No direction

[Consoler]

I’m in a pretty bad situation. I’ve just been divorced and moving toward filing annulment papers. No kids. I’m living back home with my Mom. I have my BA in English Lit but I’m working part time as a janitor since it’s the only thing I could get in my area right now. Of course I can’t support myself doing this. I’ve been asking God ever since I became Catholic to give me a direction to go in with my life but I never get any answer. There is no career that I can see myself in. I like writing but I just don’t think I’m good enough at it to do anything in that direction. I’m thinking of going back to school…but I just have no clue what to do. Should I just go back to school and try to get a degree that I can get a decent career in without really wanting to do that particular thing? If God isn’t telling me what to do, should I just do that?

I suppose some kind of thing like nursing would be in high demand but it isn’t something I would like to do if I had a choice. I was a CNA for about six months but I left my job during the divorce because I was in such a bad state (and not much better right now). It wasn’t a job I liked doing. I would love to study something like theology but I was rightly fired a couple of years ago from my Catholic Diocese so…maybe there’s no future in that with my kind of background. I don’t have a very good employment history obviously. I’m trying to do better now and get my life back together but…I just don’t know what to do.

 

[FrancisBenedict]

Hi!

First stop worrying, God provides for those who seek the Kingdom.

You can write in your spare time while working anywhere! The world needs people who are not good with fancy words but just speak as they see things. Simple writers speak direct to the heart of others.

Keep praying, keep looking,ways will be opened up to you.

God bless+

 

[Consoler]

Thanks. I do write a blog and I like doing that. So, it’s not like I never write or anything. I know Jesus said all the time don’t worry and don’t let your heart be troubled and don’t be afraid…I try to think of that, but I have depression and anxiety so it is a bit hard for me. I’m really doing probably better than ever spiritually speaking. But…it’s like my brain is in a worry treadmill and it won’t stop. I guess it’s because I’ve never had any goal in life except to be closer to God. I didn’t really want to get married (there were circumstances) and there’s never been any job I’ve ever felt like I wanted to do. I never dreamed about having a family or kids. I liked being married…but he left and isn’t coming back. I’m pretty sure I will get an annulment but even if I do that’s probably at least a year or two away. I keep praying all the time that my husband will change his mind but I really don’t think that’s going to happen. I just feel like I’m trapped in this no man’s land…if that makes any sense.

I don’t know how to justify spending all kinds of money going back to school when I couldn’t choose a major or degree if you had a gun to my head. The only reason I got my BA in English Lit is because one of my professors said I was good at it and I should get that degree. I had no direction then either.

 

[FrStevenJones]

Get treated for your depression and anxiety. Talk therapy with a Catholic psychologist would be good. No job seems appealing when you are depressed. When the depression lifts, your true calling in life will be clear.

 

[mountee]

A very dear, old friend of mine always says to go out a do something for someone else when you feel the way you do. Giving of one’s self to others, whether you sit and read to someone or bake cookies, always helps to lift the spirits. I hope you will try her idea as I have watched it work many times. Making any large life decisions at this state of mind in your life would possibly be a mistake. Take this opportunity to settle in to your new personal life and pray constantly for God to guide you forward. I will join you in that prayer also.

Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

 

[Lasting_faith]

You did write that you work as a janitor? OK, that is a good job, in fact, no matter what work you have it is the best in the world as long as you take pride in to it and do your very best.

I have some knowledge about feelings after a divorce, and they are not nice to recall. But the sun will shine for you again. And you do have a direction, God will lead you.

It is so easy to say "everything will be fine and the rain will stop, but right now you do not feel that good, and that is OK to. We have a right to feel sad. I would be concern if you would not feel bad. That is normal. A divorce is a divorce and it rip up a life you thought would go on. Sometimes two people don’t simply fit under the same roof, and we can’t do anything to change it. That is life. But God is also life, and He will see you thru this ordeal as well. You are not alone, God is with you, and you have a job, more then many have theese days, so when you start feeling better you can plan your life again, but don’t do it now. Focus on what you have, health, a job and a roof over your head, not to mention Christ. He is taking care of you. And one thing more you have, the courage to write to a forum about your deepest feelings. It mean that you are on the mend, so to speak, because you have recognize that you have problem, depression. So when you have time, go and talk to someone about it, but only if you feel it might help, not because someone told you to. If someone say to you “shape up and get your act togheter” don’t listen. Talk when you feel so, and to a person you think can help you most. And remember, to help someone does not mean that the person you think can do something to make you feel better must have a degree or a white collar. It can be anyone.

 

[Ohana]

You have gotten lots of really good advice here. A couple of things I would add:
Check around your area and see if one of your parishes is doing a divorce recovery ministry. Sometimes that is helpful, particularly when it is not just sharing painful memories, but also adding in some self-reflection and some “book-learning”. If you decide to seek help from a Catholic psychologist, at some point you may want to explore doing an aptitude test.

One of our sons had difficulty determining a career and such testing was really helpful to him. I helped him find a vocation that really pulled together all of his giftedness.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself and your mother, honor your grief, and be assured that, even if not evident to you from time to time, Jesus is by your side.

 

[Consoler]

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it. I do see a psychiatrist but I’ve tried therapy with multiple different therapists and I’ve always hated it pretty much. I’ve never heard of any divorce group around my area.
I don’t mind doing this job. It just won’t allow me to support myself and that is the problem.