No first Confession- help please!

[anp1215]

ERR

This is a post you made on April 19th this year

I have posted this openly as you have** now stated you are catholic**

I think this poster likes to state they are Catholic because the Anglican church considers itself to be “catholic” in the sense that they are a part of the universal Church.

Of course, this is grossly misleading in that those on this forum interpret one’s claim to be Catholic to mean in Communion with Rome.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

ERR

This is a post you made on April 19th this year

I have posted this openly as you have** now stated you are catholic**

Thank you! I was thinking of that but couldn’t take the time to look it up at that moment. The posts were so far off-base I was going to call “bogus” on that claim of being Catholic.

 

[constantconvert]

My daughter has finished her CCD classes and is supposed to be receiving her First Holy Communion this Sunday, but it is “tradition” in our area to not go to confession. EVER. Our church buildings were even built without confessionals because “they weren’t necessary.” Reconciliation is not taught in CCD, and confession is never discussed. I had to take it upon myself to educate my daughter (as best as I could).

Any advice? Any suggestions? What would you do in my shoes?

Have you contacted the Bishop about this? Something is way off here. According to canon law

964 §1. The proper place to hear sacramental confessions is a church or oratory.

§2. The conference of bishops is to establish norms regarding the confessional; it is to take care, however, that there are always confessionals with a fixed grate between the penitent and the confessor in an open place so that the faithful who wish to can use them freely.

§3. Confessions are not to be heard outside a confessional without a just cause.\QUOTE]

What do all the other parents and teachers say about receiving the sacraments out of order?

I think you must wait until she has confessed, and hope she will not be too disappointed about postponing her big day.

I really feel for you; your parish seems to have gone round the bend

 

[YellowRoses]

thank you for your further replies. Sorry I am late to the game in responding- blame it on different time zones.

My daughter is 12. The other children are 6-8 years of age. I delayed her Communion by choice. The CCD courses are held only during the mass the priest is present, so even though the priest is in the same building he isn’t there in the class. She hasn’t actually set eyes on him since January. She is old enough to know what is going on so it isn’t like she had confession and didn’t realize it, nor is there time/ability for her to meet in secret and have secret confession. Even if that were a remote possibility. And without actually seeing him, it would be impossible to give confession and receive absolution.

We joined this parish a year and a half ago. I am from another country, so this wasn’t a “just down the street” move or something I could have expected/anticipated. There is only one Catholic church in our town. The six closest parishes are also in our group: same priest, same CCD staff, heck even the same choir. Traveling would only be more of the same. The other churches within our group are between 45 minutes to 2 hours away. It simply is not possible for my family to travel beyond this circle, so we HAVE to attend this church. We simply have no choice.

I have no real understanding behind the no confession trend. No one can explain it to me. Believe me, I ask. I am not kidding when I say the most popular reason is “just because.” I did just deal with it on my own for myself, because it seemed the easiest solution at the time. I am just one person after all. However, I assumed that with 22 children someone would have made local arrangements. When I asked because I hadn’t heard anything, it opened a huge can of worms and it put me in this mess.

It is difficult for me because I am not overly skilled in my faith and know everything to its fine points. I have to rely on those responsible, those in charge, those designated to lead us, to give me correct information and guide me along the correct paths. It goes against my nature to constantly question our pastors and other spirtual leaders. So when he/she (we have both sexes) firmly tells me something that I “know” is wrong, the strength of his/her conviction and their authority makes me doubt my own knowledge. Which is how I ended up in here in conflict.

I am just trying to practice my faith properly, and bring my children up to follow it properly. I 100% feel it is my parental responsibility to educate my children within their religion and to ensure, at the very least, they regularly attend mass. Just like it is my responsiblity to feed them, clothe them, shelter them, send them to school, seek medical care when needed, etc. Loving them isn’t a “responsibility,” but a wonderful pleasure

 

[englishredrose]

I am not running away from the argument of 3 people attacking me for where I stand but will not enter into it as this has nothing to do with what the poster first asked and have handed it over to moderators and have posted it here because I am not ashamed of anything I have said because I understand what I am saying. Sorry to the yellowrose that a part of it gone astray and my initial response was trying to help you relax as of the situation of the priest of that parish. Sorry

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am not running away from the argument of 3 people attacking me for where I stand but will not enter into it as this has nothing to do with what the poster first asked and have handed it over to moderators and have posted it here because I am not ashamed of anything I have said because I understand what I am saying. Sorry to the yellowrose that a part of it gone astray and my initial response was trying to help you relax as of the situation of the priest of that parish. Sorry

So you come on the thread, give WRONG advice to the OP, lied and said you are Catholic and got called on it, and now have reported the thread to the moderators? Wow. Sorry indeed.

 

[Jean_Anthony]

Please stay on topic, everyone. Thank you.

 

[anp1215]

thank you for your further replies. Sorry I am late to the game in responding- blame it on different time zones.

My daughter is 12. The other children are 6-8 years of age. I delayed her Communion by choice. The CCD courses are held only during the mass the priest is present, so even though the priest is in the same building he isn’t there in the class. She hasn’t actually set eyes on him since January. She is old enough to know what is going on so it isn’t like she had confession and didn’t realize it, nor is there time/ability for her to meet in secret and have secret confession. Even if that were a remote possibility. And without actually seeing him, it would be impossible to give confession and receive absolution.

We joined this parish a year and a half ago. I am from another country, so this wasn’t a “just down the street” move or something I could have expected/anticipated. There is only one Catholic church in our town. The six closest parishes are also in our group: same priest, same CCD staff, heck even the same choir. Traveling would only be more of the same. The other churches within our group are between 45 minutes to 2 hours away. It simply is not possible for my family to travel beyond this circle, so we HAVE to attend this church. We simply have no choice.

I have no real understanding behind the no confession trend. No one can explain it to me. Believe me, I ask. I am not kidding when I say the most popular reason is “just because.” I did just deal with it on my own for myself, because it seemed the easiest solution at the time. I am just one person after all. However, I assumed that with 22 children someone would have made local arrangements. When I asked because I hadn’t heard anything, it opened a huge can of worms and it put me in this mess.

It is difficult for me because I am not overly skilled in my faith and know everything to its fine points. I have to rely on those responsible, those in charge, those designated to lead us, to give me correct information and guide me along the correct paths. It goes against my nature to constantly question our pastors and other spirtual leaders. So when he/she (we have both sexes) firmly tells me something that I “know” is wrong, the strength of his/her conviction and their authority makes me doubt my own knowledge. Which is how I ended up in here in conflict.

I am just trying to practice my faith properly, and bring my children up to follow it properly. I 100% feel it is my parental responsibility to educate my children within their religion and to ensure, at the very least, they regularly attend mass. Just like it is my responsiblity to feed them, clothe them, shelter them, send them to school, seek medical care when needed, etc. Loving them isn’t a “responsibility,” but a wonderful pleasure

Please contact your Diocese. It is horribly wrong that so many people could be receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin. I understand that the priest is busy and spread thin, but he or another priest needs to come hear these children’s confessions before first communion.

 

[Irishgal49]

Have you tried calling the diocese to express your concern about this?

Canon Law is clear that children are not to receive First Communion without first going to Confession. This is reiterated in Redemptionis Sacramentum, the document that was promulgated in 2004.

When does the priest arrive in your parish to celebrate the Mass at which your daughter is supposed to receive Communion? Could you meet with him at that time?

As for your daughter having to repeat the course, don’t let them tell you that. If she’s ready to make her First Communion this weekend and she doesn’t because you have her wait until she can go to Confession first, there is no reason whatsoever why she can’t go to receive Communion the next time there is Mass. Sure, it won’t be with the First Communion group but it will still be HER First Communion and there is no reason to delay it until next year.

In some parishes children are prepared for First Communion by their parents. They progress at their own pace and, one by one, as the parents feel that they are adequately prepared, the children are interviewed by the Pastor. If, based on the interview, he deems they are ready to receive, he hears their confession and they simply go receive the next time they are at Mass.

GREAT ADVICE. I’d call the Bishop’s office if they tried to make my child repeat classes. That’s not true and they cannot do that. I’d find a parish within a 2-3 hr driving distance if I had to, schedule an appt and take her. Make a lunch date of it afterwards and demonstrate with your commitment how important Confession should be to her. You might want to call the Bishop’s office anyway since what they are doing is wrong.

 

[Phemie]

GREAT ADVICE. I’d call the Bishop’s office if they tried to make my child repeat classes. That’s not true and they cannot do that. I’d find a parish within a 2-3 hr driving distance if I had to, schedule an appt and take her. Make a lunch date of it afterwards and demonstrate with your commitment how important Confession should be to her. You might want to call the Bishop’s office anyway since what they are doing is wrong.

Her main problem is that it’s the same priest and the same people running religious education no matter where she goes, since the same priest and people serve 7 parishes that are widely separated.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Her main problem is that it’s the same priest and the same people running religious education no matter where she goes, since the same priest and people serve 7 parishes that are widely separated.

We all need to pray for the OP and Thank God that most of us live in areas where we can choose from several parishes on any given day or Sunday. I know that I have at least 5 parishes within 20 minutes of my house, and a Cathedral downtown.

 

[YellowRoses]

I forgot to mention… yes, I will be contacting our bishop about this. Right away.

 

[theology101]

My daughter has finished her CCD classes and is supposed to be receiving her First Holy Communion this Sunday, but it is “tradition” in our area to not go to confession. EVER. Our church buildings were even built without confessionals because “they weren’t necessary.” Reconciliation is not taught in CCD, and confession is never discussed.

It appears that you are not at a Catholic Church. Does the Bishop know that this Church is refusing one of the Sacraments to the faithful??

 

[YellowRoses]

I have/had other concerns besides confession. After my first Sunday service I contacted the Archbishop’s office to verify I was actualy in a Catholic church, and the church was in good standing (not “rogue”). It was.

I received word from our pastor explaining the reason behind the no confession. It was a bit difficult to understand, but I think I figured it out. It has to do with their definition of “mortal sin.” It seems to equate to human law- so murder, rape, grand-theft auto, things you go to prison for are the only sins severe enough to require confession. But “small things” like stealing candy, using birth control, lying, cheating on a test in school, telling your parents off are not mortal sins requiring confession, but venal sins and the prayer for forgiveness right before communion (spoken by the layman presiding, not a priest, by the way) “erases” those sins, at least absolves you to be able to receive Communion. She point blank said children are incapable of mortal sin, so confession is not offered since they have not sinned.

As far as I know (and please correct me if I am wrong), to commit mortal sin you have to be aware of it being a mortal sin in the first place. So if no one was educated properly as to what sin is, they are not tehnically committing mortal sins because they are not aware if them being mortal. Sins, yes. And asking for forgiveness either in service or self-prayer, technically, would be enough. So, to me, this seems like someone who knows better is trying to find a “loop hole” and as long as we all are kept ignorant of what sin is, and what the mortal sins actually are, we are being “spared” from this whole having to deal with confession thing.

Just a theory, but it does in a way explain what is going on. Apparently I am rocking the boat.

 

[anp1215]

I have/had other concerns besides confession. After my first Sunday service I contacted the Archbishop’s office to verify I was actualy in a Catholic church, and the church was in good standing (not “rogue”). It was.

I received word from our pastor explaining the reason behind the no confession. It was a bit difficult to understand, but I think I figured it out. It has to do with their definition of “mortal sin.” It seems to equate to human law- so murder, rape, grand-theft auto, things you go to prison for are the only sins severe enough to require confession. But “small things” like stealing candy, using birth control, lying, cheating on a test in school, telling your parents off are not mortal sins requiring confession, but venal sins and the prayer for forgiveness right before communion (spoken by the layman presiding, not a priest, by the way) “erases” those sins, at least absolves you to be able to receive Communion. She point blank said children are incapable of mortal sin, so confession is not offered since they have not sinned.

As far as I know (and please correct me if I am wrong), to commit mortal sin you have to be aware of it being a mortal sin in the first place. So if no one was educated properly as to what sin is, they are not tehnically committing mortal sins because they are not aware if them being mortal. Sins, yes. And asking for forgiveness either in service or self-prayer, technically, would be enough. So, to me, this seems like someone who knows better is trying to find a “loop hole” and as long as we all are kept ignorant of what sin is, and what the mortal sins actually are, we are being “spared” from this whole having to deal with confession thing.

Just a theory, but it does in a way explain what is going on. Apparently I am rocking the boat.

Wow. Yes the Bishop needs to be contacted ASAP. Whoever told you those things aren’t mortal sins is WRONG. Yes, you are correct that one can’t commit a mortal sin if they don’t know something is a mortal sin, but what is happening here is wrong.