No more kids

[JoyToTheWhirled]

I was wondering how you cope when your fertility is curtailed before you’re really ready? My husband had the op when we were both protestants, having previously been convinced ‘quiverful’ believers. Short story - I got very ill and the medication I am on was bad for babies, so he took the executive decision out of my hands. Now, I know there’s nothing to be done about it, and he has no regrets at all, but I am both consumed by guilt over the matter and heartbroken that even the possibility of another child is denied to me. Is that selfish?

 

[Anglewannabe]

Of course it is not selfish. I think it is only instinct for a women who shares a bed with a husband to desire a kid.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

I was wondering how you cope when your fertility is curtailed before you’re really ready? My husband had the op when we were both protestants, having previously been convinced ‘quiverful’ believers. Short story - I got very ill and the medication I am on was bad for babies, so he took the executive decision out of my hands. Now, I know there’s nothing to be done about it, and he has no regrets at all, but I am both consumed by guilt over the matter and heartbroken that even the possibility of another child is denied to me. Is that selfish?

Selfish: no. Wanting to give life to another (at not insignificant cost to yourself) is not selfish. Pretty much the opposite, in fact.

But neither should you feel guilty. What is done is done, and you a) didn’t do it, and b) weren’t aware of the moral issues at the time it was done anyway. And even you had and were, sins can be forgiven.

That isn’t to say that it’s not natural to feel some regret, we’re all human after all. But that feeling doesn’t actually mean that you have done or are doing something wrong.