No sacraments this Easter

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mi6vida9loca

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:bighanky: For the past two years of my life I’ve been atteding RCIA classes to receive my sacraments (Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Communion) which was planned to take place this 2012 Easter. But just a few days ago I was informed by my RCIA teacher that he was very sorry but that I wouldn’t be coming into the Catholic Church this Easter (due to my “mortal sin” status with my legal husband, who’ve I’ve been with for the past seven years). Now, as disappointed as I am, I went to speak with my Catholic Perish Priest for some guidance or advice to what I could do. :ehh: Well, not only did he give the options to either marry him thru the Catholic Church (which he has no intention to do) or leave him completely (in which I’m to remain single and celibate for at least six months). Well there’s a few problems with those two choices: :juggle:
1.) I have a troublesome marriage with my husband, and since he’s baptized Christian, he doesn’t have the intentions of becoming Catholic or attending Catholic happenings with me…in other words…he’s not ready for “Change” (which deeply burdens me because I’ve been trying to get him to morally change for the better). Now from what I’ve learned so far in the Catholic faith; a Church marriage is FOREVER!!! it’s a life-long deal until death do you apart…and I believe in it, but what I don’t believe is if I should truly make that great covenant with him.Civil marriage you can marry and divorce as you please…and with the troublesome civil marriage I already have with him, I don’t think I should take that risk, because if I was to ever divorce him or just leave him, and sometime down the line I was to meet a better, even Catholic devoted man who’d like to lead me down the aisle, then I wouldn’t have that opportunity in my disposition. :tsktsk: You can only be married thru the Catholic Church ONCE, and for the rest of your life…it’s something I highly admire, respect, believe in, yet am troublesome about simply because I might not ever have that with him.
2.) If I was to take the other option, which is to leave him completely (since I’m so “unhappy” with him) then I would have to remain a single mother (yes, we have a four year old boy together), I’d have to give up my full-time Nursing schooling (which, he’s paying for AND providing) so I can get a job, make some money, and eventually get me and my son our own place (which we don’t have because we currently reside with his Father) and I have nowhere to go or stay for the meantime… I mean in other words this is the Father of my son, and we have been together for seven years, and it’s not that easy to just get up and leave him because I’m advised to do so. I love him dearly with all my heart (God only knows) but I can’t force my beliefs on him. let alone change his ways, or threaten him to leave him if otherwise… all I want from him is spiritual change because he IS a good man, but he just has his own demons to overcome, but he’s not doing anything to change that and as long as he doesn’t him and I will never be happy, and I don’t know how much longer I can take his bad ways and addictions (which I prefer not to mention).
Now when I went to speak with my parish priest not only did he make me feel as if I was “unworthy” to receive the blessed sacraments but he also had the nerve to criticize my demeanor :mad: which not only hurt my feelings, but also made me very angry. Now I’ve had a complicated life in which I don’t want to get into detail, which had influenced my decisions and mistakes…because after all I am only human…but I also know and believe that when you pass judgement on others because of the way they look or portray themselves you are ALSO condemning yourself!!! :bigyikes: now I lost complete respect for that priest, and after that so called constructive criticism of my piercings and tattoes, I no longer wish to attend that Church, or continue with the RCIA classes as I was informed that I needed to continue, even if nothing can be done for me this year. 🤷 Now I didn’t disrespect the priest in anyway, even if I felt like doint it, so I took that in and cried about it instead (which he didn’t care to console) and he led me to his office door exit and his last words were that I was dismissed and to make sure nobody saw me leaving his office crying as if he didn’t want others knowing how he had criticized me, denied me my sacraments, and basically thrown me out of his office. :ouch: Now I’m thinking that I should just go and explore my options with other Catholic Churches in my area or to even go and speak to my local Bishop which is a few miles away in San Angelo, Tx. Will anyone please advise me any further in what I could do please?
 
Talk to your priest about something called radical sanation. I think that will work here.
 
From what I read here this the first marriage for both of you (stop here if I mis-read something). If that is the case, you marriage is assumed to be valid. You or your husband were not Catholic at the time of you marriage so you are not bound to the Church’s requirement for the marriage process.

I have never read anywhere that you must have your marriage blessed before you can receive the sacraments. Now, if this was not the first marriage for both you or your husband, then I could see the logic in what the priest is saying. If this is the first marriage, I’m perplexed by what he said.

Corrections welcome if I missed some obvious nugget of info here.
 
Civil marriage you can marry and divorce as you please Not true unless your not a Christian. One should never get married thinking its ok to get divorced.

I think you took an oath when you were married by a justice of the peace. Just because you didn’t get married in the CC doesn’t make your marriage less valid. You also have a child with this man.

It sounds like your staying with him as hes paying for your nursing education, you say you love him, but want to be open to marry a nice Catholic man if one should cross your path.

I do think the ball is in your court, either take your marriage seriously now, or separate and become a Catholic. I really don’t blame the Priest in this matter, and you don’t want to get your marriage validated in the Catholic Church is saying you don’t plan on staying with your present husband. Then you are using him.
 
A couple of Qustions,
have either of you been married before?
If not there is no problem there’s no problem in that area.
He is a baptized Christian and you are not from what I understand. He is also not baptized Catholic. In this case there is no reason that you cannot receive the sacraments. The RCIA director is wrongly holding you to a standard if he were baptized Catholic.
Since neither of you are Catholic, and you are legally married, the Church cannot hold you to our standards. You are not in mortal sin.

Your RCIA director needs clarification and possibly your priest, Contact the Diocese that you are in, they can help straighten out the problem.

Also the other poster indicated a radical sanation, it does not apply since neither one of you are Catholic.

Since it sounds like there are issues with your marriage, this also need to be worked out, and a marriage in the Church wouldn’t resolve the issues.

I pray thing will work out for you,
Peace, Deacon FAB
 
There seems to be much more going on here than meets the eye. I do not have to qualifications, nor the right to ask any questions as to the state of your current marriage, but I would highly suggest that you speak to a professional counselor about your relationship with your husband. I would also encourage you to keep the faith you are discovering, it is hard sometimes, but maybe there is a reason why these things are popping up. I have a feeling from reading what you are saying that there are even more problems than you have disclosed here (for which I do not blame you, as some aspects of a person’s life should not be broadcast onto the public forum of the internet.) That being said I really think this is God calling attention to your marriage, and that you should seek a professional opinion. I will say a prayer for you, and I truly hope that you find the answer to your situation without losing faith in the one true God.

Don
 
fermat said:
From what I read here this the first marriage for both of you (stop here if I mis-read something). If that is the case, you marriage is assumed to be valid. You or your husband were not Catholic at the time of you marriage so you are not bound to the Church’s requirement for the marriage process.

I have never read anywhere that you must have your marriage blessed before you can receive the sacraments. Now, if this was not the first marriage for both you or your husband, then I could see the logic in what the priest is saying. If this is the first marriage, I’m perplexed by what he said.

Corrections welcome if I missed some obvious nugget of info here.
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If it was not a Catholic marriage, you must get the marriage convalidated by a priest before it is recognized by the Church.
 
figs said:
If it was not a Catholic marriage, you must get the marriage convalidated by a priest before it is recognized by the Church.
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True, but the lack of recognition is not a impediment to receiving the sacraments. There is no prior marriage in play.
 
I have been married for 26 years by a justice of the peace and I’m not allowed to recieve the Eucharist as I was told by the Priest I need my marriage blessed.

I think the issue here is the OP isn’t sure she wants to stay married to her present husband and doesn’t want t make the Church commitment.
 
fermat said:
True, but the lack of recognition is not a impediment to receiving the sacraments. There is no prior marriage in play.
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It is if they are living together as husband and wife. If the marriage is not recognized by the Church then they are living together in sin and no sacraments can be given
 
figs said:
If it was not a Catholic marriage, you must get the marriage convalidated by a priest before it is recognized by the Church.
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This is not true. If neither party was Catholic before their marriage enjoys the presumption of validity unless there was an obvious impediment such as prior marriage. The only other issue would be is that if one of them were baptized Catholic and they married outside the Church.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
This is not true. If neither party was Catholic before their marriage enjoys the presumption of validity unless there was an obvious impediment such as prior marriage. The only other issue would be is that if one of them were baptized Catholic and they married outside the Church.
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You are so right, I spoke incorrectly. One would have had to been baptized for my statement to be true. I apologize
 
figs said:
You are so right, I spoke incorrectly. One would have had to been baptized for my statement to be true. I apologize
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That would be baptized in the Catholic Church. If one were say baptized Methodist than one would not be expected to follow the form of the Catholic Church although if there were a divorce then the marriage would need to be looked at for validity if the spouse was remarried and wished to enter the Church. Just giving hypotheticals.
 
figs said:
You are so right, I spoke incorrectly. One would have had to been baptized for my statement to be true. I apologize
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Not just baptized, but baptized Catholic. NonCatholics (including baptized Protestants) are free to marry in any form.
 
To the OP if from this massive overload of information to someone discerning the Church you think you found your situation and you feel that your marriage is valid please handle it delicately. My advice is to try speaking to the pastor again and letting him know that you believe that some facts may have been miscommunicated along the way that brought him to his decision. You can also contact your diocese if you need further help. God bless.
 
mi6vida9loca said:
:…1.) I have a troublesome marriage with my husband, and since he’s baptized Christian, he doesn’t have the intentions of becoming Catholic or attending Catholic happenings with me…in other words…he’s not ready for “Change” (which deeply burdens me because I’ve been trying to get him to morally change for the better). Now from what I’ve learned so far in the Catholic faith; a Church marriage is FOREVER!!! it’s a life-long deal until death do you apart…and I believe in it, but what I don’t believe is if I should truly make that great covenant with him.****Civil marriage you can marry and divorce as you please…and with the troublesome civil marriage I already have with him, I don’t think I should take that risk because if I was to ever divorce him or just leave him, and sometime down the line I was to meet a better, even Catholic devoted man who’d like to lead me down the aisle, then I wouldn’t have that opportunity in my disposition. :tsktsk: You can only be married thru the Catholic Church ONCE, and for the rest of your life…it’s something I highly admire, respect, believe in, yet am troublesome about simply because I might not ever have that with him,…
please?
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There are many misunderstandings here, are you married by common-law (no license)?

FYI - Catholics are to be celibate until married, so you have 1)celibate or 2)married in the Church or 3)married outside the Church but recognized by the Church. Married outside the Church include A)formally recognized as convalidation or B)radical sanation, or informally as C)assumed Natural, or D)assumed non-catholic Christian. So it is not clear which category you are in today and more importantly which category you can be in and compliant with canon law. And none of it has anything to do with a specific priest.

The statements you made in (red & blue) both are disqualifying of sacraments, as both indicate a desire to cohabitate without a marriage acceptable by catholic standards. So this Priest is correct, however it is completely up to you to comply with Catholic teaching (not the priest)

I hope that helps
 
FAB said:
A couple of Qustions,
have either of you been married before?
If not there is no problem there’s no problem in that area.
He is a baptized Christian and you are not from what I understand. He is also not baptized Catholic. In this case there is no reason that you cannot receive the sacraments. The RCIA director is wrongly holding you to a standard if he were baptized Catholic.
Since neither of you are Catholic, and you are legally married, the Church cannot hold you to our standards. You are not in mortal sin.

Your RCIA director needs clarification and possibly your priest, Contact the Diocese that you are in, they can help straighten out the problem.
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This. If neither you nor your husband has been married before, your marriage is to be assumed valid. Contact the diocese for further assistance.

The Church recognizes the validity of non-Catholic marriages by default. The only reason we wouldn’t do so is if (a) there is some kind of impediment, like a previous spouse who is still living, or (b) if one of the spouses is Catholic, there is an obligation to marry under the proper form or a dispensation from said form, without either of which the marriage would be invalid.

FAB, if neither of you has ever been married before, and if neither of you has ever been Catholic, then please do contact the diocese. This needs to be straightened out.
NewEnglandPries said:
Not just baptized, but baptized Catholic. NonCatholics (including baptized Protestants) are free to marry in any form.
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Exactly.
 
OP, as others have stated, there is something in your story that doesn’t quite make sense to thous of us reading.

You need to ask your RCIA director or your pastor WHY your current marriage is not recognized by the Church. Unless your husband was baptized Catholic or Orthodox, you would not have been expected to be married by the Church.

Since the RCIA director seems to think you can get married we have deduced that neither you nor your husband has been previously married. If either of you was previously married then those first marriages would need to be examined to see if they can be ruled null. But that is a very different scenario than what you describe in your post.

The fact that you are only just now learning that there is an issue with your marriage makes me think you have some unusual circumstance where the details are important.
 
Fone_Bone_2001 said:
This. If neither you nor your husband has been married before, your marriage is to be assumed valid. Contact the diocese for further assistance.

The Church recognizes the validity of non-Catholic marriages by default. The only reason we wouldn’t do so is if (a) there is some kind of impediment, like a previous spouse who is still living, or (b) if one of the spouses is Catholic, there is an obligation to marry under the proper form or a dispensation from said form, without either of which the marriage would be invalid.

FAB, if neither of you has ever been married before, and if neither of you has ever been Catholic, then please do contact the diocese. This needs to be straightened out.

Exactly.
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We don’t disagree. If neither spouse has ever been married before and neither spouse is Catholic, then the union they are in is valid and recongized by the Church and there is no reason that she cannot recieve the sacraments.
 
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