NFP for 40-somethings

[detles]

I am feeling seriously drawn to returning to the Catholic (I was confirmed as a young teen but left the church in my late teens and only returned to Christianity in my late 20s/early 30s). I have some theological issues I need to work out, but there’s also the birth control issue…

My husband and I will both be 40 this year, and we have four kids. We are currently using a barrier method of bc, and while we would be open to life should God break through that barrier, we would both prefer to be done having kids. We don’t have any super-dire reason, but my husband does have some minor chronic health issues, I had some minor complications in my last pregnancy, and in general we’re just getting older and feeling ready to move past the baby/toddler stage of life.

If we joined the RCC, I would want to follow the teachings on birth control. It’s possible I’m not even particularly fertile at this point (although I got pregnant with my youngest at 36 on our first month of trying, so I’m not going to bank on that!), but I don’t know. I know that NFP can be quite effective when used consistently and correctly, but I’m unclear if 1) we’d even have a sufficiently serious reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy and 2) NFP works as well for women who are getting older and nearing the start of menopause.

Has anybody begun using NFP later on in their fertile years? How did it go?

 

[Xantippe]

I am feeling seriously drawn to returning to the Catholic (I was confirmed as a young teen but left the church in my late teens and only returned to Christianity in my late 20s/early 30s). I have some theological issues I need to work out, but there’s also the birth control issue…

My husband and I will both be 40 this year, and we have four kids. We are currently using a barrier method of bc, and while we would be open to life should God break through that barrier, we would both prefer to be done having kids. We don’t have any super-dire reason, but my husband does have some minor chronic health issues, I had some minor complications in my last pregnancy, and in general we’re just getting older and feeling ready to move past the baby/toddler stage of life.

If we joined the RCC, I would want to follow the teachings on birth control. It’s possible I’m not even particularly fertile at this point (although I got pregnant with my youngest at 36 on our first month of trying, so I’m not going to bank on that!), but I don’t know. I know that NFP can be quite effective when used consistently and correctly, but I’m unclear if 1) we’d even have a sufficiently serious reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy and 2) NFP works as well for women who are getting older and nearing the start of menopause.

Has anybody begun using NFP later on in their fertile years? How did it go?

We didn’t start NFP later on, but I’m 42 and also conceived our youngest when I was 36 in the first month of trying.

You should read the perimenopause section in one or two NFP books, as it’s a special category. Reading up on perimenopause cycle changes generally should also be helpful.

My personal experience has been that fertility signs have gotten more muted the last several years–less fertile cervical fluid, lower temperature rises, etc. Also, I’m in the phase of perimenopause where cycles starting shortening up. So, I’ve gone from a 30+ day norm to 24-28 day cycles. As one of our pregnancies resulted from marital relations on Day 7 leading to conception on Day 14 (which is the fertility equivalent of that 2 mile Canadian sniper shot), we have gotten more and more cautious about Phase 1. Currently, we use only the first day of Phase 1, but if my cycles get any shorter, we’ll need to skip both Day 1 and (hypothetically) the end of Phase 3.

Based on my reading, it’s possible for cycles to become even shorter, but then eventually they are supposed to get very long and irregular. That’s when things get tricky and there may be a lot of abstinence involved.

Good luck!

 

[1ke]

1. we’d even have a sufficiently serious reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy

If your reasons conform to objective morality and you and your husband have discerned together through prayer, this is your decision and one best not thrown out to the forum. There are many who will misinterpret Church documents to say you have to practically be dying to use NFP and that isn’t the case. There are many factors-- emotional, financial/economic, physical, and spiritual that all come together as a discernment of the couple. A very personal one.

NFP works as well for women who are getting older and nearing the start of menopause. Has anybody begun using NFP later on in their fertile years? How did it go?

I’m 50 and still using NFP. Perimenopause can be a challenge, so it is a time when you need patience, sometime more abstinence than when younger, and perhaps several cross checking signs. For example, Creighton, which I use, could be cross checked with temp. I’ve had to move to yellow stickers in Creighton as my cycle has become very erratic and sometimes 3-4 months long.

Not impossible. Not always awesome.

But, a mature couple committed to avoiding at that time should be able to handle it.

The major methods of NFP are Sympto-Thermal, Creighton, Billings, and Marquette.

 

[1ke]

Based on my reading, it’s possible for cycles to become even shorter, but then eventually they are supposed to get very long and irregular. !

Trust me, they get both very short and very long-- at the same time. Mine have been-- 3 months or 4 months followed by several in a row that are 14 to 20 days apart… which is so UNCOOL and WTH? But then back to 3 or 4 months of noting… i’m waiting for the day I get 12 months of nothing and then I can do that happy dance.

 

[Xantippe]

Trust me, they get both very short and very long-- at the same time. Mine have been-- 3 months or 4 months followed by several in a row that are 14 to 20 days apart… which is so UNCOOL and WTH? But then back to 3 or 4 months of noting… i’m waiting for the day I get 12 months of nothing and then I can do that happy dance.

Would a party be out of place?

Or at least a celebratory vacation?

I remember reading that doctors want to hear about cycles less than 21 days.

 

[detles]

Thank you both! I have to say, it does seem very complicated and stressful. I’m having very regular cycles right now for the time being, at least. Shorter than when I was in my 20s and early 30s, but super regular.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you both! I have to say, it does seem very complicated and stressful. I’m having very regular cycles right now for the time being, at least. Shorter than when I was in my 20s and early 30s, but super regular.

I’ve found that relatively easy to work with.

 

[1ke]

Thank you both! I have to say, it does seem very complicated and stressful. I’m having very regular cycles right now for the time being, at least. Shorter than when I was in my 20s and early 30s, but super regular.

It’s not really complicated at all. What it does take is commitment and communication. And you have to be OK with abstaining when needed. And, you’ll need to abstain while you learn so you can observe your signs of fertility and get confident in the method.

I think now, while you still have fairly standard signs of fertility, is a great time to learn one or more methods.

Yes, your signs start to change, but if you have experience with it then it’s not so bad.

 

[macstar]

The Creighton Model may be advantageous for you as it features NaPro Technology, a medical approach trained physicians use to identify and treat health issues. After you start charting your cycles, take your chart to a NaPro trained physician. There can be some help during menopause! So you can use this for health purposes, too. And yes, it works well for NFP.

 

[Xantippe]

It’s not really complicated at all. What it does take is commitment and communication. And you have to be OK with abstaining when needed. And, you’ll need to abstain while you learn so you can observe your signs of fertility and get confident in the method.

I think now, while you still have fairly standard signs of fertility, is a great time to learn one or more methods.

Yes, your signs start to change, but if you have experience with it then it’s not so bad.

Yeah, it’s when things start getting weird that it’s harder.

I actually kind of like the short cycles. On the one hand, it requires seizing the day, but on the other hand, even if you don’t, there’s going to be another infertile phase real soon.