NFP Help

[eroberts12]

Hi everyone! I need guidance. I’m just over a year married. My husband and I did NFP but I wasn’t as good a record keeper as I should have been and now we have a beautiful baby girl. She’s about to turn 6 months. My husband is a convert and skeptical of NFP. We do not have any married friends practicing it and have no one to really turn to I guess. I have no idea how it works post-partum and I have been unsuccessful in finding websites. I guess my questions are:

What is a good NFP source for information, especially pot-partum?

How do I get my husband involved in this?

I have a book by John and Sheila Kippley but it is very confusing about NFP post partum.

Words of encouragement would be most helpful as well.

 

[1ke]

Call your instructor for a consult.

 

[ang1718]

Check out the Marquette Method at nfp.marquette.edu.
It’s fantastic for postpartum use. I used it after baby #3, and it helped
me with discerning my return to fertility. It has a protocol for both
post partum, and for regular cycles.

Praying you find what you need…
Angela

 

[Kelfa28]

Couple to couple league has specific books that deal with postpartum charting

 

[LucyLight]

You can start spacing out breastfeeding to try to bring your cycles back. Once your cycles are back count days as well as check internal signs. This is a simpler and much more conservative method for a newbie. Just learn the bolded paragraph, its pretty simple.

**Lets say your cycle is typically 28 days. The first day of your period is day 1. Wait till day 18 and check your cervix. It should be firm like the tip of your nose. Check you mucus. It should be scant, opaque and tacky. You need your cervix and mucus to be like this for 2 days in a row. After you have 2 days in a row like this your are in the clear. **

Its pretty simple really. The reason why this method is more conservative is because you are not trying to get preovulation days. Those are days the people who practice NFP are most likely to get pregnant.

When you get more experience and become familiar with your body you could try taking tempertures and charting to get preovulation days.

 

[Ophelia23]

Hi everyone! I need guidance. I’m just over a year married. My husband and I did NFP but I wasn’t as good a record keeper as I should have been and now we have a beautiful baby girl. She’s about to turn 6 months. My husband is a convert and skeptical of NFP. We do not have any married friends practicing it and have no one to really turn to I guess. I have no idea how it works post-partum and I have been unsuccessful in finding websites. I guess my questions are:

What is a good NFP source for information, especially pot-partum?

How do I get my husband involved in this?

I have a book by John and Sheila Kippley but it is very confusing about NFP post partum.

Words of encouragement would be most helpful as well.

I prefer the Couple to Couple League’s method. Their materials are easy to understand and work very well! Www.ccli.org

Praying for you!

 

[ahs]

I prefer the Couple to Couple League’s method. Their materials are easy to understand and work very well! Www.ccli.org

Praying for you!

Yes, or nfp.marquette.edu is a different method to try.

As to getting your husband involved…any way he can get involved can be helpful. I did as little as handing my wife the thermometer in the mornings, looking over the charts so I didn’t have to bother with “is today a ‘green-light’ day or not”, etc… Really I think the best way the husband can get involved is to be supportive and not beg for sex as though it’s the wife’s “puppy treat” to hand out or withhold at her whim. That was something I had to really get a grasp of…that this was a partnership deal so to speak. Prayers for you guys!

 

[mrs_ahs]

**Lets say your cycle is typically 28 days. The first day of your period is day 1. Wait till day 18 and check your cervix. It should be firm like the tip of your nose. Check you mucus. It should be scant, opaque and tacky. You need your cervix and mucus to be like this for 2 days in a row. After you have 2 days in a row like this your are in the clear. **

That’s neither NFP nor is it conservative. That’s rhythm, and it’s a recipe for getting pregnant, especially for someone just starting out. For all mucus only methods, you need a minimum of four days of drying up after a confirmed peak. Not to mention that most women have longer cycles when returning to fertility. I normally have 28 day cycles but in the first few months after my cycles begin postpartum, my cycles are typically 42-66 days long.

 

[mrs_ahs]

I prefer the Couple to Couple League’s method. Their materials are easy to understand and work very well! Www.ccli.org

Praying for you!

The Kipley’s book is the CCLI book.

 

[mrs_ahs]

Hi everyone! I need guidance. I’m just over a year married. My husband and I did NFP but I wasn’t as good a record keeper as I should have been and now we have a beautiful baby girl. She’s about to turn 6 months. My husband is a convert and skeptical of NFP. We do not have any married friends practicing it and have no one to really turn to I guess. I have no idea how it works post-partum and I have been unsuccessful in finding websites. I guess my questions are:

What is a good NFP source for information, especially pot-partum?

How do I get my husband involved in this?

I have a book by John and Sheila Kippley but it is very confusing about NFP post partum.

Words of encouragement would be most helpful as well.

You should come join us here: forums.delphiforums.com/nfptalk
I’ve been there almost seven years and we are a great bunch. It’s low-key and fun, and we have some instructors of various methods who post there too. Delphi is free to join. On the start page of the forum there is a list of various methods and a website to go along with each.

Marquette is good for postpartum, but you can learn any method you want to. Find an instructor near you and take a class with your husband if possible. He may be more on board if he learns along with you. If you can’t find an instructor, there are online classes available for many of the methods. You really need to pick a method and stick with the rules for that particular method. Making up your own rules results in pregnancy. I have the kid to prove it.

The Kippleys wrote The Art of Natural Family Planning, which was the bible for the CCLI method of NFP for a long time. However, CCLI is under “new ownership” as of a few years ago. There is a new book out and it is streamlined and easier to understand. CCLI now also offers two specialty classes, one for navigating the postpartum period, and one for perimenopause, so definitely try to take a postpartum class if you can! (if you go with CCLI.) I will tell you that there is going to be more abstinence involved if you are breastfeeding and just learning NFP postpartum, regardless of the method you choose. That will be temporary though. You are basically waiting for your body to give you signs that fertility may be returning. I would not cut back on breastfeeding (if you are nursing, I didn’t see if you said you were). Feed your baby as you are doing now. Some women do not return to fertility until they wean completely (though that is rare) and other women return very early despite exclusive breastfeeding. Most are somewhere in the middle. We’ve been doing NFP for 8 years, and have 4 kids. 3 of those were planned by us and one (the rulebender I mentioned) was planned by God. I had a really hard time understanding the rules at first, but NFP is one of those things where practice and experience will make things much clearer. Feel free to PM me as well. I’m not an instructor but I feel like I could be, not to toot my horn or anything. We’ve just been at this awhile.

Good luck!

 

[LucyLight]

That’s neither NFP nor is it conservative. That’s rhythm, and it’s a recipe for getting pregnant, especially for someone just starting out. For all mucus only methods, you need a minimum of four days of drying up after a confirmed peak. Not to mention that most women have longe.r cycles when returning to fertility. I normally have 28 day cycles but in the first few months after my cycles begin postpartum, my cycles are typically 42-66 days long.

That’s not the rhythm method! Good Lord! That’s also not a mucus only method. You have three signs days, cervix and mucus. Days are based on your typical cycle. Someone who is just learning should not be attempting phase 1. Phase 3 only is a very conservative method.

 

[mrs_ahs]

Re-reading my post, it looks as though I’m saying that abstinence is necessary the entire time you await signs of fertility, and this is not the case. But when signs show up, they can often be back and forth and confusing. But you will learn more about this when you take a class.

 

[thewanderer]

That’s not the rhythm method! Good Lord! That’s also not a mucus only method. You have three signs days, cervix and mucus. Days are based on your typical cycle. Someone who is just learning should not be attempting phase 1. Phase 3 only is a very conservative method.

I think the problem though is that you are relying on days as your primary sign, and only using mucus and cervix as double-check… In other words, this will only work if your cycle is never extended for any reason, the month that your cycle gets extended you will get pregnant. Some people just don’t have regular enough cycles in the first place and even for those who do if you are under extra stress your cycle can become extended, which, when you rely on typical days will lead you to think that you are in phase 3 while you are still actually only in phase 1. You are certainly correct that Phase 3 only is very conservative, but the method you described above will not reliably ensure that one keeps only to phase 3 as there is never a confirmed peak, instead you are just relying on the number of days to assume that the peak has passed. That is essentially rhythm.

 

[mrs_ahs]

That’s not the rhythm method! Good Lord! That’s also not a mucus only method. You have three signs days, cervix and mucus. Days are based on your typical cycle. Someone who is just learning should not be attempting phase 1. Phase 3 only is a very conservative method.

Days based on your typical cycle IS the rhythm method. Now, there’s nothing morally wrong with rhythm, but it is not effective, and it makes no sense to recommend it to someone who has not yet learned NFP but wishes to avoid as the OP seems to. “Days” is not a sign of fertility. The three signs are mucus, temperature, and cervix, and cervix cannot be a primary sign. Using the Clearblue monitor can be a fourth sign if you use Marquette.

I said nothing about whether someone just learning should use phase 1 or not. I actually agree that a beginner should utilize phase 3 days only for intercourse while learning. But you CANNOT establish phase 3 using a calender, nor can you establish it by checking your cervix on a random day on the calendar and then calling yourself safe two days later. That makes no sense. Phase 3 can only be established by a peak and dry-up, either with or without the confirmation of other signs.

 

[LucyLight]

I think the problem though is that you are relying on days as your primary sign, and only using mucus and cervix as double-check… In other words, this will only work if your cycle is never extended for any reason, the month that your cycle gets extended you will get pregnant. Some people just don’t have regular enough cycles in the first place and even for those who do if you are under extra stress your cycle can become extended, which, when you rely on typical days will lead you to think that you are in phase 3 while you are still actually only in phase 1. You are certainly correct that Phase 3 only is very conservative, but the method you described above will not reliably ensure that one keeps only to phase 3 as there is never a confirmed peak, instead you are just relying on the number of days to assume that the peak has passed. That is essentially rhythm.

This method is taught by the couple to couple league. You can check your cervix and mucus throughout your cycle but you do not attempt to find available days until you are at day 20 for a typical 28 day cycle. That’s not rhythm because you are also relying on your cervix and mucus.

 

[mrs_ahs]

This method is taught by the couple to couple league. You can check your cervix and mucus throughout your cycle but you do not attempt to find available days until you are at day 20 for a typical 28 day cycle. That’s not rhythm because you are also relying on your cervix and mucus.

What method is taught by the Couple to Couple League? CCLI does teach checking your cervix and mucus throughout your cycle, but you are presenting this as though you start with the calendar, or start with a certain cycle day and then do not look for available days until you are at a certain cycle day. That is not what CCLI teaches, it just isn’t. If the signs line up, it might be cycle day 40 and it might be cycle day 12. The day itself is not important; the signs are. There is NOWHERE that CCL says not to look for available days until day 20.

 

[thewanderer]

What method is taught by the Couple to Couple League? CCLI does teach checking your cervix and mucus throughout your cycle, but you are presenting this as though you start with the calendar, or start with a certain cycle day and then do not look for available days until you are at a certain cycle day. That is not what CCLI teaches, it just isn’t. If the signs line up, it might be cycle day 40 and it might be cycle day 12. The day itself is not important; the signs are. There is NOWHERE that CCL says not to look for available days until day 20.

This. If you rely on the day in your cycle as your primary sign then you are using rhythm, period. Modern NFP techniques all revolve around using signs such as mucous, temperature, and cervix to help determine when your peak fertility days occur. The summary you gave earlier in this thread gave no mention of this extremely important part of modern NFP. Instead the summary you gave comes down to essentially relying on an average to be accurate month after month, it is essentially the same as the rhythm method and will not be very effective. Now if you are checking mucous daily and using your mucous to determine when your peak is that is a different matter, but that is not what your original post said.

 

[LucyLight]

What method is taught by the Couple to Couple League? CCLI does teach checking your cervix and mucus throughout your cycle, but you are presenting this as though you start with the calendar, or start with a certain cycle day and then do not look for available days until you are at a certain cycle day. That is not what CCLI teaches, it just isn’t. If the signs line up, it might be cycle day 40 and it might be cycle day 12. The day itself is not important; the signs are. There is NOWHERE that CCL says not to look for available days until day 20.

Yes, its in their big blue book. Ill find it for you tomorrow. Btw, standard days not rhythm is frequently taught in 3rd world countries because it can be taught and understood quickly. It might be ideal for them to do sympto thermal but it is too big of a hurdle for some people. Some people can take a course, read books and get private instruction and still not understand it. For those people you have to simplify it.

I took the class with the couple to couple league and had no problems with the method. However my obgyn who is also an instructor has me doing this method because its more conservative and I have a regular cycle.

 

[mrs_ahs]

Yes, its in their big blue book. Ill find it for you tomorrow. Btw, standard days not rhythm is frequently taught in 3rd world countries because it can be taught and understood quickly. It might be ideal for them to do sympto thermal but it is too big of a hurdle for some people. Some people can take a course, read books and get private instruction and still not understand it. For those people you have to simplify it.

I took the class with the couple to couple league and had no problems with the method. However my obgyn who is also an instructor has me doing this method because its more conservative and I have a regular cycle.

Standard days is another name for rhythm. Again, not knocking those who choose to use it, but the OP asked about NFP, which is different and more effective. Rhythm relies primarily on a calendar and your past cycle lengths while NFP looks at the current cycle.

I have the blue book. I’ve had it for 10 years. There is nothing in it that says not to look for phase 3 signs until day 20. It also says nothing about two days of random cervix checking meaning you are in the clear. We once had 3 days of cervix closing/hardening along with 3 days of high temps. But it was only peak +2. We didn’t wait til peak +3. We shaved a day off and figured it was good enough (even though we knew better). His name is Joshua and he’s 3 years old.

 

[underacloud]

… I wasn’t as good a record keeper as I should have been and now we have a beautiful baby girl.

Congrats on the baby girl!

The rest of this sentence helps explain your problems with NFP.

I am a husband who has helped as much as I can with NFP. The main help I can be is printing charts for her and nagging her; and of course making an effort to understand the process to begin with. Unfortunately, there’s not much more a husband can do. The wife needs to monitor her symptoms, whichever system you use.

As others have addressed, making your charting clear can help your husband understand safe days and risky days, and empower him so he isn’t begging and wondering if today is OK or not. The letdown of being told no, even thought the chart isn’t clear and/or up to date, is very frustrating. If you’re not clear on NFP, he will be unlikely to get on board with it.

Good luck.

(PS Any unexpected children via NFP are a much greater blessing than you imagine at the time!)