NFP is a Heresy?

[Kendy]

javelin:

Why is that scary to you? Would it somehow harm your faith?

Many people have found that periodic abstinence makes their sexual relationship stronger, rather than weaker. Do you know what it is like to greet your spouse for the first time after he was away for a week on a business trip or something? Imagine that every month…

If you say so

javelin:

That would be scary, all at once! That is why the Church wisely leaves family planning issues to the couple, who should consider it prayerfully and honestly, examining their motives for waiting (where does the fear really scome from?), and ultimately entrusting their family to God (not blindly, but prayerfully). Remember that we can do all things in Christ who strengthens us.

All thing, huh? Eight kids! I don’t know!

javelin:

You are absolutely correct, which is why God made women fertile only about 17% of the time, during only a portion of her natural life. Children can come, but it is not required for sex to be good.

As a matter of fact, sex between spouses, when done in love, is always a good thing. Always. It is some of the choices that people make around and about their sexual relationship that can be seriously sinful. It is those things the Church has always warned people to avoid.

BTW, did you know that every Christian denomination held contraception as morally evil until 1930? Did you know that the first major church to change positions, the Presbyterian Church, has now wavered on abortion, too (from what I’ve heard)? Moral truths do not change, because God does not change.

Peace,
javelin

I thought it was the anglican church?

Kendy

 

[Kendy]

Agricola:

1. Why do children scare you?
   Agricola

I am not afraid of children when they come in proportion of two or three, maybe, even four. I am just afraid of eight of them.
Why? Well, I am looking forward to putting my body through eight pregnancies. I am not looking forward 3 a.m. feeding of eight children. I am not looking forward to eight children going through their various eight phases of teenage wackiness. I am not looking forward to eight college tuitions. I could be having babies well into my forties, and raising children into my sixties! And when I am sixty and EXHAUSTED, I would have given up every other aspiration I have ever…every childhood dream…every adult passion (like writing a book) to do something I don’t want to do. This may sound like a dream come true for some women, and I certainly respect that, but it’s still my worst nightmare! I honestly would rather be celibate and that would be really hard for me .

Kendy

 

[kamz]

Kendy:

I am not afraid of children when they come in proportion of two or three, maybe, even four. I am just afraid of eight of them.
Why? Well, I am looking forward to putting my body through eight pregnancies. I am not looking forward 3 a.m. feeding of eight children. I am not looking forward to eight children going through their various eight phases of teenage wackiness. I am not looking forward to eight college tuitions. I could be having babies well into my forties, and raising children into my sixties! And when I am sixty and EXHAUSTED, I would have given up every other aspiration I have ever…every childhood dream…every adult passion (like writing a book) to do something I don’t want to do. This may sound like a dream come true for some women, and I certainly respect that, but it’s still my worst nightmare! I honestly would rather be celibate and that would be really hard for me .

I have to just say you are talking a whole lot about “me, me, me” and “I want this or that” What about letting GOD be in control?
Don’t you know that God will never give you more than you can handle? My mom had three kids and used NFP faithfully, each month she and my father prayerfully considered if they should have more children, many times they were open to becoming pregnant on purpose but God had other plans and my mom never got pregnant and had to have a hysterectomy in her late 30’s,
NO ONE is saying you have to have 8 kids, I don’t know where you are getting that from, you are so focused on that.
Its called being open to life, using NFP correctly is 100% effective, each month, you and your husband will pray about it and with God you will decide if you should have more children or not and for what reasons you should or should not have them, it is you, your husband and God, not you, your husband, God and everyone on Catholic answers in the bedroom.
If you are open to letting God be in control you just might be surprised, I know many, many wonderful Catholics who let God be in control and they don’t have 8 children but the fact that they are open to life and if they become pregnant they will joyfully accept that child into their home and hearts is what God is asking.
Nobody is saying give up your goals and dreams, nobody is saying you have to have tons of kids, your saying that, you are obviously confused on this and really need to seek help from someone who knows and teaches NFP.
I have four children and I can’t physically have anymore but we are very, very open to adoption, we were not always but with prayer we have felt a very strong call to be adoptive and foster parents, something we never thought we would feel, but when we let God lead and us follow, amazing things started happening, its about God being in control and not you, and no, it is not easy and it can be very hard to do, we don’t like to let go of that control but I guarantee you will be unhappy until you let God take the wheel!!

 

[javelin]

Kendy:

If you say so

All thing, huh? Eight kids! I don’t know!

One at a time, my dear…

That is, unless twins run in the family!

Kendy:

I thought it was the anglican church?

Kendy

Oops, I think you are correct – I was crossing things up. The Anglicans started it, but I believe the thing about abortion and the Presbyterians is correct. But maybe you shouldn’t trust me on it…

Peace,
javelin

 

[Kendy]

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

kamz:

Kendy:

I am not afraid of children when they come in proportion of two or three, maybe, even four. I am just afraid of eight of them.
Why? Well, I am looking forward to putting my body through eight pregnancies. I am not looking forward 3 a.m. feeding of eight children. I am not looking forward to eight children going through their various eight phases of teenage wackiness. I am not looking forward to eight college tuitions. I could be having babies well into my forties, and raising children into my sixties! And when I am sixty and EXHAUSTED, I would have given up every other aspiration I have ever…every childhood dream…every adult passion (like writing a book) to do something I don’t want to do. This may sound like a dream come true for some women, and I certainly respect that, but it’s still my worst nightmare! I honestly would rather be celibate and that would be really hard for me .

I have to just say you are talking a whole lot about “me, me, me” and “I want this or that” What about letting GOD be in control?
Don’t you know that God will never give you more than you can handle? My mom had three kids and used NFP faithfully, each month she and my father prayerfully considered if they should have more children, many times they were open to becoming pregnant on purpose but God had other plans and my mom never got pregnant and had to have a hysterectomy in her late 30’s,
NO ONE is saying you have to have 8 kids, I don’t know where you are getting that from, you are so focused on that.
Its called being open to life, using NFP correctly is 100% effective, each month, you and your husband will pray about it and with God you will decide if you should have more children or not and for what reasons you should or should not have them, it is you, your husband and God, not you, your husband, God and everyone on Catholic answers in the bedroom.
If you are open to letting God be in control you just might be surprised, I know many, many wonderful Catholics who let God be in control and they don’t have 8 children but the fact that they are open to life and if they become pregnant they will joyfully accept that child into their home and hearts is what God is asking.
Nobody is saying give up your goals and dreams, nobody is saying you have to have tons of kids, your saying that, you are obviously confused on this and really need to seek help from someone who knows and teaches NFP.
I have four children and I can’t physically have anymore but we are very, very open to adoption, we were not always but with prayer we have felt a very strong call to be adoptive and foster parents, something we never thought we would feel, but when we let God lead and us follow, amazing things started happening, its about God being in control and not you, and no, it is not easy and it can be very hard to do, we don’t like to let go of that control but I guarantee you will be unhappy until you let God take the wheel!!

 

[maryalene]

Kendy:

Oh, don’t mind me. I am just depressed by how little sex and how many babies I am about to have. http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/ani/ani_crying.gif

Kendy

Oh no, when you’re pregnant, you don’t have to take your temps or anything - you can have all the sex you want! http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

I could be having babies well into my forties, and raising children into my sixties! And when I am sixty and EXHAUSTED, I would have given up every other aspiration I have ever…every childhood dream…every adult passion (like writing a book) to do something I don’t want to do. This may sound like a dream come true for some women, and I certainly respect that, but it’s still my worst nightmare! I honestly would rather be celibate and that would be really hard for me

My parents only had two kids but they were in their early forties when we born. They were 60 when I was married and moved out. They were far from tired, invalids at 60. I’ve only noticed now that they are in their 70s that they are starting to slow down.

I think the early stages of motherhood are exhausting. The feedings, the diaper changes, the crying - it is hard, but it passes and it gets easier with each child. And there is no reason why you have to wait for your kids to grow up and be out of the house before you follow your dreams. If you want to write a book, do it! Your life is what you make of it.

 

[kamz]

Kendy:

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

kamz:
maybe try asking this question in the question and answers at EWTN.com they are also great for answering the questions you are seeking or go to a Catholic priest who is for NFP and being used as God intended, as sadly some priests are not so good about this and may even tell you that abcd is ok.

 

[Ham1]

Kendy:

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

kamz:
To be honest the whole concept of predicting exactly how many children you will have through the course of your life seems quite bizarre. Do you know exactly how many cars or homes you will own before you die? This is a simplistic analogy, but useful nonetheless. God may call you to have fewer or more or none. But predicting God’s will for you 10 years or even 3 years in the future is not healthy or accurate or productive. He may move you in ways you didn’t think possible.

 

[kamz]

Ham1:

Kendy:

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

To be honest the whole concept of predicting exactly how many children you will have through the course of your life seems quite bizarre. Do you know exactly how many cars or homes you will own before you die? This is a simplistic analogy, but useful nonetheless. God may call you to have fewer or more or none. But predicting God’s will for you 10 years or even 3 years in the future is not healthy or accurate or productive. He may move you in ways you didn’t think possible.

Amen!!!
For all we know, this may be the last day of our lives, we don’t know, the day, the hour or the minute that Jesus is coming to take us home…Kendy, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

At age 31 years old I can’t have more children, it is not possible unless God would intervene with a miracle, I will never give birth again…Kendy, do you think I had any idea 10 yrs ago, 5, 4, 3, etc. ??? Of course not, life is unfolding all the time and my life is totally, totally, totally differnt that I ever, ever thought it would be when I married my husband 13 yrs ago, nothing is the way I thought for sure it would be, the only thing that is the same, God, he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow but the rest? Nope, I was like you and thought it would be just like this and that and believe me, it is all so different but… it is good, God is leading, not me, and I can see God in every area of my life and in everything that has happened in my life, I see God’s hand.
Life is never going to just how you want, you can tell yourself it will be but the chances are that life will throw you a curve and you’ll find, nothing is exactly as you though it would or should be.
So just live for today and don’t worry about the rest, it will take care of itself.

 

[YinYangMom]

Kendy:

I am not afraid of children when they come in proportion of two or three, maybe, even four. I am just afraid of eight of them.
Why? Well, I am looking forward to putting my body through eight pregnancies. I am not looking forward 3 a.m. feeding of eight children. I am not looking forward to eight children going through their various eight phases of teenage wackiness. I am not looking forward to eight college tuitions. I could be having babies well into my forties, and raising children into my sixties! And when I am sixty and EXHAUSTED, I would have given up every other aspiration I have ever…every childhood dream…every adult passion (like writing a book) to do something I don’t want to do. This may sound like a dream come true for some women, and I certainly respect that, but it’s still my worst nightmare! I honestly would rather be celibate and that would be really hard for me .

Kendy

Interesting in that at the planning stages, that pretty much accurately describes how most couples view ‘spacing’ of children…I know we did. It really was a matter of dollars and cents, the potential rate of salary increases, considerations for career changes at some point, physical/medical challenges we might anticipate, etc. And then around the time our eldest was in 3rd grade we stopped viewing the obligations surrounding their care from that perspective and began seeing the fruits of our labors manifest in their spirit, their ability to love and be loved…suddenly they were as clear as day “God’s children” not ours and we wanted more! Unfortunately, for us, that did not happen, but I just wanted you to know that once the kids come the way you perceive ‘spacing’ changes.

 

[javelin]

Kendy:

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

Kendy, I hear you loud and clear. I really do. Family choices are imporant decisions, and there is no “cookie-cutter” that will work. No one here can tell you how many children you should have. In fact, no one in the world can tell you that right now, not even yourself. What we can say with confidence, only because the Church has consistently taught this, is that you should be open to allowing God’s gift of life to flow from your marriage, and that you should not artificially hinder your fertility.

For the individual, I know it sounds cliche, but you really need to take it one at a time. Some find that they do not feel equipped for more than one or two. Others want ten at first, and find after three or four that they feel complete. Some can’t imagine 3 until they’ve had two and still don’t feel they are finished. It truly is something that evolves over time as your family grows and matures. I have never met any parent, however, who wished after the fact that they did not have as many children as they did.

Also, consider what (I think) JPII said: “The greatest gift parents can give their children is a sibling.” There is wisdom there.

So please, keep your dreams, but place them in God’s hands and continue on one step at a time.

And truly, truly I say to you, until you have held your own child in your arms, you cannot comprehend what being a parent is really like, for one or for eight.

I wish you God’s blessing in your discernment.

Peace,
javelin

 

[YinYangMom]

Kendy:

Yes, my reasons for not wanting to have eight children are quite selfish. Simply put; I don’t want to! As for whether or not using NFP requires having eight children. I am admittedly confused about what the standard is here. All this talk about “contraception mentality” and gave “grave reasons” for not having children, which has occured in this thread hasn’t exactly help. What are these grave reasons? Life or death, finances, physical and psychological exhaustion?

Honestly, I can’t say that if I had $10 million in the bank that I would be excited about having eight children. In fact, I would rather give the money to charity. As for prayerful seeking God’s will, I can certainly do that, but we all know how easy it is to confuse God’s will with our own when it is convenient. That’s not exactly a clear standard.

Kendy

As much as you don’t want to have 8 children, and can’t imagine risking having 8 children you may be surprised to find when it comes down to it God blesses you with only one or none.

Do not let fear of what might happen motivate your actions. You will never be in control of how many children you have in life (I think about those who try everything to no avail, and to those who are blessed with 4 children only to have them taken up by God before age 10) but you can certainly do things which would increase or decrease the possibility of conceiving during any particular marital embrace. How you go about managing opportunities is what NFP addresses. There is a natural way and an artificial way plain and simple.

The Church is not saying couples have to practice NFP. If you want to be free to have sex as many times as you’d like whenever you’d like, that’s ok with the Church (providing each embrace is mutual and loving - not because you’re in the mood and hubby goes through the motions so that he can get back to the game, or because he woke up in the mood after you’ve been up 3 times during the evening with the colicky child but you’re too tired to explain why not).

If you’re open to conceiving whenever and however God wills, that’s great too. But you are saying you do not want to put your body through a lot of pregnancies so that means you will have to make some decisions down the line between your desire for sex and the desire to not put your body through a pregnancy as a result. As a Catholic you have NFP to help you reach that decision. As a non-Catholic you have ABCs or NFP, though we all here would hate to see you choose ABCs. Should you lean toward ABC then you have another decision to make…are the long term risks of using ABC worth the short term ‘gain’ of minimizing the risk of a pregnancy when NFP has an equal or lower risk than ABC of pregnancy without risking your personal health?

As for what are the grave reasons? That’s the type of information you need to spend time reading about. There are loads of books, tapes, videos, seminars, retreats to help you figure that out. What you really need to know is that the reasons must be derived from and agreed to by the couple after developing an informed conscience and praying regularly over the matter. It is between the couple and God and no one else, that’s why the Church doesn’t develop a laundry list. She guides the couple to discernment through Her teachings and Her priests.

 

[Kendy]

Okay, thanks for all your thoughful advice. When I became a Christian, I promised God 100%, but the truth is I don’t know that I give 85%. . You’re right. I should at least be open to God’s will for my life and my family, even if it means having eight children :crying: .

Kendy

 

[javelin]

Kendy:

Okay, thanks for all your thoughful advice. When I became a Christian, I promised God 100%, but the truth is I don’t know that I give 85%. . You’re right. I should at least be open to God’s will for my life and my family, even if it means having eight children :crying: .

Kendy

Trust God that if it IS His will, and you follow it willingly, you won’t be :crying:, you’ll be :clapping: and:dancing:!!

Peace,
javelin

 

[Black_Jaque]

Tiny’(name removed by moderator)my,

Yes I’ve noticed through the course of several posts that you see to continue questioning the validity of the acceptance of NFP rather than approaching your husband with your desire for more children.

You got a few details wrong. One JPII taught that the dual purpose of marriage was for procreation and the good of the spouses. Thus then dual purpose of sex was procreative and unitive.

Why do I get the feeling that we on this message board know more about how you think/feel than your own husband? Sex is supposed to be unitive. Go unite with your husband. Learn all about his worries and cares. Let him know all about your concerns. Pressure him, plead your case, do all you can to convince him that you want to do away with NFP and just let go and let God.

 

[javelin]

I think Tiny’(name removed by moderator)my’s question was perfectly legitimate. It is important to understand as much as we can, even while we continue to do as we believe we are asked. Even though I was taught NFP through the diocese where we live prior to marriage and practiced it for several years, I didn’t even know that there were times when using NFP to avoid children could be bad until several years later.

So, ultimately, there is a process everyone must go through while they search for God’s will and allow His grace to transform them. I know God has LOTS of work left on me, so I will continue to try to be complicit with His will while making the best decisions I can. That is all that can truly be expected of us.

I certainly wish you the best, Tiny’(name removed by moderator)my, in your discernment and desire to do God’s will. I will pray for you and your husband together.

Peace,
javelin

 

[Black_Jaque]

Javelin,

OK, You said:

I didn’t even know that there were times when using NFP to avoid children could be bad until several years later.

Could we agree that your statement would be equally true if you simply typed: “I didn’t even know that there were times when [avoiding] children could be bad until several years later.”?

That takes the blame off NFP. It would have been just as bad had the couple used total abstinence to avoid pregnancy. No? In fact maybe that would be an even WORSE sin, because then the couple not only refuses conception but they also deny the unitive aspects that God has set for them.

 

[Dorothy]

Kendy:

Okay, thanks for all your thoughful advice. When I became a Christian, I promised God 100%, but the truth is I don’t know that I give 85%. . You’re right. I should at least be open to God’s will for my life and my family, even if it means having eight children :crying: .

Kendy

Kendy, I want to preface my response by saying that I am not telling you how many children you should have. That is between you, your husband, and hopefully a rightfully informed conscience.

I couldn’t help but smile as I was reading all the responses. I am 69 years old now, in good health, and I have had eight children.
I got married when I was twenty, and by the time I was thirty-five I had four boys and four girls.

I always thought of my grandma who had seven and was such a peaceful and loving person. If they could do it under such financially strapping circumstances I felt that I could too. My husband came from a family of seven and he too wanted a large family.

We had every right, I believe, to practice NFP after the eighth was born, but my husband did not want to deprive himself in any way, as he was not a practicing Catholic, and so it was out of the question. What he did, was to get a vasectomy without my consent.

What I would really like to focus on is that all of my children are now out of the house, working, and raising families. Four of them went to college, they used some scholarships and loans, and some went locally and worked their way through. The ones who did not go to college are doing well with their employment. My husband and I were just able to send a little food money occasionally.

I thoroughly enjoy being a grandma of 11 now, even though I do not get to see all of them frequently as they live in different states except for five grandchildren who live locally.

I am blessed with good health and have much joy visiting my children and them visiting me. I don’t regret for one minute all the nights of getting up at 3:00 AM. I give the Lord the credit…but, of course, it was hard at times!

Be not afraid!

Peace,

Dorothy

 

[migurl]

javelin:

I don’t think what I bolded above is true at all. Praying together is exactly what couples should be doing when contemplating their futures and families. I believe the Church was specifically vague about defining what constituted “serious reasons”, for in its wisdom it knows that decisions like bearing another child lie not with the local priest, but with the couple that God gave the gift of procreation to.

In an ideal situation the local priest should be able to provide sound counsel, but this decision is ultimately left to the discernment of the parents, and rightfully so.

The Church does not expect us to go running to the local priest regarding every decision we make. We also need to realize our local priests are not infallible, and many are tremendously overworked.

If the Church allows leeway in a decision, we must pray hard and follow the dictates of our conscience.

Peace,
javelin

The problem with leaving it between husband and wife is that too many people nowadays don’t understand what constitutes as a grave reason, they believe that their situation allows them to use NFP when if they got a third p.o.v they would realize that their situation didn’t qualify as a grave reason and therefore they would be commiting a mortal sin by using NFP for the wrong reason.

 

[CARose]

Kendy:

OH CaRose,

I am afraid I just complete don’t buy that. Mostly because I don’t exactly relate to the husband wants to have sex and the wife wants to have babies. While I can only speak for myself, it’s not something I can relate to. As I am thinking about whether or not I should revert to catholicism, I must admit, I am really really not looking forward to giving up nine consecutive days of each month to not have sex with my husband. The only thing that scares me more is the prospect of having eight kids. And I don’t think that makes me unloving. Sex is unitive and pleasurable (I think it’s pretty silly to try to divorce sex from pleasure); it’s a wonderful way for spouses to connect to each other, which helps sustain the relationship, even if they don’t want to children come out of it.

Kendy

Kendy,
You have no idea how much you sound like me when I was your age (I was born 20 years before you)! :yup: But, as others here have stated, life throws us curveballs we never saw coming. I wanted my high powered career, and was doing quite well with it, until I surprised myself by my response to being a mother. I fell in love with my daughter with a love so intense, it paled the deep love I felt for my husband. Here was this wonderful young person who was the personification of the love between the man I loved and to whom I had committed my life, and myself, with all my family history thrown in (good & bad ).

I’d “planned” on having 3, with perhaps more if it worked out, but my husband only wanted 1. I never considered that a spouse might truly, steadfastly refuse to even consider such a decision something that should take the desires of both parties into account. He wanted one, and it was not something he was ever willing to reconsider or discuss. I can tell you, that I went from someone who absolutely loved our marital embrace to someone for whom it was a sad reminder of what could never be. It stole for me every aspect of Love from this expression of being together. What’s weird, is that it worked on such a subconscious level, it took me years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me (even asking various Dr’s) before I finally realized that I was seriously feeling cheated and that this was robbing me of my ability to have the pleasure that had once seemed so natural to me.

I absolutely had not, in earlier embraces, only found my pleasure in connection to the possibility of getting pregnant. I was unopen to the teachings of the Church on this subject, and frankly unopen to life, and “enjoyed” and looked forward to being with my husband. But when I wanted more children and knew they were being absolutely withheld, things went quickly and steadily downhill for me.

I can only imagine that there are husbands who could give you the same story from their perspective, wanting additional children to which the wife was unopen.

I think it would have changed things considerably, and lent to a much healthier marriage now, if we’d at least applied the teachings of NFP to our relations once I began to understand why what the Church teaches on this subject is based in a timeless wisdom I had refused to see, looking through the lens of today’s society as I had.

I was tempted to send this post in a PM, as it discloses some intimate information. I apologize to anyone who might be offended by the personal nature of these disclosures. It is my hope that in addition to speaking to Kendy, that this might touch the heart of others reading this thread.

Kendy, you seem fixated on knowing what you do and don’t want for your life. I assure you, you have no idea what you will really want as your life unfolds. And I also assure you, if you give your life over to God, he will give you the better portion and you will rejoice in what you are given, be it many or few children, He knows ultimately what you are called to raise.

God Bless,

CARose