NFP has got me freaking out!

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

maryj:

malia, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I feel as though you know how I am feeling, as do others here.

You are welcome MaryJ.

I do know how you are feeling… but because I was in the opposite situation. I was the non-Catholic. I was fine with using birth control. I didn’t understand the concept of sin.

But thanks to the patience of my Catholic hubby of almost 6 years, I now see the error of my ways. He never pushed me, but always used situations to let me know how HE felt and how HE wasn’t going to use contraception because it went against HIS beliefs.

Him not calling me a sinner, or telling me I was going to go to hell and basically not judging me allowed me to come to the Faith in my own time. Of course it hurt him when I used contraception. I can see that now.

Just talk to your hubby. Let him know where you are in your thoughts. For me it was important to not be judged. I saw his example and wanted what he had. I can imagine that if he had made me feel bad, or pushed me that I would have closed off to his point of view.

So just take things slow. I hope things work out between you two and that you can eventually get to the same spiritual place. I am so much happier and more content now that hubby and I are in the same place with our morals and values. I never could have imagined it could make such a huge difference. But that was my secular side, lol.

 

[jeffreedy789]

My husband is not catholic, he will not accept complete abstinence.

i confess i have not read this entire thread, so i apologize if my point here is redundant.

abstinence in marriage is not a biblical solution. the Bible does, in fact, command us NOT to abstain from intercourse in marriage (there are some obvious exceptions to this - health, etc) - this is one of the reasons FOR marriage. the Bible tells us that our bodies no longer belong to ourselves - they belong to our spouse. when you get married, according to paul, you give your husband posession of your body.

NFP is not a fix-all. it does depend on your trust in God to give you what is best for you - even if that means another child.

one factor that might help in your concern is to realize that 97% of those couples who practice NFP stay together - only 3% of NFP practicing couples divorce. this, to me, is one of the strongest selling points on the process that there is.

God bless you as you struggle with your decision.

 

[1ke]

Feanaro's Wife:

Just another thought to add here…

Since her husband is NOT catholic, wouldn’t it be out of her control if her hubby wanted to use contraception during fertile times? I am not suggesting this as a first solution, but I think it is preferrable to both “divorced Catholic woman” and “contracepting Catholic woman”. Any thoughts?

Malia

She may not contracept. If her husband chooses to contracept she does not have to refuse relations, and she is not sinning, however she must continue to periodically revisit the issue and ask him to cease.

 

[maryj]

I have got to clear up some misunderstandings here!!my fault I guess, this is a very intimate subject to be talking about and I have major issues with even discussing it. I am not on the pill, never have been. My husband , no that is a deceiving statement, my husband and I use condoms. I feel as though if I am using even NFP it is still a form of birth control, so what is the difference??? I’m starting to feel as if this change in my Spirituality is just gettting to be a little too much. Someone mentioned talking to my priest about this.I just don’t see that happening, I shall pray for the Holy Spirit to convince me other wise. Please keep praying for me, it seems to be my only hope at this moment…

 

[Scott_Waddell]

maryj:

I feel as though if I am using even NFP it is still a form of birth control, so what is the difference???

If there is a true anti-child mentality, there is no difference. The difference is found when considering the purpose of marriage. There are many purposes like mutual bonding and help, legitimate sexual pleasure, etc., but the primary purpose is having children. All the others mentioned, while important, play second fiddle. So when someone uses artificial contraceptives, they are trying to thwart the primary purpose and force the secondary to be first. This is both unnatural and sinful, like eating a seven-course meal and deliberately barfing it up. So if one uses NFP with a mind to thwart the natural purpose, it is just as sinful as ABC.

Please keep praying for me, it seems to be my only hope at this moment…

Certainly,

Scott

 

[1ke]

maryj:

my husband and I use condoms. I feel as though if I am using even NFP it is still a form of birth control, so what is the difference???

Yes, NFP is birth control. Howver, it is not contraception. The church does not teach that spacing and planning children is wrong. It teaches there are moral and immoral means of achieving the goal of family planning and that contraception is an immoral means.

Stealing bread and buying bread are two different means of obtaining bread, however they are not morally equal. One is right and one is wrong.

Contraception and NFP both achieve the same end, however they are not equivalent means. One is right and one is wrong.

 

[Listener]

You may have a loophole here. Since your husband is not Catholic, I don’t see how you can make him practice NFP. My understanding is that if one person in a couple is practicing artificial birth control and the other one doesn’t think they should be doing that, he/she is not required to kick the practicing spouse out of the bedroom. I believe I have actually read this on this forum under “Ask an Apologist.” Of course, the method you mention isn’t foolproof. It would be a good idea to study NFP so at least you will know when your fertile times occur.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

maryj:

I have got to clear up some misunderstandings here!!my fault I guess, this is a very intimate subject to be talking about and I have major issues with even discussing it. I am not on the pill, never have been. My husband , no that is a deceiving statement, my husband and I use condoms. I feel as though if I am using even NFP it is still a form of birth control, so what is the difference??? I’m starting to feel as if this change in my Spirituality is just gettting to be a little too much. Someone mentioned talking to my priest about this.I just don’t see that happening, I shall pray for the Holy Spirit to convince me other wise. Please keep praying for me, it seems to be my only hope at this moment…

I’m praying for you, and I do not judge you.

NFP freaks a lot of people out, because it doesn’t make sense to us. It’s based on faith in the teachings of the Church.

 

[RuffinIt]

maryj:

I feel as though if I am using even NFP it is still a form of birth control, so what is the difference???

I feel very much the same way. Really, no birth control is 100% effective. God can make anyone get pregnant who is not trying. A friend of ours is pregnant right now and the husband had a vasectomy a year ago. If God wants you to have another child, you will get pregnnat.

I was even told by a priest that if we use birth control that avoids conception, it is not a sin. However, birth control that allows conception but makes the pregnancy unable to continue (IUD) is a mortal sin. He said specifically condoms are not against the church’s newest teachings.

(Now before you beat me up, I am conveying what was told to me and a group of young newly married couples.)

 

[maryj]

I was even told by a priest that if we use birth control that avoids conception, it is not a sin. However, birth control that allows conception but makes the pregnancy unable to continue (IUD) is a mortal sin. He said specifically condoms are not against the church’s newest teachings.

Alright now I’m really confused. I’m going to my priest with this. I thank you all for your prayers and concerns. I have spoken to my husband about this and it didn’t go real well, mortal sin is just something he doesn’t understand. I’m trying to help him see this!! Please keep my in your prayers, I am trying to make the right decision about this. God bless you all.

Mary

 

[wet-rat]

maryj:

He said specifically condoms are not against the church’s newest teachings.

Ugh. Looks like you might need to find a priest who actually understands the responsibility with which he is entrusted.

 

[NFPfamily]

My husband and I have been practicing NFP for three years now and teaching the sympto-thermal method for two years. This method has been 100% effective for us in post-poning pregnancy and achieving two pregnancies. There is no reason to fear this method. This is the only family planning method that involves both the husband and the wife and does wonderful things for a marriage. Unfortunately, some priests fail to be really supportive and will try to give people “outs” from having to practice this (condoms are very much a violation of our Church’s teaching) and as a result, many Catholics ignore this teaching. Some priests are very supportive (mostly newly ordained) and trying to get NFP information out to all married and engaged couples. It’s really sad to me when I see people struggling with whether to use NFP or not because I have experienced how wonderful it is, as I’m sure everyone using the method has. Going through periods of abistinence and “honeymoon” phases helps to keep your marriage exciting- many people say they feel like newlyweds all the time! Anyway, it is the Church’s teaching and there is no gray area- either you choose to abide by it or you don’t. It is said that if your husband chooses to contracept himself, you don’t have to deny “relations” but I would strongly suggest that you practice NFP yourself (charting) and only have relations during infertile times. Maybe with more practice, your husband will become comfortable with the method and will be in favor of practicing it someday. Check with the CCL website to see if there are any teachers in your area and contact them. They will be able to give you more information and answer any questions you may have (that you may not feel comfortable asking your priest). If there are no teachers in your area, feel free to PM me and I will assist in finding someone close to you to help you. God bless you and try to remember that when you abide by God’s wishes, things just have a way of working themselves out- don’t be afraid!

 

[MooCowSteph]

maryj:

I was even told by a priest that if we use birth control that avoids conception, it is not a sin.

I don’t mean to hijack this thread, but if a priest tells a confessor that something they are doing isn’t a sin, but it really is, is that person still culpable, assuming they don’t already know otherwise?

 

[maendem]

MooCowSteph:

I don’t mean to hijack this thread, but if a priest tells a confessor that something they are doing isn’t a sin, but it really is, is that person still culpable, assuming they don’t already know otherwise?

No, if it’s truly a case of invincible ignorance (if the person did not know and had no way of knowing otherwise.) However - we are enjoined to make sure our consciences are properly formed. As Catholics, this means learning FOR OURSELVES the Church’s teaching, and even a rudimentary knowledge of Catholic teaching on artificial contraception would show that what the priest said was false.

Our ignorance is vincible (deserving blame) if we have not made use of the resources available to us to learn right/wrong according to Church teaching, or if we take advantage of confession with priests who we know will “let us off the hook” regarding certain sins which they claim are not wrong. (I’m not saying maryj did this at all, but some Catholics do…)

 

[MooCowSteph]

maendem:

No, if it’s truly a case of invincible ignorance (if the person did not know and had no way of knowing otherwise.) However - we are enjoined to make sure our consciences are properly formed. As Catholics, this means learning FOR OURSELVES the Church’s teaching, and even a rudimentary knowledge of Catholic teaching on artificial contraception would show that what the priest said was false.

Our ignorance is vincible (deserving blame) if we have not made use of the resources available to us to learn right/wrong according to Church teaching, or if we take advantage of confession with priests who we know will “let us off the hook” regarding certain sins which they claim are not wrong. (I’m not saying maryj did this at all, but some Catholics do…)

Makes good sense to me!!

 

[maryj]

oops! just wanna point out I didn’t post the statement by a priest saying that use of condoms was not a sin. I picked that up from another post and did not clarify that. I in no way have gone to a priest with the knowledge that he’ll “just let me off the hook”. And to let you know I am fiercly loyal to our parish priests.