No Clue...What to do?

[strugglingalong]

I’ve been posting a lot here because, most of the time, you’ve all been such a help and blessing to me. I’ve been struggling spiritually lately and am trying to understand where I am and what God wants me to do. I’ve been asking Jesus for help and while He has been giving me enough strength to get by, I feel like I am doing so horrible a job of following Him. Here’s basically where I am:

1. Confused. I don’t know what is going on. When I attempt to do an examination of conscience I can’t even figure out what I have done and what I have not done. I feel as if I am in a state of mortal sin, that I have offended God and am offending Him still, but I don’t know what to confess. I didn’t receive Our Lord in Holy Communion yesterday at Holy Mass because of it but didn’t have much to confess.

One thing is that work has been slow. I don’t have much work to do so I’ve been spending my days browsing online at work. I don’t like it but at the same time I have so little work to do. Is that a mortal sin? Is that it? If they gave me work I’d do it. I also don’t like my job that much so it makes days difficult but God has been so good.

1. Difficulties in prayer. When I pray I struggle to trust God is listening and will help me. I know He hears me. I know He will help me when I cry out to Him. It just all seems so dead right now. Just a week ago I felt so close to Our Lord. Now I seem not only far away but as if I am not His child, not in His grace.
2. More confusion. I don’t know what to do. All I can think to do is pray but right now prayer is difficult. I find a lot of uneasiness and difficulty. I can’t figure out the state of my soul. I feel like I should not receive Holy Communion yet I don’t know why. I’ve struggled with sins of impurity in the past, and trusting the Lord to continue freeing me from habitual mortal sin, so I keep thinking that I am impure and have consented to mortal sins of impurity but not sure where or how. When I think of the idea of “consent of the will” I don’t even know what that means or how to know if I’ve consented.

I’ve been tempted to despair, to give up or just give in to sin since maybe I am already in mortal sin. Yet all I want is to belong to Jesus, to love Him and know His love. I am a poor servant, a wretched child, and my only hope is His mercy. I’ve been clinging to His mercy and love but it’s difficult when it seems gone forever and as if I have offended Him and He is now gone from my soul.

What should I do? What can I do? I don’t want to sin. I don’t want to offend His Divine Majesty. Yet I don’t know what is going on inside of me and what I have done wrong…

Please help. Has anyone gone through anything similar?

I have a spiritual director but won’t meet with him for at least another week.

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[stbruno]

Until you meet with your spiritual director, just go to church and sit before the Blessed Sacrament…and say 3 words…over and over…Jesus help me. That’s it…Make it your mantra and just listen…just sit and listen for His answer. It won’t be in the thunder or or in the wind, as the scriptures tells us…but it will come.

In these periods of spiritual dryness… I just go to church and sit there…Jesus, I trust in you, and somehow an overwhelming peace will flow over me. It can happen to you as well. No expectations, no demands, just a prayer for help…and God answers all prayers. Keep your chin up and just pray…Jesus help me.

 

[strugglingalong]

Until you meet with your spiritual director, just go to church and sit before the Blessed Sacrament…and say 3 words…over and over…Jesus help me. That’s it…Make it your mantra and just listen…just sit and listen for His answer. It won’t be in the thunder or or in the wind, as the scriptures tells us…but it will come.

In these periods of spiritual dryness… I just go to church and sit there…Jesus, I trust in you, and somehow an overwhelming peace will flow over me. It can happen to you as well. No expectations, no demands, just a prayer for help…and God answers all prayers. Keep your chin up and just pray…Jesus help me.

Does it sound like I am just going through spiritual dryness?

Why so much uneasiness and lack of peace, as if I have offended Him? How do I know I’ve not offended Him?

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[stbruno]

Sounds like spiritual dryness…but the truth is…we are human and God loves us anyway and his mercy and love for us is unbelievable.

Go to Him…He loves you and me more than we can ever comprehend. I will pray for you today when I go to adoration and benediction later this afternoon as well.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)