NFP use

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Atreyu

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My girlfriend and I are very close to becoming engaged, but she has many reservations about using NFP (oh, and she’s not a Catholic yet either, but I’m working on that! :p) . Basically, she doesn’t want to have 10 kids. I don’t really either - I think it would be about right to say that both of us want to have about 4 or at most 5 kids. My question is, is it morally acceptable to use NFP to restrict how many kids we have to about 4 or 5? And is this physically possible? I have been doing a little bit of research into this, but any help would be great!
 
I don’t think the average couple nowadays could afford 10 kids (that couple in Arkansas with 16 is RICH). You have a duty as a couple to have only children you can provide for and a duty to God to be open to any children He wants to give you. Spacing and limiting the number of children is fine if you have good reason, but you must have good reason. I’m sure that right now your fiancee is probably having some normal anxieties about parenthood and marriage and the great responsibility it entails. She’s probably also a bit under the influence of the secular world which tells you that children are a burden and ridiculously expensive, etc. Pray with her and for her very much because it is SOOOOOO important that you two enter married life together on the same page with regards to openness to life. Raising kids is not as expensive as people who want to sell you things would have you believe, especially if you realize that buying them store brand instead of brand name things is not abuse. They are truly gifts from God, lives entrusted to you, and living symbols of you and she becoming one flesh. I think with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and once she gets some confidence with the first child, things will fall into place, but DO NOT enter this marriage before her fears about openness to life are assuaged.
NFP is also 99% effective when used correctly, so it would be completely possible to only have 4 or 5 little rugrats. We are going for 8. Eventually. It’s a process. 🙂
 
There are plenty of posts about morality of spacing kids, limiting kids etc, so I won’t go into that.

What I would say is that how you feel now is likely to change. Once you have children, you almost become a different person. Don’t decide now you only want 4 or 5. God may only see fit to give you 1 or 2. You may love having kids and want 6 or 7. That’s the great thing about NFP - you can abstain if there is some reason not to conceive or enjoy if you hope to conceive 🙂 —KCT
 
Start on NFP NOW while you are still engaged. That way she gets to know her body’s symptoms of fertility NOW, while there is no pressure to be sure she’s right!

By the time the wedding comes along she’ll be a pro and her understanding of how simple it is will alleviate her anxieties. Those who are anxious about NFP are usually those who are ignorant about it.

I recommend starting with the Billing Method if there are any instructors local. For those women with easily read mucus symptoms, it is by far the simplest routine to live with. If her mucus patterns are hard to figure out, then move on to multi-symptom methods (which means living with the thermometer).
 
Atreyu,

When you say you don’t want to have 10 kids, I’m willing to bet that isn’t what you mean to say. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing what you and your girlfriend are really trying to say is that you don’t want to be stressed out and worn thin with the rigors of parenthood?

**If **you found yourself with 5 kids, and thought, “gee this is easier than we thought? And more fun too!” I’ll bet you would say, hey let’s have another.

That’s what NFP is all about. It’s not about a number of kids, its about having as many kids as you can while maintaining your sanity.

When you reach that point where God doesn’t want you to have anymore, you’ll get the grace to abstain through the fertile phases. With the current state of our nation, I think young parents will have it good. I think God is going to begin making the differences between contracepting couples and NFP couples stark and obvious.
 
Thanks for your replies everyone. They’ve been both informative and funny! I think I’ll have to check out some of the threads on the morality of spacing kids. Also, I think Jacqe really hit the problem on the head, and I love this quote:
That’s what NFP is all about. It’s not about a number of kids, its about having as many kids as you can while maintaining your sanity.
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Thanks everyone!
 
I like this:
Black Jaque:
It’s not about a number of kids, its about having as many kids as you can while maintaining your sanity.

When you reach that point where God doesn’t want you to have anymore, you’ll get the grace to abstain through the fertile phases.
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You say “grace”, I say “abject fear”? :eek:

:rotfl:

To the OP:
Seriously, Atreyu, when it comes to the moral side of the equation, don’t fret over this too much. Despite what some may say, the guideline for limiting family size is “just cause”. Not “serious reasons”, not “grave reasons”. Your children will drive you nuts and break your heart, sometimes simultaneously. When it comes time to make the decision, you’ll feel the pull both ways. And if and when God makes the decision for you, you’ll feel the panic and the joy, and the calm that comes from placing your family in his hands. That’s life. Enjoy it.

I’ll also echo the advice given elsewhere to start NFP now. Even so, don’t fret over the honeymoon if you are fertile: if you need to wait, wait; if you don’t, don’t. Our first was a wedding night child (instant family!) and while I can appreciate the “couple” time we may have missed (especially at 7 am being jumped on by a four-year-old in bed) I can’t imagine missing out on having a kid and being young enough to really play with her.

Good luck and God Bless!
 
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marcadam:
Despite what some may say, the guideline for limiting family size is “just cause”. Not “serious reasons”, not “grave reasons”.
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You’re mistaken here. Check out Evangelium Vitae, 97. In the case of NFP, “serious reasons” are the “just cause”.

God bless,

Agricola
 
I have to agree with agricola.

Due to my serious health problems, DH and I are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy. NFP does work when used appropriately but it requires commitment and responsibility from both partners but isn’t that what marriage is about? Can the same be said about contraception where the drug companies motive is only for profit and not the well being of women. (side effects are stroke, clots, heart attack, and even death.)

I can honestly say that w/everything I went through last year (stroke and clot on brain) our marriage is much stronger due to using NFP. My husband went above and beyond to see to it that I got the appropriate care I needed and he took over all of the housework (cooking and cleaning) until I was able to do it. He likes to cook anyway but when I am sick, he makes sure that I get enough fluids and am comfortable when I’m in pain due to my crohn’s disease. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

God bless,
Lisa
 
I stand corrected:
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Agricola:
You’re mistaken here. Check out Evangelium Vitae, 97. In the case of NFP, “serious reasons” are the “just cause”.
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However, consider this, paragraph 4:

Humanae Vitae, 16, requires “well-grounded reasons”. This is in a section that in the latin reads: “Si igitur iustae adsint causae…” My Latin is really weak, but I think the “iustae causae” may be the source phrase, and could be read as “just cause/reasons”.

Also, CCC 2368 explicitly says “just reasons” (in this translation, again).

Ah, but wait, now check HV, 10:
Pope Paul VI:
With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons (“seriis causis”) and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.
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My undoing is complete. :rolleyes:

The variouos texts suggest that “just cause” and “serious reasons” are indeed practically equivalent in this context, especially considering the limitations of the reasons in succeeding CCC paragraphs. I shouldn’t have painted a difference between them in my original response.

Thanks!
 
My gf is a med student, and would really like to specialise in paediatrics. She still has a few years to go before she can even start the program for the specialty. Does this constitute a just cause?
 
Paul VI deliberately didn’t list examples what was just and what wasn’t. You gotta pray and decide.

If you want my opinion, sure that’s just. But you gotta decide for yourselves what your motivations for all things are.
 
My gf is a med student, and would really like to specialise in paediatrics. She still has a few years to go before she can even start the program for the specialty. Does this constitute a just cause?
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I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll learn as you go. That’s one of the problems we have whenever this “just cause/grave reason” mumbo-jumbo gets tossed in.

Because you are practicing NFP, and you are married, you are not sinning when you have sex. Period.

God may be calling you to get pregnant sooner than your plans would indicate. But this is another thing that people will needlessly get uptight about. Worrying about whether your reason is “just” is like worrying about whether you’re being selfish when praying to God for a raise or a promotion.
 
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marcadam:
Our first was a wedding night child (instant family!) and while I can appreciate the “couple” time we may have missed (especially at 7 am being jumped on by a four-year-old in bed) I can’t imagine missing out on having a kid and being young enough to really play with her.
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Well, we’ve found that having children makes the need for an alarm clock obsolete 🙂 And those days that we do oversleep, it’s by 10-15 minutes at the most!
 
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