NFP is SOOO SCARY! (possibly too much info)

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AngelBaby99

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Hello to all!

I just had a baby 7 weeks ago and are trying NFP for the first time. I am not confident at all that I am doing my charts right (even with help from my instructor) since my waking temp varies with the new baby and all. I’m pretty sure I am in my luteal phase and last night we did it and I just feel like I am gonna get pregnant.

How do you NFP users feel confident that you aren’t gonna get pregnant when you are trying to avoid?

At first I was all gung ho on the idea of NFP and now that I actually have to practice it I am scared out of my mind!

Any advice?
 
Hi AngelBaby99! I may not the best person to answer your questions, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. From what I’ve heard, the effectiveness of NFP varies anywhere from 75% to 99%, depending on the method used and whether it’s used correctly. I want to mention, though, that the purpose of NFP is not contraception, so being open to the possibility of life is a big part of it, which should in my opinion take away some of the fears that you’re experiencing.

Anyway, just my $0.02 and I’ll let the more qualified people expound on this.
 
I understand that and that is why I am all about it. But having just had a baby and having bills pile up, its a very scary thought to be pregnant again so soon.

I will gladly accept another child but I’m very drained with my first 2.
 
If you’re breastfeeding, I doubt you are fertile only 7 weeks after giving birth… even if you aren’t breastfeeding, that seem a bit early for the return of fertility. Ask your instructor when fertility usually returns for new mothers. If you are this stressed out about getting pregnant again, perhaps you should consider abstaining for just a wee bit longer? If you’re trying NFP for the first time, you might be reading your signs incorrectly. And I’ve heard that charting postpartum is really different than normal charting. You mentioned you think you were in luteal phase; how far in? If you’re a couple of days in, your chances of being fertile are slim.
But don’t take my word for it, talk to your instructor, pester them with questions until you understand what you’re doing, and what your body is doing.
 
Hey angel baby- I just posted almost the same thing in the parenting forum( check it out) its titled scared to get pregnant again so soon) My dd is only 12 weeks old and I am petrified to get pregnant so soon- I got some interesting responses. Good luck to you- I guess it all boils down too- trust in God , pray alot and chart very very carefully.
 
I’m not a prophet, nor am I the son of a prophet, but I’m willing to bet that studies years down the line will show that women who practice NFP catch abnormalities and even malignancies of their reproductive system sooner than women who don’t.

It’s only common sense for a woman to know what’s normal for her body and what isn’t.
 
Hi!
I’ve been there and done it. I’ve been practicing NFP for almost 13 years straight. I have four children, the first three were all c-sections and the last one we adopted last year. All are 7 and under. I home school the children (pre-k, 1st, and 3rd grade.) , and we run our own family business. Private insurance is not only astronomically expensive but a HUGE issue for us since our second child was born with a heart defect and had open heart surgery at the age of five months. My life if full, to say the least.

While waiting for the return of each menstrual cycle after each delivery, life was SCARY!!! I can totally understand. We would abstain if there was ever a doubt. My husband has decided to sleep on the couch many a nights. As a matter of fact, he did last night and will tonight and the next until I pass that “fertile” stage.

I apologize to readers in advance for the blunt talk here, but it is what it is. It takes a lot of will power and prayer for both of us. One thing we noticed with NFP, our sex life is awesome. When we are free to have sex we both enjoy it and appreciate the gift we are giving one another. Sex is never taken for granted in our bed. And, it can be very, very, very difficult for me to abstain as well as my dear hubby. Yes, woman do want it!!! grin (That usually comes after the baby is a bit older though.)

Hang in there. Take one day at a time. One mistake I made was to analyze my cycle to death. I almost became obsessive about it and that can turn off the intimacy as well.

Our marriage has evolved and matured over the years. Now, when one of us is really, really wanting it, and/or needing it and we happen to be in the fertile stage, we offer it up by doing something nice for the other without the physical contact. It is tough. Many a fertile moons I look at my husband and say, “NFP sucks.” But, in reality, I love it. It has been awesome for our marriage. Keep up the good work. I’m proud of you for trying in this post-delivery stage. Hang in there. Sending prayers your way!!!
 
Thank you for all your posts. Its kinda helps to know I am not the only one.

I feel better. You guys are great!
 
Can you try thinking about an earlier-than-expected 3rd baby this way? Think that God has every confidence in you as a Mom, that He knows that you can handle babies only a year apart. If He gives you babies back-to-back even though you were practicing NFP and trying to avoid another pregnancy so soon, He obviously knows something you don’t. He is in control and He isn’t going to send you something you can’t handle. Period. So go ahead and use NFP to avoid another pregnancy so soon, but don’t be consumed with fear of an unplanned pregnancy. Put it in His hands–He knows much, much better than we ever could. 🙂

I used to look at families with babies 13, 14, or 15 months apart and think “Oh my, I’m so glad that’s not me!” but my attitude has changed completely. Now I try to remind myself that God knows best, and if He were to send me babies very close together, it would be for the best. I’m 7 months postpartum and looking forward to the day that He sends me another blessing.

Are you familiar with Ecological Breastfeeding? It works very well if you can exclusively nurse and are a stay at home mom. You can learn more at this website: ccli.org/nfp/ebf/summary.php
This is what we used after our first baby. We didn’t chart at all or use any artificial birth control. Our babies are spaced 25 months apart. We’re also using this now after our second baby, and my fertility hasn’t returned yet at 7 months.
 
bpbasilphx said:
I’m not a prophet, nor am I the son of a prophet, but I’m willing to bet that studies years down the line will show that women who practice NFP catch abnormalities and even malignancies of their reproductive system sooner than women who don’t.

It’s only common sense for a woman to know what’s normal for her body and what isn’t.
Click to expand...
Why do you think this? I should think women who use chemicals or foreign objects to manipulate their fertility would probably develop more health problems than those who do not.
 
Oh, I also wanted to add that my secular midwife told me at my postpartum check-up that as long as baby was receiving 100% of her nutrition from my breastmilk–either pumped or suckled–and the baby was under 6 months old, that was all the “birth control” I needed. So if you’re not following all the rules of ecological breastfeeding to the letter, but you are exclusively breastfeeding, your chances of being fertile are very, very small.
 
Leopard said:
Why do you think this? I should think women who use chemicals or foreign objects to manipulate their fertility would probably develop more health problems than those who do not.
Click to expand...
I think that poster meant “catch” as in “notice” or “pick up on”. Women who are charting all the symptoms of their reproductive system will notice a change sooner than those who don’t 👍
 
CatholicSam said:
I think that poster meant “catch” as in “notice” or “pick up on”. Women who are charting all the symptoms of their reproductive system will notice a change sooner than those who don’t 👍
Click to expand...
Ah! Okay, that makes sense.
 
Learning NFP after having a baby is hard. I used it for several years before I had Jacob and PP charting was still confusing as heck.

The best policy is: When in doubt, abstain. Be prepared for a lot of abstinance until you start getting your cycles back.

I know it’s hard. But it’s only temporary and once your cycles start, things will make more sense to you.
 
Angel,

I’m assuming by your post that your cycles have return. Is that true? We are going through a “return of fertility” right now, too. My wife must have had an anovulatory cycle because we were actively pursuing another child, timed things just so, yet she started her period yesterday.

It is hard with the baby sleeping righ there. You need to rely more on the daily external observations. You can try to cross-check with the rise/fall of the cervix, but some women say that this internal observation disrupts the external observation - and that’s your primary symptom right now.

If worse comes to worse, let the baby sleep in a crib.
 
I have to say, and I don’t think the others meant this, but do not ditch NFP and completely go with the breastfeeding spacing. I know many a parents who had an unexpected, as well miraculous and beautiful, suprise sooner they they anticipated by just following the breastfeeding guidelines. grin CCL explains this in there manual.
 
Ecological breastfeeding rules–natural child spacing:
ccli.org/nfp/ebf/summary.php

<<Chance of Pregnancy

The First 6 Months. The first 8 weeks postpartum for the exclusively breastfeeding mother are so infertile that in 1988 scientists agreed that any vaginal bleeding during the first 56 days postpartum can be ignored for determining amenorrhea or fertility for the exclusively breastfeeding mother. This rule would also apply to the EBF mother.
During the first 3 months postpartum, the chance of pregnancy occurring
is practically nil if the EBF mother remains in amenorrhea.

During the next 3 months postpartum, there is only a 1% chance of
pregnancy if the EBF mother continues to remain in amenorrhea.

After 6 Months. For the nursing mother there is about a 6% chance of pregnancy occurring prior to the first menstruation. This assumes no fertility awareness and unrestricted intercourse. This risk can be reduced to close to 1% through the techniques of systematic natural family planning — observing the signs of fertility and abstaining accordingly.

About 70% of EBF mothers experience their first menstruation between 9 and 20 months postpartum. The average return of menstruation for EBF mothers is between 14 and 15 months.>>

Hope that is a bit helpful. I don’t even start charting until 6 months pp unless I notice mucous–then I’ll temp to see what’s going on.

Jennifer
 
Our experience with two children and EBF has been a return of fertility after 18 and 19 months respectively (ie. no cycles).
 
CatholicSam said:
Think that God has every confidence in you as a Mom, that He knows that you can handle babies only a year apart. He is in control and He isn’t going to send you something you can’t handle.
Click to expand...
God doesn’t just send babies 😉 . We help create them.

Since God chose not to send me more kids, does that mean He doesn’t have confidence in me as a mom? —KCT
 
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