No Trials in Life

[Nap66]

Why does God allow some people to go through life with no trials?

I know a person who is in his mid-fifties and never went through any trial in his life. He never had a close relative die (except his grandparents and he wasn’t close to them). He never had a serious illness in his family. He never had a serious illness or accident himself. He never had serious money problems. He’s never really had any problems that were outside of his control. I look at his life and only see blessings.

Here’s the rub - he doesn’t believe in God or Jesus. Never has. He believes all his good fortunes are standard and normal, especially since he never looks outside himself at other people’s lives. So I got to thinking, does God want all people to come to him, to be saved? If so, how will this person I know be saved if he has absolutely no reason to go to God? This person has no trials in life, he has no need of prayer or a higher being. Everything is perfect as it is for him.

I asked this person the other day what he would do if something serious happened to him such as a debilitating disease or a family member with a disease that went on for some time and he had to deal with it. He said he would just walk outside and die (he didn’t even address my question about a family member, since I know he has no interest in helping anyone but himself anyways - he’s never had to). I thought how sad, since that answer was the answer of a child who has never experienced life. You can’t just walk outside and die. All of us who have went and are going through trials know you can’t take the easy way out.

Does God bring trials to all of us on earth? Or just some? I’m sure I’m wrong but I told God if he wants this person that I know to come to him then he has to send him a trial or two. It is easy to make it through life without God when all you have are blessings.

 

[Zaccheus]

He has no trials that you see.
Do you see every part of his life?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

A few months ago (before my husband went and dropped dead) I posted on here that I felt bad sometimes that many other people seemed to have much bigger troubles in life than I currently have. I had some pretty big troubles in past years, mostly involving both of my parents having protracted illnesses, as well as some school and job experiences that weren’t the greatest, but all this stuff was in the past when I posted.

Somebody, I think it was (name removed by moderator), posted that their Polish grandma said that if trouble wasn’t here right now it would be arriving soon enough. (Obviously, in my case it showed up.)

I’m sure your friend is going to get zapped with something in his life. Presumably he has some parents or close family, so either he or one of them is going to get sick and die at some point. He likely doesn’t want to think about that right now - who would want to?

When the rubber meets the road and he has to deal with somebody having cancer, Alzheimers, a stroke or any number of other icky things, or if he has a financial reverse or a natural disaster (these things can hit just about anybody), he’ll have to think harder about what he believes and how to cope with it.

I would also suggest that you not assume he has no troubles because you don’t see any. People often hide their problems from everybody, even their friends. He may have been through, or be going through, something pretty bad that you just do not see because his life looks okay to you on the surface. There are any number of people who appear to have great lives and it’s only later you find out that they were battling addiction or living on their credit cards or had an abusive parent and were in therapy for 20 years. I had a friend like that who looked perfectly all right and only after his death did I learn he had an alcohol problem so severe that he was repeatedly hospitalized (unbeknownst to most of his friends) and was causing havoc in his family life.

 

[Nap66]

He has no trials that you see.

Do you see every part of his life?

He’s my recent ex-husband. Yes I saw every part of his life for the last 20 years. His life hasn’t changed since he has been my ex for the last few months. Oh, and divorce for him wasn’t a trial, since he wanted the divorce.

All I know is that he is the least empathetic person I know. Does that come from having no trials? I could never understand why he had no feelings for anyone but himself. Probably because he thinks “I don’t have any problems, why are these people always complaining about their lives?”

 

[Seagull]

with a disease that went on for some time
and he had to deal with it.
He said he would just walk outside and die

My cat did that.

 

[Nap66]

I’m sure your friend is going to get zapped with something in his life. Presumably he has some parents or close family, so either he or one of them is going to get sick and die at some point. He likely doesn’t want to think about that right now - who would want to?

I don’t know if I consider him a friend now, just a person I know . Will he get zapped? I wonder sometimes. I’m sure his parents will die before him, maybe. But he has distanced himself from them and makes his sisters deal with them. So he doesn’t care. I’ve had to take care of my severly disabled mom from a stroke for the past 25 years (quarter century!). I asked him once if he would ever do that for his parents. He said no, his sisters would do it. After seeing everything I went through he just doesn’t care for anybody, and God lets him slide, I just don’t understand.

When the rubber meets the road and he has to deal with somebody having cancer, Alzheimers, a stroke or any number of other icky things, or if he has a financial reverse or a natural disaster (these things can hit just about anybody), he’ll have to think harder about what he believes and how to cope with it.

He said he would cope with it by going outside and dying. I think sometimes God lets some people have no trials or lets them ignore the trials. Why? Because they are not equipped to deal with trials? Does this get back to the notion that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle? And so since this person can’t handle anything, God sends no trials and just blessings?

 

[Vico]

Why does God allow some people to go through life with no trials?

…does God want all people to come to him, to be saved? If so, how will this person I know be saved if he has absolutely no reason to go to God?
…
Does God bring trials to all of us on earth? Or just some? …

Q1. Why does God allow some people to go through life with no trials? Does God bring trials to all of us on earth? Or [to] just some [people]?
A1. Physical and mental sickness are trials and temptation to sin is a trial. Unhealthy attachments are also formed through sin, which themselves become trials.

Q2. Does God want all people to come to him, to be saved?
A2. Yes, for which reason we were given the atonement and the sacraments.

Q3. If so, how will this person I know be saved if he has absolutely no reason to go to God?
A3. God gives actual grace for initial conversion.

Catechism (Temporal Punishment for sin)

1472 To understand this doctrine and practice of the Church, it is necessary to understand that sin has a double consequence. Grave sin deprives us of communion with God and therefore makes us incapable of eternal life, the privation of which is called the “eternal punishment” of sin. On the other hand every sin, even venial, entails an unhealthy attachment to creatures, which must be purified either here on earth, or after death in the state called Purgatory. This purification frees one from what is called the “temporal punishment” of sin. These two punishments must not be conceived of as a kind of vengeance inflicted by God from without, but as following from the very nature of sin. A conversion which proceeds from a fervent charity can attain the complete purification of the sinner in such a way that no punishment would remain.84

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Some people have a very low level of empathy. Sometimes they’re wired that way, sometimes they didn’t have enough toughening experiences.

I know this one woman who had a very fairy tale life–married a good man after dating only one or two other good men, healthy children, textbook middle class life with no major upheavals. She’s not particularly a happy person. And she tends to blame other people’s problems on “something they must have done”.
Some people luck out and I don’t know why.

But I’m more concerned with you because you’re going down a dangerous road of comparisons. Please don’t, I’ve been down that road and the only thing at the end of it is misery.

Concentrate on your own healing–spiritual, mental, physical.

Hugs and prayers

 

[Nap66]

My cat did that.

LOL. Cats are smart. People not so much!

I figured I would walk out onto a frozen lake and just sit there until I died of hypothermia. But I probably wouldn’t and that person I know wouldn’t do it either. It’s easy to say how you would respond to things when they haven’t happened yet.

 

[Nap66]

But I’m more concerned with you because you’re going down a dangerous road of comparisons. Please don’t, I’ve been down that road and the only thing at the end of it is misery.

Ya I know. I’m working on it and I know God deals with each person individually on his terms.

Just me being an inquisitive sort of person I’ve always wondered why the ex-husband never had any trials, even during our marriage it was the big question I’ve always had. He’s never had anything he ever had to deal with. He’s never had to rely on anybody, ever, because he’s never had any problems requiring other people to help. And since he doesn’t need help from anyone he gives no help to anyone in return.

Many people exist this way. It seems black and white. Either you’re going through life with tons of trials or you have very little that you are allowed to ignore. Must be that trial-filled people are on a different spiritual journey than those blessing-filled people.

I’ll ask God about it when I get there. But I’m sure by then, I won’t care!

 

[Nap66]

A3. God gives actual grace for initial conversion.

What does this mean and how does it work in the actual life of a nonbeliever?

 

[Carmel]

I’ll ask God about it when I get there. But I’m sure by then, I won’t care!

I agree, there are people who simply do not empathesize with others. They may have asperger’s syndrome which is a kind of grown-up autism. They just don’t do relationships.:

 

[adgloriam]

A powerful post @Tis_Bearself. Words of wisdom. I all too often forget to factor in all those variables.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Some people have a very low level of empathy. Sometimes they’re wired that way, sometimes they didn’t have enough toughening experiences.

Sometimes the apparent lack of empathy is also a way to avoid dealing with feelings that are too difficult to be faced. There is a tendency to judge another’s reaction by comparing it to what we ourselves would do, especially when it comes to family stuff. However, what we ourselves would do might not be as easy or even possible for the other person. There may be a whole different family dynamic in play that only those within the family are going to fully understand.

Also, as I learned the hard way in life, people learn to deal with trials and tragedy by past experiences of it, in large part. If a person never had a certain bad past experience, he may not respond in the greatest, most empathetic way to thinking about it or even to its actually happening, because it’s just alien to him.

I agree that comparing your own situation to that of others is a dangerous path. It’s along the same lines as fussing about the stick in your brother’s eye while ignoring the plank in your own. I edited this because I see the person is your ex and while you are no doubt familiar with his life, you also have to recognize your own bias in observing him in this situation.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

…and having said all that, it’s entirely possible that he really doesn’t have any problems and is a jerk to boot. Even if that is true, thinking about it doesn’t help you with your own life. Just pray for him and let it go.

 

[Nap66]

and having said all that, it’s entirely possible that he really doesn’t have any problems and is a jerk to boot.

LOL! He doesn’t have any problems (yet). He’s just a lucky son of a gun.

Even if that is true, thinking about it doesn’t help you with your own life. Just pray for him and let it go.

I prayed for him and his life has improved even more. He’s received more blessings since I’ve prayed for him. God’s will! I asked God this morning “is there anyone out there praying for me?” When do my trials end for a bit, and one or two blessings are thrown my way?

 

[alice24]

I remember the post you are referring to here and just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss. The way you often spoke about your marriage was beautiful and I wish you all the strength you need right now.

 

[Kei]

First, note that just because you don’t know of his trials, it doesn’t mean he lacks them.

Second, it is not surprising that material fortune is a punishment for those in the world, whereas those seeking Heaven are given troubles and difficulties in this life. It should be very easy to see how the latter is rewarded and the former punished.

 

[JanetF]

Does this get back to the notion that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle?

I actually think this is a little off, I think God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and he also gives you the grace to handle all that he gives you.

Honestly it sounds like your ex has a severe lack of empathy for others. I don’t have any advice for understanding it other than to distance yourself from him since you are now divorced. Don’t let his negativity invade your space so to speak.

 

[fin]

Interesting question.

I also noticed this too. Now, I want to make the exception of relatives dying, since everyone dies.

But yes, some people do seem to do well in life with nothing too major, serious, or chronic.

Not to say they do not have problems, of course.

They do, but they are more like good problems to have. For example, what good school to send their child, and they can afford to send him to a good and expensive school, and the child is smart enough. Or what car model to buy. Another good problem, because that means the person has money to buy one (maybe car loan also). Some people do seem to live a charmed life, satisfied and happy, good marriage and family relations, reliable friends, a business or well paying job, regular vacations, doing hobbies they love. No addictions too, whether to drugs, porn, alcohol, gambling. They are physically and emotionally healthy and mature, no personality disorders.

Meanwhile, there are good people, like really kind hearted ones, yet have difficulty improving their situation, even though they are trying everything they could.

It is a mystery.