NFP with a non-Catholic spouse - how does that work?

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

Because sexual sins are the grave sins (mortal sins if the three conditions are fulfilled) that cause the most problems for the most people, and threaten to drag the most people into hell, at least in our culture

Again, bit assumption.

I would think that envy, sloth and hate are far more common that sexual sins.

I’m assuming you meant to say “big” assumption.

Envy, sloth, and the disliking/exasperation/irritation/aversion forms of “hate” can be venially or mortally sinful, depending on the gravity of the matter. If I am mildly jealous of my neighbor, if I don’t want to be bothered to pray as much as I should (even if I do pray in my daily life), or if I find my neighbor a pain in the neck and wish he would just stay out of my way, none of these things are serious enough to drive the Holy Spirit out of our souls.

On the other hand, sexual sins, if actualized, sufficiently known, fully consented to, and completed, are always mortal sins. Big difference.

I’m not suggesting that you are saying this, but I am very much troubled by the recent trend (past 20 years or so) to regard so many sins as “grave” regardless of parvity of matter. I see a creeping tendency among faithful Catholics to regard any violation of the Ten Commandments as a grave sin, and this reeks of Jansenism. Stealing a small item (and I do not condone this) or telling a small lie (ditto) is only a venial sin. It does not merit eternal damnation. Traditional catechisms were always very emphatic about this. I would really like to see us return to the traditional bifurcation of venial and mortal sin — or would that make things too clear-cut where fuzziness and imprecision is desired by some?

Again, you didn’t say any of this, and I always respect your posts, but this is just a trend I see, and I find it disturbing.

 

[rosejmj]

Yes, but of all the capital sins, lust is seen as the least worst traditionally. And I would guess most sexual sins are not mortal sins for most people honestly. Many people don’t find it sinful and many people who do commit sexual sins due to weakness which may reduce culpability for them. If that is true, maybe more people are committing other mortal sins and less mortal sins against purity are being committed. Not that we can really know

 

[HomeschoolDad]

Yes, but of all the capital sins, lust is seen as the least worst traditionally. And I would guess most sexual sins are not mortal sins for most people honestly. Many people don’t find it sinful and many people who do commit sexual sins due to weakness which may reduce culpability for them. If that is true, maybe more people are committing other mortal sins and less mortal sins against purity are being committed. Not that we can really know

That is true, sexual sins have been seen traditionally as more understandable, more easily forgivable, because human nature inclines towards them, and is incredibly weak where they are concerned. A normal person does not ever get an irresistible urge to steal a large amount of money, to profane the Blessed Sacrament, or to kill someone. The sex urge is powerful because that is the way nature is designed, and if we do not fight it, we will end up doing anything we feel like doing. As a confessor once told me, you must resist beginnings, because if you don’t, if you expose yourself to near occasions of mortal sin of the flesh, you won’t be able to resist and it’ll all be over.

We cannot know how many people are damned due to sins of the flesh — Almighty God does not reveal that sort of thing to us — but as I have said in these forums many times, Our Lady of Fatima warned that more people go to hell for sins of the flesh than for any other sins. Something to consider.

 

[halogirl]

I’ve got a non Catholic spouse and in our case I got lucky in that he loves me to the point where he is prepared to go along with NFP even though he never really wanted a child (although was open to life ). So when our child is born we will be using NFP or abstinence until menopause. He’s really looking forward to the baby arriving now but has already said he doesn’t want another plus it would be risky on every level for us given my age, our situation etc. I figure abstinence is the least I can do as a compromise for someone who’s totally done thing my way (I’m honestly not too bothered if I’m honest - we are as close as could be in all other ways ) and for medical reasons had to abstain for a year anyway before now. I converted after we married so never really had the conversation before that. So not every couple is contracepting and it can work but you must be on the same page