NFP Effects (on marriage) and Effectiveness (on birth spacing) given Just Reasons

[hopefuldisciple]

Dear Catholic Answers Community,

In a few years, my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married (pray for us). In keeping with the moral teachings of the Church, we have found that the Church has justly condemned the use of artificial contraception to space births. We are very open to having children and will gladly accept the gift of a child no matter when they are graciously granted to us by God.

I understand that a couple must not withhold themselves from each other except for prayer and abstinence for God. However, under grave circumstances and for just reasons, couples are allowed to space births through the NFP (Natural Family Planning) method.

For all practicing couples of this method:

1. Has abstinence allowed you to grow closer as a couple?
2. Has your relationship benefited from this method?
3. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?
4. How effective is this method?
5. Do you have any sources, research papers, scientific studies, books and/or articles we can refer to, to better understand this method and it’s success rate? (eg. aafp.org/afp/2012/1115/od1.html#)

PS: In preparation for marriage, both spiritually and mentally, we felt this was one of many important topics we had to better understand.

 

[CallMeDad]

Hopeful,

I commend you and your fiancee for discussing this issue before the marriage. Many don’t, and I believe airing it out in advance sets a good stage for communication which grows vital once you are married.

My wife and I practice NFP, so here goes.

1. Has abstinence allowed you to grow closer as a couple?
Yes. Abstinence intensifies my desire for her. She can probably sense it, but I guess I tell her anyway. When the green light finally rolls around, she definitely feels desired.

2. Has your relationship benefited from this method?
Yes. See above for one aspect. But also, we can both take comfort in knowing we are tending the other’s soul by following the directions of the Church.

3. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?
No, not in my case.

4. How effective is this method?
We have used Lady Comp for a little over two years now without any surprises. Prior to that, my wife was charting.

5. Do you have any sources, research papers, scientific studies, books and/or articles we can refer to, to better understand this method and it’s success rate? (eg. aafp.org/afp/2012/1115/od1.html#)
You’re on the right website. Noodle around here.

Good luck!

 

[LongingSoul]

PS: In preparation for marriage, both spiritually and mentally, we felt this was one of many important topics we had to better understand.

Much praise for your wonderful attitude of towards love and marriage! God bless you both.

1. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?

I just wanted to add to this question with some perspective because it is sad that this situation arises in Catholic marriage.

There is discipline and care and selflessness required to practice natural family planning but in my many travels and discussions and through personal experience, I have observed that it is much, much less traumatic for couples who have come to marriage in a virginal state than for those who are already familiar with contracepted relational sex life. It can create a brooding resentment in couples who feel their freedom and fun is being limited by a draconian Church rule.

You seem like you already value pre-marital chastity for its truth and beauty and you will find that that attitude will transfer to your marital chastity making NFP a positive rather than a negative.

 

[Windmill]

It forced my wife and I to develop our love for each other in non-sexual ways. In the end, the marital embrace meant more because it was not the only form of marital communication. We bring our entire relationship to bear on our “green light” days.

Another point to make here, while a loyal Catholic accepts the legitimacy of NFP for serious reasons, one should not overemphasize the benefits as if it is the preferred state. It is much like refraining from Holy Communion if indisposed to receive (eg. not in a state of grace, you didn’t fast for the appropriate amount of time, etc…) and simply making a Spiritual Communion. One can wax eloquent about how wonderful Spiritual Communions are, but the underlying assumption is that any barriers to full communion are regrettable and should be overcome if at all possible. A person cohabitating is not disposed to receive Communion. Rather than tell him how wonderful spiritual communions are, you would hope he would reform his life and come back to the sacraments. Likewise, if a couple is using NFP for serious reasons, it is a regrettable situation (though virtuous in that the evil of contraception is being avoided), and they should pray for the time when the obstacles that prevent them from pursuing another child can be overcome. That may never happen (eg. menopause or unintended sterility, or a permanent financial hardship or medical condition), but nonetheless, using NFP is like spiritual communions: they beg for a fuller participation in God’s call to living life abundantly.

 

[naomily]

First of all, congratulations on your impending marriage! I t’s so wonderful you both are discussing these matters beforehand. This commitment to open and honest communication speaks well of your relationship.

NFP, in my opinion, is neutral moral ground. It can be wonderful!! There is so much good in women learning to embrace their bodies and in couples making fertility (or lack thereof) a team effort. I know SEVERAL married couples who used NFP both as a contraceptive method and a means of having more children sooner. Many are happy with the results. I know a handful who aren’t.

I think it’s important, in the interest of honesty, to say that more than one wife has told me that it seems unfair and can be a source of marital conflict that women must abstain from intercourse during ovulation— especially as this is precisely the moment in the cycle that women most desire sex. If you are avoiding pregnancy for whatever reason, I encourage you to discuss with your wife if this could be an impediment. Quite frankly, NFP is time-consuming and laborious. If the end-game is important to you, this may be fine. However, do not go into marriage assuming that every morning you’ll be excited to wake up and take your resting temperature or that checking cervical mucus is a romantic experience. It isn’t crazy to want to just grab a box of condoms and be done with it.

But! I am not married and don’t plan on it and this is all secondhand to you from some weirdo on the internet. I encourage you to do as much research as humanly possible and be ready to change your mind a dozen times over the course of your marriage.

 

[bitterhope]

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. NFP works well for many couples and I am glad you are interested in learning it. It did not work out for my family for many reasons, but we thankfully have no true reasons for NEEDING it. I have very easy pregnancies and births. If a serious reason arises for us in the future, I think it will need to be abstinence for us. I am a weird exception though. My sister in law has successfully used NFP to space her children and also to avoid for the last 5 years. It’s worked well with no surprises. I believe she is using the Marquette method, but I’m not positive.

Many couples of struggle with NFP, but other couples do become closer. That is very individual and I can’t say how it will effect your family. The abstaining never bothered us. We are separated a lot anyway due to his job do it’s not anything we aren’t used to. I’m just one of those odd women that can become pregnant through a brick wall. I have heard great things about the Lady Comp that someone else mentioned, as well as OvaCue and I did use the Clear Blue Easy Monitor for a while. Check a few different methods and see which seems best for you as a couple. Different methods are better for different women so that is something that your future wife will need to see about herself.

 

[maryjk]

For all practicing couples of this method:

1. Has abstinence allowed you to grow closer as a couple?

No. Not really.When we were first married, we used ABC. We later switched to NFP. We were extremely close before the use if NFP. I really don’t see how we could have grown closer.

1. Has your relationship benefited from this method?

Again, it seems as though the assumption is that a couple needs the benefit. Our relationship didn’t change. We loved each other totally before NFP, we love each other totally now.

1. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?

Nope.

1. How effective is this method?

Very. But you have to use it. You have to follow the rules of the method. My husband and I have successfully avoided pregnancy for 10 years.

1. Do you have any sources, research papers, scientific studies, books and/or articles we can refer to, to better understand this method and it’s success rate? (eg. aafp.org/afp/2012/1115/od1.html#)

PS: In preparation for marriage, both spiritually and mentally, we felt this was one of many important topics we had to better understand.

 

[hopefuldisciple]

Dear respondents, thank you so sincerely for your generous and deeply insightful responses! We both very much appreciate it and your wishes.

 

[schaeffer]

Years ago my husband (now ex) practiced NFP.

1. Has abstinence allowed you to grow closer as a couple?

I don’t know if abstinence had an effect on our growth as a couple.

1. Has your relationship benefited from this method?

It was how we began our marriage, so there was nothing to compare it to, so I cannot know if our relationship benefited or not.

1. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?

No, it didn’t cause tension. We had both agreed to it, and were not closed to having children.

1. How effective is this method?

We had two unexpected pregnancies while using this method. It was pretty surprising because I had a regular/stable cycle. Or so I thought. There is always that chance of human error. Both of those pregnancies ended up in miscarriage. I have no idea if there is a connection at all.

We had two children due to choosing to make love during the fertile phase, so that was spot on. Our other child we were not planning or seeking to avoid pregnancy, he was conceived during a time we were winging it.

This was many years ago, my children are all grown now. I have not kept up on NFP advancements but have heard that there are more accurate methods than we had at the time. We used basal temp and mucous signs.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Dear Catholic Answers Community,

In a few years, my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married (pray for us). In keeping with the moral teachings of the Church, we have found that the Church has justly condemned the use of artificial contraception to space births. We are very open to having children and will gladly accept the gift of a child no matter when they are graciously granted to us by God.

I understand that a couple must not withhold themselves from each other except for prayer and abstinence for God. However, under grave circumstances and for just reasons, couples are allowed to space births through the NFP (Natural Family Planning) method.

For all practicing couples of this method:

1. Has abstinence allowed you to grow closer as a couple?
2. Has your relationship benefited from this method?
3. Has this method created tensions between you as a couple?
4. How effective is this method?
5. Do you have any sources, research papers, scientific studies, books and/or articles we can refer to, to better understand this method and it’s success rate? (eg. aafp.org/afp/2012/1115/od1.html#)

PS: In preparation for marriage, both spiritually and mentally, we felt this was one of many important topics we had to better understand.

1. No. In fact, it was the biggest source of tension between my wife and myself when we practiced NFP.
2. Not at all. Again, it was our single biggest obstacle to overcome. We were told how wonderful it was, we even became NFP teachers after the NFP couple who taught our first class divorced.
3. Yes, when we used NFP, there were tensions. Our marriage has always been strong but this was a stress in it.
4. Very effective. Two children we had were because we failed the NFP method, not because NFP failed us. The other’s were not really NFP children, including our 5th right now.
5. Though I disagree with the selling and presentation, CCL is probably one of the best resources on the subject. The technical information is correct and easy to learn.