Nobody wants me as a boyfriend...thoughts?

[chevalier]

I know that might sound like a cop out, lol…but how often have you looked at a couple and said…’‘why is that guy with her, or why he she with him?’’ There exists between many couples in love, an invisible string that draws them together…sometimes, they don’t even know what binds them together–there’s just a beautiful mystery to their love and bond.

That’s another reason why dating is a broken concept. It substitutes a hot-dog brand of chemistry for the mystery whereof you speak. Not like I don’t utterly love hot-dogs, but you get the point. Dating is to romance what pop culture is to culture.

But, just know yourself, develop your own interests, and you will be attractive to the right person.

True. If you are yourself and present yourself as yourself, you attract a person who is attracted to yourself. Which is what should be your goal. So the better you are the better you get, in short. Which is what ultimately led me to stop focusing on chasing skirts and start focusing on being a better lawyer and a *Catholic *lawyer to mark a difference. Incidentally, any Catholic young lady in her right mind in these particular times should entirely fall over for a Catholic lawyer, which only makes my case better.

bolded for emphasis by me

I know this dish! I have not been giving proper credit to Polish people for these dishes, however. lol I always thought this was German. Back in Pgh, my office would have holiday get togethers where everyone would bring a covered dish, and this was something that was common, me thinking it was a German creation.

They share in our special relationship with cabbage (including sauerkraut) and sausage. :yup: In fact, “bigos” is a German word.

 

[Norseman82]

*Why didn’t I know that perogies are polish? Huh. My husband’s mom makes them homemade, but she is hungarian (maybe some polish blood though back in her ancestry, I’ll have to ask her) I love homemade perogies…do churches in Chicago have perogi ‘‘sales’’? They did up in Pittsburgh, a lot. *

First, “pierogi” is plural, “pieróg” is singular.

Also, I’m sure churches do have pierogi sales, but it may be mostly near holidays such as Christmas and Easter. You may also see some at Ukrainian churches, but the spelling there may be pierohi.

 

[whatevergirl]

First, “pierogi” is plural, “pieróg” is singular.

Also, I’m sure churches do have pierogi sales, but it may be mostly near holidays such as Christmas and Easter. You may also see some at Ukrainian churches, but the spelling there may be pierohi.

Yes, that’s right…in Pgh, there are Ukranian suburbs whereby* pierogi ** sales take place in various churches. Thank you for the correct spelling…

Phonetically speaking…is that ''pear–oh–g" ?*

 

[Norseman82]

Phonetically speaking…is that ''pear–oh–g" ?*

Try “pyer-oh-g” (hard “g”)

 

[whatevergirl]

That’s another reason why dating is a broken concept. It substitutes a hot-dog brand of chemistry for the mystery whereof you speak. Not like I don’t utterly love hot-dogs, but you get the point. Dating is to romance what pop culture is to culture.

**

True. If you are yourself and present yourself as yourself, you attract a person who is attracted to yourself. Which is what should be your goal. So the better you are the better you get, in short. Which is what ultimately led me to stop focusing on chasing skirts and start focusing on being a better lawyer and a *Catholic *lawyer to mark a difference. Incidentally, any Catholic young lady in her right mind in these particular times should entirely fall over for a Catholic lawyer, which only makes my case better.

They share in our special relationship with cabbage (including sauerkraut) and sausage. :yup: In fact, “bigos” is a German word.

*’‘Chasing skirts’’ is something you definitely should not do, because I think what happens, is women then are all dumped into one category…instead of viewing each one as having individual qualities that might attract you. Every woman is a unique human being…not just another skirt. I think women all have qualities that unite them, but I cringe when I hear my single nephew (who is your age)…say…’‘Women are so…bla bla bla…’’ I immediately tell him…’‘do not make blanket statements like that, it makes you look immature.’’ It’s like saying…’‘all men like football, or all men should be tall…’’ It’s insulting. He listens, I think? lol

Becoming your best will attract a woman who is at her best–that’s the theory anyways. I FIRMLY believe in praying to God for your future spouse, and to open one’s mind and heart to whoever He has in store. Having a set of ‘‘standards’’ in mind is important, but you’ll end up with the gold standard if you leave chance out of it, and put your destiny in God’s hands. I believe this to be true. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Try “pyer-oh-g” (hard “g”)

Oh! Thanks, I wouldn’t have said it like that.

 

[Middleman]

As of spring I’ll have been (unhappily) single for six years and it’s really taking a toll on me. As college winds down and my other Catholic friends are either prepping for marriage or likely to get married soon after I find myself single and alone and depressed because of it.

What bothers me is that I continually try to get women to consider me as a potential mate but I get turned down or ignored or I get the very common “Well you’re a nice guy but [insert excuse here]” line. It seems that women have no problem having me as a friend but never want anything more than that.

What also bothers me is my “lack of magnetism” as I see it. Some guys are so magnetic and likable that women flock to them the moment they want into a room - and I am certainly not that guy. If anything I’d be the guy sitting in a corner being ignored or the guy who was chatting with some lady only for her to abandon me for the magnetic guy that just walked into the room. Sometimes it seems that I’m more of an annoyance to people rather than being a welcome guest.

It really saddens me that I can’t find anyone or that nobody is interested in me. I do want to marry, share my life and love with someone, create a family, and yet nobody wants my gift. They’d rather pass me up and accept the gift from somebody else. I try to console myself by remembering that perhaps I need more spiritual formation or I need to grow closer to Christ or something…but I’m still left with the depressing reality that I am unwanted and undesired. What’s so bad about me? What’s so bad about the gifts I want to share with others? Are they not good enough or something?

I mean, yes, I have a strange, weird, and (as friends state) sometimes creepy personality and sense of humor but that’s who I am. And yes I understand I’m not the most terribly attractive individual but are looks so important to women that they would turn a guy down solely on those grounds? What is especially bothersome for me right now is this girl I really like but who I feel (and others feel also) isn’t terribly interested in me. She wants what I want: to get married young and start a young family. And yet, according to friends, she’s running around chasing all these guys while here I am, ready to go, waiting for her to turn and look. And yet she’s not…

So I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to be positive about anything since I tend towards pessimism but I don’t foresee any relief anytime soon if at all.

Maybe you should improve your appearance with a physical fitness program that includes a healthy diet. Girls like strong, masculine physiques.

 

[pete_29]

As of spring I’ll have been (unhappily) single for six years and it’s really taking a toll on me. As college winds down and my other Catholic friends are either prepping for marriage or likely to get married soon after I find myself single and alone and depressed because of it.

What bothers me is that I continually try to get women to consider me as a potential mate but I get turned down or ignored or I get the very common “Well you’re a nice guy but [insert excuse here]” line. It seems that women have no problem having me as a friend but never want anything more than that.

What also bothers me is my “lack of magnetism” as I see it. Some guys are so magnetic and likable that women flock to them the moment they want into a room - and I am certainly not that guy. If anything I’d be the guy sitting in a corner being ignored or the guy who was chatting with some lady only for her to abandon me for the magnetic guy that just walked into the room. Sometimes it seems that I’m more of an annoyance to people rather than being a welcome guest.

It really saddens me that I can’t find anyone or that nobody is interested in me. I do want to marry, share my life and love with someone, create a family, and yet nobody wants my gift. They’d rather pass me up and accept the gift from somebody else. I try to console myself by remembering that perhaps I need more spiritual formation or I need to grow closer to Christ or something…but I’m still left with the depressing reality that I am unwanted and undesired. What’s so bad about me? What’s so bad about the gifts I want to share with others? Are they not good enough or something?

I mean, yes, I have a strange, weird, and (as friends state) sometimes creepy personality and sense of humor but that’s who I am. And yes I understand I’m not the most terribly attractive individual but are looks so important to women that they would turn a guy down solely on those grounds? What is especially bothersome for me right now is this girl I really like but who I feel (and others feel also) isn’t terribly interested in me. She wants what I want: to get married young and start a young family. And yet, according to friends, she’s running around chasing all these guys while here I am, ready to go, waiting for her to turn and look. And yet she’s not…

So I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to be positive about anything since I tend towards pessimism but I don’t foresee any relief anytime soon if at all.

I don’t know if this will help or not , but here i go. Don’t be in a rush to get married or even date for that matter. I was 29 when I met my wife and we didn’t get married until I was 31. I would suggest that you use this time to do things you always wanted to do. Buy a piece of ground or take a trip to someplace you always wanted to go. The odds are, after your married and have kids, you’re not going to have time or money to do them. Hope this helps.

 

[Norseman82]

Buy a piece of ground

I’m sorry, but I read this and thought of buying a cemetary plot!

 

[whatevergirl]

**

any Catholic young lady in her right mind in these particular times should entirely fall over for a Catholic lawyer, which only makes my case better.

*Why? *

 

[pete_29]

I’m sorry, but I read this and thought of buying a cemetary plot!

Only after I’m done hunting on it will I ever consider using my ground as a cemetary plot. It would make a beautiful one though.

 

[chevalier]

*Why didn’t I know that perogies are polish? Huh. My husband’s mom makes them homemade, but she is hungarian (maybe some polish blood though back in her ancestry, I’ll have to ask her) I love homemade perogies…do churches in Chicago have perogi ‘‘sales’’? They did up in Pittsburgh, a lot. *

It’s not like we invented them, either.

 

[chevalier]

‘‘Chasing skirts’’ is something you definitely should not do, because I think what happens, is women then are all dumped into one category…instead of viewing each one as having individual qualities that might attract you. Every woman is a unique human being…not just another skirt.

Yes, Your Seriousness! It was just a witticism.

I think women all have qualities that unite them, but I cringe when I hear my single nephew (who is your age)…say…’‘Women are so…bla bla bla…’’ I immediately tell him…’‘do not make blanket statements like that, it makes you look immature.’’ It’s like saying…’‘all men like football, or all men should be tall…’’ It’s insulting. He listens, I think? lol

You can tell him from me that a good hunter takes advantage of the diversity among his prey.

Becoming your best will attract a woman who is at her best–that’s the theory anyways. I FIRMLY believe in praying to God for your future spouse, and to open one’s mind and heart to whoever He has in store.

I believe in a more generalised approach, taking one’s vocation in mind and the rest in a proper context. Otherwise, we’re going to expose ourselves to looking to God as to a bride dispenser, which God is not–same is it happens with all other sorts of objects of our prayers.

Having a set of ‘‘standards’’ in mind is important, but you’ll end up with the gold standard if you leave chance out of it, and put your destiny in God’s hands. I believe this to be true.

My belief in destiny is very limited and I have a strong belief in God giving us talents and skills for a reason. At this stage I more or less am entrusting that part of my own life to God’s Providence myself and focusing on my academic and other work out of necessity, but in general, I would ask anyone to be careful with theological beliefs which resemble the soulmate theory.

*Why? *

Because Catholic lawyers are totally awesome, especially in this period of moral decay?

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, Your Seriousness! It was just a witticism.

**

You can tell him from me that a good hunter takes advantage of the diversity among his prey.

**

I believe in a more generalised approach, taking one’s vocation in mind and the rest in a proper context. Otherwise, we’re going to expose ourselves to looking to God as to a bride dispenser, which God is not–same is it happens with all other sorts of objects of our prayers.

**

My belief in destiny is very limited and I have a strong belief in God giving us talents and skills for a reason. At this stage I more or less am entrusting that part of my own life to God’s Providence myself and focusing on my academic and other work out of necessity, but in general, I would ask anyone to be careful with theological beliefs which resemble the soulmate theory.

Because Catholic lawyers are totally awesome, especially in this period of moral decay?

*Have you read the teachings of St Igantius of Loyola? He speaks a lot about destiny being ‘‘intertwined’’ with God giving us the ‘‘senses’’ to lead us to our destinies. I agree that the soulmate theory is not exactly a sound one…especially in our age of 50% divorce rate…so everyone is finding one, two, three soulmates in a lifetime? lol Right. St Ignatius speaks of how reasoning can bring together things of equal value or moral neutrality, and how God WANTS FOR US to reason our way to finding what is most important in life. When seeking a job, looking for a potential spouse, etc…it’s not so much that we are to sit back and let God bring the situation to our doorsteps, but we are to ‘‘listen’’ to His subtle whispers, or ques, perhaps…and then use our ‘‘senses’’ to get to the heart of things.

I love St Ignatius, but the only thing about his teachings, is you need patience. *

 

[chevalier]

Have you read the teachings of St Igantius of Loyola? He speaks a lot about destiny being ‘‘intertwined’’ with God giving us the ‘‘senses’’ to lead us to our destinies.

I love Jesuits, but my personal destiny is too big an expression. As anyone, I have a place in God’s plan, but it’s not really about me per se. I’m just one of the group.

I agree that the soulmate theory is not exactly a sound one…especially in our age of 50% divorce rate…so everyone is finding one, two, three soulmates in a lifetime? lol Right.

*Thankfully, I have better maths skills than most.

St Ignatius speaks of how reasoning can bring together things of equal value or moral neutrality, and how God WANTS FOR US to reason our way to finding what is most important in life. When seeking a job, looking for a potential spouse, etc…it’s not so much that we are to sit back and let God bring the situation to our doorsteps, but we are to ‘‘listen’’ to His subtle whispers, or ques, perhaps…and then use our ‘‘senses’’ to get to the heart of things.

*All right. That I can agree with, though I’d still like to shave destiny off with Occam’s razor. I just feel that between our lives and God’s will we don’t need an intermediary concept of destiny, which of itself is already controversial to me (yes, I know that “predistination” is even stronger a word and it’s used in our theology, but the context is important).

 

[whatevergirl]

If God cares for the sparrows, how much more does He care about you? I think there is no need to worry…if God wants someone to be married, the plan will take shape, and He will not make it hidden. God doesn’t play games, and He doesn’t hide His plans for us. I wonder if God has revealed His plans for marriage to some singles, but they don’t care to notice. Perhaps I’m naive, but it is surprising to me when I hear a few of my own single Catholic gf’s lament over the fact that ‘‘there are no good Catholic men out there.’’ I often say in reply…’‘open your eyes, maybe that’s the problem.’’

 

[whatevergirl]

I love Jesuits, but my personal destiny is too big an expression. As anyone, I have a place in God’s plan, but it’s not really about me per se. I’m just one of the group.

**Thankfully, I have better maths skills than most.

**

All right. That I can agree with, though I’d still like to shave destiny off with Occam’s razor. I just feel that between our lives and God’s will we don’t need an intermediary concept of destiny, which of itself is already controversial to me.

*I much prefer the phrase ‘‘God’s will,’’ so let’s strike the word destiny from our conversations then. LOL *

 

[chevalier]

Yes, God cares and an argument based on believing that God supposedly wouldn’t care enough is inherently flawed. I’ve used this logic against too radical rejections of the soulmate theory (i.e. when the opposite of it would be taken as the truth). I just somehow can’t imagine God planning out our marriages. Giving us reason, the right talents and grace, yes. Knowing in advance whom we will have chosen, yes. Pre-planning our choice in advance and we can discern and comply with it or miss it… don’t think so.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, God cares and an argument based on believing that God supposedly wouldn’t care enough is inherently flawed. I’ve used this logic against too radical rejections of the soulmate theory (i.e. when the opposite of it would be taken as the truth). I just somehow can’t imagine God planning out our marriages. Giving us reason, the right talents and grace, yes. Knowing in advance whom we will have chosen, yes. Pre-planning our choice in advance and we can discern and comply with it or miss it… don’t think so.

*Really? God did that with Mary, though. He provided the circumstance, and she had the choice to say yes or no. Joseph was planned also…suppose a different spouse was ‘‘chosen,’’ would he be a saint like Joseph became?

I know what you’re saying generally speaking though. But, God is in the details. He is. I can’t believe otherwise. Look at my parents’ deaths…my sister is 13 yrs older than me…she ended up having to raise me in their absences. Coincidence, or God’s plan?*

 

[chevalier]

Really? God did that with Mary, though. He provided the circumstance, and she had the choice to say yes or no. Joseph was planned also…suppose a different spouse was ‘‘chosen,’’ would he be a saint like Joseph became?

**
We won’t ever get the answers to what-ifs, but I don’t think we really need to. Speaking of, those what-ifs are one of the reasons I’m reluctant to accept far-reaching theories involving predestination. Yes, some marriages were pre-planned by God (see Tobias) but that doesn’t mean it applies to all of us.

I know what you’re saying generally speaking though. But, God is

in the details. He is. I can’t believe otherwise. Look at my parents’ deaths…my sister is 13 yrs older than me…she ended up having to raise me in their absences. Coincidence, or God’s plan?*

I don’t know, but I’d thank God for that regardless. I don’t want to become too extreme in my above-described approach, either. I don’t like accidents and I too feel the need to thank God for his Providence when unexpected good happens.