Nobody wants me as a boyfriend...thoughts?

[CountrySinger]

Except that happiness on this earth is not the goal. Eternal happiness is.

Your happiness on earth won’t last. It can only be temporary, even if the person sticks around, YOu can’t suck infinite happiness out of finite things/people. You’ll suck the life out of them and they will resent you.

God is the author of love, He is not standing in your way of love. Impossible to have love without God. It’s unbelievable that you say God doesn’t compare to dating someone.

I’ve followed all of God’s rules, and I’m still miserable and alone. I can’t feel God’s love around me like other people can. I’m sick of being alone. I need to feel love somehow, and I’m not getting it while single.
People have advised me that this might be a time to spend time alone with God, but I’ve had 28 years for that to happen. I think I’ve reached my limit of alone time.

 

[agapewolf]

I’ve followed all of God’s rules, and I’m still miserable and alone. I can’t feel God’s love around me like other people can. I’m sick of being alone. I need to feel love somehow, and I’m not getting it while single.
People have advised me that this might be a time to spend time alone with God, but I’ve had 28 years for that to happen. I think I’ve reached my limit of alone time.

I’ve followed God’s rules, and I’m single, but I’m not alone. That is YOUR choice to be miserable.

2nd… again, its NOT this world that we are entitled to happiness.

 

[CountrySinger]

I’ve followed God’s rules, and I’m single, but I’m not alone. That is YOUR choice to be miserable.

2nd… again, its NOT this world that we are entitled to happiness.

Part of the reason I’m miserable is that I just moved 200 miles away from all of my friends and family for my new job (out of my control). So I don’t really know anybody well enough to spend Christmas with. And I’m one of those people who HATE to be by myself. It just kills my spirit, and then I drink (I’m drinking as I type). So me by myself= unhappy, with others= happy. I can’t help it if that is the way I’m made.
Then again, if God loves us, wouldn’t He want us to be happy. I have two cats, I love them, I want them to be happy. If they are unhappy, it makes me upset. Isn’t God like that? Or this is a test for me (I haven’t had time to study, lol)? I have no clue.

 

[whatevergirl]

Part of the reason I’m miserable is that I just moved 200 miles away from all of my friends and family for my new job (out of my control). So I don’t really know anybody well enough to spend Christmas with. And I’m one of those people who HATE to be by myself. It just kills my spirit, and then I drink (I’m drinking as I type). So me by myself= unhappy, with others= happy. I can’t help it if that is the way I’m made.
Then again, if God loves us, wouldn’t He want us to be happy. I have two cats, I love them, I want them to be happy. If they are unhappy, it makes me upset. Isn’t God like that? Or this is a test for me (I haven’t had time to study, lol)? I have no clue.

*Hi CS;

I know you’re struggling right now, but while God might test us at times, the devil TEMPTS us. If you choose to date an atheist, be very careful that you don’t let anyone keep you from your faith, from the Eucharist. I’m alone with my kids today, and missing my parents. I know pain. I know that void that you want to fill with ‘‘something’’ or ‘‘someone,’’ but that someone can only be Christ. When we fill voids in our lives with anything other than a relationship with Christ, we will be unhappy. Your feelings of pain right now are not the big picture. Trust in God, and know He is there for you…He won’t let you break. He sometimes tests our faith…but, He won’t give us situations that break us. So, look at this time right now, as perhaps a refining time…He is refining you to strengthen you. Like a muscle that has to break down to be built up, so too is our soul.

If you are overweight, that too can be remedied by working out and eating well. Maybe make that a goal…but make it for YOU. Don’t make your identity about what you don’t have, or about getting a man. If you work on feeling good about yourself …you might be surprised about what might happen. I think it’s easy to get down, and then the things that happen to us are sort of self fulfulling prophecies. You’re away from your family and friends…but, maybe God’s plan for you was to bring you to a place where you had to only rely on Him. We are human, and while God should be the center of our lives, He knows our needs, and our longings to be with others. To share our lives with others. But, He wouldn’t tell you to date someone who would take you away from Him, who would separate you from the Eucharist. Just be careful, the devil is always looking for the slightest opening of vulnerability. You’re a good person, who will find a loving man someday, and you won’t have to ‘‘settle.’’ God bless you, and may the remains of your Christmas be bright. :hug1:*

 

[CountrySinger]

*Hi CS;

I know you’re struggling right now, but while God might test us at times, the devil TEMPTS us. If you choose to date an atheist, be very careful that you don’t let anyone keep you from your faith, from the Eucharist. I’m alone with my kids today, and missing my parents. I know pain. I know that void that you want to fill with ‘‘something’’ or ‘‘someone,’’ but that someone can only be Christ. When we fill voids in our lives with anything other than a relationship with Christ, we will be unhappy. Your feelings of pain right now are not the big picture. Trust in God, and know He is there for you…He won’t let you break. He sometimes tests our faith…but, He won’t give us situations that break us. So, look at this time right now, as perhaps a refining time…He is refining you to strengthen you. Like a muscle that has to break down to be built up, so too is our soul.

If you are overweight, that too can be remedied by working out and eating well. Maybe make that a goal…but make it for YOU. Don’t make your identity about what you don’t have, or about getting a man. If you work on feeling good about yourself …you might be surprised about what might happen. I think it’s easy to get down, and then the things that happen to us are sort of self fulfulling prophecies. You’re away from your family and friends…but, maybe God’s plan for you was to bring you to a place where you had to only rely on Him. We are human, and while God should be the center of our lives, He knows our needs, and our longings to be with others. To share our lives with others. But, He wouldn’t tell you to date someone who would take you away from Him, who would separate you from the Eucharist. Just be careful, the devil is always looking for the slightest opening of vulnerability. You’re a good person, who will find a loving man someday, and you won’t have to ‘‘settle.’’ God bless you, and may the remains of your Christmas be bright. :hug1:*

Thank you for your kind words. But I’ve struggling my whole life and honestly, I’m sick of it. The only times I’ve been content are when I was dating someone. I never do things for myself. In order to lose weight, my motivation is to find a guy. I don’t really care about my health, my mom was healthy as a horse, but still died of a heart attack in July 2008.
As for settling, I’m a realist. I’m not going to get my prince who will sweep me off my feet. I have to take what I get before I end up alone. I’m not the hot young thing I was when I was in Nashville with my record deal. I’m a washed up singer, and look like one. I think the guy I met on CAF was the last straw. I was going to break sometime, it was just a matter of when I was going to give up on finding a decent Catholic man.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thank you for your kind words. But I’ve struggling my whole life and honestly, I’m sick of it. The only times I’ve been content are when I was dating someone. I never do things for myself. In order to lose weight, my motivation is to find a guy. I don’t really care about my health, my mom was healthy as a horse, but still died of a heart attack in July 2008.
As for settling, I’m a realist. I’m not going to get my prince who will sweep me off my feet. I have to take what I get before I end up alone. I’m not the hot young thing I was when I was in Nashville with my record deal. I’m a washed up singer, and look like one. I think the guy I met on CAF was the last straw. I was going to break sometime, it was just a matter of when I was going to give up on finding a decent Catholic man.

*((Countrysinger)) You break my heart with these posts. Know that we all suffer to varying degrees, at varying times. I know pain and loneliness and confusion. I know what it means to question God’s plans, albeit for different reasons than you. We have more in common than you think! lol

That said, don’t let one ‘‘bad’’ incident with someone from CAF taint your views of finding a good, loving Catholic man. They’re out there…don’t despair. I will keep you in my prayers…too bad we’re not neighbors, I’m getting ready to make lasagna for my kids and me and would love it if you were here to share the day. Anywho…God bless. :hug1:*

 

[CountrySinger]

*((Countrysinger)) You break my heart with these posts. Know that we all suffer to varying degrees, at varying times. I know pain and loneliness and confusion. I know what it means to question God’s plans, albeit for different reasons than you. We have more in common than you think! lol

That said, don’t let one ‘‘bad’’ incident with someone from CAF taint your views of finding a good, loving Catholic man. They’re out there…don’t despair. I will keep you in my prayers…too bad we’re not neighbors, I’m getting ready to make lasagna for my kids and me and would love it if you were here to share the day. Anywho…God bless. :hug1:*

I’m tempted to run him down and make him an outcast here, never mess with an tipsy, angry, Irish woman. All it would take is typing his username. But I tell myself that would be bad, he will get what is coming to him. When he is alone, he should know that he could have had me. All the guys who break my heart tend to have bad things happen to them sometime, for instance, the guy who cheated on me was cheated on. I am living a country song.
I love lasagna! Lol. I’m fine with my friends Jack Daniels and Ben and Jerry’s.

 

[Norseman82]

Mmmm…lasagna…can you ship some up to Chi-town?

Anyway, I don’t want to start a Christopher West debate, but reading what CountrySinger is posting reminds me of something he said at the last National Catholic Singles Conference here in Chicago, which was comparing the currenty dating situation to junk food vs. a healthy meal (Catholic marriage). What he stated is that when people are really hungry, they will eat junk food.

I think we as Catholics need to realize that yes, people are indeed that hungry.

 

[chevalier]

The best advice I can give is to be interested in the other person. Really listen to her instead of worrying “Am I interesting? What clever thing can I say next?”
Also, you can’t change your face or body (at least not overnight) but you can be well-groomed and appropriately and neatly dressed. That seems like a “duh”, but is sadly disregarded so often these days.
Good luck to you!

I don’t wish to be intrusive with my comments but I have a strong desire to support the above. Focusing on the other person instead of oneself is a huge step forward and the second thing is also true. I’ve seen it in action. People can really pull of a lot with some imagination. People who would normally be referred to as plain-looking or possibly even ugly by some.

 

[whatevergirl]

Mmmm…lasagna…can you ship some up to Chi-town?

Anyway, I don’t want to start a Christopher West debate, but reading what CountrySinger is posting reminds me of something he said at the last National Catholic Singles Conference here in Chicago, which was comparing the currenty dating situation to junk food vs. a healthy meal (Catholic marriage). What he stated is that when people are really hungry, they will eat junk food.

I think we as Catholics need to realize that yes, people are indeed that hungry.

*I’ve read your posts about this before, and I think that it is an interesting analogy. (junk food)

Lasagna is in the ‘‘final’’ stages…that bubbling cheese on top stage. Yum. *

 

[CountrySinger]

*I’ve read your posts about this before, and I think that it is an interesting analogy. (junk food)

Lasagna is in the ‘‘final’’ stages…that bubbling cheese on top stage. Yum. *

I second Norseman’s comments. When people are desperate, they will do ANYTHING, just trust me on that. I’m alone, and about a half way through a Key Lime pie, and have several empty liquor bottles strewn about. Men are pigs, but I love bacon.

 

[chevalier]

Why Chevalier, I believe you were about to say: intelligent (or intellectual/learned).

I’m neither going to confirm nor to deny, but I’ll have to say it’d probably take a learned woman.

For the record, I forgot to say wise.

Please don’t say to me: “why are you such an evil mean brat, Dakotagirl? Please stop - you’re scaring the children.” There’s nothing to be ashamed of for wanting an intelligent woman, Chevalier. And please remember that that’s Ms. Evil Brat to you.

In fact, sister, being kind and nice suits you better than the jaded act.

 

[whatevergirl]

I second Norseman’s comments. When people are desperate, they will do ANYTHING, just trust me on that. I’m alone, and about a half way through a Key Lime pie, and have several empty liquor bottles strewn about. Men are pigs, but I love bacon.

*mmm key lime pie. This thread has a lot of calories. lol

 

[CountrySinger]

*mmm key lime pie. This thread has a lot of calories. lol

I don’t want to know how many calories I’ve eaten and drank last night and today. Heartbreak does that to your food habits. Carrots= not comforting.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t want to know how many calories I’ve eaten and drank last night and today. Heartbreak does that to your food habits. Carrots= not comforting.

LOL! Right. But…carrot CAKE…hmmm…

 

[CountrySinger]

LOL! Right. But…carrot CAKE…hmmm…

It’s healthy, if it has carrots in it! That’s what I tell myself. And then I have to work out in my apartment’s complex gym for a couple hours as punishment.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Great, thanks God. Way to taunt me. I’m at a crossroads, do I give up my religion (which has crimped my dating life and made me miserable), or give up this guy and be lonely and miserable?

Not to sound harsh, but when given the option of abandoning faith in favor of something else you should always without fail choose faith. This is the most important thing in your life!

I was thinking earlier tonight (but in a very positive mood, I must say) that being Catholic does limit your options in dating, relationships, and marriage but that this is a necessary and very good thing. It allows us to focus more intently on finding the right one as opposed to just anyone.

Based on his attempts to “un-vert” you I would, if I were in your shoes, break it off right there. It might be hard to do so but in the long-run the benefits far, far, far outweigh the loss of the man.

And no, God is not taunting you. You, me, and a bunch of others on this thread all need to learn to be more positive and patient while we wait for the right one. And yes singleness can be hard but it doesn’t have to be bad and you’ll find your spouse someday.

And hey, I’m saying this as the OP!

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Part of the reason I’m miserable is that I just moved 200 miles away from all of my friends and family for my new job (out of my control). So I don’t really know anybody well enough to spend Christmas with. And I’m one of those people who HATE to be by myself. It just kills my spirit, and then I drink (I’m drinking as I type). So me by myself= unhappy, with others= happy. I can’t help it if that is the way I’m made.
Then again, if God loves us, wouldn’t He want us to be happy. I have two cats, I love them, I want them to be happy. If they are unhappy, it makes me upset. Isn’t God like that? Or this is a test for me (I haven’t had time to study, lol)? I have no clue.

Could be a test or simply a time to prepare given you by God.

And remember the story of Job: he lost everything but remained faithful to God. Follow Job’s example of trust in God!

 

[CountrySinger]

Could be a test or simply a time to prepare given you by God.

And remember the story of Job: he lost everything but remained faithful to God. Follow Job’s example of trust in God!

I’ve had 28 years to prepare. I’m ready, the clock is ticking. God better hurry up: I’m 28 and a woman, so I’m past my peak. It’s all downhill from here.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I don’t wish to be intrusive with my comments but I have a strong desire to support the above. Focusing on the other person instead of oneself is a huge step forward and the second thing is also true. I’ve seen it in action. People can really pull of a lot with some imagination. People who would normally be referred to as plain-looking or possibly even ugly by some.

This is very much true. For Midnight Mass this morning and morning mass at 11 am I wore a three-piece suit minus the jacket (tie, vest, nice shirt, pants, good shoes) and not only did I feel better about myself but I feel that some people were looking at me positively.