reason) using NFP is licit; birth control using contraceptive methods (the pill, condoms, withdrawal) is not.

I don’t mean to nitpick but when I see people referring to contraception as “ABC” I wonder if they know the problem is not that it’s artificial. I do think that some people think that is the reason it’s wrong.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Are you saying that I don’t feel the difference because there really is no difference between ABC and NFP? Do you think the real issue is that I need to be more open to the possibility of more children? FYI, I do have serious and even grave reason to avoid.

There is definitely a difference between abortifascient birth control and NFP. Natural family planning won’t kill the child and is still somewhat open to conception while still allowing for complete marital relations between spouses.

I am in no way saying that they are the same.

They are not.

Yes, I think the real issue is that people need to be open to more children.

Pray to God about it. Maybe talk to a priest about it or go to Marriage Counseling. If you have grave concerns, then you have grave concerns, but it’s always best to trust God.

 

[Inthemountains]

Do you mean that you still think contraception is moral? I want to make sure we all know what is meant by certain words or phrases. So to be clear: ABC (artificial birth control) is not wrong because it is artificial. Birth control (spacing children, avoiding pregnacy for a serious reason) using NFP is licit; birth control using contraceptive methods (the pill, condoms, withdrawal) is not.

I don’t mean to nitpick but when I see people referring to contraception as “ABC” I wonder if they know the problem is not that it’s artificial. I do think that some people think that is the reason it’s wrong.

Yes, it is my understanding that contraception is indeed moral if it is achieved through the understanding of a woman’s cycle and then abstaining during fertile times. ABC is immoral because it frustrates one of the dual purposes of sex which is to be open to life. If ABC is such a grave issue and is indeed immoral, why don’t I intrinsically know it like I do with other immoral actions? Still, nobody has answered that question for me. I have a very sensitive conscience and I have read a great deal on the topic. God’s moral law should be knowable to humans whether or not they are literate and whether or not they have read moral treatises on the subject.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Yes, it is my understanding that contraception is indeed moral if it is achieved through the understanding of a woman’s cycle and then abstaining during fertile times. ABC is immoral because it frustrates one of the dual purposes of sex which is to be open to life. If ABC is such a grave issue and is indeed immoral, why don’t I intrinsically know it like I do with other immoral actions? Still, nobody has answered that question for me. I have a very sensitive conscience and I have read a great deal on the topic. God’s moral law should be knowable to humans whether or not they are literate and whether or not they have read moral treatises on the subject.

If you once used contraception and came from a tradition that said that it was okay, this belief may not be not totally out of your system. Especially if you didn’t experience natural consequences of the sin.

There are a few things that I have trusted the Church on even though I don’t thoroughly understand it. Or at least it seems that sometimes I do and then later I don’t and I have to do a little refresher. Take it to prayer, if you are not already doing this. Ask God to show you. I think this one is for the Holy Spirit. Be willing to let any attachment to this sin die, even if it may hurt.

Also, your obediance to this even if you don’t “feel it” is pleasing to God. Offer that up.

 

[LilyM]

If you once used contraception and came from a tradition that said that it was okay, this belief may not be not totally out of your system. Especially if you didn’t experience natural consequences of the sin.

There are a few things that I have trusted the Church on even though I don’t thoroughly understand it. Or at least it seems that sometimes I do and then later I don’t and I have to do a little refresher. Take it to prayer, if you are not already doing this. Ask God to show you. I think this one is for the Holy Spirit. Be willing to let any attachment to this sin die, even if it may hurt.

Also, your obediance to this even if you don’t “feel it” is pleasing to God. Offer that up.

Second this - you have been raised to ‘feel’ like ABC is OK, so your antennae on the issue are somewhat less than accurately tuned.

As an example - I had a teacher in high school who was raised very strictly and taught among other things that God does not approve of makeup.

Is this true? Certainly not, according to Catholic theology. Did she ‘feel’ not quite OK when she put on makeup? Sometimes. Was her feeling correct? Of course not.

 

[Castello]

A very wise priest once told me “feelings lie”. That has been a valuable bit of spiritual advice.

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

My husband and I currently use NFP. In my Protestant life I used artificial birth control. I never felt any moral qualms about it at the time (I still don’t from an intellectual point of view even though I don’t use it now). We now use NFP in order to be obedient to the Church. NFP feels morally the same to me as ABC. Although I know that emotions can be deceiving, this bothers me because I have a very sensitive conscience. I don’t even like to engage in white lies. Why doesn’t my conscience bother me with regards to artificial birth control if it is truly morally wrong?

It’s obedience to God. The Church is just telling you His will.

Eve thought the fruit of the tree of knowledge looked and tasted like the fruit of other trees.

ABC is defeating the natural functions of the human body, NFP isn’t.

 

[Nate13]

Yes, it is my understanding that contraception is indeed moral if it is achieved through the understanding of a woman’s cycle and then abstaining during fertile times. ABC is immoral because it frustrates one of the dual purposes of sex which is to be open to life. If ABC is such a grave issue and is indeed immoral, why don’t I intrinsically know it like I do with other immoral actions? Still, nobody has answered that question for me. I have a very sensitive conscience and I have read a great deal on the topic. God’s moral law should be knowable to humans whether or not they are literate and whether or not they have read moral treatises on the subject.

God gave us the ability to reason. This is what allows us to know his moral law. The animals are perfectly capable of all the feelings/emotions we are yet they are entirely clueless as to God’s moral law. Your feelings are based on what your intellect tells you.

For example lets say you see a loved one walk out the front door. Whether this saddens you or not is dependent on what your intellect tells you. If that person is leaving to go overseas for a year that will invoke a different emotional response, then if that person is just running out to the car to get something before they come back in. Feelings/emotions are based out of our intellects. Your failure to have an emotional response is probably just a sign that your intellect is not truly convinced of the seriousness of the sin and the consequences of it.

The best comparison I can think of to show why you can base it on the consequences is euthanasia. Whats the difference between killing someone who is going to die in a week right now instead of a week later? The end result is the same except the person in question doesn’t have to go through a week of pain? Why is euthanasia wrong then? Because God is the arbitrator of life. Not only at the end of life but also at the beginning of life.

 

[Inthemountains]

It’s obedience to God. The Church is just telling you His will.

Eve thought the fruit of the tree of knowledge looked and tasted like the fruit of other trees.

ABC is defeating the natural functions of the human body, NFP isn’t.

I think you are nitpicking my language. Of course it is obedience to God as taught by His Church. Eve didn’t eat the fruit without having to be convinced first. Previous to my conversion there had never been even a quiet nagging at my conscience that ABC was wrong. And I was a very conservative Protestant.

I appreciate the attempts some of you have made. I think the best explanation is that how I was raised has had a great impact on my feelings. I’m still bothered by the question and do wish someone would make an attempt at explaining why engaging in a mortal sin wouldn’t at least irritate someone’s conscience just a little bit who is otherwise very attuned to God’s moral law.

Secondly there is another issue here that I haven’t really delved into. This feeling of NFP not being any different than ABC developed after I found a reliable form of NFP. I became pregnant twice while using a less reliable method. It wasn’t what I would have planned otherwise, but it was a great blessing and a radical experiment in trusting God. I am fairly certain that I now won’t become pregnant without my husband and I actually trying to. So, the fact that I seem to have such a level of control over my fertility FEELS just like when I was using ABC. So actually maybe the problem here is that I am willing to accept that ABC is wrong and I’m wondering why does using NFP feel just the same?

I know that feelings are unreliable; I’ve stated that before. But perhaps I am talking more about conscience. An informed conscience should be a better guide. If I didn’t have access to books and Catholic Answers, I don’t think my conscience would reliably guide me on matters of fertility. Why is that?

 

[Inthemountains]

The best comparison I can think of to show why you can base it on the consequences is euthanasia. Whats the difference between killing someone who is going to die in a week right now instead of a week later? The end result is the same except the person in question doesn’t have to go through a week of pain? Why is euthanasia wrong then? Because God is the arbitrator of life. Not only at the end of life but also at the beginning of life.

I think I should start using the word conscience instead of feeling. I think this is a good attempt at an explanation. However, I would venture to say that someone’s conscience, even though they might have convinced themselves they were committing a compassionate act, would bother them at the time they were taking someone’s life. God’s law is written in our hearts.