No longer single - so why do I feel so horrible?

[chevalier]

Two reasons:

1. your inner “gut” is telling you something is not right.
2. the enemy is playing with your emotions in order to ruin a good thing.

Which is it? Discernment of spirit is up to you.

Ditto and I also agree that the “enemy” might be not the tempter himself as much as perhaps some more mundane doubts.

I think I miss her, for one. Though, I know we both have our own lives to live, so I don’t want this relationship to start down a path of mutual dependence.

As I’ve mentioned before about my conversations with her, I have this self-sabotage element in me. I’m afraid that I’m not the right guy for her, that she’s wasting her time and emotions own me, and that she’s only going to get hurt even though I don’t want to hurt her. She seems to really like me, though, so I don’t know what I’m talking about apparently. There’s a big part of me that wishes she could find a guy who wanted to treat her as well as I plan to treat to her but who isn’t me, who maybe lived a little closer. **

I have a similar kind of thing. Basically, if you love someone, you want the best for him*. Now if you love that person romantically and you want the best for him… thoughts of that kind could arrive. But if he tells you he doesn’t want *better *than you, then you take him at his word.

 

[TraderTif]

As I’ve mentioned before about my conversations with her, I have this self-sabotage element in me. I’m afraid that I’m not the right guy for her, that she’s wasting her time and emotions own me, and that she’s only going to get hurt even though I don’t want to hurt her. She seems to really like me, though, so I don’t know what I’m talking about apparently. There’s a big part of me that wishes she could find a guy who wanted to treat her as well as I plan to treat to her but who isn’t me, who maybe lived a little closer. *

And maybe I’m just scared since it’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship. I really want the best for her, and I don’t want us to have made a mistake for that very reason.*

Epistemes, maybe you’re the right guy, and maybe you’re not, but you’re in this place for a reason. Assuming that both of you are serious, then nobody is “wasting their time”. You’re going to help each other grow, and you’ll learn together. God wants you both to learn something from all this.

Just try to relax, pray for wisdom, and have fun!!

 

[dixieagle]

I think that’s God’s way of telling you that you haven’t found “the one.” I’d recommend breaking it off a.s.a.p. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to break it off. When you find the one, you will not feel “horrible,” you will feel wonderful.

I’ve got to disagree completely with this.

I think the truth lies in the OP’s self esteem issues, and the sometimes unrealistic expectations people tend to have when entering into a new relationship.

OP - take this slowly, continue your counseling, and enjoy this new addition to your life. She may or may not be the one, but don’t sabotage a possible relationship before it can even get off the ground.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Is this where we get to ask about your parents? Because if you have self esteem issues, one of them probably played with your head when you were little. And so you still hear that voice deep down telling you “you don’t deserve this.” “This will never work.” “You’re not good enough for her.”

You need to learn to shut that voice up.

The voice that attacks you and tells you you are not worthy of happiness is not a voice to listen to.

However, if the voice is one that comes from getting to know another person and their behavior and how it mixes with your own, and then doubts come out… then that is a different voice you listen to.

But this is too new for you to be making judgments about a new relationship, especially considering your other issues.

When did you begin doubting that you were worthy of anything good? What happened at that point? If you can retrace your steps to the point where you began to doubt yourself like that, often you can identify the source of the voice and judge its true validity or lack thereof.

And I believe The Deceiver makes use of all our emotions and past to trip us up in the future. So everyone is right in this debate.

 

[flyingfish]

It sounds like you are taking this way too seriously to be honest. You just met this girl, why are you so serious about this?

Just go along with it, have fun, and keep dating others!