W
Wojo42
Guest
Does anyone find that NFP inhibits spontaneity in their marriage or causes more stress in their marriage because of having to chart and abstain?
- Status
A
ADiosgracias
Guest
I do, but I prefer to obey the teachings of the catholic church rather that my own point of view.
Is harder when your spouse doesn’t agree with you in that matter.
Is harder when your spouse doesn’t agree with you in that matter.
D
dailey
Guest
Same here…I do, but I prefer to obey the teachings of the catholic church rather that my own point of view.
Is harder when your spouse doesn’t agree with you in that matter.
A
Armor_of_Light
Guest
W
Wojo42
Guest
My wife told me she is really only interested in intercourse during her fertile time and we have had 3kids in the last two years, twins and a single and she doesn’ t want to get pregnant again very soon because she wants her body to recover. I’m at a loss on what to do.
C
Corki
Guest
NFP is only a secondary issue. What ever is causing you to use NFP is what is hurting your marriage. NFP is a way to partially heal whatever that is. As long as the root cause is there, NFP can only do so much. If you are trying to avoid conception, the alternative is total abstention. Don’t you think that would hurt more?
O
Ophelia23
Guest
You stick with NFP. I HUGE part of NFP that I think is often overlooked is what the couple should be doing during the abstinence phase. The time when you are abstaining should be spent wooing each other all over again. Date your wife. Love your wife. Listen to her, try to find the curiosity about her that you had when you first met. Use this time to rekindle romance and love, but following the rules you would have followed while dating. It’s the courtship phase. Then during infertile periods where you are not abstaining, consider it the honeymoon stage. This is when you can be intimate, and the aim is for it to be extra special because both of you have been looking forward to it during the courtship phase.
Now of course it won’t always be exactly like this, but it is something to strive for. Your wife is more interested in intercourse while she is fertile because of the hormones she has during that time. But if you both focus on really dating during these fertile times, chances are you both will be eager for phase 3 to begin.
J
JRKH
Guest
Cold Showers…
St Paul referred to “separating” for periods of prayer etc. (can’t recall the ch/vs) and you might consider this time in this light.
Also, you might want to talk to your wife about "mutual sacrifice"made in love for each other.
In short, yo are willing to abstain (mostly) to accommodate her wishes because you love her so much. Likewise it is your hope that she, out of her abundant love for you, will see her way clear to occasionally accommodate your wishes.
Of course I’m being purposely brief and vague here but you get the idea.
Peace
James
M
manualman
Guest
“NFP is hurting your marriage” compared to what? The happy go lucky approach you had before when pregnancy was an acceptable outcome? Or compared to the supposedly ‘no strings attached’ sex that contraceptors engage in?
The grass DOES look greener at first. The easy way often does, doesn’t it? As another poster put it, NFP isn’t hurting your marriage, the need to avoid pregnancy is hurting your marriage. NFP is rescuing you from needing to be totally abstinant! It looks a LOT better from that angle.
Contraception looks inviting because the negative effects aren’t dramatically immediate. Instead it looks like nothing changes except not having to make any sacrifices in order to have sex without babies. Kind of like binge eating and puking it up before the food can be digested and make you fat doesn’t seem to have any immediate negative effects. But in the long haul, it does in both cases.
That frustration you both have during the fertile time serves a purpose. It reminds you that sex isn’t just about indulging in pleasure, but is a mutually giving experience ordered towards creating life, so that in the long run it tends to make you LESS selfish instead of more. Contraception, not so much. Take a look around at the world. Has sexual license enabled by contraception made people more or less selfish?
The grass DOES look greener at first. The easy way often does, doesn’t it? As another poster put it, NFP isn’t hurting your marriage, the need to avoid pregnancy is hurting your marriage. NFP is rescuing you from needing to be totally abstinant! It looks a LOT better from that angle.
Contraception looks inviting because the negative effects aren’t dramatically immediate. Instead it looks like nothing changes except not having to make any sacrifices in order to have sex without babies. Kind of like binge eating and puking it up before the food can be digested and make you fat doesn’t seem to have any immediate negative effects. But in the long haul, it does in both cases.
That frustration you both have during the fertile time serves a purpose. It reminds you that sex isn’t just about indulging in pleasure, but is a mutually giving experience ordered towards creating life, so that in the long run it tends to make you LESS selfish instead of more. Contraception, not so much. Take a look around at the world. Has sexual license enabled by contraception made people more or less selfish?
T
The_Bucket
Guest
Increased selfishness for both parties and decreased libido on the part of the woman, that’s what you get with hormonal contraception. Just ask a non-Catholic friend of mine; dude is begging his wife would ditch her form of birth control because it completely killed her sex drive.
Abstaining during the fertile times is difficult, that’s to be sure. But it’s not impossible and it can help promote virtue. As one other poster said, if you love each other in other ways during that time, you’ll be ready to rock and roll in Phase III. Yeah her hormones may drop, but she may be mentally stimulated so to speak by the romantic effort put forth days before.
Abstaining during the fertile times is difficult, that’s to be sure. But it’s not impossible and it can help promote virtue. As one other poster said, if you love each other in other ways during that time, you’ll be ready to rock and roll in Phase III. Yeah her hormones may drop, but she may be mentally stimulated so to speak by the romantic effort put forth days before.
L
LaMusicaSenior
Guest
Looking at my parent’s example of marriage, I’ve seen how NFP can help a marriage.
I’ve seen that NFP has helped their marriage - it is when the times of abstience are there that sacrfices are made.
You can tell how much someone loves you by how much they are willing to sacrifice for you.
A couple is to imitate the love between the Church and Christ - and Christ was willing to lay down His very life for His bride.
I’ve seen that NFP has helped their marriage - it is when the times of abstience are there that sacrfices are made.
You can tell how much someone loves you by how much they are willing to sacrifice for you.
A couple is to imitate the love between the Church and Christ - and Christ was willing to lay down His very life for His bride.
A
Allegra
Guest
We are very happy with NFP. The charting is next to nothing. It certianly doesn’t cause any extra stress. We don’t feel that abstaining for eight days is really causing stress either. Gives us something to look forward to. Spontaneity isn’t really important to us in the first place. Frankly, and without being too inappropriately specific, we’ve found that we enjoy planning ahead. Do most married people who use ABC have sex everyday? People who volunteer that information to me don’t seem to indicate that.
- Status