No decent godparents

[LaSainte]

I have a meeting today with the church to have my son baptized. The problem is, you have to practically be a saint to qualify as a godparent. Nobody we know qualifies and I have to pick one today. Can I just pick the least bad Catholic I know?

 

[kmuestwin]

It sounds like you need to find a better group of friends.

To be a “Good Catholic” you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to do your best to follow the teachings of the Church. It isn’t hard but it takes commitment. You have to constantly keep turning away from sin and turning toward Christ.

These are the requirements:

One sponsor, male or female, is sufficient; but there may be two, one of each sex (canon 873).

§1 To be admitted to undertake the office of sponsor, a person must:

1° be appointed by the candidate for baptism, or by the parents or whoever stands in their place, or failing these, by the parish priest or the minister; to be appointed the person must be suitable for this role and have the intention of fulfilling it;

2° be not less than sixteen years of age, unless a different age has been stipulated by the diocesan bishop, or unless the parish priest or the minister considers that there is a just reason for an exception to be made;

3° be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken;

4° not labor under a canonical penalty, whether imposed or declared;

5° not be either the father or the mother of the person to be baptised.

§2 A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community may be admitted only in company with a Catholic sponsor, and then simply as a witness to the baptism (canon 874)

This list doesn’t seem that impossible. Maybe you could ask your parish priest to suggest someone for you. He won’t be able to baptize your child without at least one Godparent.

 

[jpjd]

A person doesn’t have to be a saint to qualify as a godparent. They should be a practicing Catholic in good standing.

 

[LaSainte]

Yeah I don’t know any Practicing Catholics in good standing, except for my grandmother who is 81 and will probably be in Heaven before my son reaches the age of 10- not exactly a lifelong spiritual advisor there. Any other Catholics I know are either older (my son’s grandfather is 65) or non-practicing.

Frankly, I would prefer to pick a bad Catholic over some random person from the church who the baby will never see again after the baptism.

What do I do???

 

[Bookcat]

The problem is, you have to practically be a saint to qualify as a godparent. Nobody we know qualifies and I have to pick one today. Can I just pick the least bad Catholic I know?

YES they ought to be saints. In the non-canonized sense. forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=8465465&postcount=6

But they need not be of the “heroic saints” of the Canonized sense…but such would be a bonus!

But they do need to live a* life* befitting their role…

Another I see already listed the requirements…so I will not repeat them here.

But no…one should not pick a “bad Catholic” as a sponsor.

 

[kmuestwin]

Yeah I don’t know any Practicing Catholics in good standing, except for my grandmother who is 81 and will probably be in Heaven before my son reaches the age of 10- not exactly a lifelong spiritual advisor there. Any other Catholics I know are either older (my son’s grandfather is 65) or non-practicing.

Frankly, I would prefer to pick a bad Catholic over some random person from the church who the baby will never see again after the baptism.

What do I do???

The answer is a dificult one. My suggestion is that you take a more active role in your own religious life. If you don’t know any good Catholics in your church, it is probably because you don’t spend enough time there meeting people. Find a group at your church, join it, and make friends who will be a positive influence on your faith journey. If you can’t find a role model for yourself, how would you ever find one for your child?

Is there any way you can wait a week or two for the baptism to give you more time to really discern a possible Godparent?

 

[ConstantineTG]

I have a meeting today with the church to have my son baptized. The problem is, you have to practically be a saint to qualify as a godparent. Nobody we know qualifies and I have to pick one today. Can I just pick the least bad Catholic I know?

In the centuries past, some people put Holy Icons instead of godparents

But don’t do that, I think it was condemned as a heresy

I’m sure you’ll find great godparents. Find good rolemodels for your kids.

 

[purplesunshine]

I’m sorry for your perdiciment. However, my level of compassion for these types of situations is very low.

Our priorities should be God-inclined all the time. While I wouldn’t count my parents or brothers as good God parents even though they mostly attend church I have built myself a good friendship circle. Even when I lived in the desolate state of Massachusettes where abuses abounded and priests preached that there wasn’t any more mortal sin I found people who (if I still lived there) I would have be Godparents tomorrow. NOT something I have to worry about tomorrow…or for a few years. And yet, looking at my bf’s family his friends would probably be chosen over family barring any traditions. He has all sorts of friends but he still has Catholic friends.

It is your job as a parent to build that relationship until the baby is old enough to do so on his or her own. So that person dosn’t become “just some random person.”

The other thing is the Godparent is NOT a lifelong spiritual advisor. It’s nice when it works out that way but it’s not what being a Godparent is all about. Godparent is simply a Catholic in good standing speaking for the child. It’s nice if the Godparent can later tell the child what that ment to them but again, not necessary.

 

[Bookcat]

The other thing is the Godparent is NOT a lifelong spiritual advisor. It’s nice when it works out that way but it’s not what being a Godparent is all about. Godparent is simply a Catholic in good standing speaking for the child. It’s nice if the Godparent can later tell the child what that ment to them but again, not necessary.

The role of the Godparent is an important responsibility. (but I can understand the confusion on this matter for culturally at times such is not always understood)

Catechism:

1255 For the grace of Baptism to unfold, the parents’ help is important. So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized - child or adult on the road of Christian life.55 Their task is a truly ecclesial function (officium).56 The whole ecclesial community bears some responsibility for the development and safeguarding of the grace given at Baptism.

 

[purplesunshine]

The role of the Godparent is an important responsibility. (but I can understand the confusion on this matter for culturally at times such is not always understood)

Catechism:

1255 For the grace of Baptism to unfold, the parents’ help is important. So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized - child or adult on the road of Christian life.55 Their task is a truly ecclesial function (officium).56 The whole ecclesial community bears some responsibility for the development and safeguarding of the grace given at Baptism.

Willing to help and life expenctancy are two different things though. And as it states the WHOLE Community is part of safeguarding the development of the child. While the Godparent has a special place, it’s one that isn’t an end all-be all as the OP made it sound like. Spiritual advising is completely different than making sure a child goes to Mass and knows their saints.

 

[Bookcat]

Willing to help and life expenctancy are two different things though. And as it states the WHOLE Community is part of safeguarding the development of the child. While the Godparent has a special place, it’s one that isn’t an end all-be all as the OP made it sound like. Spiritual advising is completely different than making sure a child goes to Mass and knows their saints.

Yes of course they are not “spiritual advisors or directors” …not in the way such a term is used in the Church…

Their responsibility is in terms of helping them in living a Christian life.

“So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized - child or adult on the road of Christian life.55 Their task is a truly ecclesial function (officium).”

Age can be a practical aspect certainly to consider. It would be best to have one at least who is say around the parents age or younger.

 

[purplesunshine]

Yes of course they are not “spiritual advisors or directors” …not in the way such a term is used in the Church…

But they do have a very important responsibility in terms of Christian life.

“So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized - child or adult on the road of Christian life.55 Their task is a truly ecclesial function (officium).”

Age can be a practical aspect certainly to consider. It would be best to have one at least who is say around the parents age or younger.

Repeating yourself dosn’t help but since you find it necessary…ok.

I didn’t say they weren’t important, only that they are NOT spiritual advisors and that the most important function is to speak for the child at the moment of Baptism. A good Godparent for 5 years is likely better than a poor one for a lifetime. The guidance afterward is just that, afterward. We don’t know when someone’s going to die…granny might live to 100 and Uncle Joe might die in a car crash tomorrow. Again most important is the adult’s ability to promise for the child.

The OP has gotten themselves into this hole by not holding their own spiritual development as important. Even in moslem countries people somehow manage to find friends or family willing.

 

[jilly4ski]

Repeating yourself dosn’t help but since you find it necessary…ok.

I didn’t say they weren’t important, only that they are NOT spiritual advisors and that the most important function is to speak for the child at the moment of Baptism. A good Godparent for 5 years is likely better than a poor one for a lifetime. The guidance afterward is just that, afterward. We don’t know when someone’s going to die…granny might live to 100 and Uncle Joe might die in a car crash tomorrow. Again most important is the adult’s ability to promise for the child.

The OP has gotten themselves into this hole by not holding their own spiritual development as important. Even in moslem countries people somehow manage to find friends or family willing.

Indeed, sometimes stories about how grandma spent hours on her old knees praying for her new godchild, going to church every Sunday, and etc. would be a better witness than a non praying non church going, "remarried’, now atheist, (etc) younger person.

 

[Bookcat]

I didn’t say they weren’t important, only that they are NOT spiritual advisors

I was agreeing there.

Spiritual advisor is a “different thing” though I suppose a Godparent might give advice from time to time.

and that the most important function is to speak for the child at the moment of Baptism.

Certainly it is an important function at the Baptism itself…but such is the beginning of their role…their office as Godparent. That role is especially important in our day when the culture around us is becoming more like it was for the first Christians.

All too often some think the role ends in “practice” with the baptism the extent of their later involvement will be sending a card from time to time… When what is needed are their witness coming from their being “firm believers”.

 

[Bookcat]

Indeed, sometimes stories about how grandma spent hours on her old knees praying for her new godchild, going to church every Sunday, and etc. would be a better witness than a non praying non church going, "remarried’, now atheist, (etc) younger person.

Yes indeed.

(though I would add that those listed cannot be Godparents…but I imagine that you meant at the time they were not such…)

 

[puzzleannie]

I have a meeting today with the church to have my son baptized. The problem is, you have to practically be a saint to qualify as a godparent. ?

not really just an ordinary practicing adult Catholic who has celebrated all the sacraments of initiation and is living in harmony with Catholic moral teaching and life of faith, including conformity with church laws on marriage. That used to pretty much describe active adult Catholics. More’s the pity if that is no longer true.

Believe me if I had to rely on family members my kids would be orphans in that respect. We found good sponsors in the parents of others who were being baptized at the same time as our children.

Quite frankly, an adult who calls himself Catholic yet blows off the most important elements of life in the Faith is not going to be of much use to a child who needs a godparent and mentor in the Christian life.

 

[LaSainte]

The answer is a dificult one. My suggestion is that you take a more active role in your own religious life. If you don’t know any good Catholics in your church, it is probably because you don’t spend enough time there meeting people. Find a group at your church, join it, and make friends who will be a positive influence on your faith journey. If you can’t find a role model for yourself, how would you ever find one for your child?

Is there any way you can wait a week or two for the baptism to give you more time to really discern a possible Godparent?

I don’t have time to take a shower every day, let alone spend time at church trawling for Catholic friends to use as godparents. I have a two-year-old and a two-month-old who doesn’t sleep, ever and screams constantly. I have beentrying to find a godparent since I became pregnant. 2 more weeks isn’t going to cut it.

 

[LaSainte]

Repeating yourself dosn’t help but since you find it necessary…ok.

I didn’t say they weren’t important, only that they are NOT spiritual advisors and that the most important function is to speak for the child at the moment of Baptism. A good Godparent for 5 years is likely better than a poor one for a lifetime. The guidance afterward is just that, afterward. We don’t know when someone’s going to die…granny might live to 100 and Uncle Joe might die in a car crash tomorrow. Again most important is the adult’s ability to promise for the child.

The OP has gotten themselves into this hole by not holding their own spiritual development as important. Even in moslem countries people somehow manage to find friends or family willing.

Where do you get off judging me and saying I don’t hold my spiritual development as important? You don’t even know me. The ONLY thing you know about me is that I don’t have any friends my age who are Catholic and attend mass on a regular basis.

 

[purplesunshine]

I don’t have time to take a shower every day, let alone spend time at church trawling for Catholic friends to use as godparents. I have a two-year-old and a two-month-old who doesn’t sleep, ever and screams constantly. I have beentrying to find a godparent since I became pregnant. 2 more weeks isn’t going to cut it.

“Trawling for Catholic friends”


We’re sorry you’re having a hard time. But you asked and we’re trying to help. There are mom’s group at your parish or another local one who could help you with both problems.

You are not in a unique situation. And I’m not being rude at all. Even my single-parent friend who works a job manages to voulenteer and stay in touch with the community. Even my friend who has FIVE kids, one who’s 4mo’s old still manages to get adult time and is connected to the church. I see people do it every day.

 

[LaSainte]

“Trawling for Catholic friends”


We’re sorry you’re having a hard time. But you asked and we’re trying to help. There are mom’s group at your parish or another local one who could help you with both problems.

You are not in a unique situation. And I’m not being rude at all. Even my single-parent friend who works a job manages to voulenteer and stay in touch with the community. Even my friend who has FIVE kids, one who’s 4mo’s old still manages to get adult time and is connected to the church. I see people do it every day.

I didn’t mean to be insulting; I haven’t slept in a few months.

The bottom line is that according to the rules, I may have to baptize my child in a non-catholic church. I don’t know anyone who is a good practicing catholic, and some random parishioner picked by the priest is not going to have any real intention of fulfilling their role as godparent to my son, which is also a requirement.