No sex before marriage: How far can you go?

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I’m a single mother of three, never married, and converted to Catholic four years ago. I want to follow the rules since I’ve been given a second chance. I am seeing someone whom I have very strong emotional feelings for. When he and I are together it is hard to control our sexual desires. I was wondering how far we can go without breaking the rules and sinning.
 
Personally, I would go no far than simple kissing. No, passionate kissing or french kissing as it is called because that could lead to further more sinful activities. Simple kissing would not be a sin though I do not believe. Also, I would try not to be alone together. Try to have your children with you or to be in public when you are together. This should not be too hard for you. 🙂

Also, if you were married when you had your children before, you may have to have your previous marriage annulled before you can marry this new person. That is the case even if you were not previously baptized I believe. I may be wrong about that though.

Also, check out this web site:

chastity.com/

It is directed towards younger people but will contain answers to many of your questions. Also, check out the New Advent Catholic Encyclopedia’s article on chastity here:

newadvent.org/cathen/03637d.htm

Also, you might try looking up encyclicals on chastity or other official Church documents on chastity. Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about chastity in summary:

Catechism of the Catholic Church said:
2394 Christ is the model of chastity. Every baptized person is called to lead a chaste life, each according to his particular state of life.

2395 Chastity means the integration of sexuality within the person. It includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery.

2396 Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.
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To read more on what the Catechism says about chastity, go here:

scborromeo.org/ccc.htm

And type chastity in to the search engine there. It will provide you a list of all the paragraphs in the Catechism that include the word chastity.

God Bless,
Holly 🙂
 
US_Angel said:
I’m a single mother of three, never married, and converted to Catholic four years ago. I want to follow the rules since I’ve been given a second chance. I am seeing someone whom I have very strong emotional feelings for. When he and I are together it is hard to control our sexual desires. I was wondering how far we can go without breaking the rules and sinning.
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Dear Angel
God Bless you for coming into the One True Faith. I was 40 and got married as a virgin. As a Marine and Police Officer it was REALLY TOUGH. But the wait was GREAT. Respect your body as the temple God gave you and please believe what the church teaches on sex before marriage. Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to help you and him. We are not animals and we can resist. Seek Gods will first and all else will fall into place. God Bless you for being the mother of three children. You have a real hard job. Do it for your children also. Jesus Loves you because NO ONE IS LIKE YOU - YOU WERE CREATED LIKE NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD. THAT IS HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE TO GOD. Show Him that you love Him.
 
As far as you would go if you were in public, or if you had your parents, her parents, your Priest, Jesus, Mary and your future children watching you.
 
The answers above are good, but I would say that the absolute first step is to ask the right question.

The question is not: “how far can I go?” The game is not to see how close you can get to the edge of a cliff without falling off. That’s dangerous.

St Paul says to “flee from sexual immorality.” If there’s any question about whether something is wrong or not, you probably won’t suffer too much by putting it off til you’re married.

Also, pray! Pray! Pray! 👍
 
I was in my 30’s when I dated again- The boundaries I set was-

All clothes stay on- yes there was kissing.
If you wouldn’t do it in front of your own father- “you are going too far”
 
If you both have a strong sexual attraction to each other, then it would probably not be wise to go beyond a brief kiss (no tongue of course). This is the case for me at least. It can be painful to stop there sometimes, but it will prevent you from sliding down a very slippery slope that is difficult to climb back up.

Peace and good.
 
avoid any physical contact that would or could be a “turn on.” Generally, simple kissing (lips only) and holding hands is about ‘as far’ as a non-married couple could safely go.

I agree with above posters that asking “how far” is not the right question; I would suggest some books by Christopher West on chastity, particularly the ones covering JP2’s Theology of the Body. It all clarifies how actions of the body speak a spiritual language, very enlightening.
 
US_Angel said:
I’m a single mother of three, never married, and converted to Catholic four years ago. I want to follow the rules since I’ve been given a second chance. I am seeing someone whom I have very strong emotional feelings for. When he and I are together it is hard to control our sexual desires. I was wondering how far we can go without breaking the rules and sinning.
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in the first place you don’t even go to the place where you are stimulating your sexual desires until the wedding night.

we are not talking about breaking rules we are talking about your own emotional and spiritual stability and security, and that of the person you profess to love, and the health of your future marriage should the relationship move that way, all of which will be irreparably harmed if you steal what does not belong to you, namely sexual intimacy. You will also by the way stop in its tracks the development of emotional intimacy which should be the focus in the courship period.
 
My rule of thumb is that if I have to ask myself “would this be going too far?”, it is probably a step beyond where we should be.

I do not think using the “does it turn me on” as the determiner is always the best because if you wait to find out you have probably already crossed a line. Also, there can be totally non intimate things that turn you on. An example, I really like the “country girl/girl next door” type. If they are not afraid to get their hands dirty… even better. I remember one time my then GF, myself, and some others were working tearing down a building on a ranch. I turned around and saw her with her hair a mess, dirt smudged on her face, in loose dirty work cloths and I was turned on by it. I thought she looked fantastic. Another example just recently, I was doing some holiday baking with my GF, and just seeing her in the kitchen which was a mess with flower on her just relaxed and having fun, was a slight turn on for me. I would argue that there was nothing wrong with either of these situations, no one was dressed immodestly or doing anything inappropriate, but the situation still triggered a certain emotion.

I don’t know if there was a useful point to all of that, but I would just say error on the side of caution.
 
This is one area where I definately believe in a “slippery slope” theory. Even an unintentional act can lead to grave matter. Be careful because carelessness will lead to heavy guilt that may not go away :(.

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius:cool:
 
If you don’t want to go over the cliff, it’s a bad idea to see how close you can get to it while creeping up to the edge, revving the engine.
 
US_Angel said:
I’m a single mother of three, never married, and converted to Catholic four years ago. I want to follow the rules since I’ve been given a second chance. I am seeing someone whom I have very strong emotional feelings for. When he and I are together it is hard to control our sexual desires. I was wondering how far we can go without breaking the rules and sinning.
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Nothing below the neck…both necks…and no you cannot stand on your head 😃
 
**😃 😃 ** I AM A GAY CATHOLIC AND I HAVE LOST MY VAGINITY BUT NOT THE WAY YOU THINK I HAVE… ONE NIGHT I SLEPT OVER AT MY BOYFRIENDS AND JUST AS I FELL ASLEP I THORT I FELT MY BUM WET UP A BIT I ASKED WAHT HE WAS DOIN HE SAID GOIN TO GIVE U AIDS…IT WAS TO HELP MT SPOTS BUT AS I FOUND OUT 10 MINUTES LATER IN WAS LUBRICANT, DUE TO HIM PUTTIN THIS IN MY ******* HE INSERTED HIS PENIS I FELT A MOMENT OF JOY AND PLEASURE WE WERE AT IT FOR ABOUT 4 HOURS, BUT ON THE POSITIVE I STILL FOUND TEN MINUTES THROUGHOUT THE 4 HOURS TO PRAY TO ALLAH.
WHAT ILLNESS AM I SUFFERING FROM AS I NOW WANT A GIRLFRIEND TOO SLEEP WITH ?? LOVE YOUS BABES. P.S. DOES ANYBODY ELSE GET AROUSED OVER THE POPE POKIN HIS SELF UP THE ******* ? BTW I AM BLACK !!! 👍
 
Obvious troll is obvious. Some people never learn the concept of common courtesy. It is a thing that is sorely lacking in the modern age.
 
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