Nice People Finish Last

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tj5421

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I have always tried to live by the motto treat others how you would like to be treated. However, I have found that this has actually hurt me. I am in the process of looking for a job after graduating and in this economy the process is extremely time consuming and very frustrating. I have made connections with people and tried to do nice things for them in hopes that they could help me out down the road finding a job. However, I am finding that these people are just turning out to be unreliable or just completely unresponsive. This has happened to me on multiple occasions and it just starts to get frustrating after a while. I know it is not the Christian thing to do but I just feel like cutting off all contact with them.

I hate to be cynical but I feel like people are just out there for themselves and the only person you can truly rely upon is yourself. I am definitely not the type of person to purposefully sabotage another person or not give them help when they are seeking it but how do you deal with constantly getting screwed over?
 
So you do nice things for people when you think they will help you out in return. That 's not the point of the Golden Rule (“do to others as you would have them do to you”). When your own motives are misplaced, it is difficult to assume the best in others too. If you can start doing nice things for people out of love, not quid-pro-quo, then you will see the world in a less cynical way.
 
If you’re doing this in a I-scratch-your-back-you-scratch-mine way, then you do one or two nice things and let one slip-up go by, and after that you refrain until you see some reciprocation.

By the Golden Rule, that is all you do unless you see someone in need, someone who needs help but perhaps can never repay you. You don’t feel it a necessity to help those who could help themselves and aren’t too inclined to help anyone else when they can avoid it. They don’t need your help in advancing materially, and if you let them take advantage of you they might be retarded in spiritual advancement. If it were you, you’d know it were better that you not be encouraged to harden in your using of other people, right? So this is why it is not only allowed but good to draw boundaries about when you do and don’t offer help to others.
 
I think you may have misunderstood the whole point of the golden rule. It’s not, “Do unto others as you expect them to do in return.” You’re suppoed to be kind for the sake of being kind, not for a kickback. It kinda sounds like you are the one who is using people. You haven’t explained what it is that you do for them, however, if it is something that you feel resentful about then perhaps you should stop doing it.
 
Friend, I would simply reiterate what others have already stated but it is unnecessary. They have said it quite succinctly. What I wanted to add for your sake is a show of love. I am so deeply sorry that you are struggling to find a job, and that you are feeling let down by others around you. These feelings of frustration are so overwhelming at times. We can’t see our future, so we can get so focused on the moment that we lose sight of what is truly valuable, meaningful and necessary. I fear that you have lost sight of the big picture. Love others, treat others with dignity, kindness, respect and humility, and expect nothing in return. I would recommend taking some time quietly to reflect on the Beatitudes–the Sermon on the Mount–for some deeper perspective. My heart and prayers are with you. :hug3:
 
Nice people finish last
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Is a motto which is entirely true or entirely false, depending on what you’re aiming for. If your goal is to screw over the person next to you as much possible in order to optimize X material reward, and if you are clever enough in doing it, then yes: nice people do indeed finish last. If you want loving friends & family and a fulfilling vocation in which you are doing good, then nice people do not finish last by any stretch of the imagination.

You’re just frustrated because you’re going into an illogical job market where every employer wants somebody that magically already has 4 years of experience. Just keep at it and eventually an opportunity will open up, even if it isn’t the ideal job you were looking for. Beggars can’t be choosers. When you’re old and miserable and experienced you’ll have a lot more leeway. 😛
 
+1 with most of the above. You can’t blame others for the fact that you are placing trust in them. I think you are confusing “being nice” with “being responsible”…and both of these with “doing stuff for others that they can probably do for themselves”.

Learn when/how to be responsible “to” someone. But be responsible “for” yourself.
 
OH! I almost forgot…I’d like to make a rejoinder to your thread title:

Nice people finish last…but the best things come to those who wait. 😃 (Only in a worldly view does finishing first yield the better prize. )
 
I apologize if I came off wrong in my original post. I didn’t mean to say that I am solely nice to people for my own material gains. If I see that a person needs help I offer it without expecting anything in return. I guess I was just trying to say that it gets frustrating when people make promises to you and don’t end up following through on there promises.

Like if you and your neighbor agree to share carpooling of your kids to soccer games. If you uphold your part of the bargain but your neighbor doesn’t it is just frustrating because you planned your schedule based around the fact that they would take your kids and then the plan falls through.
 
Other posters have addressed the “do unto others” part of your post sufficiently- I would only add that no one is obligated to employ you or even help you find a job, regardless of what you do for them. That’s your responsibility.

It is very difficult right now to find something, especially for a new grad. You are by no means the only one struggling. Despite having experience, both my husband and I have taken turns being unemployed in the past several years. Along with so many others. You may have to take a job you’d rather not have, if you need the money, or to begin getting work experience. Did you do an internship in college? Have you gone to the Career Services office at your school and asked for resume help?

You might be a really nice guy, but that alone doesn’t get you employed or even make you deserving of any particular job. This isn’t about anyone else or what you think they owe you- it is about you marketing yourself and your skills. You can ask others for help, but no one is obliged to do so. Be grateful to those who do help you in your search, but don’t expect it, and you’ll have an easier time of things.
 
tj5421 said:
I apologize if I came off wrong in my original post. I didn’t mean to say that I am solely nice to people for my own material gains. If I see that a person needs help I offer it without expecting anything in return. I guess I was just trying to say that it gets frustrating when people make promises to you and don’t end up following through on there promises.
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If this is truly the case, then yes, there are a lot of unreliable people out there and they are not worth the time of day.

However, I have NO idea how someone can promise you a job and not follow through on that
 
tj5421 said:
I have always tried to live by the motto treat others how you would like to be treated. However, I have found that this has actually hurt me. I am in the process of looking for a job after graduating and in this economy the process is extremely time consuming and very frustrating. I have made connections with people and tried to do nice things for them in hopes that they could help me out down the road finding a job. However, I am finding that these people are just turning out to be unreliable or just completely unresponsive. This has happened to me on multiple occasions and it just starts to get frustrating after a while. I know it is not the Christian thing to do but I just feel like cutting off all contact with them.
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I can relate. I’ve just graduated also, and I haven’t been successful at landing a job, even though I’ve made many connections. Like you, I’m frustrated at the amount of time spent job hunting, not to mention fuel spent going to interviews (gasoline is costly these days!)

Right now I’m doing work that I like, but getting paid very little. However, since I really like the job assignment, I don’t mind. It’s for the summer, so I’m looking for established companies where I can volunteer or intern in September if I don’t find paid employment by then. Do you have any such companies in your community? At least you’d be getting work experience.

Good luck & God bless you!
 
TK421 said:
You’re just frustrated because you’re going into an illogical job market where every employer wants somebody that magically already has 4 years of experience.
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Yes! I am having this problem also. It seems that every job description asks for my degree PLUS 3-5 years experience.

I do have experience, but it’s not 3-5 *straight *years. It’s more like sporadic experience. For example, this summer, I am getting some work experience, doing the same thing I did last summer, and the summer before that. However, that doesn’t count as “three years” of experience. 😦
 
tj5421 said:
I guess I was just trying to say that it gets frustrating when people make promises to you and don’t end up following through on there promises.

Like if you and your neighbor agree to share carpooling of your kids to soccer games. If you uphold your part of the bargain but your neighbor doesn’t it is just frustrating because you planned your schedule based around the fact that they would take your kids and then the plan falls through.
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When I read the first post, I figured that’s what you meant.

I’ve had that experience also, and I figured that I would treat people as I wanted to be treated. Meaning that I upheld my promises. When I see that someone is continually not following through on agreements… I stop depending on the person to follow through on agreements. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I cut off the person; I just stop making plans with him/her.
 
Don’t let yourself get discouraged. Remember that the hardest job of all is looking for a job, and it pays nothing until it pays off. Every job you apply for has a number of applicants. Employers aren’t looking just at the “job requirements” that might be on a resume; they are looking for people skills such as ability to work with others, a positive outlook, a nice smile and a confident attitude.

Once you actually find a job, things get easier But it sometimes takes awhile.
 
JimG said:
Once you actually find a job, things get easier But it sometimes takes awhile.
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Unfortunately, that is not my experience. Once you have a job, you have to perform and some employers have unwritten rules you don’t know about until they tell you ‘Sorry this isn’t working out because of XYZ’ and that is the first time you ever heard about xyz

The only guarantees in life are NOT death and taxes. The only guarantee in life is doing God’s will
 
tj5421 said:
I have always tried to live by the motto treat others how you would like to be treated. However, I have found that this has actually hurt me. I am in the process of looking for a job after graduating and in this economy the process is extremely time consuming and very frustrating. I have made connections with people and tried to do nice things for them in hopes that they could help me out down the road finding a job. However, I am finding that these people are just turning out to be unreliable or just completely unresponsive. This has happened to me on multiple occasions and it just starts to get frustrating after a while. I know it is not the Christian thing to do but I just feel like cutting off all contact with them.

I hate to be cynical but I feel like people are just out there for themselves and the only person you can truly rely upon is yourself. I am definitely not the type of person to purposefully sabotage another person or not give them help when they are seeking it but how do you deal with constantly getting screwed over?
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After similar experiences, I have changed and started informing people that and why their behaviour is not acceptable. This has probably made me less ‘nice’ than I used to be. On the other hand, I still try to avoid collateral casualties by mitigating my reactions.

Also, I’ve come to understand that people will do all sorts of things if you act nice instead of being a jerk, but I continue to refuse to allow it to turn me into a jerk. It just makes me somewhat burnt out.
madelynn said:
I’ve had that experience also, and I figured that I would treat people as I wanted to be treated. Meaning that I upheld my promises. When I see that someone is continually not following through on agreements… I stop depending on the person to follow through on agreements. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I cut off the person; I just stop making plans with him/her.
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Yeah.
As for jobs, freelancing removes a couple of problems, as does owning a business and perhaps creating work places for others. At any rate, if they aren’t giving you a job, make yourself one. I had to, and I did.
 
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