No real friends

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Mike1w

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I have acquaintances but no real friends. I do have family, but they aren’t usually available, or nearby. I know God is there, but still it would be nice to have a good human friend to talk to. I am not sure how this can be helped. Between work and home responsibilities, its hard to connect, and online connections fail to satisfy.
 
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I am married, and can talk to my wife, on her better days, but I still wish I had some others, especoiallu male catholics irl, to talk. At my parish, men aren’t chatty unless they already know you well. and they have cliques.
 
Have you tried to join any parish programs or events? People don’t always know how to act welcoming, and it might come off looking cliquish.
 
Are you my husband by any chance?

Seriously, we hear you, and we’re in the same boat. So lonely. We watched the two football games after work yesterday ALONE. My two teams lost, BTW. My husband didn’t have a favorite, but like me, he was hoping that for once, the Superbowl wouldn’t have the NE Patriots. And we were both wishing the Bears would have made that kick. Sigh.

We’re actually considering placing an ad in our parish bulletin–“We’re so lonely. Is anyone else in this parish lonely? Let’s get together and be friends!”

I’ve always loved the cartoon, The Flintstones. Do people really have friends like that? Fred and Barney? Wilma and Betty?" Or is that just make-believe?

BTW, my husband and I attend Bible studies in our parish, and we are involved with a couple of ministries (music for me, EMHC for my husband). We go to the Missions and other special events. We can’t get involved with groups that meet during the day because we both work. So it’s not like we avoid people in our parish.

Let us know if you come up with any good ideas.
 
Does your church have any hospitality events like coffee and donuts after mass? If not, you should start one, even if it is once a month. It is hard to not meet people when you are serving them refreshments. If they already have one, volunteer. And you could even be honest and say that you would like to help so that you can meet other parishioners.

As far as how groups appear, it is easy to think that groups are excluding us when we don’t know them personally. Sometimes, they just are more comfortable talking to people that are open to them. I have found that once the ice is broken, I may need to be the person that puts myself out there a bit and encourages my friendships until they get to know me better.

Over the years, I have been the one that invites people over for dinner or has a party once a year. 99% of the time, it is not reciprocated. Is it because no one likes me? No, it is because people just don’t do that as much anymore. I don’t keep score and I don’t take it personally.
 
Mike1w said:
At my parish, men aren’t chatty unless they already know you well. and they have cliques.
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You’re going to have to work at it. If you want deeper personal relationships with people, then you’re probably going to need to find a program where that sort of thing is fostered. You’re probably not going to find it at a bible study or administrative meeting or pancake breakfast. Find a charismatic group, or sign up for a charismatic retreat. Those groups are generally more accepting of people they don’t know, and they generally are more open, and into deeper personal relationships.
 
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Irishmom2 said:
I have been the one that invites people over for dinner or has a party once a year. 99% of the time, it is not reciprocated. Is it because no one likes me? No, it is because people just don’t do that as much anymore.
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Shame isn’t it?
 
Sometimes just acknowledging your loneliness helps you feel less lonely.
Although it would be nice to have someone to share spaghetti sandwiches with. 😊
 
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Maybe being alone isn’t so bad. I would’ve never heard of spaghetti sandwiches🤢
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
Any hobbies or clubs?
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That is a good point. See if there are any Catholic groups that do your hobby. As an example, if you are a motorcyclist, google for Catholic motorcycle groups or ministries or motorcycle blessings.

Another question: do you have kids? If you do, are they grown up? The reason I ask is that traditionally one of the main outlets for socialization among married couples are activities for the Catholic school they send their kid(s) to.
 
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I’m in the same boat. I have a group of acquaintances that I see a couple of times a month, but that’s about it. I generally go weeks at a time without talking to anyone.
 
Join the men’s club, the Knights of Columbus, volunteer to teach RE or to help do the yard work. You will meet other Catholic men.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Join the men’s club, the Knights of Columbus, volunteer to teach RE or to help do the yard work. You will meet other Catholic men.
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I don’t mean this to sound insulting by any means, but I have a question/issue about the Knights of Columbus. At every church in my area that has a KoC presence, all the men appear to be old enough to be my grandfather. I never see any men even close to my own age. Perhaps there are younger members who are just not as visible, I have no idea. What is anyone else’s experience?
 
The Knights go from age 18 to 118. You have likely only seen the 3rd Degree (guys in funny hats), the council will have more men. Also, friendship can bridge age gaps. Give it a try.
 
I heard somewhere that it takes 100 hours of spending time with someone to become close friends. It sounds gimmicky there’s a truth to that. It explains why it’s so easy to make lasting friendships in college or the military when you’re basically forced to be together all day, and why it’s much harder when you work a job and have your family to care for.
Find a few families you like in Church and organize a weekend camping trip. You’ll make memories that will start to create a shared history. Follow-up with inviting people over for dinner or a birthday party. After you’ve hung out enough to consider another family your “friends”, you can take it to a deeper level by going out solo with your male friend to ask his advice on some serious matters. Real friends aren’t just superficial, they help each other through tough times and respect each other’s opinions. It takes courage and humility to reach that level of friendship, but it’s also very rewarding. Good luck in your pursuit, real friends are a blessing!
 
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