No Confession, No Absolution! I'm besides myself. Lord have Mercy!

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Lorrie said:
#1, Make sure you aren’t in a state of mortal sin (as you know, this is so important while receiving the Eucharist without absolution of your sins from a priest)

Yes. This is so important that I’m going to re-stress it. Communion is a two-edge sword. Those who receive it worthily, bring themselves closer to salvation while those who receive it unworthily, bring themselves closer to condemnation.
 
One of the greatest rewards from confession besides the obvious forgiveness of sin…is it teaches us all humility. Any pride one has is taken away as you sit and confess all the wrongs you have done.

FROM what you have written on this forum it would appear that you are a somewhat pious person who isn’t too out of line with God’s will for you. If this is a true assumption on our part form reading what you have posted here I would say you should not be ashamed and know that priests hear so many confessions many times they do not even remember them all. You can bet they have heard probably worse sins than what you have to say.

I also strongly encourage going face to face as it helps with the humility aspect. It also can be a start of a good relationship with your confessor…as he will then know your struggles and next time you come he will be able to more accurately help in them since he knows your history.

I would have to say that this fear you hold in you, and the fact that you have gone to the church for confession and then found excuses (however valid in your mind they may seem) to not go…is not good. You have to remember those feelings of anxiety, condemnation etc. do not come from God but the exact opposite. There is someone who very much does not want you to go to confession… don’ t let him win.

It also isn’t a good idea to talk badly about priests and spread ill feelings of them. If you have an issue with a priest at your church talk to him directly instead of talking about him without him knowing. I have known many priests and have not found one yet who would not graciously listen to anyones concerns they may have of them or others working under them. He is a man of God… remember that. 🙂
 
My advice would be to show up early for Mass and request a confession. If the priest says he’s unwilling to do it before Mass then request a confession after Mass. Be persistant like the woman in Luke 18: 1-5 if you have to be. Offer all of you fears and anxieties up in reperation for sins. Also, do not receive Holy Communion if you are conscience of any grave sins.

Ask yourself what is worse: The time and effort it will take to receive a confession or being in the state that you are in for another week. If you go through the process of receiving a confession during the weekday do you think that you’ll actually feel worse after receiving the confession? Rather than having all of these worries and anxieties about getting to confession just resolve to go and ask the Lord for the strength and courage to do so.
 
Through your desire for absolution through the Sacrament of Penance your sins have already been forgiven. You may not still receive the Lord in Holy Communion until you receive sacramental absolution. But have no fear the Lord knows you better than you know yourself and he so loves your desire.
Don’t hate yourself because of this delay but see it as a gift from God where you are being given time to really prepare and then meet Him.

When you do confess, GO CELEBRATE!!!
 
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Pug:
It is canon law that one not receive communion without receiving the sacrament of penance first, unless you have a ***grave ***reason of some sort and a confessor is unavailable. I think that means both must be true, no confessor and a grave reason simultaneously.
Yikes, I went back and looked at my post and I see I left out some key information!!! :o The above applies only if you have done a mortal sin. If you haven’t done a mortal sin, no worries! Go to communion if you haven’t done a mortal sin! I feel awful for leaving that out. I was assuming that as the context from some of the previous posts. I should have just pasted in the relevant canon.

You might consider chosing to make the priest in the other town your regular confessor for your own peace of mind. That way you can always be anonymous and find someone more comfortable to you, even if you have to drive a lot.
 
Dear Friends,
I really appreciate your responses. I prayed for a long time last night, and poured out my remorse. I plan to get to a complete sacramental confession no later than next Saturday. I went to the 10 AM Mass early and said the Rosary. I did receive communion.

Also, the object of my lust was at church! His grandma just died so he is going back to church again! 🙂 I know he must have gone to confession because he always does before he returns to church after an absence or some faltering. I’ve heard him refer to it. I didn’t feel lust for him, but I think there is a spark between us. He is 4 years younger than I, is a bit wild, with long hair. He runs a bike shop, and we’ve had some provacative conversations that have set my thoughts on fire like this. I’ve been alone for 8 years since my dear husband died. I do feel very attacted to this man. He’s never been married. I’m afraid of getting involved, esp since I’m extremely physically attracted to him. He is very fit and lusty looking. I just don’t know what to think. I don’t even usually go to that Mass and neither does he. We talked for a long time.

I thought I wanted to be single for the rest of my life, but maybe I need to rethink that. Anyways, I will be having a long confession very soon, come hell or high water. I’ll pray about it all week, thank you all.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Bro Rich,
OK, I’ll do what you say. If there is a possibilty that I mortally sinned, can I still have communion tommorrow? Maybe I should skip church, since my children would not understand going for communion without me. Aren’t you allowed to receive if you are contrite and plan to go to confession ASAP?

I feel as if I’m floundering and can’t reach a lifeboat. I’m barely keeping my head above water and there’s only a boat in the distance and I can’t reach it. I wish the Church were stronger, I feel like it’s too weak to help me now. I need the sacrament of confession dearly. This is the problem in living in a rural community I guess.

I don’t understand how other people get along without confession. I’m so weak I need it. I’m such a lowly sinner, I just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s overwhelming me. 😦
You will not read this until after you return from Mass. For the benefit of others. A Person in Mortal Sin should only approach Holy Communion after an Act of Contrition if they will be deprived of the Eucharist for an extended period of time. I would suspect that under normal circumstances Confession and Holy Communion would be available within 30 days to most people. It may be an opportunity to explain that when we do not feel worthy because of our sins we must seek Reconciliation before approaching Holy Communion. You should attend Sunday Mass and if necessary can go up to Communion behind others with your arms crossed and receive a blessing instead without anyone noticing.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Friends,
I really appreciate your responses. I prayed for a long time last night, and poured out my remorse. I plan to get to a complete sacramental confession no later than next Saturday. I went to the 10 AM Mass early and said the Rosary. I did receive communion.

Also, the object of my lust was at church! His grandma just died so he is going back to church again! 🙂 I know he must have gone to confession because he always does before he returns to church after an absence or some faltering. I’ve heard him refer to it. I didn’t feel lust for him, but I think there is a spark between us. He is 4 years younger than I, is a bit wild, with long hair. He runs a bike shop, and we’ve had some provacative conversations that have set my thoughts on fire like this. I’ve been alone for 8 years since my dear husband died. I do feel very attacted to this man. He’s never been married. I’m afraid of getting involved, esp since I’m extremely physically attracted to him. He is very fit and lusty looking. I just don’t know what to think. I don’t even usually go to that Mass and neither does he. We talked for a long time.

I thought I wanted to be single for the rest of my life, but maybe I need to rethink that. Anyways, I will be having a long confession very soon, come hell or high water. I’ll pray about it all week, thank you all.
It is important to also remember that Temptation is NOT equal to sin. Christ Himself was subject to temptation. Human beings are human! To be tempted but not act on that temptation is not sinful. It does however require attention and prayer and the grace received will help when tempted again.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Friends,
I really appreciate your responses. I prayed for a long time last night, and poured out my remorse. I plan to get to a complete sacramental confession no later than next Saturday. I went to the 10 AM Mass early and said the Rosary. I did receive communion.
Why would you receive Holy Communion if you think that you are in a state of mortal sin. You obviously do if you wanted to go to confession as badly as you say you did. If you are in a state of mortal sin, you have just added another mortal sin on top of the mortal sins that you already had on your conscience.

You don’t have to receive Communion at Mass. You can fulfill your Sunday Obligation without receiving.
 
I might’ve been in mortal sin, I’m not certain if the 3 criteria were met or not. Anyways, it’s too late now. There have been a lot of other things piling up, not just my lust for this guy, but that’s a biggie. I think it’s time I found a husband or burn. I’m too lusty. If I don’t get to confession I’ll probably be fornicating soon, I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m afraid I need to find a husband, as inconvenient as they are.

Thanks Bro Rich, maybe I shouldn’t have gone, I’m not sure. I need to go to confession ASAP. Frequent confession is the only cure for me, but my priest didn’t encourage it so I felt like a fool. I need a more othodox confessor who can guide me to better chastity because my priest thinks sexual sins are mostly excused because we can’t help ourselves. I think he’s personally very chaste, but I need someone stricter to confess to to keep me on the straight and narrow.
 
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spiritblows:
I might’ve been in mortal sin, I’m not certain if the 3 criteria were met or not. Anyways, it’s too late now. There have been a lot of other things piling up, not just my lust for this guy, but that’s a biggie. I think it’s time I found a husband or burn. I’m too lusty. If I don’t get to confession I’ll probably be fornicating soon, I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m afraid I need to find a husband, as inconvenient as they are.

Thanks Bro Rich, maybe I shouldn’t have gone, I’m not sure. I need to go to confession ASAP. Frequent confession is the only cure for me, but my priest didn’t encourage it so I felt like a fool. I need a more othodox confessor who can guide me to better chastity because my priest thinks sexual sins are mostly excused because we can’t help ourselves. I think he’s personally very chaste, but I need someone stricter to confess to to keep me on the straight and narrow.
What has really helped me with attempting to keep my mind and body pure is frequent prayer and the avoidance of the types of situations that might tempt me. This has helped immensely. Am I perfect? Of course not! My boyfriend and I slip up on rare occassions - it happens, after all, like Br. Rich said - we’re human!

I think its best to have realistic expectations, not expectations that are almost unattainable - doing the latter just sets one up for failure. Know that, yes, you are going to mess up, but also know that we have a very forgiving God. Does this give one the right to just live foot loose and fancy free? No. We have to try to do what is right, we have to do our best - that’s all that can be expected of us.

I also don’t think God would want us to beat ourselves up over these types of things, He knows our hearts and knows that we feel bad when we sin. We are all prone to sin, its just how it is. As long as we live the right way everything else should fall into place.

As a side note: Never marry because you need a husband, marry because you want a husband - there’s a huge difference. 😉
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Friends,
I’m utterly distraught. It’s been 4 months since I’ve been to confession. The last time I went here at my parish about 2 months ago the priest wasn’t there and I wasn’t able to confess. Since then I’ve been on a downward slide spiritually, I’ll spare you the details. Today I absolutely had to go to confession for some fairly serious matters.

I know if I don’t go to confession I’ll continue to slide. To me, sacramental confession is the greatest gift of the Church. Confession is like a lifesaver thrown to me in the turbulent waters of my life.

So, I decided to take no chances and I drove 35 minutes to the next town where I occasionally go to Church. There the confession time is 3:30 and I’ve been told that Fr S is a good confessor. So, I arrived on time. Finally he came and was puttering in the church, but didn’t go in the confessional. I was the only one there and hid in the cry room to see what would happen. I’m very shy about confession. I’m used to the priest waiting in the confessional. I could never approach a priest, then go to confession. I have several embarrassing things to confess. I need to go to confession!

Finally, I left, and made the 35 minute drive home, hoping that my priest would still be in the confessiona here. He cut back the timeframe of his confessions to starting at 4 PM until the last person leaves. There were people there, but then when I got in the church the light went out, because they were all saying their penances already. I was out of luck. I’m so distraught! I can’t deal with this, friends. I need to now wait until next week when I’ll make an over an hour drive to a big city in order to confess.
Well, being a server (or an honorary acolyte LOL) I don’t always get to the Saturday confession, what tends to happen is if I don’t I stop anyone with a Roman Collar and ask for the Sacrament…Tends to work fairly well…you have to be spontaneous and do it face to face, its a great humiliation (meant in the nice penancy way). Why hide your identity, the guy probably knows who you are if you’re a parishioner, you might as well make the small sacrifice of sitting infront of him. Why wait sister? Why not just call the prebytery ask to speak to the Priest and make an appointment, death comes as a thief in the night, lets not mess with our eternal salvation here…
 
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spiritblows:
I might’ve been in mortal sin, I’m not certain if the 3 criteria were met or not. Anyways, it’s too late now. There have been a lot of other things piling up, not just my lust for this guy, but that’s a biggie. I think it’s time I found a husband or burn. I’m too lusty. If I don’t get to confession I’ll probably be fornicating soon, I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m afraid I need to find a husband, as inconvenient as they are.

Thanks Bro Rich, maybe I shouldn’t have gone, I’m not sure. I need to go to confession ASAP. Frequent confession is the only cure for me, but my priest didn’t encourage it so I felt like a fool. I need a more othodox confessor who can guide me to better chastity because my priest thinks sexual sins are mostly excused because we can’t help ourselves. I think he’s personally very chaste, but I need someone stricter to confess to to keep me on the straight and narrow.
Spirit, you speak of your reluctance to be known in confession, about your embarrassment. OK, we’ve all felt that. But you also speak of contrition. Would it help you to accept your shame with a kind of joy as part of your penance? Christ’s mercy is so great that our embarrassment is a mere nothing in comparison with his grace. Humility is not the easiest virtue in the world but it is one of the most fruitful.
 
Spiritblows,
Why don’t you call your priest and make an appointment for confession? If he is not there then call the next closest parish and speak to that priest to make an appointment or confirm their confession.
 
Dear Spirit,

You have nothing to fear with the priest knowing your identity. I was away from the Church for a very long time. My first confession after returning was my first ever face-to-face confession. I confessed some terrible sins that I am still ashamed of even though Jesus has forgiven me. I wept like a baby in front of the father. He wept with me. The only shame you should feel is for offending God. Please, go to confession.
 
Hi Spiritblows,
I have been reading your posts.
You know, we all sin and need confession. I feel the need whenevery I am in sin but I have to be honest with you, I don’t remember ever being as distressed as you are.
I really suggest you find a Spiritual Director and spend some time going over some of this stuff. Not your sins but how devistated you are when you feel the need for Confession.
Jesus never treated folks in such a way to have them falling into dispair or depression as it appears you are. It may have something to do with your shyness but I think maybe you need to spend some time talking to a SD or even a good Priest.
In the meantime, I will be praying for you.
 
Dear Friends,
I’m grateful for all the response to my plight. I promise, I’ll get to confession ASAP. I also need to change my life. It’s not that I’m so terribly bad. But, I’m unbalanced and not normal. I see the world so differently than most people. Everything is intense with me. I’m a very creative person, and can do a lot of different things that others would never do. Also, I’m very physical and have a lot of physical energy. Therefore, my animal nature is a strong part of me and I’ve tried very hard to discipline it, but now I’m worn out from fighting the beast.

And I need the church to be more dependable in order to lean on it for my stability. I needed confession Saturday! I wish it were available everyday just when I need it.I’m too impatient! I wish the world was more spiritual and that the church was bigger and stronger. But at least I can post here and get good feedback because the response on this thread has been heartneing.
 
Okay, I’ve been thinking this over. I’ve decided that I will find a more conservative confessor as a regular one. I do love going to my priest, he’s very kind in the confessional, but I think I need someone stricter. I know of one church where I’ve gone before where I got a lot of counseling that didn’t let me off the hook. It’s about an hour and fifteen minutes from my home. I have another pastor in mind too, who I know is very orthodox and conservative, yet compassionate.

Then, I’ll make a schedule and go once a month. I’ll make a day of it by myself, away from my kids. I can combine it with other things. And I’ll schedule confession. I’ll stick with my schedule. That way, 4 months won’t go by and I won’t be able to slide like this. I’ll keep up on it.

Meanwhile, I think I might seriously pursue looking for a husband. I am attracted to that one guy. Maybe I just am not fit to be celibate. If the man were healthy and fit, then the chances that he would die like my husband did, would not be great. If he had his own hobbies, like this fellow I know is a big bike rider and owns a bike shop, then he wouldn’t be underfoot too much and I could still enjoy my garden and apple trees. If he didn’t love TV too much, and was lusty, then I could enjoy him physically and not have to have the TV blaring all the time. Maybe I should consider it. I’ve been so fearful to wreck my life. Really, I would be a good catch in many ways. I have really neat kids too who are very well behaved. Also, I’m not broke and I have a good career, plus I have a big heart.
 
How long has it been since your husband died? Did you get any grief couseling at the time?

As a former Spiritual Counseler I can tell you that many women, especially those with children struggle through many issues after losing a spouse.

You said you felt unbalanced. I would recommend that you speak to your doctor and ask for a referral for someone to discuss these issues with you.

I also still recommend a Spiritual Director.
 
Dear Roberta,
Thanks for your reply. I think I’ve gotten over my husbands death over 8 years ago. But I’ve gotten used to being alone too much. Also, my unbalance in my personality is probably innate, since I have a strong artistic temperment. My youngest children who are still home don’t remember their father. The older ones are adults.

What I need is spiritual disciple in my life and a regular schedule of confession, so I keep spiritually fit and don’t slide away too far. I need to unburden my soul before God sacramentally. It’s the only think that works for me.
 
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