NFP help? advise? prayers?

[Maxxadict]

My wife and I have been married for 14 years(she was 18 I was 20). When we married we decided to use NFP. Our teachers were the classic post menopausal couple with 8 kids…“NFP is the best! It’s so easy”. We…I… struggled greatly with abstaining and soon talked my wife into just having kids. After 2 children 18 months apart we decided to start abstaining again. The problem we faced was that when abstaining we pretty much stayed away from each other. I felt like if we couldn’t have sex then any kind of affection would just create temptation and make things harder. Then when we hit phase 3 my wife rarely felt like being intimate. The whole thing caused a lot of issues…and we decided to drop NFP and use the pill.

Recently through talking with our priest and a lot of prayer we’ve decided to start using NFP again. We’re only in about one and a half cycles and I’m already getting frustrated. We’re working hard trying to be affectionate and spending time together but I’m having a time with it. I feel a lot like I did when we first got married. I’ve been praying for strength but I feel very weak. I thought I had grown up enough to deal with NFP but I just feel like I can’t do it. Maybe part of the frustration is that it seems to have NO effect on my wife but I’m a ball of tension.

 

[kristacecilia]

The problem is that you are struggling with chastity in your marriage. NFP isn’t the problem. NFP is only as effective as the people who use it. If the people who use it are struggling with self-sacrifice, prayer, and self-mastery then it will be a true burden.

I would suggest you work on the spiritual things. Self-discipline. Sacrificing and praying for the good of your spouse and marriage. Learning to put aside your natural human desires for something greater. There are very practical ways to approach this- through prayer, fasting, spiritual direction, and regular reception of the sacraments. I am not saying it will be EASY. I am saying that your suffering will be efficacious and will bless your marriage.

I hope this helps.

 

[1ke]

virtue and chastity. Study them. Find examples in the lives of Saints. Surround yourself with others who strive for virtue in their lives.

www.dads.org

The Virtue Driven Life by Fr. Groeschel

 

[AniCS]

Dude,
Your wife is just as frustrated. What worked for us (for a while at least) was to use the time to do things specifically for the kids. This was their time. When it was safe again it was our time.
My prays for y’all, but do not start spending time apart, it will not help the marriage.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I agree with the other posters that it is more of an issue of self-restraint than an issue of NFP. Think of the many other times that you practice self-restraint. When you are at a restaurant, at work, running errands, etc. You don’t think twice about using restraint then. (At least I hope not!) If you are avoiding pregnancy, phase 2 is just another one of those times in your life when you do things besides having sex. If you try looking at it that way it may help.

I learned in a psychology class in college that self-control can be thought of as a muscle. Just like any muscle you must continually maintain it and slowly build it to be successful. You cannot go from scrawny to power-lifter in a day. You must work on it consistently and in small steps to avoid failure or burnout.

The muscle metaphor really makes a lot of sense to me. Hopefully it helps you too.

 

[Maxxadict]

You must work on it consistently and in small steps to avoid failure or burnout.

Small steps during NFP would equal more kids I’ll have to go straight to power lifter…Self restraint works best when it’s something you don’t value that much.

My wife and I had a long talk this afternoon. We both took some time to vent some feelings. I think it was helpful…

Anics…I liked your suggestion of using phase II as kid time…The only reason my wife is as frustrated is because she’s had to deal with me and my mood…abstaining is a breeze for her.

 

[SummerSmiles]

I suggest that you try and work on the spiritual side, as you are having difficulty exercising chastity within your marriage. Spend time praying together. Use fasting. Practice self-sacrifice. I used to pooh-pooh these things as being useful for helping with abstinence periods that go with using NFP to avoid, but they’ve really been quite helpful to me and my husband.

Spending your abstinence periods focusing on your kids is a great idea. You might even try spending that time focusing more on your relationship with God within your marriage. Remember, every Catholic marriage is made up of the husband, the wife, and God. Spend time strengthening the relationship with God. My DH and I used to go spend some time in Adoration together when we had difficulty during our periods of abstinence. We spent that time learning more about the theology behind the church’s teachings on human sexuality.

 

[Maxxadict]

Update…Things are really looking up After lots of prayer and spending some quality alone time with my wife the tension is gone. I really think our decision to start using NFP is going to work. I’m starting to see how so many couples that say how great NFP is for their marriage could be right. My wife and I have been spending more time just being together and talking than we have in years. I’m not saying it’s always going to be a breeze but I think God will give me the strength I need.