No thank you note for Christening gift

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m_crane

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Has anyone dealt with the dilemma of not receiving a thank you either by note or by phone call?

I not talking about gifts that are opened at parties where the recipient has the chance to thank the giver in person. I’m talking about Wedding Gifts, Shower gifts and the like.

This time it was a Christening gift (a check in a card) that was not acknowledged. I have given 2 Graduation,1 Wedding, 2 Shower, and now Christening presents to this couple and never received an acknowelgement. They are family but not close enough that I feel comfortable saying to them “Hey, what’s with not sending Thank you notes?”

What would you do?
 
beloved christ, when i am rejected let me rejoice!

don’t worry about it…
 
let me add, i think it would be just as rude as for you to bring it up as it was for them to not give you a thank you card.
 
personally i would not care, i really dont feel the need to be thanked for anything, but if someone does, that’s nice of them. its a gift after all, i wouldnt want them to feel obligated to go through the trouble of sending me a thank you card, but thats just me.
 
If the check was cashed, you know they got it. Otherwise, I would chalk it up to the casual attitude toward etiquette these days and forget about. If people don’t ever thank you for sending a gift, you don’t have to keep sending them.
 
I agree w/ Daeve. Must be fellow St Louisians thinking alike.

Yes, it’s happened to me. Might be the “casual” attitude toward etiquette. If the check is cashed, you know they got it.

I was raised with writing thank you’s for gifts I got regardless if I liked them, used them or what.

I feel the gift was given in love/admiration/joy … end of story.👍
 
That’s life, and is a reflection on someone’s upbringing, or lack of it.

The fact that you sent checks and know they were cashed at least tells you they recieved them. Even if they don’t send a thank you card, they could at least call to thank you. In the case of other gifts, you can certainly call them to make sure they arrived: “Hi, just calling to make sure the baptismal gift we sent for Junior arrived okay. How did it go?” That way, you can make them feel guilty but in a nice way.

Stop sending gifts and see if they ask you why.
 
I had a similar encounter with a family member. It was a niece that got married, had kids, etc.

I would send a gift, or a check, and wouldn’t hear anything, so I stopped sending them. It was amazing how a week after her anniversay (that I missed) I got a phone call wanting to make sure I was ok, etc. and how the conversation turned to “Oh yeah, we just celebrated our anniversary.” I just told her I stopped sending them because i was never sure if she got them…lol
 
I don’t think most people today are even taught to write thank-you’s. Not to mention women go back to work after a teeny maternity leave, or go back to work right after getting married. Women were expected to be women, write thank you’s keep house.

Do a follow up call and ask them how their life has been. The thought that you would send a gift to someone you don’t really talk to much is so silly anyway.
 
I’d stop sending.

Yes, this has happened to me. Sent an expensive present for a wedding. Present had to be insured. Believe I had three months to make a claim. After waiting two months, called the bride. This was very embarrassing because it sounded as if I was desperate for a “thank you.” Of course, the bride was clueless.

I don’t need a written thank you. I do need a phone call to know it got there.

Unfortunately, this has happened too many times with relatives. I’ve stopped sending. Sometimes I would send a little something because I thought they’d enjoy an unexpected gift. I now treat myself instead.
 
No one would be upset if they didn’t receive an acknowlegement for a generous Wedding gift? Not even a phone call. I find that hard to believe.
 
chaunceygardner said:
That’s life, and is a reflection on someone’s upbringing, or lack of it.

The fact that you sent checks and know they were cashed at least tells you they recieved them.
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I didn’t always send checks. Silver jewelry for graduation, Gift certificates, etc.
And I see this couple on a pretty regular basis. They had ample opportunity to say thanks when they see me.
 
m_crane said:
Has . They are family but not close enough that I feel comfortable saying to them “Hey, what’s with not sending Thank you notes?”

What would you do?
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I would make a note that this family obviously does not appreciate gifts, monetary or otherwise, and assume in the future they would be offended if I went against their wishes and sent a gift, so I would not be doing so. If they were to ask me “hey, what’s up with not sending gift for Gaga’s kindergarten graduation?” I would give them that explanation.
 
m_crane said:
Not even for a wedding gift?come on. They certainly knew how to send a proper wedding invitation.
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My brother and sister-in-law had to return to 40 hour work weeks. They thanked everyone they could at the wedding. I spent a decent bit on their gift, plus I drove a long way. They did write notes for my mom and dad, the inlaws and two or three other benefactors but in genral, no, no one got thank-you’s.

Did I care? Not really. I don’t really read my mail anyway. Why should I care if someone sends me a card with their name scribbled and a note “thanks for the cash” or “thanks for the jello mold”? I don’t. I don’t have space to keep notes anyway.

I do like notes from my grandma, and I love writing letters to her and a lot of others. But it’s a dead art. I’ve sent letters to 30+ people and only three (including my Grandma) have written back.
 
purplesunshine said:
I do like notes from my grandma, and I love writing letters to her and a lot of others. But it’s a dead art.
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If thank you notes are a dead art then maybe gift giving should be a dead art too. It took me quite a long time to shop for, carefully wrap and send that lovely gift and card.

Anyone can pick up a phone and I do have email, I think a note is more gracious but a call is prefectly acceptable. -still think a wedding gift should be acknowleged with a note though.
 
m_crane said:
If thank you notes are a dead art then maybe gift giving should be a dead art too. It took me quite a long time to shop for, carefully wrap and send that lovely gift and card.

Anyone can pick up a phone and I do have email, I think a note is more gracious but a call is prefectly acceptable. -still think a wedding gift should be acknowleged with a note though.
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If you don’t like it, then stop sending gifts.

Maybe you’d perfer a card, but seriously I don’t think most of my friends even remember HOW to address envelopes much less write a card. I had to teach students (freshmenn entering college in '07) where to put the return address labels when we were sending out departmental material (as part of a work study job).

You can put your nose in the air and demand a written thankyou all you want, but you won’t get anywhere.
 
purplesunshine said:
My brother and sister-in-law had to return to 40 hour work weeks. They thanked everyone they could at the wedding. I spent a decent bit on their gift, plus I drove a long way. They did write notes for my mom and dad, the inlaws and two or three other benefactors but in genral, no, no one got thank-you’s.

Did I care? Not really. I don’t really read my mail anyway. Why should I care if someone sends me a card with their name scribbled and a note “thanks for the cash” or “thanks for the jello mold”? I don’t. I don’t have space to keep notes anyway.

I do like notes from my grandma, and I love writing letters to her and a lot of others. But it’s a dead art. I’ve sent letters to 30+ people and only three (including my Grandma) have written back.
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I’m assuming they thanked the people for coming and not for the individual gifts. I doubt that they actually opened wedding gifts at the wedding. Usually, the gifts are set aside and opened later when all have gone home. Sometimes not until the couple has returned from their honeymoon.

There might be envelopes with checks in them or gift certificates. And boxed presents can get lost, stolen, or misplaced. Yes, the sender would know by the cancelled checks that the couple had received them but not with gift certificates nor presents. That is why it is important to acknowledge the gift by stating what it is. Or for what the money will be used. This should be done ASAP. E-mail has lovely animated “cards”, and you save on postage.

Another thing, if the husband doesn’t send or call in the thank-you, the bride should do it and vise versa. Why? Because the gift was given to both.
 
I’m posting as a person in their 20’s about my sibiling in his 20’s and friend’s in their 20’s.

If you older crowd don’t like it, tough.
 
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