no christmas?

[aicirt]

I wouldn’t say we’ve stopped giving gifts but we don’t just buy stuff in order to give something. We all have too much stuff. I don’t want anything I have to dust, water, or walk. And I know exactly what I want, so I can get my own things.

Hubby gets a book and a box of Christmas nibbles to keep him amused and out of the kitchen. The adult kids get something. Sometimes it is something they indicated an interest in having. Otherwise, it is similiar to hubby’s gift.

 

[iluvmybabies]

We have always been not “rich” financially people…We are very rich in love and blessings because well, I have 3 kids, and now a home and a great fiance and pretty much debt free! THANK GOD! But we are a family living out of 17 grand a year… My fiance makes a year on his side jobs about 6-7 grand, before he used to make around 20 grand from his regular jobs…And for a single man 20 grand is pretty good!! LOL I am living with 3 kids with 17 grand a year! hehehe!!

Well anyhow, every year we are all supposed to send gifts to our family- his family now too…for bdays and Christmas etc…And every year it’s always a little something, even if it’s only worth 10 bucks because we want to give you know?! This year we didn’t give anyone bday gifts at all…Really broke, but this year they had a huge sale at the mall, and I went and bought everyone their Christmas gifts, at 85% sale…Some even a little bigger sale… I was super excited and super happy, I was getting things that were worth 50-70 dollars for 3-5 bucks…I was extatic! And am proud I was able to afford things this year! Doesn’t happen often that I can get brand named stuff for super cheap! I think it happened like once?! Maybe…

My sister’s hubby makes 100 grand a year, and they will send us things for the kids worth maybe 20 bucks if that at all, but for their kids they have to have 500 dollars each at least from one thing…Last year they sent my daughter a blanket and a pillow, and that was it…My boys a 10 dollar toy each… And for me a shirt…
When I saw their Christmas pics, I was like WOW!! Their kids got everything you could imagine from 300 dollar video game consoles-again- to 200 dollar doll houses… And I get nagged for not over spending?! LOL

I don’t care it’s what I can give and they are lucky I even give! I could be like them and spend more on my kids and leave them with a card because I don’t have enough money…SO we give what we can…and that’s it.

So that’s what you need to do, just give what you can…If you can get an activity set for your nieces and nephews like paint and stuff for all of them you can get all that stuff in the dollar store and spend a fraction of what it would be if you bought the same stuff over at walmart…

Besides my fiance’s mother gave that to my kid’s last year, and to challenge my mother a bunch of other stuff but paints and painting stuff was her biggest deal…

So yeah just think low cost and just do it! Don’t think about your needs just think about your giving…Member it’s better to give than to receive…

 

[bluerose]

I’m curious as to why this thread was titled “no christmas?” simply because fewer gifts were to be exchanged.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Hi JL;

I agree with others…maybe a consensus happened without your hubby present one day, and it was unanimous that people only give gifts to the kids. We do this in my family, too.
But, it sounds like it’s more than that for you…like they brag, maybe? I dunno what to say, except pray for them. I’m not fond of braggers either, myself. lol

But, look at this as a blessing, really. Donate the money to a homeless shelter or something, or put it in savings–or you can buy a present for me. I mean, if you really want to buy a gift for someone, I could send you my wish list.

God bless you for watching your money. I admire that you have been able to save, and watch your debt. *

 

[otjm]

I must say that I’ve had these feelings myself in the past, but never in my wildest imagination thought I’d see the day that they came to fruition . . .at someone else’s request.

Tonight, DH’s extended family went out for a big supper to celebrate an upcoming wedding. Afterwards, his oldest brother pulled DH and the other brother and us wives over to ask how we felt about only doing gifts for the kids and not drawing names for us adults (3 grown sons and us wives). Everyone agreed, but I just can’t believe it!!!

Here we are, getting ready to welcome our 3rd in 3 years, we’re a struggling young couple just starting out. We pay our bills but can’t save much, however we try to live within our means and right now we’re just in a phase of our life which requires a lot of sacrifice. We don’t get out much, but we can pay our bills and feed and clothe our family - honestly we live quite comfortably, but without a great deal of debt. We would love to have and do all the nice things that DH’s brothers and their wives do, but it’s just not our time yet.

It just kills me how of all people to make this request it’s coming from the oldest brother. They have one kid, who BTW they were just talking about at supper buying a flat screen for his own room upstairs!!! They have a t.v. in just about every room of their house, mom gets her hair and nails done about every few weeks, not to mention shopping and out of state trips to attend music concerts (madonna, janet jackson and such) . . .

Of all people to gripe about how tight things are and yet here we are fully prepared to provide Christmas for everyone on the list! Without going into debt! Oh well, I guess we’ll finally be able to get gifts for ourselves this year - a first in 4 years of marriage.

Just feel like they’re being cheap. We’ll visit a few months after Christmas and they’ll be bragging about all the over-the-top things they bought for their one child that he’s already sick of instead of forgoing just one or two gifts in order to participate in the family drawing!

God, help me to let this go!!!

One of the tough things is hearing a conversation second-handed. One does not have the opportunity to hear tones of voice, inflection, etc. and one does not know history.

What struck me in reading this was the question - was the sibling suggesting this doing so becase they were well off, knew others in the family were not, and were trying to lighten others’ loads without saying “Well, we can afford anything but you are poor, so don’t get us a gift”?

I don’t know. Maybe I am toally off base; maybe they are selfish. Or maybe they are in debt far beyond their means and are trying to correct that. Or any other number of scenarios. You sound very hurt by it; it makes me wonder if there is a tiny bit of “reverse pride” here - “We don’t make much, but we are debt free and we can afford this because we are so frugal with what little we have”. I just don’t know…

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

It’s hard on children at times like Christmas and birthdays when they see others receiving and themselves missing out. And the media being geared to guilt and avarice.
On Guy Faulks day in England the family used to go out for a meal together - and I don’t recall any of us miss celebrating. Now as adults we’re more inclined to celebrate around a shared mealtable.
Children tend to look toward an authority figure for guidance (at Christmas and birthdays hopefully a parent).

 

[CradleCath]

I understand that you’re frustrated and wanting to vent (everyone should be allowed to do that now and again). But from my perspective, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Christmas isn’t about giving gifts. And this arrangement works out better for you financially. So send them nice greeting cards and let them waste their money however they see fit. You’ll find it much more satisfying to raise your children and watch them grow than they will to watch their new TVs.

Oh, this is so true. I was the “poor” one in the family & we raised 4 of our own children, plus my husband’s youngest brother. (He was born when my husband was 16 yrs. old.)
We did without a LOT of things, but my children always had a good Xmas. I could not count of any of my siblings to give them anything…still we 5 brothers & sisters gave to each other. I thought that was ridiculous, so I stopped that many years ago.

One brother is a Computer Programmer, his wife works for her own brother & they have no children. Still they wanted a gifts.

My other Brother has 1 child & 1 step-child & owns his own Advertising firm. Still he really felt he “needed” his Christmas gift.

One of my sisters is a psychologist, the other’s husband died in his 50’s leaving her a huge amount of money…she has remarried & has her new husband’s money as well as her life insurance money & her dead husband’s pension. Still they bought each other gifts without giving to the nieces & nephews…not only my children, but all of the children in the family.

They have missed so much due to their penchant for receiving rather than giving to the children. Can you believe this…the money we had spent on the gifts for 8 family adults bought presents for all 7 of my neices & nephews & went a long way toward making my own children’s holiday a good one. Plus, it made our Christmas dinner much more fun. The kids had something to do while all of the grown-ups were oohing & aahing over their presents. Of course, I asked that I no longer receive a gift, since I wasn’t going to give one to each of my siblings. We range in age from 54-68 & I suppose they still do this. I quit attending when my last parent died…My own families xmas, with 4 children, 4 in-laws & 8 Grandchildren makes the holiday full enough. I guess some people just never grow up. Either that or they’re just plain greedy???

 

[Mrs_Sally]

We usually spend all of January discussing the demands other family members made at Christmas, why Aunt Suzy bought the crazy gifts for our kids, how in laws gripped about home-made gifts, etc. etc.

Please be thankful this request was made without a lot of fuss. Don’t worry about their reasons or how they spend their money. Just concentrate on staying out of debt and being clever with your gifts and enjoy your own Christmas.

If you find that you do have a bit extra because you budgeted for those other gifts, then you’ll have something to give to a crises pregnancy house or to buy for the food bank.

Merry CHRISTmas!!! :angel1: