S
sunny_days
Guest
robertmidwest,I don’t get it. I mean, I do get that my story sounds crazy, because IT IS. I often wake up and wonder if this is really my life, because for the most part I have lived my life on the straight and narrow and, yet, I allowed myself to become wrapped up in something that could be on Jerry Springer. I know there are trolls and such all over the internet, but this story is completely true and your comments have added to my hurt. I am a real person and this is my real story. Please do not comment here anymore if you are going to continue questioning my story. It hurts.
PraiseB2God, thanks for your comments. Yes, I have come to the conclusion (a while back) that my husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I haven’t brought this up here because, well, actually because I figured robertmidwest would accuse me of trying to “shift the blame” again. By the way, I am not placing all of the blame on my H. I certainly ignored many red flags prior to the marriage and also contributed to the breakdown of our marriage by not standing up for myself and by letting my self slide further and further into some crazy, sick codependent dance.
Yes, I was taken in by my husband. Ours is really a “storybook” NPD story. Whirlwind romance, married very quickly, not too long before the cracks started to show. The damage this relationship has done to me can not be overstated and I will never be the same person that I was before. Now I know that there are people out there that only see other people as objects to use for their gain. I thank God that He has led me out of this dark pit and saved me, but my view on people has changed and my ability to trust has been taken from me.
PraiseB2God, I did check with my diocese’s tribunal office a couple of weeks ago and they said that there have been cases before like this and that my marriage IS still considered valid and that I would have to seek an annulment after a civil divorce.
Thinking about my marriage and writing about it here is painful because the wounds are very raw. But, as someone said very early in the thread, maybe my story can help someone else avoid a similar situation.
In regards to my husband’s first marriage - a couple of years into our marriage (I think, I really don’t remember exactly when), he told me about this first marriage. The way he spun it was that he and this person decided to get married on the spur of the moment (yes, with benefits in mind) and went to the courthouse. He later found out (or so he told me at the time) that she was married to someone else. So he spun it that it wasn’t really a marriage anyway. We were married and had a child and he was essentially coming clean, so, I got mad, but didn’t do anything else about it. I figured we were in it for the long haul, so it didn’t really make a difference.
Years later, after I found out about the affair and was in the process of moving out last year, I was going through the file cabinet to get my documents out and I found a divorce certificate for this first marriage. It was the kind of thing where you feel like all the blood is draining from your body. Now, this thing that I had blocked out of my mind was right there in front of me, on paper. And I was thinking, if this first marriage wasn’t a real marriage, then why is there a divorce certificate? I went and talked to my pastor about it the next day and he told me that he thought I was still in a valid marriage despite all of this.
I think my motives for staying with him until this point have been because I am trying to forgive, I am trying to provide an intact family for my daughter, I am leaving room for God to restore our marriage. And, I can only come to terms with my situation little by little and move forward VERY slowly. Emotionally, I am not doing well at all right now. I think I have come to the point where I feel I will not be able to improve emotionally while continuing on in this state of limbo. I have read extensively on NPD and know that there is very little hope that he will change.
PraiseB2God, thanks for your comments. Yes, I have come to the conclusion (a while back) that my husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I haven’t brought this up here because, well, actually because I figured robertmidwest would accuse me of trying to “shift the blame” again. By the way, I am not placing all of the blame on my H. I certainly ignored many red flags prior to the marriage and also contributed to the breakdown of our marriage by not standing up for myself and by letting my self slide further and further into some crazy, sick codependent dance.
Yes, I was taken in by my husband. Ours is really a “storybook” NPD story. Whirlwind romance, married very quickly, not too long before the cracks started to show. The damage this relationship has done to me can not be overstated and I will never be the same person that I was before. Now I know that there are people out there that only see other people as objects to use for their gain. I thank God that He has led me out of this dark pit and saved me, but my view on people has changed and my ability to trust has been taken from me.
PraiseB2God, I did check with my diocese’s tribunal office a couple of weeks ago and they said that there have been cases before like this and that my marriage IS still considered valid and that I would have to seek an annulment after a civil divorce.
Thinking about my marriage and writing about it here is painful because the wounds are very raw. But, as someone said very early in the thread, maybe my story can help someone else avoid a similar situation.
In regards to my husband’s first marriage - a couple of years into our marriage (I think, I really don’t remember exactly when), he told me about this first marriage. The way he spun it was that he and this person decided to get married on the spur of the moment (yes, with benefits in mind) and went to the courthouse. He later found out (or so he told me at the time) that she was married to someone else. So he spun it that it wasn’t really a marriage anyway. We were married and had a child and he was essentially coming clean, so, I got mad, but didn’t do anything else about it. I figured we were in it for the long haul, so it didn’t really make a difference.
Years later, after I found out about the affair and was in the process of moving out last year, I was going through the file cabinet to get my documents out and I found a divorce certificate for this first marriage. It was the kind of thing where you feel like all the blood is draining from your body. Now, this thing that I had blocked out of my mind was right there in front of me, on paper. And I was thinking, if this first marriage wasn’t a real marriage, then why is there a divorce certificate? I went and talked to my pastor about it the next day and he told me that he thought I was still in a valid marriage despite all of this.
I think my motives for staying with him until this point have been because I am trying to forgive, I am trying to provide an intact family for my daughter, I am leaving room for God to restore our marriage. And, I can only come to terms with my situation little by little and move forward VERY slowly. Emotionally, I am not doing well at all right now. I think I have come to the point where I feel I will not be able to improve emotionally while continuing on in this state of limbo. I have read extensively on NPD and know that there is very little hope that he will change.
