No Confession, No Absolution! I'm besides myself. Lord have Mercy!

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Dear Friends,
I’m utterly distraught. It’s been 4 months since I’ve been to confession. The last time I went here at my parish about 2 months ago the priest wasn’t there and I wasn’t able to confess. Since then I’ve been on a downward slide spiritually, I’ll spare you the details. Today I absolutely had to go to confession for some fairly serious matters.

I know if I don’t go to confession I’ll continue to slide. To me, sacramental confession is the greatest gift of the Church. Confession is like a lifesaver thrown to me in the turbulent waters of my life.

So, I decided to take no chances and I drove 35 minutes to the next town where I occasionally go to Church. There the confession time is 3:30 and I’ve been told that Fr S is a good confessor. So, I arrived on time. Finally he came and was puttering in the church, but didn’t go in the confessional. I was the only one there and hid in the cry room to see what would happen. I’m very shy about confession. I’m used to the priest waiting in the confessional. I could never approach a priest, then go to confession. I have several embarrassing things to confess. I need to go to confession!

Finally, I left, and made the 35 minute drive home, hoping that my priest would still be in the confessiona here. He cut back the timeframe of his confessions to starting at 4 PM until the last person leaves. There were people there, but then when I got in the church the light went out, because they were all saying their penances already. I was out of luck. I’m so distraught! I can’t deal with this, friends. I need to now wait until next week when I’ll make an over an hour drive to a big city in order to confess.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Friends,
I’m utterly distraught. It’s been 4 months since I’ve been to confession. The last time I went here at my parish about 2 months ago the priest wasn’t there and I wasn’t able to confess. Since then I’ve been on a downward slide spiritually, I’ll spare you the details. Today I absolutely had to go to confession for some fairly serious matters.

I know if I don’t go to confession I’ll continue to slide. To me, sacramental confession is the greatest gift of the Church. Confession is like a lifesaver thrown to me in the turbulent waters of my life.

So, I decided to take no chances and I drove 35 minutes to the next town where I occasionally go to Church. There the confession time is 3:30 and I’ve been told that Fr S is a good confessor. So, I arrived on time. Finally he came and was puttering in the church, but didn’t go in the confessional. I was the only one there and hid in the cry room to see what would happen. I’m very shy about confession. I’m used to the priest waiting in the confessional. I could never approach a priest, then go to confession. I have several embarrassing things to confess. I need to go to confession!

Finally, I left, and made the 35 minute drive home, hoping that my priest would still be in the confessiona here. He cut back the timeframe of his confessions to starting at 4 PM until the last person leaves. There were people there, but then when I got in the church the light went out, because they were all saying their penances already. I was out of luck. I’m so distraught! I can’t deal with this, friends. I need to now wait until next week when I’ll make an over an hour drive to a big city in order to confess.
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You dont have to wait a whole week. Go to:
masstimes.org/dotNet/default.aspx
type in your city and there might be a church that offers Sunday and/or daily confession. Dont wait! Be not afraid!
 
The priest is acting in the place of Christ, you need not worry. It is Christ himself waiting for you. Call your parish and arrange a separate confession time to unburden yourself. No sin is unforgivable dear child, they have heard them all and Jesus only wants you there. After 25 years I did the hardest human thing possible and returned to confession and our beautiful church. I now go once a week because as you say it is the greatest sacrament next to the Eucharist. Be a part of restoring this sacrament by returning to it, offer up your anxiety to our Lord for the return of others. Don’t wait, but if you have to, the fact that you are planning to go at the next available time assures you that by your contrite promise your sins are (now) forgiven…but you have to go at the next available time. Why wait. Call and go, please. I’m praying for you…what is your name?
 
I only have these 2 parishes available to me, since I live in a rural county. The next closest is over an hour away. My priest usually goes out of town for the week these days. He’s very secretive. I suspect he has a health problem. He doesn’t encourage confession at all, and gave a big speech once about how it’s very rare to meet the 3 criteria for mortal sin.

I’m very embarrassed by my sins and I just can’t bear anything but a very private confession. Next Saturday I’ll go an hour and a half to a parish I know in the closest city.

I wish confession was more encouraged and available. I feel discouraged and weak. I need the Church to be there for me! I’m helpless on my own. I need that visable lifesaver. My local church doesn’t have anything, I feel as if I’m faltering. I need more support!
 
It’s not as if I feel that God can’t forgive me. But, I need the grace from the sacrament to stengthen me and fortify my soul. I’m losing grip on God. My prayer life has faltered and I’m feeling the pull of the flesh. There is a man I know that I’m sorely tempted by. I feel like abandoning myself to lust. There are a lot of things I need to confess in order to turn away from them. I just can’t deal with this alone.
 
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spiritblows:
I only have these 2 parishes available to me, since I live in a rural county. The next closest is over an hour away. My priest usually goes out of town for the week these days. He’s very secretive. I suspect he has a health problem. He doesn’t encourage confession at all, and gave a big speech once about how it’s very rare to meet the 3 criteria for mortal sin.

I’m very embarrassed by my sins and I just can’t bear anything but a very private confession. Next Saturday I’ll go an hour and a half to a parish I know in the closest city.

I wish confession was more encouraged and available. I feel discouraged and weak. I need the Church to be there for me! I’m helpless on my own. I need that visable lifesaver. My local church doesn’t have anything, I feel as if I’m faltering. I need more support!
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Say an Act of Contrition and pray your own Penance with the resolve of going to Confession the next time it is available to you regardless of the circumstances.
 
Dear Bro Rich,
OK, I’ll do what you say. If there is a possibilty that I mortally sinned, can I still have communion tommorrow? Maybe I should skip church, since my children would not understand going for communion without me. Aren’t you allowed to receive if you are contrite and plan to go to confession ASAP?

I feel as if I’m floundering and can’t reach a lifeboat. I’m barely keeping my head above water and there’s only a boat in the distance and I can’t reach it. I wish the Church were stronger, I feel like it’s too weak to help me now. I need the sacrament of confession dearly. This is the problem in living in a rural community I guess.

I don’t understand how other people get along without confession. I’m so weak I need it. I’m such a lowly sinner, I just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s overwhelming me. 😦
 
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spiritblows:
I just can’t deal with this alone.
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Remember, God does give you the support that you need! It is there, always. His hands are holding you up and supporting your every breath. No sparrow falls to the ground without his knowledge and you are important to him, so much more important than a bird!

Take recourse to the saints and pray for the grace of perfect contrition. Continue to look for the opportunity to go to confession, and go when that opportunity comes. Say to God, “Help me!” Be honest with Him.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me…go read psalm 23 if you find the bible comforting. :blessyou:
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Bro Rich,
OK, I’ll do what you say. If there is a possibilty that I mortally sinned, can I still have communion tommorrow? Maybe I should skip church, since my children would not understand going for communion without me. Aren’t you allowed to receive if you are contrite and plan to go to confession ASAP?

I feel as if I’m floundering and can’t reach a lifeboat. I’m barely keeping my head above water and there’s only a boat in the distance and I can’t reach it. I wish the Church were stronger, I feel like it’s too weak to help me now. I need the sacrament of confession dearly. This is the problem in living in a rural community I guess.

I don’t understand how other people get along without confession. I’m so weak I need it. I’m such a lowly sinner, I just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s overwhelming me. 😦
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If you aren’t sure whether you’ve committed a mortal sin, chances are you haven’t. At least that’s the advice I’ve received before. :tiphat:

I wouldn’t skip church if I were you. That would definitely be a mortal sin.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Friends,
I’m utterly distraught. It’s been 4 months since I’ve been to confession. The last time I went here at my parish about 2 months ago the priest wasn’t there and I wasn’t able to confess. Since then I’ve been on a downward slide spiritually, I’ll spare you the details. Today I absolutely had to go to confession for some fairly serious matters.

I know if I don’t go to confession I’ll continue to slide. To me, sacramental confession is the greatest gift of the Church. Confession is like a lifesaver thrown to me in the turbulent waters of my life.

So, I decided to take no chances and I drove 35 minutes to the next town where I occasionally go to Church. There the confession time is 3:30 and I’ve been told that Fr S is a good confessor. So, I arrived on time. Finally he came and was puttering in the church, but didn’t go in the confessional. I was the only one there and hid in the cry room to see what would happen. I’m very shy about confession. I’m used to the priest waiting in the confessional. I could never approach a priest, then go to confession. I have several embarrassing things to confess. I need to go to confession!

Finally, I left, and made the 35 minute drive home, hoping that my priest would still be in the confessiona here. He cut back the timeframe of his confessions to starting at 4 PM until the last person leaves. There were people there, but then when I got in the church the light went out, because they were all saying their penances already. I was out of luck. I’m so distraught! I can’t deal with this, friends. I need to now wait until next week when I’ll make an over an hour drive to a big city in order to confess.
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You should ask the priest if he will hear you about 30min just before mass starts tomorrow.
 
Since confession is so important driving an hour shouldn’t be that big of an ordeal. As Dr. Bombay said, definitely go to church tomorrow because not going is a mortal sin. Just go up an get a blessing instead of communion, if your children ask why you didn’t receive the Eucharist just tell them that you haven’t had a chance to go to confession, if anything this will have an impact on them concerning the importance of confession.

I know its difficult, but please keep in mind that most priests (especially those who are seasoned) have heard everything under the sun - I seriously doubt they hear anything that truly shocks them. Instead of putting all of that energy into being embarrassed put it into something actually worthwhile, like, mentally focusing on Jesus when those feelings come up or something along those lines. 🙂
 
Okay, here’s the situation. The problem is that my priest is virtually unapproachable. He hides behind the altar area and emerges only right before Mass. He never does a procession before Mass, unless there’s a special guest, which is rare. He doesn’t like to be spontaneously approached. It really seems to disturb him. He has his own apartment, and is just not available. He often goes out of town during the week on speaking engagements. He even has cut out most of the daily Masses. This summer was really hard on me because daily Mass is a great source of comfort and edification for me. I’m really weak and need more spiritual support than the average person, I think. I really need that weekday connection with the Eucharist.

But, I think that if you pray, and are truly contrite, that you may receive the Eucharist as long as you follow through and get to confession ASAP. Maybe I can get somewhere midweek, but I doubt it. So, I think I’ll receive the Eucharist, because I need the strength, because my firm intent was to confess and since that fell through, I’ll confess next Saturday.

*“Intention to Confess
Once one knows the divine law of confession, he must also determine to confess all the mortal sins he has committed after baptism. To say that one is sorry without that intention to confess the sins, when one has a chance to do so, is a false act of contrition. One must determine to obey all God’s commandments, and one of those commandments is that one must confess all mortal sins committed after baptism to a duly authorized priest. If there is no priest to be had, then God accepts the will for the deed. He will not accept the will for the deed if there is a duly authorized priest available. Remember the act of perfect contrition always takes away all sins immediately.” *
 
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spiritblows:
Okay, here’s the situation. The problem is that my priest is virtually unapproachable. He hides behind the altar area and emerges only right before Mass.
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Okay, you mean he is in the sacristy, right? A person can go back there (I do all the time). If you want to remain secret, send a friend (or the sacristan) to pry him out and into the box. Then you go into the box or wait in the box. A priest is required to hear confessions if the request is reasonable.

It is canon law that one not receive communion without receiving the sacrament of penance first, unless you have a ***grave *reason **of some sort and a confessor is unavailable. I think that means both must be true, no confessor and a grave reason simultaneously.
 
If that’s the case, then I’ll skip Mass tommorrow. I have a class I need to study for that I’ve been putting off. I’m much too self concious to do what you say, I just can’t do it. I just can’t handle this. The priest before this priest always had confessions before each Mass. It was the norm and people would often go. But, I just can’t handle this. He gets really put out, he scares me to tell the truth because he’s so easily offended by any thing outside of his routine.
 
So just because you can’t receive communion that means you aren’t going to Mass? Like I said earlier, what’s wrong with just going up and getting a blessing? You are aware that in missing Mass you are committing a mortal sin right? - (because, obviusly, the excuses you’ve given thus far aren’t a reason for skipping it). What would Jesus want you to do? I don’t think it says in the Catechism or any where else for that matter that if you can’t receive communion just don’t worry about showing up at all.

Edited to add: What about driving an hour away to the nearest city (like you previously said) and going early, talking to a priest then? Or even AFTER Mass, granted you can’t take communion but at least you will have done confession. Just an idea.
 
You know, I really did make a big effort to go to confession today. I drove over an hour round trip to go to the first church at 3:30. I can’t help it that I’m self concious. Everywhere else I’ve always gone, the priest is in the confessional already. The priest should always provide for privacy. You shouldn’t have to expose yourself. It should be anonymous. Where was everyone at that church? No one else was there at the appointed time.

I’m an on time freak. If it says 3:30 then the priest should be in the confessional at 3:30. Now I’m annoyed when I think about this. Then, my normal priest has to get out of the confessional as soon as the 5 minutes goes by. Gee whiz, it makes it hard on people. No wonder hardly anyone goes. It’s like pulling teeth.

It should be anonymous. That’s out of consideration of the person. It’s not supposed to be any more humiliating than it has to be. This is very upsetting. Now everyone here is telling me that I have to go to church but I can’t receive, even though I made a true effort. It’s not fair. I’m upset.

Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point of this? Why even try. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I’m so discouraged.
 
Yes, you did put forth an effort, please try not to be discouraged! Please keep in mind that things do come up that might make a priest late or makes it to where he can’t show up at all - Example: Someone was just in a car accident and is dying and they’re requesting a priest *or *possibly someone is threatening suicide and the priest goes to that person to try and comfort them. There could be a number of reasons.

The key here is to look at the big picture and know that things don’t always happen as we plan. All I can suggest is please please please go to Mass tomorrow, go to the parish that is an hour away and get there early so you can talk to a priest. Remember, don’t plan on it since most priests (I have come in contact with) are usually fairly busy before Mass. If you can’t confess before Mass then try to after Mass. If confessing tomorrow just isn’t in the cards then call your parish or the one an hour away and set up an appointment for confession.

I’m just asking you to please not miss Mass, not for this reason. I’ve heard of people not being able to receive communion but rather receiving it spiritually. Meaning, just being in its presence does a world of good. I truly think if you miss Mass not only will you disappoint God but also yourself.

This is really all the advice I can give you sweetie, you’ll be in my prayers.
 
Whats the priests email? I will send him one if you want right now and hope he reads it within 12 hours.
 
Well thanks for your time. I don’t think it would be a good idea to give out my priest’s email. I wish he were more conservative, but he’s not. He’s pretty theologically liberal. I do like his sermons though. I just don’t feel comfortable approaching him, I’m a very fearful person at times. Thanks though. I think I’ll go to Church and receive communion. Nothing I’ve done is totally horrible. I think it would be allowable in this case. I need to go pray now, that’s one of my sins is not praying enough.
 
Well, if you are dead set on receiving communion I would suggest two things: #1, Make sure you aren’t in a state of mortal sin (as you know, this is so important while receiving the Eucharist without absolution of your sins from a priest) and #2, I would do as Br. Rich said in post #6:
Say an Act of Contrition and pray your own Penance with the resolve of going to Confession the next time it is available to you regardless of the circumstances.
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Keep your chin up and pray that God will remove all uneccessary fear from your life and remember that God is always right by your side while keeping you safely tucked underneath His wing.
 
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