Nice guys finish last belief

[SarahR]

I would also find someone close that you trust if you find yourself constantly at the short end of the dating stick, to give you a true assessment of what they think you are doing to cause this to happen. You might be enlightened to changing some things that you yourself can’t see in yourself. Just my ramblings. *

Yes yes yes. Ask your buddies’ wives if you have to.

 

[chevalier]

Yes yes yes. Ask your buddies’ wives if you have to.

Done that. Enlightening but non-conclusive in my case. My own theories might be more up to the goal in the end, paradoxically (not necessarily the Triad Theory), but I’m a special case. I was a history buff always but also an IT maniac from my earliest days (I’ve played since age 7, coded since age 13 and I set up my first server at 15), I later found myself more and more involved in computer games as a hobby and went to a highschool that crawled me through Latin and Greek, offering certain specific formation (before I was much more of a mediaevalist), and psychology was my choice of reading (apar from sci-fi and fantasy). Then I went on to study law and tutored people in English (I’m neither American nor from the US, surprise! ) and Latin, while remaining a nerd, not to say I didn’t have or train people skills (which I did, profusely, since already back in highschool). Now I’m “finishing” Ph.D. in law while starting a translation firm. I’m just not your normal dood. Everything is different. It’s not uncommon for women to find me very good-looking, charismatic, interesting… (I’m snipping the adjectives or you’ll find me delusional), but not a match, no matter how e.g. they like talking to me and spending time with me, giving them impression they’ve known me for many years (real quote, makes me uncomfortable, but hey, for the sake of illustration). It’s just not their world perhaps. Don’t know what gives, really, but I see room for possible non-compatibility, I’m just not the match of a normal person, I suppose.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Stop…you are a great guy, chev. We know this to be true, those of us who know you…you’ll find the right woman someday…you just haven’t found her yet. Just be sure to not seek out women who are not the right ones, as it relates to values, because you’ll find yourself compromising a lot in life, and many can attest in other threads here, that compromising to have a person of the opposite sex on your arm, isn’t worth it. No matter how pretty she might be.

God bless! And a hug, of course. :hug1:*

 

[chevalier]

Thank you. I don’t despair, I just spew some vitriol in topics like this one. Just kidding. I kinda want to sit back and concentrate on turning the new “company” into a bit of a shark (I’m doing my worst with Sun’s equivalent of Power Point and looking forward to getting some snazzy toys) plus finishing the Ph.D. (I have a beautiful stunt planned for the awarding occasion), but in the current state of things this would involve giving up on a certain specifc person, which I am reluctant to do for a number of reasons, including principle.

 

[dakotagirl]

*I don’t think nice guys finish last…but I know bitter ones do. If men grow bitter…it shows to women. Women are not ‘‘things’’…we’re human beings, and while our gender has some commonalities, of course …we are all unique thinkers, and the same man won’t appeal to all women. Commit this to memory, some of you.

And women don’t owe men something for a few dinners…or whatever. They don’t. It’s either there or it isn’t. Finding a partner for marriage can be hard, in the sense that you are (or should be) looking for someone who shares the faith…I hear that is hard to find these days, along with the other characteristics someone might be looking for…but don’t despair. There are not right or wrong people…there are people who are right for YOU. But, as long as men and women look at one another as puzzles to figure out, or a maze to travel through or a code to be cracked (grrrr)…they will find themselves alone, and bitter about it. Treat people as you would want to be treated…if a guy does this, he will attract the right woman for him. But, if he thinks he’s going to ‘‘xyz’’ and it should attract any and all women of his liking to him, he has tons to learn about human beahvior. Every woman is unique. Every woman is different. If you don’t start believing this, then you will be alone for most of your life.

I say this as a general statement, I’m not addressing any one person here.

I would also find someone close that you trust if you find yourself constantly at the short end of the dating stick, to give you a true assessment of what they think you are doing to cause this to happen. You might be enlightened to changing some things that you yourself can’t see in yourself. Just my ramblings. *

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

 

[dakotagirl]

Chev: There is a God.

And, I hate to say this (yes I should, no I shouldn’t, wait I really shouldn’t, yes I should) there are some types of people who always win arguments even when they are wrong.

 

[chevalier]

Chev: There is a God.

I don’t doubt that. Where the idea from?

And,

I hate to say this (yes I should, no I shouldn’t, wait I really shouldn’t, yes I should) there are some types of people who always win arguments even when they are wrong. *

Yes, but we know you’re a good person anyway.

 

[Rose71]

:thumbsup:Whatevergirl is right

I’m not going to copy her entire last post here - just be real men and take it upon yourselves to scroll back and read it

I laughed out loud at the alpha / beta - orbit thing I think some of you have forgotten the fact that women are human beings too - not laboratory rats.

Nice guys do not finish last - but if we are using racing metaphors, the ones less likely to be first past the post are the ones who are too busy analysing the opposition to remember to actually run

 

[whatevergirl]

:thumbsup:Whatevergirl is right

I’m not going to copy her entire last post here - just be real men and take it upon yourselves to scroll back and read it

I laughed out loud at the alpha / beta - orbit thing I think some of you have forgotten the fact that women are human beings too - not laboratory rats.

Nice guys do not finish last - but if we are using racing metaphors, the ones less likely to be first past the post are the ones who are too busy analysing the opposition to remember to actually run

*haha Exactly…lab rats, how appropriate! lol Yes, women are not the opposition, guys…and some of you do tend to view it that way. Like this is a game, and you’re figuring out how to win…and you have a notion that in order to win, you have to become ‘‘mean spirited’’ or ‘‘bad boys,’’ no. I think that if you spend less time analyzing every move you’re making and she’s making, and just live life…you’ll be happier. And face it, you’ll never fully figure us out, anyways. *

 

[dakotagirl]

*haha Exactly…lab rats, how appropriate! lol Yes, women are not the opposition, guys…and some of you do tend to view it that way. Like this is a game, and you’re figuring out how to win…and you have a notion that in order to win, you have to become ‘‘mean spirited’’ or ‘‘bad boys,’’ no. I think that if you spend less time analyzing every move you’re making and she’s making, and just live life…you’ll be happier. And face it, you’ll never fully figure us out, anyways. *

hehehe…yes.

 

[dakotagirl]

Yes, but we know you’re a good person anyway.

That’s true.
All I’m saying is that I realize such people can handle anything, and are always right, but if they ever choose to change their minds on that, it might not be social, professional, emotional, or even - gasp - romantic relationship suicide such as they might suppose.

 

[chevalier]

I laughed out loud at the alpha / beta - orbit thing I think some of you have forgotten the fact that women are human beings too - not laboratory rats.

As one great law professor harvesting cash in private practice said, “the beginning of good practice is good theory.”

Nice guys do not finish last - but if we are using racing metaphors, the ones less likely to be first past the post are the ones who are too busy analysing the opposition to remember to actually run

I’m sorry, I don’t run. I gently circle the prey.

*haha Exactly…lab rats, how appropriate! lol Yes, women are not the opposition, guys…and some of you do tend to view it that way. Like this is a game, and you’re figuring out how to win…and you have a notion that in order to win, you have to become ‘‘mean spirited’’ or ‘‘bad boys,’’ no. I think that if you spend less time analyzing every move you’re making and she’s making, and just live life…you’ll be happier. And face it, you’ll never fully figure us out, anyways. *

Becoming mean spirited or bad boys would be ceding victory to the other team voluntarily. Je n’en aura rien!

On the other hand, may I remind you what the great Socrates said, as reported by Plato? “A life not examined is a life not worth living.” Granted, I’m not sure one should take relationship advice from Socrates, but anyway.

 

[chevalier]

That’s true.
All I’m saying is that I realize such people can handle anything, and are always right, but if they ever choose to change their minds on that, it might not be social, professional, emotional, or even - gasp - romantic relationship suicide such as they might suppose.

Yes, Foreman, I hear you.

 

[whatevergirl]

*EXAMINED, not over-analyzed with a fine tooth comb…until you can’t see straight.

I wonder if Socrates could be credited with the phrase…’‘stop beating a dead horse?’’



Happy Monday, chev. *

 

[chevalier]

Scio me nihil scire. (I know I know nothing… this is rendered in Latin because mediaeval scholars tended to be too lazy to learn Greek.) …But at least I *know *I don’t know. Eh, anyway, I’m really beginning to get jaded.

 

[dakotagirl]

Eh, anyway, I’m really beginning to get jaded.

Aw… I hope you get your heart’s desire. Know that kindness does work, and that you will find your special lady. (She may even have elite relationship skills. )

 

[chevalier]

Aw… I hope you get your heart’s desire. Know that kindness does work, and that you will find your special lady. (She may even have elite relationship skills. )

Elite relationship skills tend to come from elite experience. Sounds like Dame of Jade.

As for my heart’s desire, at the moment it hangs in the air. Last message exchange was, “You may even like me, but you don’t respect me,” “I like you and respect you, Chev,” none thereafter. I feel as awful as one can feel doing this, even though I know the same was done to me yesterday after a completely volunteered promise to call me in the evening. Darn, maybe I erred in choosing this course of action.

 

[valient_Lucy]

My comment wasn’t about sex. It was about how “nice” guys should spend at least as much time learning about women as the men who would victimize them do. And while many of us are chaste and appreciate a man who respects that and lives like that, if you don’t show ROMANTIC interest in her, she may wonder if you are closeted or something. Because all she gets from the not so nice guys is come ons. Women who resent men with self control are in another category. I’m talking about the women who are beginning to think that the ONLY men who treat them with respect and seem to have self control around them are the gay ones. There is a difference between platonic friendship and romance. If you’re content to just be her pal but secretly want to be her husband, she may not know that. YOU need to make the woman see you in terms other than just a brother figure or something.

Amen!

 

[dakotagirl]

but you don’t respect me,"

Very odd, that.

Hope it works out for ya, chev!

 

[cctabb]

I want to know what the people on these forums think of this belief that girls aren’t attracted to nice guys. I have read on the internet that people say this is because of animal instincts, but why would God make people have to break His own rules to be able to get in a relationship?

Of course girls are attracted to nice guys. Otherwise I wouldn’t be married to my dh.