NFP "failure" question

[monicatholic]

NFP doesn’t work for everyone every time. I’m glad it works for some of those on this site, but as one of the other posters noted, she was also one of the “1%” - and the way you find out it’s not working for you is that you get pregnant.

i have a little trouble with the terminology “failure rate” but I use it because that’s the going currency. but did billings really fail my husband and me?

1. we were able to engage in marital activity
2. we were able to be open to life
3. we were able to try and avoid pregnancy in a manner that’s consistent with Church teaching.
4. we were able to participate in God’s creation, bringing another eternal soul into the world.
5. we got a really great kid.

those are big wins.

the ostensible loss list:
we wanted to avoid pregnancy, but instead we got pregnant.
the reasons we discerned to avoid made pregnancy and childbirth and the early months quite difficult.

that “failure” was not part of our plan. we sincerely prayed to discern if we had serious reason to avoid pregnancy. we believed we did have serious reason. but, in fact, God DID have His way. Biology worked. the sacrament worked. and God vetoed our plan.

I know the terminology is “failure.” with all the big wins, i hardly see it as a failure for us. but that’s what they call it.

 

[SummerSmiles]

i have a little trouble with the terminology “failure rate” but I use it because that’s the going currency. but did billings really fail my husband and me?

1. we were able to engage in marital activity
2. we were able to be open to life
3. we were able to try and avoid pregnancy in a manner that’s consistent with Church teaching.
4. we were able to participate in God’s creation, bringing another eternal soul into the world.
5. we got a really great kid.

those are big wins.

the ostensible loss list:
we wanted to avoid pregnancy, but instead we got pregnant.
the reasons we discerned to avoid made pregnancy and childbirth and the early months quite difficult.

that “failure” was not part of our plan. we sincerely prayed to discern if we had serious reason to avoid pregnancy. we believed we did have serious reason. but, in fact, God DID have His way. Biology worked. the sacrament worked. and God vetoed our plan.

I know the terminology is “failure.” with all the big wins, i hardly see it as a failure for us. but that’s what they call it.

Well said!

 

[etmom]

We had what could be strictly called a “method failure” with our 6th child.

Long term NFP user, 20+ years experience. Have used NFP to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. Never had difficulty with either.

Followed rules strictly, charted accurately, no “cheating”. Had instructor and HER instructor review pregnancy chart, method followed exactly, no user error.

I will say this, our lives are infinitely richer, more meaningful and closer to God after the pregnancy and birth of our 6th child, our son. My husband and cannot imagine our lives without having had our son in it, the immense love and joy he brought our life, and the lives of hundreds of people around us. I could never have imagined the great impact one little soul could have on so many people. And our son died when he was 16 days old.

So, it was not a “failure” in any way, shape or form. Our marriage was, is and always will be open to life. He was simply unplanned, by us. He was most definitely planned by God. We followed God’s will for his life, and for ours. And our lives will never be the same because of it. I thank God every day for the gift, the beautiful gift of our son’s life. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how it all turns out and be unable to change the outcome, I still would.

 

[anp1215]

I don’t really like the term failure either, but it’s just what the book calls unintended pregnancy. The “failure” is the failure of the method to achieve the desired goal-not getting pregnant, certainly the resulting life is not a failure. The birth of a child is never a failure.

 

[etmom]

We had what could be strictly called a “method failure” with our 6th child.

Long term NFP user, 20+ years experience. Have used NFP to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. Never had difficulty with either.

Followed rules strictly, charted accurately, no “cheating”. Had instructor and HER instructor review pregnancy chart, method followed exactly, no user error.

I will say this, our lives are infinitely richer, more meaningful and closer to God after the pregnancy and birth of our 6th child, our son. My husband and cannot imagine our lives without having had our son in it, the immense love and joy he brought our life, and the lives of hundreds of people around us. I could never have imagined the great impact one little soul could have on so many people. And our son died when he was 16 days old.

So, it was not a “failure” in any way, shape or form. Our marriage was, is and always will be open to life. He was simply unplanned, by us. He was most definitely planned by God. We followed God’s will for his life, and for ours. And our lives will never be the same because of it. I thank God every day for the gift, the beautiful gift of our son’s life, although heartbreakingly short. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how it all turns out and be unable to change the outcome, I still would.

 

[Nate13]

hmm I would be surprised if a majority of people did not have at least one unplanned pregnancy in their lifetime no matter what method they are using. If 1/3 of all women will have an abortion at some point in their lifetime and half of unplanned pregnancies are aborted, it would seem to follow that at least 2/3rds of women will have an unplanned pregnancy at some point in their lifetime.

 

[etmom]

I don’t really like the term failure either, but it’s just what the book calls unintended pregnancy. The “failure” is the failure of the method to achieve the desired goal-not getting pregnant, certainly the resulting life is not a failure. The birth of a child is never a failure.

 

[anp1215]

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

i have a little trouble with the terminology “failure rate” but I use it because that’s the going currency. but did billings really fail my husband and me?

1. we were able to engage in marital activity
2. we were able to be open to life
3. we were able to try and avoid pregnancy in a manner that’s consistent with Church teaching.
4. we were able to participate in God’s creation, bringing another eternal soul into the world.
5. we got a really great kid.

those are big wins.

the ostensible loss list:
we wanted to avoid pregnancy, but instead we got pregnant.
the reasons we discerned to avoid made pregnancy and childbirth and the early months quite difficult.

that “failure” was not part of our plan. we sincerely prayed to discern if we had serious reason to avoid pregnancy. we believed we did have serious reason. but, in fact, God DID have His way. Biology worked. the sacrament worked. and God vetoed our plan.

I know the terminology is “failure.” with all the big wins, i hardly see it as a failure for us. but that’s what they call it.

Another

I don’t really like the term failure either, but it’s just what the book calls unintended pregnancy. The “failure” is the failure of the method to achieve the desired goal-not getting pregnant, certainly the resulting life is not a failure. The birth of a child is never a failure.

for this too!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

We had what could be strictly called a “method failure” with our 6th child.

Long term NFP user, 20+ years experience. Have used NFP to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. Never had difficulty with either.

Followed rules strictly, charted accurately, no “cheating”. Had instructor and HER instructor review pregnancy chart, method followed exactly, no user error.

I will say this, our lives are infinitely richer, more meaningful and closer to God after the pregnancy and birth of our 6th child, our son. My husband and cannot imagine our lives without having had our son in it, the immense love and joy he brought our life, and the lives of hundreds of people around us. I could never have imagined the great impact one little soul could have on so many people. And our son died when he was 16 days old.

So, it was not a “failure” in any way, shape or form. Our marriage was, is and always will be open to life. He was simply unplanned, by us. He was most definitely planned by God. We followed God’s will for his life, and for ours. And our lives will never be the same because of it. I thank God every day for the gift, the beautiful gift of our son’s life. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how it all turns out and be unable to change the outcome, I still would.

Beautiful, thanks for sharing

 

[defenderoftruth]

The technical part of NFP has never failed us. The practice of it has. Which is why we dont practice it any more. We have just decided to let go and let God.
There has never been a greater stress on our marriage than NFP but it has been remarkably accurate.

Us too. Just tonight I told my husband I’m faithless when it comes to child bearing. (3 in 3 years!) So after reading my students guide to NFP I figure I will start to have more faith and this is where I’m going to start. No more NFP for us we are just going to take what the good Lord gives us.

With that said I hope he gives me a “little” break between kids. (3 in 3 years is hard!)

DoT

 

[anp1215]

We had what could be strictly called a “method failure” with our 6th child.

Long term NFP user, 20+ years experience. Have used NFP to both achieve and postpone pregnancy. Never had difficulty with either.

Followed rules strictly, charted accurately, no “cheating”. Had instructor and HER instructor review pregnancy chart, method followed exactly, no user error.

I will say this, our lives are infinitely richer, more meaningful and closer to God after the pregnancy and birth of our 6th child, our son. My husband and cannot imagine our lives without having had our son in it, the immense love and joy he brought our life, and the lives of hundreds of people around us. I could never have imagined the great impact one little soul could have on so many people. And our son died when he was 16 days old.

So, it was not a “failure” in any way, shape or form. Our marriage was, is and always will be open to life. He was simply unplanned, by us. He was most definitely planned by God. We followed God’s will for his life, and for ours. And our lives will never be the same because of it. I thank God every day for the gift, the beautiful gift of our son’s life. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how it all turns out and be unable to change the outcome, I still would.

i have a little trouble with the terminology “failure rate” but I use it because that’s the going currency. but did billings really fail my husband and me?

1. we were able to engage in marital activity
2. we were able to be open to life
3. we were able to try and avoid pregnancy in a manner that’s consistent with Church teaching.
4. we were able to participate in God’s creation, bringing another eternal soul into the world.
5. we got a really great kid.

those are big wins.

the ostensible loss list:
we wanted to avoid pregnancy, but instead we got pregnant.
the reasons we discerned to avoid made pregnancy and childbirth and the early months quite difficult.

that “failure” was not part of our plan. we sincerely prayed to discern if we had serious reason to avoid pregnancy. we believed we did have serious reason. but, in fact, God DID have His way. Biology worked. the sacrament worked. and God vetoed our plan.

I know the terminology is “failure.” with all the big wins, i hardly see it as a failure for us. but that’s what they call it.

2 thumbs up for your awesome outlooks and willingness to receive the precious gifts God had in store for you

 

[ryecroft]

I don’t believe that anyone would disagree that if you have had a child while using NFP that anyone is trying to say that the child is a “mistake” or a “failure” - for the purposes of this thread, I believe (and the op can correct me if I’m incorrect)- that they wanted to know if you used NFP to prevent pregnancy, ‘followed all the rules’ (for whatever method you may have been using) and still had a ‘failure’ of the METHOD to work (meaning a resulting pregnancy).
I would like to say that, just because you get pregnant while using NFP, it does not mean that your reason to put off having children was not a “serious” or “grave” enough reason. It’s great that in general, when I read these threads, that those that have had a pregnancy through NFP ‘failure’ that they have learned to deal with being pregnant and the ensuing child. (There are some stories on here where it hasn’t been that way though).

MoniCatholic Said :
that “failure” was not part of our plan. we sincerely prayed to discern if we had serious reason to avoid pregnancy. we believed we did have serious reason. but, in fact, God DID have His way. Biology worked. the sacrament worked. and God vetoed our plan.

Yes, all of those things worked, but NFP was NOT A SUCCESSFUL METHOD for keeping you from becoming pregnant.
Again - Glad it worked out for you so well - but the fact is the method used to PREVENT pregnancy, NFP - for you that method was a failure - (not implying your child was at all)- but for purposes of information, yes, I would say NFP did fail you - you were not wanting to get pregnant and you did. It’s wonderful that you’re glad it worked out that way and I’m truly greatful it wound up being a rewarding experience and that you have a child you love from it.

At least the OP is getting some stories of ‘real life use’ of NFP.
God Bless
Rye

 

[SusanneT]

In answer to th OP question - no - but we do know from experience that any time before ovulation isn’t ‘safe’.

I’ m sure no-one meant it like that but I do think the word ‘failure’ perfectly illustrates the problem I have with using NFP. I think it’s very difficult to concentrate so much effort on not getting pregnant and remain truly ‘open to life’

 

[kristacecilia]

We have had one baby we were trying for and four “what the heck” babies. We use STM.

 

[etmom]

In answer to th OP question - no - but we do know from experience that any time before ovulation isn’t ‘safe’.

I’ m sure no-one meant it like that but I do think the word ‘failure’ perfectly illustrates the problem I have with using NFP. I think it’s very difficult to concentrate so much effort on not getting pregnant and remain truly ‘open to life’

I would say that easily half of the couples I know have also had ABC pregnancies. I would say that their effort is greater than mine - it take me 60 seconds to temp each day, about 3 minutes of total effort to chart electronically. What a wonderful wealth of information about my health! 3 minutes out of my total day isn’t exactly a herculean effort. Even at times we were actively trying to conceive, or completely open to life, I charted. I’ve had a medical condition diagnosed and treated based on the information on my chart - completely not pregnancy related. I love the knowledge charting gives me.

No method is 100%. NFP really causes you to revevaluate every month the reason you may have discerned to avoid pregnancy which I think is a positive.

I have had 1 “not planned by me” pregnancy in 20+ years of using NFP. I’m extremely fertile. I think NFP works well. Anyone who has life threatening reasons to avoid pregnancy, I’d advise complete abstanance, or a very conservative use of NFP which is totally possible. ABC fails too. 1/2 of women seeking abortions were actively using a contraceptive. Saying “NFP is hard and sometimes fails” could be said about ABC too. Chemical contraceptives can be very hard a woman, some women tolerate them very poorly. I don’t know anyone who uses condoms who actually likes them. IUDs can cause signicant cycle problems. And they all fail.

 

[SusanneT]

Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t for one second advocating ABC quite the opposite I was pointing out the need for real desernment when practising NFP.

 

[monicatholic]

Rye, I suspect our experience of being met with sensitivity-- the NFL instructor not flippantly saying “oh well, God’s will…” — is unusual. Perhaps it would be much better to remind the couple why they chose NFp in the first place, I.e. foundational openness, ( if not precisely practical openness) a desire to do God’s will , total self-giving of husband and wife etc.

That way, if the couple becomes pregnant when they wished to avoid pregnancy, they can see the ways the method has already worked in many important ways.

That’s what I mean when I say the method didn’t fail us. Its not only that it ‘turned out’ ok, but that it even began so well.

For anyone who’s using NFp with a proper outlook, there’s so much about it that succeeds. Regardless of outcome. That’s not to say that wrapping one’s mind around a method “failure” is easy. My acceptance was tested as my pregnancy progressed, that’s for sure.

 

[etmom]

That’s not to say that wrapping one’s mind around a method “failure” is easy. My acceptance was tested as my pregnancy progressed, that’s for sure.

I agree with this. when you have very serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, the initial acceptance of an unintended pregnancy can really stretch you - a lot. I did a lot of soul searching about what being " open to life" meant to me. Did it mean that I was only open if there was no chance of conception? If I controlled the process 100%? If it was only about us and our choices?

And in our case, it was a physically, financially and emotionally difficult pregnancy. That did not have what the world would see as a positive outcome. The world, even our families, can see it as a failure. We are called to look at things differently, to live differently, to be witnesses to something greater.

 

[twoangels]

I have friends who have medical conditions that cause them to have no dry days. I know when she and her husband felt from their chart that they were definitely safe, they got pregnant. She submitted her chart to her NFP instructor and her NFP instructor said they must have forgotten to chart a different day that they had sex or a fertility symptom. She very much believes you have to trust God more than a method.

I know my mom struggled to learn NFP as well and felt like she was hypo fertile. I have no idea why I ever get told these things, but I know my parents only had sex one time during the month I was conceived. I also know that my youngest brother was conceived when my mom experienced irregular spotting that she believed was the start of her period. My other two siblings were planned.