No first Confession- help please!

[YellowRoses]

My daughter has finished her CCD classes and is supposed to be receiving her First Holy Communion this Sunday, but it is “tradition” in our area to not go to confession. EVER. Our church buildings were even built without confessionals because “they weren’t necessary.” Reconciliation is not taught in CCD, and confession is never discussed. I had to take it upon myself to educate my daughter (as best as I could).

In our parish bulletin there is a teeny tiny clause hidden way at the back saying confession is available by appointment. We have 1 priest who is shared by 7 parishes. We are lucky to see him once every other month. The churches in our area are far apart, he resides over an hour away, and I understand he is EXTREMELY busy. However, I have called, emailed, and even went in person to the offices to try and make an appointment for my daughter for her first confession- but haven’t even recieved a response of any kind. This has been going on for 3 weeks now. I don’t live in the states, and Catholicism is very rare in my area. For myself, I have to travel over 4 hours to attend confession that hopefully won’t be cancelled last minute. This isn’t a case of just popping up the road to the next parish (oh I wish it were that easy!!)

My problem is this: there is no confession offered this week where I go, the Priest still isn’t contacting me, and I am receiving massive pressure from the CCD instructors and the pastor to, basically, just get over myself. If she doesn’t receive her Communion she will have to wait another year and retake all the classes (which I have to pay for again as well). It is in 5 days, our rehersal is tonight, and I am obviously feeling incredibly overwhelmed. A friend suggested I just let her go ahead with it and try and get confession in as soon as we can. She says this counts as one of those “hardship cases,” I am doing all I can but impossible is impossible, and it is more important to promote her faith than hold her back. But I don’t know. My “mom side” agrees with the friend, but my gut says it is wrong and I am willfully leading her (and therefore myself by allowing/encouraging it) into sin.

Any advice? Any suggestions? What would you do in my shoes?

 

[Phemie]

My daughter has finished her CCD classes and is supposed to be receiving her First Holy Communion this Sunday, but it is “tradition” in our area to not go to confession. EVER. Our church buildings were even built without confessionals because “they weren’t necessary.” Reconciliation is not taught in CCD, and confession is never discussed. I had to take it upon myself to educate my daughter (as best as I could).

(…)

Have you tried calling the diocese to express your concern about this?

Canon Law is clear that children are not to receive First Communion without first going to Confession. This is reiterated in Redemptionis Sacramentum, the document that was promulgated in 2004.

When does the priest arrive in your parish to celebrate the Mass at which your daughter is supposed to receive Communion? Could you meet with him at that time?

As for your daughter having to repeat the course, don’t let them tell you that. If she’s ready to make her First Communion this weekend and she doesn’t because you have her wait until she can go to Confession first, there is no reason whatsoever why she can’t go to receive Communion the next time there is Mass. Sure, it won’t be with the First Communion group but it will still be HER First Communion and there is no reason to delay it until next year.

In some parishes children are prepared for First Communion by their parents. They progress at their own pace and, one by one, as the parents feel that they are adequately prepared, the children are interviewed by the Pastor. If, based on the interview, he deems they are ready to receive, he hears their confession and they simply go receive the next time they are at Mass.

 

[Holly3278]

I would try to get her to Confession anyway. That said, I don’t understand why it would be a tradition in your area to never go to Confession. Does the tradition in your area only believe in 6 out of the 7 sacraments? If so, then your area has something wrong. People need to go to Confession sometimes. If they don’t ever go to Confession then they will likely be receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin sometimes and that is a sacrilege.

 

[YellowRoses]

Thank you for your replies.

I think the suggestion of having her communion after her confession, whenever that is and whenever the priest is available again, rather than with her class is a good option. It feels most right in my heart to make her wait and do it properly. There is a reason for it and taking Communion, especially your first time, “unclean” just feels so incredibly wrong and, well, ugly.

I guess the pressure of this exact date just seemed like an all or nothing deadline to me, so I couldn’t even see other possiblities! Thank you for opening my eyes!

I have a letter into the priest, but with no reply perhaps it is time to move up the line. I keep thinking of those 21 other children who will be participating this weekend, plus the children from previous years, presumably never having nor ever seeking Reconciliation. It really does break my heart and I can’t just sit and do nothing about it.

 

[bmullins]

I am confused by the concept of a catholic church that doesn’t even have a confessional, but yet has confessions by appointment? Reconciliation is so misunderstood these days =/ I can’t imagine it being tradition, even with a small t, that people think confession is not needed or even wanted =/

 

[maltmom]

It don’t understand it either. My heart is so heavy for your this morning. I’m praying that a solution can be found and all of the children can fulling receive all of the Sacraments.

 

[robwar]

Thank you for your replies.

I think the suggestion of having her communion after her confession, whenever that is and whenever the priest is available again, rather than with her class is a good option. It feels most right in my heart to make her wait and do it properly. There is a reason for it and taking Communion, especially your first time, “unclean” just feels so incredibly wrong and, well, ugly.

I guess the pressure of this exact date just seemed like an all or nothing deadline to me, so I couldn’t even see other possiblities! Thank you for opening my eyes!

I have a letter into the priest, but with no reply perhaps it is time to move up the line. I keep thinking of those 21 other children who will be participating this weekend, plus the children from previous years, presumably never having nor ever seeking Reconciliation. It really does break my heart and I can’t just sit and do nothing about it.

What diocese are you in? At least in Detroit, Children use to received reconciliation in 4th grade, after the 2nd year communion. That has now changed to where they are going to 1st reconciliation before 1st communion and it is part of the classes and prep. You do not need a “confessional” for reconciliation since most now are down face to face. My daughter’s class did it in the beginning of lent and the church brought in a number of priests for the children (and Parents). You may have to go to your religious ed director then priest before going to your diocese. Even at a young age of 7 for 1st communion, they are requiring children to go to reconciliation 1st and it should have been apart of the 1st communion prep.

 

[anp1215]

Contact your Diocese. This should not be happening.

You are a good mother. You are making the hard decisions because you know they are right, when it would be much easier to go with the flow.

 

[englishredrose]

hi,
Just may be and have you thought about this?

That the priest has actually spoken to your daughter direct and not gone through you at all as after all it is for your daughter and not you. And I know my parish priest wouldn’t discuss anything I have said in or out of confession with another. So may be he is just doing that and he wouldn’t tell you anything.

Is your daughter concerned? If not then I would leave it because you would be making her anxious over something that she doesn’t need to be anxious about. She will not go to hell for not going to confession etc. I would let it rest and just be with God. After all you have been attending the church and the confession there regularly enough may be so that you will know the church stance on things. Just let it be in Gods more than capable hands and if your daughter wants confession she will arrange it herself with the priest and it be very private. In a mild way but friendly way, its kind of none of your business what your daughter and priest does via confession and you will have to trust them rather than make it an issue that isn’t there. Peace be with you.

 

[The_Idiot]

ERR

The teaching of the Anglican Church and the Roman Catholic Church varies at times well they are different churches with different traditions ]

The Roman Church expects that a child being presented for their First Holy Communion has made their first confession BEFORE Communion.

Please do not go against what our Church teaches

 

[englishredrose]

byw, how old is your daughter.If your daughter is younger, then how come you started going to a church that don’t have confession how you like it? how come you haven’t explored it before committing your daughter to classes if she is younger. How come you committed your daughter to a church that don’t do as you like etc…?

if she is older then as I said before please leave it to your daughter and priest to make any arrangements and the priest will not tell you anything at all about any contact with your daughter. You just have to trust and you have to leave it at that.

 

[anp1215]

byw, how old is your daughter.If your daughter is younger, then how come you started going to a church that don’t have confession how you like it? how come you haven’t explored it before committing your daughter to classes if she is younger. How come you committed your daughter to a church that don’t do as you like etc…?

if she is older then as I said before please leave it to your daughter and priest to make any arrangements and the priest will not tell you anything at all about any contact with your daughter. You just have to trust and you have to leave it at that.

The OP said that the parishes in her area are very far apart and Catholicism is rare. The priest is shared between 7 parishes. It doesn’t sound like she has much of a choice as to which parish she attends.

 

[englishredrose]

The OP said that the parishes in her area are very far apart and Catholicism is rare. The priest is shared between 7 parishes. It doesn’t sound like she has much of a choice as to which parish she attends.

and what is your point when you read my whole post and not just the first paragraph?

Daughter may be happy with the way forward and mother would do best if she could let it go as its always been so. But still why question it now when it has been ongoing long enough its not a new situation is it therefore. The mother will have known that confession is via appointment and just needs to let it rest and if daughter wants confession its there. There is no need for anything different to happen is there therefore…?

 

[anp1215]

and what is your point when you read my whole post and not just the first paragraph?

Daughter may be happy with the way forward and mother would do best if she could let it go as its always been so. But still why question it now when it has been ongoing long enough its not a new situation is it therefore. The mother will have known that confession is via appointment and just needs to let it rest and if daughter wants confession its there. There is no need for anything different to happen is there therefore…?

Thanks for letting me know what I read.

Parents are responsible for their children’s faith formation. If the faith formation being offered at this parish is not in line with Catholic teaching, the parent has a responsibility to bring this to the attention of the Diocese, especially since this mother’s concerns have not been addressed at the parish level.

 

[The_Idiot]

ERR

You clearly do NOT understand the teaching of the Catholic Church, as it does not apply to you.

It is a requirement that a child and this is the term that the OP has used so we presume her daughter is still a child and not a teen ] makes their first Confession before receiving their First Holy Communion

This is complicated by the fact that the OP’s local Church is in a cluster of 7 churches and the priest visits rarely for Confession .

The OP has not come to this parish by choice - she has no choice and has to accept what’s there .

 

[TheRealJuliane]

hi,
Just may be and have you thought about this?

That the priest has actually spoken to your daughter direct and not gone through you at all as after all it is for your daughter and not you. And I know my parish priest wouldn’t discuss anything I have said in or out of confession with another. So may be he is just doing that and he wouldn’t tell you anything.

Is your daughter concerned? If not then I would leave it because you would be making her anxious over something that she doesn’t need to be anxious about. She will not go to hell for not going to confession etc. I would let it rest and just be with God. After all you have been attending the church and the confession there regularly enough may be so that you will know the church stance on things. Just let it be in Gods more than capable hands **and if your daughter wants confession she will arrange it herself with the priest and it be very private. ** In a mild way but friendly way, its kind of none of your business what your daughter and priest does via confession and you will have to trust them rather than make it an issue that isn’t there. Peace be with you.

Why did you answer this question in the first place? You really have no idea what our Church requires. This mother has the responsibility to pass along all the facets of our Catholic faith, and her daughter is age 7 or around age 7. The priest is not doing private confessions with 7 year olds behind their parents’ backs! Did you read the first post? Do you understand it at all? You need to stop advising Catholics because you have NO IDEA!

How can a 7 year old who has not even been instructed about confession (which is NOT OPTIONAL before First Communion), arrange anything with a priest?

 

[anp1215]

Why did you answer this question in the first place? You really have no idea what our Church requires. This mother has the responsibility to pass along all the facets of our Catholic faith, and her daughter is age 7 or around age 7. The priest is not doing private confessions with 7 year olds behind their parents’ backs! Did you read the first post? Do you understand it at all? You need to stop advising Catholics because you have NO IDEA!

How can a 7 year old who has not even been instructed about confession (which is NOT OPTIONAL before First Communion), arrange anything with a priest?

Exactly.

 

[englishredrose]

How do you know that it don’t apply to me? I am Catholic by the way if I really need to say so to you.

My main aim is that I am trying to do is help the mother relax rather than get wound up. by a situation she knew about at the beginning of her daughters classes because she will have been going long enough to understand the philosphy of that area.

the daughter is young then the mother knew the situation before classes started and understands that confession is very avaliable via appointment as she will have made her own confession that way as she is teaching her daughter to do so?

regardless of 7 other churches or not these are the facts of confession for that parish. which are similar to that of my own parish its arrange via appointment…

there isn’t much more to discuss because the mother will have known at the beginning how it is and really its bit funny to start worrying about it now when she has known all along for at least 7 years if the daughter is 7 if not longer? I am not being funny here but why start to worry this week when she has known for 7 years or more of the situation?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

How do you know that it don’t apply to me? I am Catholic by the way if I really need to say so to you.

My main aim is that I am trying to do is help the mother relax rather than get wound up. by a situation she knew about at the beginning of her daughters classes because she will have been going long enough to understand the philosphy of that area.

the daughter is young then the mother knew the situation before classes started and understands that confession is very avaliable via appointment as she will have made her own confession that way as she is teaching her daughter to do so?

regardless of 7 other churches or not these are the facts of confession for that parish. which are similar to that of my own parish its arrange via appointment…

there isn’t much more to discuss because the mother will have known at the beginning how it is and really its bit funny to start worrying about it now when she has known all along for at least 7 years if the daughter is 7 if not longer? I am not being funny here but why start to worry this week when she has known for 7 years or more of the situation?

The mother must have thought that a private confession time would be arranged at some point, and found it that it was not going to be, and is scrambling now that the time of first Communion is imminent.

What is your contribution to this thread? So far, all you’ve done is tell the mom not to interfere and now you are saying why should she even have posted? If you have nothing to offer, why keep responding?

OP, I agree with the others who said you should not allow your daughter to make her First Communion with the stain of sin on her soul. In your area, there is a gap between what people are used to doing, and what the Church truly requires. She needs to confess her sins before taking Jesus’ body. Wait until she can do that and then, just have her receive in the first Mass after she’s confessed.

 

[The_Idiot]

ERR

This is a post you made on April 19th this year

I have posted this openly as you have** now stated you are catholic**

I do sympathise but I’ve been jumped on too many times on these boards for openly doing so for being anglican. The first line of attack I get is that I am Anglican so can’t say anything in this discussion xyz so kept my response in sympathy of what I would really like you to do. I didn’t want to get caught up in how people operate on these boards as you can understand from the feedback you are getting.

Also I have learned through my own struggle that the priest is the very best person you can turn to right now and that is why I supported the orginal suggestion. You will get mixed replies as you have seen. A priest will let you talk and guide you.

I didn’t attempt any of the actual questions because I do not know enough about RC to know how to answer them. If I had answered them in the way I would have done then I would definately got the old ‘you’re an anglican’ response from everyone regardless to how it may be helping you so I am sorry that I didn’t seem like I have sympathy with you. But I do get jumped on in such posts and didn’t want it to be hyjacked from you