Nice guys finish last belief

[Jay82]

it seems like “nice girls” are always the ones that are too busy doing school work or saving the world to have boyfriends.

Looking back, I was probably one of the ‘nice guys’ who was generally too busy to put a lot of effort into finding a girlfriend in college. Even so, many of the nice girls I found desirable were also too ‘focused’ on school and didn’t want a relationship (with anyone).

I’m starting to wonder if this is God’s way of saying “you gave it a good shot, but please, take the hint, you’re supposed to be a priest/friar/monk/lifelong bachelor!”

I don’t know how old you are, but if you are still in college, you have plenty of time/opportunities to meet women.

 

[TedDC]

I’m getting rather tired of asking people out, because it seems like “nice girls” are always the ones that are too busy doing school work or saving the world to have boyfriends.

Trust me, when they find the right guy (never you or me, unfortunately), somehow they’ll find the time for him, schoolwork or saving the world notwithstanding. I’ve seen it all too many times.

 

[chevalier]

Yup, Ted is right. The lack of time, lack of ability to focus and similar excuses generally have little to do with reality and they’re a “nice” (not really) way of saying a guy isn’t spectacular enough.

 

[The_Bucket]

TWhat is it you want from me? I don’t lie (thanks be to God), I write girly love poetry, play guitar, most people seem to consider me funny… all the things my Dad told me would make me the most desirable guy once you get past high school. I’m not a model or anything but I don’t think I’m unattractive enough to disgust people.

Well first, stop writing girly poetry. It’s good to have a sensitive side and my wife loves that I can write eloquently. Personally, I just find it useful for my trade as a writer, but I digress. But you can’t lead with that stuff if you expect to land a girl who is looking for the traditional “protector” type guy.

You want to be good at sports, or at least very interested in them. Be fit, be tough and above all, be confident! That last one is the most important thing for a man in attracting a woman. Period. Everything comes from confidence. After all, as a man you’re called to be the rock in the family and head of the household. I admittedly struggle with this as I’m a bit sensitive for a tough guy and a bit of a worrier. But when life through me real challenges (like my son being born extremely prematurely and nearly dying multiple times) I was helped by God to be that rock that my wife needed, despite her professed independent streak.

Lead with confidence, humor and a dash of toughness and then after you’ve let girls talk all about themselves let them find out about your sensitive and poetic side. It’s all a balance; yes girls love a man with that sensitive side, but they want to “discover it” or “bring it out” not have it shoved in their faces because above all they want men to be strong and confident. You know, someone they can lean on!

 

[Nec5]

Well first, stop writing girly poetry.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’d like to be married. How about you?

hahaha. Horrific.

 

[EphelDuath]

I’m not an athletic person and I never will be. I’m not overweight but I’m never ever going to be good at soccer or football.

Nevertheless, I do have confidence. I honestly took the “just have self-confidence!” mantra to heart, and it hasn’t been getting me anywhere.

 

[The_Bucket]

I’m not an athletic person and I never will be. I’m not overweight but I’m never ever going to be good at soccer or football.

Nevertheless, I do have confidence. I honestly took the “just have self-confidence!” mantra to heart, and it hasn’t been getting me anywhere.

Well fair enough. I mean, I was slated to be a backup goalkeeper in division III soccer and trained mixed martial arts but never had a pro fight. I’m not a great athlete, but I do try to keep myself in shape. That’s important in showing that you have discipline, but there’s a bad side where girls hate guys that get hung up on their OWN looks. No girl wants a guy that’s a diva! So you don’t have to be a great athlete; my point was be in shape and take an interest in some masculine things. I’m addicted to sports and politics, definitely manly areas, but I am terrible at anything related to tools and carpentry. It’s embarrassing actually; I just don’t know anything about being handy and despite repeated attempts I’ve only gotten mildly better. At least my wife is pretty handy so we don’t end up with everything broken around the house.

But what every guy should do is boost his strengths and cover his weaknesses. If you’re not a great athlete, be handy. If your jokes fall flat, work around it. And if you really aren’t getting anywhere with confidence, you’re not really taking it to heart. Women can sense when that layer of confidence is only skin deep, so cover it up. Either really believe it or go with the “oh I don’t really have confidence in myself, I’m really not that great” but be sure to drop that line after you’ve said or done something that’s charmed her. Because then you’ve revealed the truth but she takes it as being modest and you get a secondary boost! For the record, I did exactly that on my second date with my wife. She later came to recognize that yes, I have self-confidence but I’m also kind of sensitive. It was an appropriate way to start to open up a bit about myself while also trying to be charming.

This is all for early dating stuff, just to get your foot in the door. Once you’re past that, I’d never advocate for any “gaming” of a woman beyond the standard courting, chasing and all that fun stuff. But take your approach to women as you would a job interview; you exude confidence, you talk about your strengths, you get her to talk about herself and what she does or what she’s interested in and you admit some flaws but deflect most of it. The only difference with this “job interview” is that you want to be a bit mysterious to get her hooked in. Then once you’re dating you can slowly be totally yourself and hopefully she does the same so you can see what it would be like to be with her for good.

But it’s not dishonest to game a little bit. Hey, women put on makeup and spend an hour on their hair to make guys take a second look; why can’t you have a little edge too?!

 

[chevalier]

But it’s not dishonest to game a little bit. Hey, women put on makeup and spend an hour on their hair to make guys take a second look; why can’t you have a little edge too?!

Games are best kept to the yard.

 

[The_Bucket]

So then there’s nothing to the dance? Nothing to the process of courting? I’m not talking of anything nefarious or anything artificial, I’m just talking about how to get your foot in the door, get a girl interested. If a girl came into a club or bar or whatever wearing scrubs and no makeup, would she catch your eye? Unlikely, and then you’d miss out on finding out if she’s the best woman out there! Same goes for guys, but it’s not as simple as wearing your hair right, putting on makeup and wearing something that flatters your figure for us dudes.

 

[chevalier]

So then there’s nothing to the dance? Nothing to the process of courting? I’m not talking of anything nefarious or anything artificial, I’m just talking about how to get your foot in the door, get a girl interested.

That’s a part where there’s got to be some reality and a solid objective foundation. A cardhouse takes a little gust of wind to bring down, even if sometimes it stands for years.

If a girl came into a club or bar or whatever wearing scrubs and no makeup, would she catch your eye?

Possibly.

Unlikely, and then you’d miss out on finding out if she’s the best woman out there! Same goes for guys, but it’s not as simple as wearing your hair right, putting on makeup and wearing something that flatters your figure for us dudes.

I’m sorry, but that doesn’t hold together. Make-up and the like corresponds with making sure the suit lies right, the shirt matches and so on, in other words, looks. Looks are passive. Games are behaviour and they are active. Two different cups of tea.

For the record, I can outgame any player and flirt my way out of any problem. In French. Not to mention I’m the master of small talk and all cheese thereunto appertaining and some of my exploits are legendary. I just don’t care for games and this is not the type of thing I would like to owe a woman to, let alone build a relationship on. I associate games with personality issues or forms of dishonesty and I have no high opinion about the readiness for a serious adult partnership of people who won’t become interested and ready to commit without being sufficiently played with. As far as dance goes, I always say a dance is good when the woman doesn’t know where it’s going any second and she has to hold fast to you the life of her, but play such games with her head is a different cup of tea. Unfortunately, bad boy manoeuvres generally almost always win mid-term (short-term one can get some nice fireworks and long-term one supposedly wins), but who cares, I’m not gonna play like there’s no Geneva convention anyway, and I’m still standing, so who cares, I’ll survive.

 

[whatevergirl]

 

[chevalier]

Here, coke’s on the house!

 

[TurboVW]

I was and still am the “nice guy” at 25.

College: busy, I commuted, had jobs and internships, but met girls and had a brief relationship with one before she moved. She was thrilled to find a Catholic guy at a Catholic university.

Now, I’m still the “nice guy.” People my age are in serious relationships, co-habitating, and some are marrying after co-habitating.

Really, I don’t know what to do, and I live in a city of 3 million. I have tried meeting others though the parish young-adult route. That was limiting and produced some “interesting” females.

I think I should just show strength and confidence 100% of the time. It’s just hard when dates laugh in your face when they get on the inevitable topics of religion and values…

 

[Nec5]

People my age are in serious relationships, co-habitating, and some are marrying after co-habitating.

And that’s why they fail.

 

[chevalier]

I think I should just show strength and confidence 100% of the time. It’s just hard when dates laugh in your face when they get on the inevitable topics of religion and values…

I doubt you’d be happy with anyone inclined to laugh at religion even if you were lucky enough to avoid seeing it happen. Those are simply not women for you unless you’re called to convert one of them and I’m in no way implying that you are.

 

[kelleyclip]

After talking with older couples that have been married for most of their lives, the best advice they gave me was: “When you get married, make sure he/she is your best friend. Someone that you can tell anything and everything to, someone who you can trust your life with and inevitably trust your children’s lives with. That person is special because you love them unconditionally in every way, and you should think of them as your sexy best friend.” If some of you are still looking for the right person, you haven’t met your best friend yet. You’ll find them when you least expect it.

 

[TurboVW]

I doubt you’d be happy with anyone inclined to laugh at religion even if you were lucky enough to avoid seeing it happen. Those are simply not women for you unless you’re called to convert one of them and I’m in no way implying that you are.

…and that’s when I realize they aren’t women for me.

 

[chevalier]

…and that’s when I realize they aren’t women for me.

Bingo, although strange things happen sometimes. We’ve been missionary-dating since 5th century or earlier, after all. I sometimes wonder.

 

[whatevergirl]

Here, coke’s on the house!

The thread that keeps on giving…I mean, going.

 

[irishman33]

Games are best kept to the yard.

So what if the girl is in the yard? jk

Jokes aside, I’d have to agree with The Bucket on this one. I would never suggest lying to a woman to get her attention, but you have to get your foot in the door somehow. Be completely honest, but reach into your bag of expertise and pull out something that may get her attention. In a conversation bring up something about yourself that is interesting or unique. Maybe it’s a talent or a skill that not a lot of people have, or knowledge that not a lot of people know. There is a difference between dishonesty and tact.