NFP is making me mad

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alice24

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…and nervous, depressed, fixated, at the moment.
Has anyone felt like this? Maybe some tips to not get overly stressed by the observations?
Note: I don´t have problems with abstaining/the routine of the methods etc. We use “advanced” NFP (symptothermal) now as we hope to concieve, and while I loved to watch all the dates and rules first, it becomes more and more stressful for me.Simply skipping and trying is not an option as I have medical issues and got the advice to use NFP to track my cycle. I am in an online group for women to check the measures in doubt in the community and this is still interesting for me, ut for myself, it´s horrible. I switch from hope to despair every few days when I notive anything good or bad regarding temperature and tests, and I get mad with the thought to have to do this the following months to have positive results. :roll_eyes:
 
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If you are trying to conceive I’d recommend maybe narrowing in on your ovulation week window (3-4 days before and after when you think you are ovulating) and having sex every other day within that window. The egg can get fertilized 3-4 days after it is released, and sperm can live inside the uterus for a few days, so if they are in there when the egg comes out it’s still gonna work. Worked great for me, and no stress over the numbers/metrics.

Stress can negatively effect your ability to get pregnant, and tracking and charting and obsessing about it online can add to that stress.

How irregular is your cycle?
 
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Have you ever read Simcha Fisher’s The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning? She doesn’t get into the technical aspects, but discusses the emotional parts of it, which may be helpful for you. I think it’s a great book.
 
“CoffeeAndDonuts said:
If you are trying to conceive I’d recommend maybe narrowing in on your ovulation week window (3-4 days before and after when you think you are ovulating) and having sex every other day within that window. The egg can get fertilized 3-4 days after it is released, and sperm can live inside the uterus for a few days, so if they are in there when the egg comes out it’s still gonna work. Worked great for me, and no stress over the numbers/metrics.
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The problem is that I should track the whole cycle to
-check if there happens ovulation, therefor the temperature tracking
-if not how the temperature pattern is
-how long the second part of my cycle is (further infos on health issues, based on hormonal dysfunctions)
Stress can negatively effect your ability to get pregnant, and tracking and charting and obsessing about it online can add to that stress
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Yeah, I know…and it´s like “don´t think at pink elephants”, unfortunately :confused:
How irregular is your cycle?
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Until the last two months, I´d answered “absolutely regular” because I had always 28/29 days. We used a simple calendar method and I never got pregnant, which seemed to suport this. Now I tracked this cycle and got results of ovulation propably at day 18 (!). If this was true, I should have already been pregnant due to a false calendar calculation in the past. Or, maybe the stress already causes irregularties, as I don´t have my period on day 33 and I´m not pregnant…
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I heard of it, I thought it was more on frustration because of longer periods of abstaining and how to deal with it, but if this adresses this also, it will be worth a look.
 
Stress can definitely affect when ovulation occurs!

If you have difficulty p(name removed by moderator)ointing ovulation, you might want to consult an instructor. There are a couple different STM methods and one way of tracking symptoms may be more beneficial than another. Or give it a couple cycles and see how it shakes out as you become more familiar. I’m sure there are resources in the online group you belong to, but you can also check at Catholic hospitals or universities - I was pleasantly surprised a few years ago to learn a nearby hospital offered courses.
 
alice24 said:
-check if there happens ovulation, therefor the temperature tracking
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Have you tried ovulation predictors? They sell them at the drug store, they aren’t cheap, or at least not as cheap as pregnancy tests, but maybe they’d give you a more reliable picture. I think the tests check for hormones, which is going to be a lot more certain than temperature readings.
 
Uhh, yeah, I tried at least 3 differnet trademarks and got nearly as much different results- one test was not valid, another positive,another negative - at the same day. The positive matched my secondary cycle symptoms for ovulation, which is good - but at least the temperature curve said the ovulation was 3 days after the ovulation test.
 
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pensmama87 said:
Stress can definitely affect when ovulation occurs!

If you have difficulty p(name removed by moderator)ointing ovulation, you might want to consult an instructor. There are a couple different STM methods and one way of tracking symptoms may be more beneficial than another. Or give it a couple cycles and see how it shakes out as you become more familiar. I’m sure there are resources in the online group you belong to, but you can also check at Catholic hospitals or universities - I was pleasantly surprised a few years ago to learn a nearby hospital offered courses.
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Sadly germany has really only senisplan, I discussed this here on CAF already and some of us were really impressed that there´s really not one other method instructor here. I already have the knowledge of the course they offer here for this method, but atm I feel I will go mad with the constant watching-hoping-being desperate at the end of the month 😦
 
If you are so far off with these indicators I’d recommend seeing a doctor if you haven’t already. It’s not clear from your posts if you have, you mentioned something about medical issues but I don’t know if they have been diagnosed as a fertility issue. There are so many conditions that can effect fertility, some more easily fixed than others.

What’s clear though is hanging out with people online who are obsessed with cycle tracking is not good for you. It can give you unrealistic expectations and spread misinformation. It’s exacerbating your stress.
 
Yes, I have seen a doctor and I´m in medical therapy since last year. The fertility issues are diagnosed by my gyn doc, and from this came the advice to track my cycle symptothermal to see if there´s a chance to get pregnant without medical help - what I would of course highly favour, as I had huge side effects of hormonal therapy in the past and won´t like to deal with this again.
The problem is, the whole online thing aside, this tracking thing makes me mad, and my doctor sees it as necessary for at least three months. If I would stop it now, I would constantly ask myself if something is out of order/irregular etc, and I see I´m really bad at dealing with disappointment. I know there are so many couples who try it longer without success, and I think hard how I can learn patience and accept what will come. Atm it´s hard to pray “thy will be done”…
 
Relax. I know it’s hard to do that, especially when you feel like you are personally failing at something, but you aren’t. It’s perfectly normal for women without irregular cycles or fertility issues to take a year or so to get pregnant. You aren’t doing anything wrong, and you personally have no control over what your eggs do.

As for the tracking, still do it since it is your doctor’s advice, but get offline. The internet really can warp the way we perceive reality, and comparing yourself to these other women is a toxic way of dealing with the situation. Don’t compare yourself to other people because you are an individual. You don’t know what other issues these other women may or may not have, and even if you aren’t actively comparing yourself to them, it still colors your perception of the situation. It will cut down on your stress a lot to stop comparing yourself to other women.
 
CoffeeAndDonuts said:
Relax. I know it’s hard to do that, especially when you feel like you are personally failing at something, but you aren’t. It’s perfectly normal for women without
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Thank you very much. I will try to give it not more than the exact time I need to track each day and try to move on with my thoughts…
Failing, yes…it´s a point, and maybe also a fear of losing control. I was extremely sick as a young woman and it got me years to recover physically and to catch up lost years with work, school, friends, and I tried to live hyper speed the last years when I was still at university. Waiting scares me generally I think.
And yes, I will give this online thing regarding this whole fertility thing a break.
 
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I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. ❤️ I’d also recommend getting off the online support group if it’s just making you stress more about it.

I learned how to chart using Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I tracked using her paper charts for years but now I use an app called WomanLog Pro.

I’ll pray for you about the stress you’re feeling as you wait. I really don’t have any advice, just prayers. I know there are some amazing novenas for pregnancy…have you tried any? It might help keep you calmer and to just put it all in Our Lord’s hands. 🙏
 
Alice,

There is no perfect answers as actively trying to do a baby is stressfull.

It is more, when the couple set a limit date, has some fertility problems, and track the cycle with many signs such as STM method.

When I trying to conceive my first, I arrived at a point where I just don’t understand NFP rules, and have a crisis doubt about NFP effectiveness, and my own fertility. Eve, , if I have not track all cycles. And when you have always belive in that and live that, and know it is your only option, it is very very disturbing.

So the solution that I see, Is to let it to God, and accept his plan, even if it include not to conceive (for a time? forever?). And at the same time, not loose hope, and continue to be open to life and try to have children. But it is not an easy way, take great faith, and cannot be decide with a reasonable decision, and probably not after just 3 mouths.

It was the state of mind, I finally reach after a year. A mixed of submission to the providence, of fatalism, and in the same time, the hope that you had not yet explore all the option. 2 mouths after, I conceive. But It is just my story, and fertility is not the same for all.
For baby 2, it was more relax, because we don’t have a clear plan long before. Not really try to conceive, but not completely try to not conceive. I was sad and revolt because my husband express his will not have any other children. But eventually, he changed, and a five minutes decision leads to a conception…

But, as a consequence I was more invested in my pregnancy for the first than the second.
the other solutions are to continue faithfully for 3 mouths, for have a pattern, and if you don’t conceive, be more relax about observation and track less after. But I think that just 3 mouths will not be representive of your fertility. It is a very short time.

If your are really at the point of being mad, you can make the option to exit from observation, and try it again after when yoy are more at peace, if you don’t conceive in this time. It will be proably difficult to start again, but possible.

And have a great conjugal relation with your husband is very important, if possible. Conselors, or group of speak can be an option too.

Perhaps you can find a prayer programm for those cases?
Pilgrimmages can also be a good dynamic for belivers.
 
alice24 said:
Until the last two months, I´d answered “absolutely regular” because I had always 28/29 days. We used a simple calendar method and I never got pregnant, which seemed to suport this. Now I tracked this cycle and got results of ovulation propably at day 18 (!). If this was true, I should have already been pregnant due to a false calendar calculation in the past.
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Apologies if this has been covered (I haven’t caught up with the thread), but there is a possibility that your luteal phase is not long enough.

www.healthline.com

Short Luteal Phase

After ovulation, some women have a shorter luteal phase, making it harder to get pregnant. Here are the causes, symptoms, and treatment options.
www.healthline.com www.healthline.com
 
This article quote a short luteal phase as one that is less than 10 days.

The O.P have a 28/29 days cycle. If the ovulation take place the day 18, it is not necessary a short luteal phase.
 
Anicette said:
This article quote a short luteal phase as one that is less than 10 days.

The O.P have a 28/29 days cycle. If the ovulation take place the day 18, it is not necessary a short luteal phase.
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I know.

It’s so close, though, that I wonder if it isn’t under 10 days some of the time.
 
It 's perhaps better that the OP continue to track and see by herself if there could be any problem of this kind after several cycles. Than to worry before for something that may be not the case.
 
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