NFP Support

[Rita77]

op I think you should talk with your priest he could answer the question about going on abc for medical reasons and about abstinence. priest get asked these questions all the time and they have been trained in the Catholic faith on how to answer them.

 

[bearkatjen]

You just confirmed what I said.
Again, refer to the links above. Just as you said “there was a better medication for your medical condition”.

So the doc just covered it up instead of diagnosing and giving something to you the first time around. The pill is a class 1 carcinogen.

I didn’t show other symptoms for my condition when he prescribed the pills. The medication I take now is much more serious than the pill. It’s not something you prescribe by trial and error. My doctor made the right decision with the information he had on hand at the time. He explained the pill to me and how it worked, and asked me if I wanted to give it a try, and I said yes. In fact, none of my ObGyns ever picked up on my condition. My dermatologist did and advised me to bring it up to my ObGyn. Sometimes these things aren’t obvious as one would think.

 

[maryjk]

Abstaining certainly isn’t ideal but what other choice do I have? So yes, I am curious how people who have had to abstain for very extended periods have arranged their lives.

It would certainly make things simpler if the wife had to take birth control pills as her treatment but I’ll leave that up to her doctor.

Most here haven’t had to abstain for long periods of time. I think for us, it was just under 6 months. But that was after a major health issue for my husband, then another health issue for me. Neither of us had the time or energy to even think about relations. So it wasn’t an issue for us.

Some, using NFP, have relations only after ovulation is confirmed. They use a very strict form of NFP to avoid pregnancy. A good NFP teacher can help you with that.

 

[twoangels]

Abstaining certainly isn’t ideal but what other choice do I have? So yes, I am curious how people who have had to abstain for very extended periods have arranged their lives.

It would certainly make things simpler if the wife had to take birth control pills as her treatment but I’ll leave that up to her doctor.

I would say you love each other other ways and not worry so much about the MB issue. That’s not to say that MB is not a sin, but it seems to be viewing marital sex as a way to treat a MB issue. There is a point where you need to see it as a seperate issue and look to the sacraments of healing and ultimately to God’s grace.

My husband and I had to deal with vaginismus for the first year of our marriage. It meant putting ourselves in a lot of sexually compromising positions knowing there was a chance that we’d fail at sex. We failed at it more times than we suceeded. And there was definitely a point where it did feel like even attempting to have sex was just putting my husband in a near occassion of sin. I knew pressuring each other to complete it got in the way of sexual healing. I was petrified of asking the priest for advise for fear he’d shrug his shoulders and tell us we were in a moral condundrum. But ultimately I was told to not worry so much about his temptations.

Another thing we both did was read a lot about the subject. Besides the books that are typically recommended, I’d recommend “Why Humanae Vitae was right.” It is a reader of several articles on the subject. It helped me to really dissect between what the Church teaches about sex and what people deduced the Church teaches while seeking their own personal explanation for other teachings.

Do remember that it is God that makes us Holy. We do not save ourselves. We will always need the sacrament of confession. There are moral situations where we just see “Ok this choice is wrong.” but that the right path is not clear. When I was young, I used to say that gray was just another shade of black, but there are situations where there is black and gray and no white. People who think there are only black and white choices will go into denial that such situations exist or will resort to demeaning the importance of sex in marriage.

Pray. Talk to a priest and keep to the sacrament of confession regularly. One thing about the sacrament is that as you confess the same sin over and over, at least I’ve found that the sacrament gives you the grace to understand the sin more deeply and eventually you start finding the road out. Its ok to go to confession resolved to overcome a sin while you really don’t know how to overcome it. You’re basically telling Jesus “Look I want to stop, but I don’t know how. Help me.”

 

[JacobS]

Well DW’s doctor wants to treat her with Mirena and her confessor said it would be legitimate. I don’t know what will happen. I promised I would never ask her to do NFP, so either she has to use birth control for medical reasons or we abstain.

 

[etmom]

Mirena does not actually treat a medical condition- except to cause infertility or prevent a fertilized egg from implanting.

I cannot imagine having to have Mirena for a medical condition, but if so, I would abstain 100%. I could not take the chance if it acting as an abortifacient, which is one of its expected actions.

 

[1inICXC]

Well DW’s doctor wants to treat her with Mirena and her confessor said it would be legitimate. I don’t know what will happen. I promised I would never ask her to do NFP, so either she has to use birth control for medical reasons or we abstain.

If she will be on mirena, you will still have to abstain.

 

[JacobS]

If she will be on mirena, you will still have to abstain.

Anything she takes will be potentially harmfull to a fetus. It is my understanding abstinence isn’t required.

 

[etmom]

If she were taking something to treat a medical condition, and a side effect was it made her infertile, I don’t believe you would have to abstain. The infertility would be unintended. But the only purpose of Mirena IS a contraceptive- it only prevents pregnancy, that is its sole purpose. It is used only for contraception. Mirena can prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.

If she needs to be on other meds that are harmful to a fetus, then you can use Nfp (utilizing the Marquette method which uses a fertility monitor since your wife’s cycles are difficult for her to interprete) and use phase 3 only for maximum safety of 99% or abstain entirely while she is on the medications.

 

[maryjk]

Well DW’s doctor wants to treat her with Mirena and her confessor said it would be legitimate. I don’t know what will happen. I promised I would never ask her to do NFP, so either she has to use birth control for medical reasons or we abstain.

Taking medication to prevent pregnancy is a sin.

If Mirena is treating a condition, then it is not a sin.

Since she (or you) told the priest it was to treat a condition, of course he would say that it wasn’t sinful. Priests don’t generally ask for your medical records, they go on what you tell them.

The problem is, you know the truth.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Almost everything you’ve said here is incorrect.

No, not the calendar method. the “temperature method” isn’t reliable either.

The pill is the WORST thing to take for irregular cycles. And irregular cycles can be completely healthy.

Doctors don’t usually teach methods.

There are 4 reliable methods. Billings, Sympto thermal, creighton, marquette.

Creighton is connected to napro technology which can help doctors diagnose and treat problems.

You did not understand what I said and invented what I did not say.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

The Pill "regulates"nothing, just overrides a woman’s own hormones. Sure it’s cyclical, but is not therapeutic for irregular cycles. And irregular cycles are not necessarily “unhealthy”, some women are regularly irregular with no pathology, and all women have some irregularity in their lives, from stress or illness or breastfeeding, or whatever. We are human and hormonal, not machines.

The OP has stated that he and his wife are getting help with the medical aspect of their lives, so we don’t need to be giving advice for things we know nothing about. He is asking for advice for living with abstinence.

Abstinence is hard but not impossible. I’m glad my husband didn’t move out in our times of abstinence–post partum, weird cycles. Love is sometimes very sacrificial. Very.

I addressed what the OP said.
It seems you are talking for the OP. Did he gave permission to you?
I think the OP does not need translators nor is a person who does not know how to read.
Nor is he in a trial needing advocates.

 

[ryecroft]

No, I’m training to teach creighton. I know the basic science. All you have to do is read the insert to know what the pill does.

The pill is one of the only things that helped me get my cycle to become slightly normal - I went on it to regulate may cycle among other thing (extremely necessary health reason)- I am currently off of it because we want the doctors to give us the o.k. to try to get pregnant again - but I am very certain I wouldn’t be having a more regular cycle right now had I not gone on it. The pill can be life saving - it does have some good theraputic uses. I am so greatful for it.
God Bless
Rye

p.s. I didn’t finish reading the thread but has anyone mentioned zetek acuvue or lady comp? Sometimes the former can tell cycles even for someone with as weird ones as mine.

also, do we really have to get so snippy on here? we’re supposed to be helping each other - I don’t want this thread to get shut down before the fellow gets the advice he’s searching for - not to be cliche but can’t we all just get along? (I’m sorry because I know I get heated sometimes too)

 

[samiam1611]

But the only purpose of Mirena IS a contraceptive- it only prevents pregnancy, that is its sole purpose. It is used only for contraception.

I have Mirena for health reasons. My insurance is Catholic, and will not pay for contraceptives unless they are being used to treat a medical condition.
They initially denied coverage, as per their policy. Then I wrote them a letter and my doctor write them a letter saying it was for my condition. Coverage was approved. Mirena is Catholic-approved.

By the way Mirena is indicated for the following medical conditions:
menorrhagia
endometriosis
chronic pelvic pain
dysmenorrhea
treatment and prevention of uterine fibroids
endometriosis
adenomyosis

This information is widely available so I’m not sure where you got the idea it is only for contraception. Oh well. Now you know

 

[etmom]

I have Mirena for health reasons. My insurance is Catholic, and will not pay for contraceptives unless they are being used to treat a medical condition.
They initially denied coverage, as per their policy. Then I wrote them a letter and my doctor write them a letter saying it was for my condition. Coverage was approved. Mirena is Catholic-approved.

By the way Mirena is indicated for the following medical conditions:
menorrhagia
endometriosis
chronic pelvic pain
dysmenorrhea
treatment and prevention of uterine fibroids
endometriosis
adenomyosis

This information is widely available so I’m not sure where you got the idea it is only for contraception. Oh well. Now you know

well, with any luck the OP’s wife has one of those conditions, then apparently they don’t need to concern themselves about any abortifacient actions of the device. I stand corrected, I got my info from my dr who obviously is misinformed as well.

I would be shocked if a woman, who had no need of contraceptives, went in complaining of chronic pelvic pain or endometriosis and left with a Mirena device.

 

[casey_zia]

I addressed what the OP said.

He was asking for advice about living with abstinence. You listed types of NFP and suggested the Pill might help regulate cycles. So you did not address the OP’s initial question.

It seems you are talking for the OP. Did he gave permission to you? I think the OP does not need translators nor is a person who does not know how to read. Nor is he in a trial needing advocates.

I guess it just read the post differently from you. Is it wrong to re-direct and re-focus to the original quest?

 

[ryecroft]

I would say you love each other other ways and not worry so much about the MB issue. That’s not to say that MB is not a sin, but it seems to be viewing marital sex as a way to treat a MB issue. There is a point where you need to see it as a seperate issue and look to the sacraments of healing and ultimately to God’s grace.

My husband and I had to deal with vaginismus for the first year of our marriage. It meant putting ourselves in a lot of sexually compromising positions knowing there was a chance that we’d fail at sex. We failed at it more times than we suceeded. And there was definitely a point where it did feel like even attempting to have sex was just putting my husband in a near occassion of sin. I knew pressuring each other to complete it got in the way of sexual healing. I was petrified of asking the priest for advise for fear he’d shrug his shoulders and tell us we were in a moral condundrum. But ultimately I was told to not worry so much about his temptations.

Another thing we both did was read a lot about the subject. Besides the books that are typically recommended, I’d recommend “Why Humanae Vitae was right.” It is a reader of several articles on the subject. It helped me to really dissect between what the Church teaches about sex and what people deduced the Church teaches while seeking their own personal explanation for other teachings.

Do remember that it is God that makes us Holy. We do not save ourselves. We will always need the sacrament of confession. There are moral situations where we just see “Ok this choice is wrong.” but that the right path is not clear. When I was young, I used to say that gray was just another shade of black, but there are situations where there is black and gray and no white. People who think there are only black and white choices will go into denial that such situations exist or will resort to demeaning the importance of sex in marriage.

Pray. Talk to a priest and keep to the sacrament of confession regularly. One thing about the sacrament is that as you confess the same sin over and over, at least I’ve found that the sacrament gives you the grace to understand the sin more deeply and eventually you start finding the road out. Its ok to go to confession resolved to overcome a sin while you really don’t know how to overcome it. You’re basically telling Jesus “Look I want to stop, but I don’t know how. Help me.”

I don’t generally agree with you out right with regards to issues having to do with NFP and/or birth control, but I think you’ve given some of the best advice here.

I also wanted to warn the OP - someone mentioned having sex after having ovulated- from having had an “oops” where we followed all the signs - we were told that one of our oopses could have been one of two thing - one of them was a secondary ovulation that was not obvious at all (I guess if you’ve ovulated, wait and have sex much later and wind up with a plus sign then you’ve had a secondary ovulation)-

God Bless
Rye

 

[moon1234]

meh, I can live with it. I just remind myself I’m no catch myself.

Does she EVER have a period at all? If yes then you KNOW when you have “safe” times around her period. I mean if your talking about decades of no sex, that seems strange.

Will a pregnancy kill her? Doctors are famous for being WRONG regarding the risks of pregnancy.

 

[maryjk]

Does she EVER have a period at all? If yes then you KNOW when you have “safe” times around her period. I mean if your talking about decades of no sex, that seems strange.

Will a pregnancy kill her? Doctors are famous for being WRONG regarding the risks of pregnancy.

How do you test your theory? Have her get pregnant, then if she doesn’t die, they were WRONG? And if she does, oh well, I guess they were right?

Comments like yours are the reason that we go to doctors for medical information and not the internet.

 

[ryecroft]

well, with any luck the OP’s wife has one of those conditions, then apparently they don’t need to concern themselves about any abortifacient actions of the device. I stand corrected, I got my info from my dr who obviously is misinformed as well.

I would be shocked if a woman, who had no need of contraceptives, went in complaining of chronic pelvic pain or endometriosis and left with a Mirena device.

I went in with excessive cramping and major bleeding and came out with an IUD at one point - not looking for a contraceptive at all.
God Bless
Rye