No birth control? No fair!

[Bookcat]

Catechism:

1652 "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162
Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: "It is not good that man should be alone," and "from the beginning [he] made them male and female"; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply." Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life which results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.163

 

[Randy_Carson]

Although my username has a man’s name, I am female. Sorry for the confusion

My fiance and I have been engaged for six months and want to get married in June 2017. However, the only thing holding us back is the fear of having children too soon that we wouldn’t be able to provide for. Our worst nightmare is being one of those couples who gets pregnant on our honeymoon and spends the next 32 years of our lives popping out kids with no time whatsoever for travel, vacation, or romance in general.

Right. God wants to punish you by giving you sooooo many children that you are miserable for the rest of your lives while all your Protestant friends get to travel and go to nice restaurants.

I am angry because other non-Catholic couples don’t have to worry about this: they just pop a pill or slip on a condom and have all the sex they want with no worries. They’re not punished with children before they even get their lives as a couple figured out.

Has it ever occurred to you that God is not pleased with them popping those pills, etc.? Oh, sure…your non-Catholic girlfriends are blissfully ignorant of the fact that God is not pleased with their contracepting, but do you want to have all the sex you can get or to please God while having all the sex He intended?

Ever heard of having too much of a good thing? Do you eat chocolate cake for every meal? You’re young, I guess, and I don’t suppose it has ever occurred to you that you might actually LIKE taking a break, has it? This will dawn on you later, but let me clue you in: having a couple of breaks built into your month makes the other two weeks even better.

I have tried learning NFP but it is just too complicated and my diocese has no one to teach me. I also think that NFP places an unfair burden on the woman since the whole procedure of taking temperature, checking mucus (how gross), etc. all falls on her and her alone. Not that the Pill with all its side effects is any better for the woman (I would personally never take it) but even condoms place at least some of the responsibility on the man.

Wrong. You need to find a good book on the Billings method.

I am tired of waiting to get married and I think it’s horribly unfair that the Church forces Catholic couples to suffer the emotional and financial burden of children right off the bat, while their Protestant and non-Christian friends take vacations, build their dream homes, and sip champagne while looking down on the harried 25-year old Catholic mom who is changing 60 diapers a day. Can someone please help me so I can make sense out of why the Church holds the position of no artificial birth control?

Thanks,
VicMorrow17

Since your comments suggest that you are approaching marriage from a stunningly selfish perspective, I think “waiting to get married” might be the best thing for you, at this point.

Not what you wanted to hear, of course. :nope:

 

[BornInMarch]

Although my username has a man’s name, I am female. Sorry for the confusion

My fiance and I have been engaged for six months and want to get married in June 2017. However, the only thing holding us back is the fear of having children too soon that we wouldn’t be able to provide for. Our worst nightmare is being one of those couples who gets pregnant on our honeymoon and spends the next 32 years of our lives popping out kids with no time whatsoever for travel, vacation, or romance in general.

I am angry because other non-Catholic couples don’t have to worry about this: they just pop a pill or slip on a condom and have all the sex they want with no worries. They’re not punished with children before they even get their lives as a couple figured out.

I have tried learning NFP but it is just too complicated and my diocese has no one to teach me. I also think that NFP places an unfair burden on the woman since the whole procedure of taking temperature, checking mucus (how gross), etc. all falls on her and her alone. Not that the Pill with all its side effects is any better for the woman (I would personally never take it) but even condoms place at least some of the responsibility on the man.

I am tired of waiting to get married and I think it’s horribly unfair that the Church forces Catholic couples to suffer the emotional and financial burden of children right off the bat, while their Protestant and non-Christian friends take vacations, build their dream homes, and sip champagne while looking down on the harried 25-year old Catholic mom who is changing 60 diapers a day. Can someone please help me so I can make sense out of why the Church holds the position of no artificial birth control?

Thanks,
VicMorrow17

I understand how you feel; some Church Rules seem unfair to me at times too. But you need to remember that God and The Church both want what is best for you and your husband. The rules aren’t in place to be mean to women or to ruin your fun; it’s meant to prevent you from dabbling in vary harmful things.

The reason for the ban on Artificial Birth Control is that producing new life is part of why humans have sex. It isn’t the only part - the unitive aspect (making wife and husband “one flesh”) is equally important - but it is an important part. Artificial Birth Control takes away from that - sometimes even destroying life after it is already created. While to you it seems burdensome to have the risk of pregnancy hanging over sex, there are many who are sterile/infertile who wish they could have that.

Having said that, you aren’t mandated to have children and if you are pregnant with a child you don’t want than adoption is always an option. If you are struggling with NFP, then I recommend asking your priest for resources on it. If not, there are many websites like the one below which offer help on it.

nfpandmore.org/

NFP does place most of the responsibility on the woman, but that isn’t for any intentional purpose so much as it is a reaction to biology. Men are fertile every day of the month for every year of their life, women are fertile for only a few days in the month and and only for a few decades.

I hope this has been helpful.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I grew up in a non-Christian family and came into the Church in my 20’s. What a huge blessing that was and I ate up everything I could Catholic to be able to walk in God’s blessing.

There was a family at our parish that had ‘only 4 children’. (This is how they introduced themselves) I spent time with them at their home and soaked in so much. I reprogrammed my thinking.

Please spend time with families and turn your thinking around. The world offers you all kinds of smoke and mirrors that end up in darkness. Build your marriage and family on the rock that is Christ. Honor God in your singleness, in your dating, in your marriage and family life. Leave the darkness behind.

God is with us! Be humble and look to Him in all things.

 

[Bookcat]

Catechism:

1652 "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162

Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: "It is not good that man should be alone," and "from the beginning [he] made them male and female"; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply." Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life which results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.163

 

[goout]

Right. God wants to punish you by giving you sooooo many children that you are miserable for the rest of your lives while all your Protestant friends get to travel and go to nice restaurants.

A marriage that is focused on materialism cannot last anyways, as it is selfish. Selfish never satisfies. Marriage is designed to bear fruit. To bear fruit the seed must give itself up, not puff itself up into a bigger seed.

 

[BornInMarch]

A marriage that is focused on materialism cannot last anyways, as it is selfish. Selfish never satisfies. Marriage is designed to bear fruit. To bear fruit the seed must give itself up, not puff itself up into a bigger seed.

Not wanting lots of children doesn’t make someone selfish or materialistic, it just makes someone practical. At the end of the day, money is what sends your kids to college and what pays for the doctors that they need when they get sick.

 

[AiyanaS]

Well, people whose first priority is travel and money shouldn’t be having kids they don’t want in the first place. People shouldn’t feel they are mandated to procreate. Its the couples life and they shouldn’t feel guilt trip into having children they don’t want. What’s really selfish is bringing children into the world unwanted and raising them to feel they are unwanted.

 

[Bookcat]

Well, people whose first priority is travel and money shouldn’t be having kids they don’t want in the first place. People shouldn’t feel they are mandated to procreate. Its the couples life and they shouldn’t feel guilt trip into having children they don’t want. What’s really selfish is bringing children into the world unwanted and raising them to feel they are unwanted.

Yes a particular person does not have to marry.

A person is not forced to marry another person. That would make for an invalid marriage.

If they are called to Marriage though - they must be open to life - that is part and partial to the vocation.

 

[edwest2]

Rosebud77:
Well yes but why again always leave it to the woman? Condoms anyone?

Yes, but condoms count as birth control as well.

Ed

 

[Convert_in_99]

Although my username has a man’s name, I am female. Sorry for the confusion

My fiance and I have been engaged for six months and want to get married in June 2017. However, the only thing holding us back is the fear of having children too soon that we wouldn’t be able to provide for. Our worst nightmare is being one of those couples who gets pregnant on our honeymoon and spends the next 32 years of our lives popping out kids with no time whatsoever for travel, vacation, or romance in general.

I am angry because other non-Catholic couples don’t have to worry about this: they just pop a pill or slip on a condom and have all the sex they want with no worries. They’re not punished with children before they even get their lives as a couple figured out.

I have tried learning NFP but it is just too complicated and my diocese has no one to teach me. I also think that NFP places an unfair burden on the woman since the whole procedure of taking temperature, checking mucus (how gross), etc. all falls on her and her alone. Not that the Pill with all its side effects is any better for the woman (I would personally never take it) but even condoms place at least some of the responsibility on the man.

I am tired of waiting to get married and I think it’s horribly unfair that the Church forces Catholic couples to suffer the emotional and financial burden of children right off the bat, while their Protestant and non-Christian friends take vacations, build their dream homes, and sip champagne while looking down on the harried 25-year old Catholic mom who is changing 60 diapers a day. Can someone please help me so I can make sense out of why the Church holds the position of no artificial birth control?

Thanks,
VicMorrow17

Woah. I see major red flags here.

If you truly see children as “a punishment from God” you should NOT be getting married at all. :nope:

As for endless exotic vacations, parties, entertainment and dream homes? I sure hope you’re marrying a rich man–those are not realistic expectations for a new young married couple. Not at all.

 

[Convert_in_99]

If you really think children are a punishment, then you need spiritual advisement before going any further toward getting married.

Children are not a punishment. They are the point of “being a couple” in the first place!

ICXC NIKA

Bingo!

 

[Convert_in_99]

Ok folks. A new member with one posts drops a big stink bomb on a controversial subject full of stereotypes and pejoratives, and then sets their status to “inactive member”.

I would say, “troll”.

Let’s not expend our energy unless the OP comes back and participates.

Oh! I think you might be right on the mark here.

 

[edwest2]

I’ve met a few women who had a list. One said (if we get married), “I want money for clothes, trips and jewelry. And a big house by the water (in an expensive, “old money” part of town).” That didn’t go any further.

Ed

 

[Jennifer132]

I don’t have a lot to say regarding your post, because I actually have a gaggle of kids myself and can’t imagine wanting anything different, but each person has their own dreams, so who am I to question? But I just wanted to tell you that there is a device called Lady Comp that will calculate your fertility for you. All you have to do is take your temp with it daily and it will tell you when it’s safe to have sex and not get pregnant and when it’s not. It even gets more intuitive the more you use it. I’ve been using it for probably seven or so months now, to avoid getting pregnant, and it works quite well. Maybe invest in one of those!

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Ok folks. A new member with one posts drops a big stink bomb on a controversial subject full of stereotypes and pejoratives, and then sets their status to “inactive member”.

I would say, “troll”.

Let’s not expend our energy unless the OP comes back and participates.

Perhaps. Then again, these feelings are, I imagine, not uncommon on a base level. Most people would not air them in public because a) they don’t want to offend and b) they know that they are being selfish and it’s something that they have to deal with either by themselves or with someone they can trust to help them.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

When the OP used the phrase “burdened with children” he/she lost all credibility.
Troll.

No, not necessarily. Although it’s wrong and selfish to feel that way, I argue that it’s quite a common feeling. The OP (if she is genuine) is exhibiting cognitive dissonance because she wants to follow church teaching on one level and wants to have control of her life on another level.

Saying it might show immaturity, but it doesn’t instantly make her a troll. It’s (I think) a pretty relatable feeling for many women, given the numbers of abortions in the world, sadly.

 

[Bookcat]

Oh! I think you might be right on the mark here.

Hum…yes may be troll…

 

[edwest2]

No, not necessarily. Although it’s wrong and selfish to feel that way, I argue that it’s quite a common feeling. The OP (if she is genuine) is exhibiting cognitive dissonance because she wants to follow church teaching on one level and wants to have control of her life on another level.

Saying it might show immaturity, but it doesn’t instantly make her a troll. It’s (I think) a pretty relatable feeling for many women, given the numbers of abortions in the world, sadly.

I think those are reasonable points. From the Business Insider:

"Is this all due to the Pill? Of course not. But the idea that widely-available contraception hasn’t led to dramatic societal change, or that this change has been exclusively to the good, is a much sillier notion than anything the Catholic Church teaches.

"So is the notion that it’s just OBVIOUSLY SILLY to get your moral cues from a venerable faith (as opposed to what? Britney Spears?).

"But let’s turn to another aspect of this. The reason our editor thinks Catholics shouldn’t be fruitful and multiply doesn’t hold up, either. The world’s population, he writes, is on an “unsustainable” growth path.

"The Population Bureau of the Department of Economic and Social Affairs of the United Nations sees (PDF, h/t Pax Dickinson) the rate of population growth slowing over the next decades and stabilizing around 9 billion in 2050…and holding there until 2300. (And note that the UN, which promotes birth control and abortions around the world, isn’t exactly in the be-fruitful-and-multiply camp.)

"More broadly, the Malthusian view of population growth has been resilient despite having been proven wrong time and time again and causing lots of unnecessary human suffering. For example, China is headed for a demographic crunch and social dislocation due to its misguided one-child policy.

“Human progress is people. Everything that makes life better, from democracy to the economy to the internet to penicillin was either discovered and built by people. More people means more progress. The inventor of the cure for cancer might be someone’s fourth child that they decided not to have.”

Ed

 

[BioNerd]

“Human progress is people. Everything that makes life better, from democracy to the economy to the internet to penicillin was either discovered and built by people. More people means more progress. The inventor of the cure for cancer might be someone’s fourth child that they decided not to have.”

Ed

Or the cure might have been made by a young couple who dedicated their lives to what they love to do best but decided on having a family instead. Or it could’ve been made by the girl who decided to stay at home with kids rather than further research. It goes both ways.